T-T-T-T- Tuesday....

I have been awake since midnight, partying with my old buddy, old pal - pain. This day will be long.

Mark and I are now sharing my apartment, a tiny space, it should make for good blogging material if nothing else. We promised "no fighting" due to space issues. (Space issues of the square feet kind, not to be confused with the great beyond kind, although at times I do believe he comes from Jupiter or perhaps even Uranus, and that could actually cause a fight) And oh yes, I know there is a joke in there somewhere but I digress...So...he sleeps here beside my computer and I am certain that my tap-tap-tapping on the keyboard is most likely not creating the type of sleep atmosphere he prefers. But he doesn't complain or bitch about such matters, he never did. That type of behavior belongs to me.  :)

I am in the middle of the closing of the month duties at work. I would have been all ready to go with putting it to bed first thing this morning, had issues for other department managers not come up over the weekend and caused two of them to be out yesterday. I am running at least a half a day behind now, but once I get the rest of the numbers needed from them this morning, LOOK OUT. I despise having that whole process hanging over my head, once General Motors has my numbers each month, I feel immensely better.

So many things are weighing on me lately---the move being number one. I wonder how it will all get done, that type of work is so difficult for me, and even if it wasn't so damned physical, there would be little to no hope of getting anything accomplished after work each day. I have nothing left once I get home in the afternoons. Nothing with a capital N. So...I am looking for the packing fairies to show up and I pray they arrive very soon. It is still four weeks away, but the time is approaching with lightening speed---and some things could be getting done.  However, I always find a way. This time will be no different, I'm sure.

And so my day begins. I am going to do my level best to make this "terrific Tuesday". Or how about "tremendous Tuesday"? Or maybe "total Tuesday"? "Tops Tuesday"? "Taco Tuesday"?  LOL  I am out of  positive T words..have any more?

And because this "pic" (sent to me by Bill) just cracked me up--I leave you with a little humor:

Happy Tuesday, I'm gone.  :)

Three days. Three--wonderful, free days.

Life Cereal, fresh blueberries, almond milk---absolutely created by God.  :)


A beautiful day here in good old Des Moines. No rain for a few days now, although huge heat has taken it's place. It's okay with me for now. Sometimes things just need to be the way there were meant to be, you know?


A three day weekend, with Mark! No one working, just he and I (for the most part). I think I have little flutters...I KNOW!


Fingers and toes, fingers and toes. At Noon. I hate having them done, just can't live without them being done, you know? I think though, I will have the acrylics removed from my fingernails for now. They grow so fast in the summer, I really don't want to mess with it, and they must for sure need a breather.


126 on the scales, repeatedly. Finally. A sure cause for celebration. Quite a feat when for the most part, visiting my gym is out of the question. I may give it a go tomorrow...but lately, there has been no hope.I had to give up the cream in my coffee. I know..but I drink sooo much at work. Buh-Bye. Do I miss it? Oh yeah. It's my older sis's fault I drink it that way in the first place. I drank it black for thirty-five years. Bad sister. Bad Travis.


Pain is crouching in the dark recesses this morning, watching, waiting. I always know it's there but it is not doing it's usual dance, not yet. However long, I'll take a little quiet from that direction.


Happy Fourth of July weekend.  :)

Grandson muscles and walrus babble

Every one of my grandson muscles are screaming at me this morning. OWWWWW. Those little guys Kill me, with a capital K, but they are so worth it. That smile that my Zachary saves just for me, combined with the arms straight up in a "pick me up" pose is worth the pain of a chain gang. And going along for a three block "bike ride" with the bike partly powered by Grandma with Brodie feels just the same. Yes, I was at Janelle's place yesterday, and I spent several hours with my little guys. I came home and dropped but every second was worth the pain I feel.

This morning, I am trying to decide on church-- to go or not to go?  I have been going recently, trying to find one that feels right. I visited one last week that I liked and will probably stick with. The people are friendly but not overly so, and the music is wonderful. Most likely this morning I will stay here and clean. I have been severely ignoring the domestic side of my life, and it shows. Big time. I have cat hair balls floating around the corners of the rooms. Yes...it's time to clean the pig-sty.

I have spent a very quiet week and I have mostly liked it. Mark and I are completely finished. Officially. I am going to be single, very soon. We have not been "married" in any sense of the word for the past two years, but we did remain friends. However, this has led to a limbo situation for the both of us, and the limbo is a dance I don't do. So.... The time has come (the walrus said) oh no ---- wait a minute, no Lewis Carroll here, although at times my life does feel a bit off, like Alice. (Just an fyi - I love that poem). But anyway, my future looks a bit different, but not necessarily bad. I have decided that I need to get my ducks lined up for what could happen, so once I have managed to move and get my finances under control then I will feel better about all of it. My biggest fear is being too sick to work and take care of myself financially. With a few changes in my standard of living, I could probably handle it, and knowing that I would be okay would make me feel tons better. Hopefully, that will never happen, but planning and being prepared is a good idea. So, that is my goal for later this summer, when my lease here is up and I can move. As far as Mark and I go --- I wish him the best of everything from this point forward. I hope (sincerely) that he finds the person that makes him the very best he can be. Enough said here, and I won't mention it again.

With that, I am off to make the donuts. Oh wait...that's not my job. But, I am off. Happy Sunday!

Update

This has not been a great week...I am barely walking, and when doing so, in major pain. I was home all day yesterday, hoping that I would be better today, but no such luck. I have no idea how I will get through this day, but I have to get to work.

I will post pics of last weekend, just as soon as I can think straight. Happy day. :)

Grandma got run over by a reindeer

The 19th of December and the countdown has begun. Too much on my mind, too much hanging over my head to sleep, so I got up after four hours...I guess I shouldn't have had all that coffee last night. It isn't like I don't know it keeps me awake, but sometimes that's the point. If I didn't drink coffee some evenings, I would be out before seven pm, due to medications. It seems I can't find that in-between place, the one that allows me to stay awake until a respectable bedtime, and one that lets me sleep at least six hours. I will be tired and miserable today, and I have so much to get done. Like I said, the countdown is ticking away.

I am very grateful that all of the shopping is finished, I would hate to be out in the malls and stores today, it will be a madhouse. I have a ton of grocery shopping to do, that will be bad enough. And after that, baking. Cleaning. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Janelle and Brodie will be here to help, so that will be fun. My body is way past pain, it's gone on to the "just shoot me, now" phase. I haven't been able to walk most of the week, I missed one whole day of work and cut a couple others short. I lay on the bed when I can no longer go, and cry. My kitties can't figure out what's wrong with mom, but they lay beside me and try to make me feel better. The drugs help, alot. I just can't function after taking them. After being on them for the past couple of years, you would think I could get used to them, you know? But, I keep lumbering on, getting up once the crisis is past, and try some more. If I ever give up, I'll really be in trouble. It has become my nature to push through it all...but the day is coming that I won't be able to. That scares me.

Another monster storm predicted for Wednesday and Thursday. Craig is supposed to be coming home then, so I am of course, already worried about that. Really, really bad timing --- do you hear me mother nature?

You know, I am aware that I sound awful, but I don't feel that way, not inside. I have pain and problems but it's Christmas, and I love it. Have a wonderful weekend. :)

Desperate times call for desperate measures

I must thank you all for all the care, concern and prayers. They have worked, as I have managed to work all week, even though I do fall onto the couch as soon as I hit my apartment, and I can't move until the next morning. The pain has gone way past the scale and has stayed there, but it's amazing what a person can learn to live with. The weakness holds off just enough----and I can manage until I don't have to. I called my dr's office, turns out he has had bacterial pneumonia, and has not been in the office for weeks. I think I am lucky to already have an appointment scheduled, so there is no way I can move it up. I did ask for one of the medications I was on before my surgery and should know something today. I don't want to take any of them, but I have to do something. I remember that one of two of them helped quite a bit with the problem, and while I would almost rather do anything than take the damned seizure medications that are commonly prescribed, desperate times call for desperate measures.

In other news....

My place of residence looks like a complete slob has moved in. I have been completely unable to do anything about it, and I have to say---it's killing me. I cannot handle living in a mess but have no choice right now.

The bags under my eyes have taken up permanent residence. They have now moved in and put all their stuff away and signed a lease. WTH?

Mark and I cannot seem to communicate on any level lately, and he is supposed to be here for at least part of this weekend. I am not feeling very good about it, and may have to cancel the plans. We were only going to work on the taxes, I have to get many of the numbers from him--deductions for his job. It's pretty sad when the only plans we have for an entire weekend revolve around the IRS. None of it's going to matter very much as when it comes to the taxes for 08, we are pretty much screwed. We will owe a giant penalty for cashing in the 401k's. Oh how I love our government, we are taxed at a ridiculous rate on the money to begin with, then have a ten percent penalty on top of that. Obviously, we were in desperate need of the money, or would not have touched it in the first place. So, I can add the Internal Revenue Service to my list of monthly obligations. Yea, me.

Friday----finally. It's casual day at the office, so at least I don't have to put on the suit and heels. Things have been going pretty smoothly there, at least where the work is involved. Surprisingly, this place of business makes money. They actually are turning a profit, and a good one. That's something I haven't seen for a very long time. It makes my job so much easier, no "creative accounting" required.

Happy Friday.

Wind and rain and dark, oh my.

Only time for a quick post this morning, it seems no matter what time I haul my butt out of bed, I am never on time. It has been an extremely rough week so far. My body is not cooperating and my mind is over loaded. This is kind of the norm for me these past few years, but this week, it has been to the extreme. I had to have help - which meant calling Mark -something I did NOT want to do-just getting myself out of the car and up to my apartment yesterday. To say I am scared to death what this latest round of weakness in my legs actually means, is an understatement. I have not tried to call my dr to see if my appointment can be moved up, but I already know what the answer will be. There is no way. They do not keep a list of people to call in the event of a cancellation and he is booked up for months. Somehow, I have got to keep plugging along, at least enough to go to work every day for eight hours. My pain is off the scale and I am pretty good at hiding it from people that don't know me well-but it can make a person a bit snappy at times, which is something I have to control, I have enough issues with co workers on the job. Please take a moment and say a prayer for me today, okay? I need all the help I can get, and other than divine intervention, I don't see too much of that available.

I have had to deal with kids crisis's--crisees---(how DO you spell that word?) since the weekend. Having a baby with no boyfriend troubles, cars that are broken and no finances to fix them troubles, on a scale of ten my stress level is about forty-six. That absolutely doesn't help my physical problems. I know that I should not be the one they should lean on when in the middle of a problem, but seriously---who should they call? I am close to my kids, so even if they don't call to tell me the issue, I sense trouble immediately and of course, have to know. Other than not seeing or talking to them, I see no answer to the problem. I will somehow manage, to help when I can, and listen when needed. If I didn't have such horrible physical issues right now, the stress wouldn't be so bad. If I didn't have the stress of everything, perhaps the physical problems wouldn't be so critical. Anyone else see a problem here?

It's not raining today, and that's a plus. For the past two mornings, getting to work has been a joy-wind and rain and dark, oh my.

Happy humpday, peeps. I'm out.

The clomp, clomp, clomp of wooden shoes

I woke up this morning to the sound of thunder, not a good sign for tulip time. The forecast is iffy, there actually could be at least one of the two scheduled parades today, if they can dodge the storms. It won't exactly be prime ice cream weather, highs in the low 50's, ugh.

Yesterday was a good day business wise, we consistently did a hundred dollars or more each hour, and that's a lot of ice cream. It never did get out-of-hand crazy, like I have seen some years. Saturday is traditionally the biggest day of the three day affair, and once again, rain in the forecast. By Saturday, I am so damned tired of Dutch clothes, wooden shoes and tourists, you have no idea. It is impossible to maneuver around the town, most streets are blocked off, and you just have to walk. Which I ordinarily wouldn't mind, but after a day at the ICS, I cannot walk. Hell, I can hardly stand. Last evening, my body felt like I had run the Boston Marathon, twice. I hobbled into the house, and that was it. I am trying to understand what is wrong with me and my poor legs, nerve damage is all I can come up with. I knew there would be some, I just didn't expect that I would be left with damage this severe. It worries me that working will be a problem, it has been awhile, and I do seem to be getting progressively worse. At my old job, no one noticed if I was having trouble walking, it was just who I was. I'm not so sure that I can get away with that at my new place of employment. And of course, this morning, I am in severe pain and I haven't even gotten started. Today will be hard on me, we are a bit short handed at the store, although with the weather, that may not be a problem at all. But I have to be there, or I wouldn't even try. It is not going to be pretty. I get really upset with my body when it won't do what I ask, especially when all I am asking is normal activity. I really had hoped that after my surgery, I wouldn't need to deal with this anymore. I still have hope that it will improve, however.

I wish each of you a great day, no rain, sunny skies. 'Til later, adieu. :)

Saturday night LIVE

Ugh...pain.

Lower back, and tonight - my neck is killing me. Mark and I went out and rode our bikes today, it was so wonderful. Cold, but wonderful. And tonight I'm really paying for it. I don't know if it's because I'm so completely out of shape, or if I have hurt something, but damn I'm tired of such extreme pain every time I do anything.

It's late, at least for me. I have been asleep earlier but the natives are restless tonight (that would be the animals), and I finally decided to get up for awhile. However, I took a two hour nap today, so my being awake could have more to do with that, than noisy kitty's.

I really enjoyed all the response I got from my last post - it seems that I am right, and all of us have our "things" that we cannot do without. I also will have to do a post about the things I cannot stand, I think we all will have alot to say about that, too,

Hope your evening is awesome if you are still awake. And peaceful if you aren't.

Later.

You and I travel to the beat of a different drum

And we meet again, same bat time, same bat channel.

I accomplished alot today:

I took a shovel to my bedroom. No exaggeration here, it was awful. Years of papers stacked here and there, mostly there, as Mark uses his dresser as a desk. Years of clothes that I don't wear and never will wear put into a pile for the garage sale. It made a huge difference, and just looking at it makes me feel better.

I went to the hospital today. My mom is better, there is talk of letting her go home on Saturday, which is her birthday, so the timing is good.

I went to the grocery store again today. I have been to the store more in the past two weeks than I have in the past decade. No, I still don't like doing it any better.

I applied for another gazillion jobs. I have a telephone interview scheduled for four pm on Monday, at least that is some kind of progress. Mark and I have been asked to schedule a tour and have dinner with another place of potential employment, it is a job for the both of us. I called and left a message to schedule it, and haven't heard anything back, yet.

I had a disturbing argument with my daughter, I can't say that made me feel good.

My back is still killing me, which is why I am sitting here again, at the computer.

I spent a small fortune on Easter for my niece's, Alex and Carli. That was fun. Carli's basket is quite adorable, even if I do say so myself. I miss having little kids.

My younger sister, Shell and her family will arrive tomorrow. I am very happy about having Carli here for the weekend, she is three, and quite a little chatterbox. I have a ton of cooking to do in the morning, we are getting together on Saturday afternoon for a birthday celebration for my mom. I will make and take the dinner - pulled barbecue chicken sandwiches, potato salad, cheese cake. All of it is easy to make ahead, so I will do it in the morning.

Happy Friday to you all. :)

Bullet post

When things get really rough for me, I don't want to talk. I never have. It all becomes like a brain overload, sort of in a word jumble format. So, we'll leave it at that, okay?

• I did manage to find just the right birthday gift for my mom, at least I think I have found it, I ordered it online, and it's not here yet. She is so tiny and hard to buy for. She wants a new robe but it cannot be a long robe, she wants a short one. When you are only around 5 foot nothing, all robes are long. Victoria's Secret had one that I think may work, so that made me happy. And I found very cute pajamas too, in size extra small petite. Yea me!

• Mark had a job interview yesterday with a headhunter. He personally knows the family that owns the business that is looking for a GM, and told Mark that he would fit in there perfectly. I am praying that this is the "one". I would feel so much better if one of us had something happening in the job department. It would be such a great job, that I wouldn't have to work too much for awhile, and right now, not working too much sounds like pure heaven.

• The ice cream store begins the "Let's do lunch" program today. It is not officially open, but on Thursdays, we deliver lunch to a nearby factory. So, it all begins today. My oldest son has it all under control, he is doing well. In just about three weeks, we will be open for business.

• Guess what? I still have no coffee filters, but I didn't cry about it. I was too worn out to stop anywhere on the way home, just getting through the door turned out to be a big enough problem.

Have a good day.

Life from left field, by Gross Gertie

Way to go Giants! Not that I cared either way, but I really expected the Patriots to take it, again. I can't help but think Tom Brady's little baby face is adorable, though.

Yesterday was an okay day. considering. And there is alot to consider. But we survived it, with cleaning, and a little cooking, and then of course, the game. I didn't really watch, I was either on the computer or daydreaming of better days, or even sleeping for a while, until my phone rang. My mind feels like it has a two ton weight on it, a black cloud of gloom hovering over it, and I'm ready for that to go away. Our predicted rain turned out to be another six inches of snow, and in just checking my email I was thrilled to learn that we are in the path of another major snowstorm, to begin tomorrow morning. (That was sarcasm, just in case you don't know how much I love winter.) I have just about had it with the weather this year, I have either been tromping around in snow up to my ass, (and let me tell you, that's a long way), or having to wear my long underwear under my clothes, inside at work, just to keep from turning to a block of ice. Common sense and nearly 48 years of living tells me that this winter will pass soon, but the rest of me is beginning to wonder.

I'm dreading today and tomorrow. I am asking that each of you pray for Janelle, that it will go as smoothly as possible, with no issues. She has a job to do, a mission to get accomplished, and that in itself is more than she can bear. We don't need anything coming out of left field, there has been enough of the "life from left field" for awhile now. Hey, that sounds like the new name for my blog. I think I might like it...and to quote a commentor from the past few days, I think I should rename myself Gross Gertie. It seems to fit my mood, my life, the way I feel about everything. The comment came from a funny story about a chicken that had lost it's feathers, and seriously, that really does about sum me up lately. Ah well, just a bit of humor being thrown in on a day that really doesn't deserve any.

I hope that all of you have as good a Monday as possible. I would give anything if this was going to be a regular Monday for me, one where I could moan and groan about having to get back to work...In any event, have a happy day. Later.

Where is the love?

I am proof that people can survive in the frozen tundra of Iowa. Barely. How many ways can I say this sucks?

I am off for the salt mines again...I want you all to know that I'm tired of working, but I am beginning to see the end of the tunnel---and there is light! Maybe another week or so, and I can get back to more "normal" hours and lifestyle.

H and I went out for a few hours yesterday and last evening. I wish I could tell you it was a wonderful time, but H is still sick and he's a bit of an ass. I really needed a little time off - even prisoners get that occasionally - but it was not to be. I should know better by now.

I am planning on taking tomorrow off, although I do expect to spend part of the day working from home, I just have too much to do. I have worked for the past three weeks non-stop, at least part of the days, it's a good thing I'm feeling better, isn't it? And I am, btw. Feeling better, that is. Almost back to normal...including the pain, but I can deal with pain, as long as I can walk. So I feel very lucky and blessed, pain and all.

I wish each of you a good Sunday - I am off the put the family's dinner on, and then back to the place that ultimately pays my bills. Have a beautiful day!

Rant

When I woke up this morning and read my comments from yesterday, I had a comment from a new reader to my blog, a wonderful young woman with a young family, that has a whole lot going on in her life, as all young mothers should and do. The problem? She lives with excruciating back pain. She is only in her thirties, like my youngest sister who called me yesterday in tears, she was unable to get up from her bed and take care of my three year old niece, and her husband had to be home from work, again. I spoke with my most wonderful older sis over the weekend, and she had spent several days in bed with her back...and my own mother is once again in horrendous pain, and having more tests on her back today. You all know and love Soul, and know that she deals with pain from her back daily, so much so that it's debilitating. Another new blog that I visit daily, is a very beautiful young woman that just had the same surgery that I did, Foster Communications, and while I have no idea how she will fare after healing, there is a pretty good bet that she will have some lasting effects. My point? This back pain and trouble is ridiculous. There should be more help available to those with these issues, and I'm finding more and more folks that cannot even live their lives because of it. I never hear of any sort of breakthroughs in the medical field for anything like this, but maybe I am just not listening in the right areas. I do know that the amount of money charged for anything back related is absurd, and sometimes I believe that people are pulled into it for the money alone. I am getting the bills from my surgery now,(thank God for health insurance) and I knew it would be alot. I didn't think it would be more than fifty-thousand dollars, though. That is literally absurd. Remember that I was in the hospital one night. ONE NIGHT. The actual surgery lasted less than two hours. That's pretty good money, when you consider that the hardware that was put into my neck could have been purchased at Home Depot for a buck thirty-two. I read about people that are suffering, and I honestly do mean suffering, with back issues, no longer able to work, no longer able to do anything, and it seems that so many have even no doctors that are willing to help them. Unbelievable. Honestly, it is. If these folks had cancer, there would be doctors falling all over them to help. Cancer--why would I say that? Because it can be as bad as that, only it won't kill you. Enough said.

Blech

Was it not our once-upon-a-time Vice Pres Quayle who hacked up the slogan "A mind is a terrible thing to waste" into "It's a terrible thing to lose one's mind"? That would be me today. I am losing it folks and I didn't have far to go in the first place. I have not had any sleep other than the pill induced variety, and most of this weekend, that has been during the afternoon or the evenings. Last night, I believe I was awake for the ding of each passing hour. I am in pain and pissy and sick of it all. Have a better day today than I am bound to, okay?

It's three am, do you know where your worries are?

It's not even three am, and I am awake for the day. Pain in the neck - I'm being literal here- pulled me from my sleep, quite rudely. I would like to say that I am feeling as great as a couple of days ago, but that is not the case. Yesterday was actually quite frightful, as I got up and began my day, only to have the wind completely knocked out of my sails in she shower, and even standing became a problem for the first half of my Friday. After I spent a while uselessly crying about it, I did manage to salvage my afternoon and make it to work to get a few things accomplished. When my surgeon's nurse told me that it would feel like I was making a step forward then two back sometimes, she was right on the money. I suppose I have to say I just don't understand the nature of spine problems in the first place, so it's hard for me to understand the repair and recovery. I really am trying to just go with the flow, but patience has never exactly been my thing. Maybe I will have to have new "things" in 2008? I actually hope not, as the only way to learn patience is to endure issues, and I think there have been enough for awhile.

All kidding and all circumstances of my health aside, it honestly is time for me to make some very needed changes in my life. 2007 taught me that there is way more to life than working and frankly, I am tired. I am fairly certain that part of this decision has already been made for me, as the business that I work for is not sold yet, but I do think it will be in the next month or two. There are a few legal glitches to be worked out but I do believe they will be. I feel fairly confident that all employees there will be fine, all their positions will remain intact, except mine, as the new owner has made it quite clear that he will run the business. Since I run the business now, I see a problem. He may want me to stay around and do the accounting or be the office manager but I am not willing to take a cut in responsibility or pay and I do believe that the two of us would butt heads pretty quickly. I have always believed myself easy to get along with, but perhaps I am not, or I am just resistant to change...but I don't think it's usually very easy for anyone with the position I have had to take a step down and be told how to do it. It doesn't sound like anything I would be good at anyway. So, that may make me not easy to get along with... I don't know. I really don't believe that matters much, because I honestly am ready to take on something less challenging, something less smothering, in a new setting. It's time for us to knuckle down and get this old place sold, move to the city, and be done with small town life. I have had it with all the above. The idea excites as well as scares me. I have been in this house and that job for nearly a quarter of my life, a long time for me. H is ready to take on the major portion of the bread-winning, which he had always done, up until the past couple of years, when he made the move to do what he does now, only for the experience that it has gained him. That combined with his hard-earned business degree should put him in the right place, (assuming that his wife can stay on her feet). His options are endless and I think that idea has him a little overwhelmed, too. It will all work out, but the getting there and not knowing how is just a little (LOT) frustrating. These are the things that run through my mind at night, when I am unable to sleep.

It seems that just when the door closes on one crisis, there is always another to open, funny how life cannot be without at least ONE. Kids and their issues will be the death of me. This one has to have a job, and right now...that one is going to have a baby and things are not going so great with the FOB (father of baby), so old mom here is wondering if daughter will be raising it alone. Not that she can't, hell-it's done every day, but you all know how us mothers are...the third one, well - he seems to be doing pretty well right now, I can't help wondering if I just don't know, I do know that I am up to my neck in trying to keep their cars running...it's always money, money, money. They don't ask me, I do it because I know they can't. That is another reason I have felt that I have had to keep the job that I have, I make quite a bit of money, and my kids need quite a bit. Yes, I know, they're grown. I also know that it's a rough old world out there, and I help them alot. I am honestly not complaining..no one makes me do for them the things that I do. I had little to no help when I was young, and things are so much worse these days. I feel lucky if they are able to make all they owe for the month, and they have been doing that quite well for a while, it's the things that can wreck your budget that I help with, medications that are not covered by insurance (if they have insurance), medical bills, car repair bills, tires---lord that one gets me every time, the cost of tires, and they ALWAYS need tires. That is a huge pet peeve of mine--bald tires. I buy their tires. I still cover a few of their monthly bills for the younger two, I had planned on stopping that this month, but that hasn't happened yet. Like I said, it takes a ton to make it these days. And what about the baby that is coming? Holy crap---that will be an all new world, and obviously she has nothing yet. They are all struggling and as long as I can, I will help. Soon however, I won't be able to do that. Yes, these are the things I lay awake and worry about.

So, what's going through your mind at three am? I'm sorry to bore you all with what's on mine.

Have a good Saturday.

I'm out.

Dream a little dream of me..

My neck is now naked! No more brace for me kiddos, in fact, Mr doctorman thought I was doing just fine. He said it is too soon for physical therapy, I see him again in 4 weeks, and maybe at that time we could discuss it. I have a few restrictions, but nothing major. I can drive again! I can be normal again--well, as normal as I ever was, that is. Hallelujah!

It's interesting, though how my neck lights up like a Christmas tree on the X-rays...and according to my very smart daughter who worked for the airlines for some time, I may need to get a card of some kind from him on the next visit for travel, as titanium or not, it is highly possible that I could make the bells and whistles go off at the airports now and there is no way I can pull that out for them to run through the scanners.

So I spent the day yesterday and the night last night without the brace and surprisingly, it hurts without it, too. But that's okay, I suspect that might be from lack of use, or part of it anyway. Kitty number one had to be moved off of my head in the night, not once but twice, and he's rather unhappy about that this morning. H and I had some running around to to in the city yesterday after the doctor visit, and I cannot tell you how wonderful it felt to be walking, and also without the brace. Heaven, that's what it is...it's heaven.

I'm back to the job today, and hopefully back to the regular hours. I have loads and tons and unbelievable amounts of work to do. The end of the year...oh my. If I am not here as much as usual, please know why. I may just drown in my work...but I am just so damned grateful that I am able to do it, I could cry.

You all have a great Thursday. I will catch you back here later!

Hard Candy Christmas

Another Friday rolls around. This week is so messed up, I haven't known what day it is at all. And that is just as well...can we say grouchy? How about crabby, pissy, irate, assy, difficult, moody, just plain old no-fun-to-be-around? That would be me... I never act this way, what the hell is my problem? I am so damned tired of feeling like hell, and I am tired of sleeping poorly, whether it's due to pain or this damned neck brace- (Summer, I know I have to wear it another week until I see the Dr, after that, is any one's guess,) - and yes, I know I am now being whiney and you all can add that to my list, and I do apologize, but people, I have had just about enough. I haven't been able to drive since October. I haven't been out of this house for days and days unless it's to go to work, and when I do, I pay with another day in for punishment. If I choose to do anything then there is a price involved. I pay with another day of pain. My husband is so neglected it isn't funny, and believe me, I'm not one of those sickeningly attentive wives, so if I say he's neglected, you can believe it. He has had to do every damned thing around here forever, and now, he even has to take the long hours for me at my job, he was stuck there last night until eight. No, he is not complaining, but these things do make me feel bad. Okay, sorry--I'm finished now, and again, I do apologize. Sometimes you just gotta get it out...to sum it all up, I guess I am surprised at how long this is taking, and how bad I still feel. That's all.

And now, after that little tirade, I don't even know what to say...it's almost like after a fight with a friend or your significant other, you are left kind of humming to yourself, or whistling...

And so how's the weather? How's the wife and kids? How about those Cubs?

It's freaking snowing again...another wonderful subject near and dear to my heart. We are under another warning, up to eight more inches....oh how I love Iowa in the winter....

Another year is almost upon us. I will be happy to see it arrive...In fact, 2007 can just get the hell out of here, for me and most every one I know. I don't remember a time when the same year was so bad for so many. Is it the same for all of you? What are you all doing for New Year's Eve this year? Any plans? H and I are planning to go to our favorite casino, but I honestly don't think that I will be feeling up to it...I really, really would like to go. I will have to wait and see how I am doing on Monday. I think I will quit my complaining now..I hope you all have great Friday's!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow....

Today, let's talk about the wasted energy involved in wrapping Christmas gifts, shall we? Not that I have done any of that this year, but it is a subject near and dear to my heart, as I will be engrossed in that very thing for at least the next 24 hours. If I should find myself able to move at some point today, that is. Oh holy Christmas fruitcake, I have hurt myself---doing waaaaay too much, please no need to remind me that I wasn't supposed to do that, (sort of like closing the barn door after all the horses have escaped, you know). I worked until 3:30, which was longer than I had planned, and longer than the Dr told me I should, but I can't really say I was working all that time, it had been so long since I had seen anyone, I spent quite a while catching up with them...and everyone had to talk and comment on the fact that I was WALKING, the last time any of them had seen me, I was in bad shape, still in the chair. Then we had the long drive to the city and then---you all know how hard it is to shop this time of year, to park, to find what you want, IF you know what you want...it was just a long, long night. And then, to top it all off, we had to deal with the mother of all fog's on the way home...and it was nearly midnight before I saw the welcome sight of my own brick barn. Ugh. Once I got here, I could barely get out of the car and I was shot, all the way through.

Needless to say, this morning, I am not ambulatory. Not in the least. I am in big pain,I was unable to sleep for that very reason, so I am mucho-tiredo on top of it all. Work was in my plan for the day, but I'm here to tell you, that is not happening. I am once again, living in pill-ville, and unable to accomplish anything. Damn.

Kitty's are not happy with me this morning, well at least Miesha isn't. She is the one that is actually sick, though, so I think her unhappy status has more to do with that than anything. Well that, and H and I trying to shove cold, pink medicine down her throat at twelve thirty this morning. Did you know that cats will not open their mouths for any reason when they are not in the mood? I didn't, but I am learning. She wasn't buying into it, and I got tired of fighting with her. No wonder she hates me now, but a call to the vet is in order today, as I am not going to fight her twice a day only to lose. She got a shot of antibiotics yesterday for the virus she has, and it's a good thing...as she will be late on any additional medication. I am used to dogs, and I know all the dog tricks, namely, when you have had enough cajoling and arguing, force it down them, and you will persevere. Cats are not the same.

Christmas countdown...so much to do...so little time. Another huge ice/snowstorm on the way today, only this time a lot of wind thrown in for blizzard and white out conditions...yes, we needed another weather problem on the weekend before Christmas. This now makes four Saturdays in a row. Wonderful, just wonderful. Bring it on, I say or in other words, can't dance, too fat to fly.

I have a grocery list as long as my arm. Or, I would if I wasn't in pill-ville today, I have to pull it together and think, woman, think. Poor, poor H. I am the luckiest woman, I am aware, that he will go and fight the crowds this morning, which I assume will be doubly bad, as it is the last weekend before the holiday, and also just before a big storm. Holy Christmas cheesecake, I shudder just thinking about the mess he will face today, while I sit here is my warm house...

I guess I will go and lay down. I am in pain kiddos...and the pills are not helping this morning. Legs, arms, neck. Damn. I hope each of you have some kind of a peaceful day today as you all try, like me, to get your holiday all wrapped up. Have a really, really good Saturday. :)

There's no BUSINESS like show BUSINESS

Yes, that was it. This morning's song. Holy cow...will there ever be a good song? Maybe that's a sign that I am in a slump. Maybe the day that I wake up to a good classic rock song or a tried and true country classic will be the day that I know that things are going to take a turn for the better. Van Halen, Ricky Skaggs, Merle Haggard, George Strait, the Eagles...

Yes. I am in a slump. A funk. I have the blues. It's one week before Christmas, and I am trying so hard not to. I know the reason for the season and I am trying to focus on that. Really, I am. But nothing is normal this year. Nothing. It would be so much easier if I felt better, or could even turn my head, for that matter. I am not a narcissistic person, I have done my part for others or I am doing it, even more than usual, and even that isn't helping...I try not to focus on me, because no one should. No one. But damn. Damn. Pain is my friend these days. It's coming back, the old pain...I didn't have alot of it, and now it's coming back. My legs are not cooperating like they were just a few days ago, and yes, that does have me somewhat scared. Perhaps it is because I did too much on Sunday, like H wants to believe. I want to believe it, too. So, I am trying. And shopping online, although it is getting too late to do that now. Tomorrow I go to have the stitches out. Maybe the Dr can tell me why then, and I won't have to be afraid anymore. In any event, I will finish the shopping then. And it will be good to get out of this house, as I have been in since I arrived from the hospital last Wednesday.

Well, this certainly isn't an uplifting post, is it? There are happy things, you know. My daughter is having a baby, as I have already told you. And that still thrills me, of course. I cannot believe it, if you want the truth. It's so early, and there are no outward signs...but I know it's so, of course, but I have to keep reminding myself of that fact. Man, that is going to be so awesome. :) And I have the MOST awesome kitty's in my life these days. I swear, I don't know what I would do, if D had not left them here. God certainly had a hand in that. But then, He always does. My Christmas tree is beautiful...and the kitty's have not bothered it, so far. I am surprised by that. But then, they have not been left alone with it yet. I think that will be the true test.

Have a good Tuesday. :)

ps...just found this little stress reducer. So, if you are a little Christmas stressed...give this a try! :) http://uk.download.yahoo.com/ne/fu/attachments/bubblewrap.swf