TIRED. In caps, even. That means REALLY TIRED. But I sit up most of the night, so I should be tired. You know, I go to bed early, but within three to four hours, I have to get up due to the pain in my neck. So the rest of the night is spent catnapping while sitting straight up. There is no other way, I have tried them all. This sleeping routine is making me bitchy.

This past weekend was picture-perfect, weather wise. It was the type of fall weather that we see in the story books, but never in real life. I pushed myself way past my limit, and Mark and I went out walking, It was perfect. Of course, I began to pay for it yesterday, with back pain. It's worth it, I think. I hurt either way, at least this way, I got to do something I love.

My crazy week is just beginning. It is the first of the month, so work is stressful. Beginning tomorrow evening, I have family arriving and I can't wait. Trav will be here tomorrow night, Craig on Friday afternoon, Shell and Rob and Carli, late Friday night. The other kiddos will be here off and on through out the weekend. I am calling it  a"family sleep over". It will be great.

Lots to say, little time to say it. I will catch up with you all later,  I'm gone..

Sometimes a quickie is the best way

Since I have written anything with any real substance I have:

Been out of town and had fun.

Bought and put up (well, Mark put them up) the Cat wall decals that my bare loft wall needed so badly.

Gotten really bad news from a doctor.

Had a huge pity party for one and then decided Eff it.

Walked about fifteen miles.

Fallen in love with my gym all over again.

Eaten really healthily. (Healthfully?)

Eaten really poorly. (This one was way more fun)

Drank many Mich Ultras.

Gone shopping and bought too many things.

Spent alot of time alone.

Spent twenty-four hours with the new guy.

Received two dozen roses at work.

So...how has your past week been?

Happy Monday, ya'll. :)

A little of this and some of that

And so, I am supposed to be in Colorado, visiting my favorite son named Craig. But I didn't go. I could hardly walk for most of the past week, and thought that a ten hour car trip might not be the best thing for me right now. It was very disappointing and sad, and I wanted to cry because I was so looking forward to some one on one time with my kiddo. He took the news graciously but I could tell he was sad, too and that made me feel even worse. However, the way time is moving, it will be the holidays before either of us know it and if I can't sneak a visit in sometime before, we will surely (hopefully) see each other then. I already had scheduled both Friday and Monday off from work, so I still took the time, thinking that it would give me time to feel better. So far, not so much.

But, that could have something to do with the fact that I spent all day yesterday painting my apartment...my first attempt ever in my life, if you don't count the time I helped my first husband and kids father paint the nursery before Janelle was born, and I don't count that because he took the paintbrush away from me and suggested I do something else to help. Apparently I sucked at painting. And in some ways, I still might, as the corners bled some, and I now have gold and orange and purple bleeding into the boring eggshell color of the rest of my apartment. Do I care? Nope. I am SO proud of myself. I chose the colors of the desert southwest and I love it. I still have some to do today, if my body will hold up. Today, the little kitchen wall will be red, and the area around the slider will be a taupey brown. Such a small thing can make such a huge difference. :)

It seems I have been bitten by a brown recluse spider at some point. Two weeks ago on Monday, I returned from my walk with the most itchy bite I have ever experienced in my life. No matter how much I scratched the little white blistered looking bump, I could not make the itching stop. Since then, it has grown into a huge, ugly hole in my leg, with a giant red ring around it, and the skin has become hard and ugly, and seems like it might be sort of dying. I looked it up on the internet, and every picture I have found that looks like it on multiple websights says it is that type of spider bite. It causes me no pain or problems unless I touch it but what I read says that the growing red ring is "necrosis" and means that the tissue is actually decaying. So a visit to the dr is in order on Monday. I can't help but wonder how much that has to do with how bad I have been feeling recently and it certainly explains the hives I have had twice now, about two weeks ago. I thought it was from new medications. Yep, just what I needed, another issue. Bah.

I got to spend a little time with my grand kiddos on Thursday...I cannot tell you how happy those little guys make me.

I am going to be going back out with the man I was seeing last month. We have talked a time or two (email) and he promises he wants nothing more from me than a dinner here, or an evening out there. So, I will give it another go. I really do like him. He sent me another two dozen roses at work, everyone there thinks I have some hot and heavy romance going. Teeheehee. It's funny what a few dozen flowers can do for a girls reputation.

Happy Sunday, everyone. I'm out. :)

Finally, a few pics from last weekend...The whole crew, mostly at the Garden of the Gods. Craig, the furry one that looks like he just came down from his "mountain home". Jordan, the one that currently looks like Gorbachev with the funky thing on his head..don't ask... Dani, Craig's most beautiful girl with the dark hair, and Tegan--the petite, (Jordan's) oh-so-pretty blonde. And then, Mark and I, of course.

I am upright today, mostly. That's a huge improvement, as I have been walking like the old woman from the shoe..hunched over, with an ugly limp, slide, splat walk. The pain is still there, but the legs seem stronger. I'll take it.

Furniture finally arriving this morning...I hope. It was 65 degrees on Thursday, I was out on my balcony in the sun. This morning? Five or so inches of wonderful, white stuff. So, I hope the delivery truck can get here with the sofa, chair, ottoman and area rug. My living room is empty and echo-ey. Ten people (if you count Brodie, although he did little to help) showed up Thursday evening to rid me of the old, feather and cat hair monstrosity...I said good riddance. There were four major pieces of furniture, six giant throw pillows,and fifteen feather filled seat cushions and backs. BUH-BYE.

I have not yet bought the counter-height, mahogany table and chairs to go near the balcony doors. I can't find the right one, but am hoping that I can find it today. Assuming my body can take the shopping, and right this minute, I can't say.

Happy Weekend. :)

Friday Sound Bites

I am tired of the Olympics. Just sayin'.

New pills add to tiredness, but make my mouth feel so much better! No new owies all week and I can eat a cracker without coffee!

More snow this weekend, YEA!

I have the very best kids on the planet. The comments left by Craig and Dani on my last post made me cry.

And while we are on the subject, my friends and sisters rock, too!

I broke my super-sticky-cat-hair-picker-upper-thingy given to me by Mark. I loved that thing. He fixed it and it broke again. :(

Today is "picture day" for Brodie!

It's Friday. :)

Friday...ahhhh Friday

Okay, so today is better. I am taking a "mental health day" from work. Heaven knows, I need it. But, even if I wasn't off from the job today, I am better. Most days, I feel pretty happy, pretty lucky to be alive. Recently, not so much. But, I am getting my batteries re-charged, little by little. I generally don't let the little things get to me, but in the past few weeks, I have let that rule slide and look where it got me. So...I am back to talking myself out of it. It works, at least for me.

I feel for those in the south eastern part of the country---two feet of snow in DC? Good heavens, this winter has been wild. More snow for Iowa today, but nothing compared. However, we have already had our two feet, our one foot, two blizzards, two ice storms, about a thousand white knuckle drives to work so if it has to happen, I am happy that it's not going to happen here.

My beautiful daughter will be thirty, yes-I said 30 on Sunday. How can that be? I am only thirty...

For today, I think I will get to see my Brodie. What better way to cure the blues? If I don't I will spend a quiet day, reading. That too, sounds good. Plus, I am going to get my nails done, one way or another. Happy Friday!

Friday stuff

I haven't meant to be away for nearly a week, I can't really even say why I have been. I have computer problems, we are a three computer household, and the only one that works is the oldest one, once it gets going, it's great, but getting it revved up and ready takes forever. Two have to go to the computer shop, but the one that we use is a couple hours south of here, finding the time to get there is a bit of a problem.

Today is my middle child's 25th birthday. Happy birthday Craig. You're awesome, wonderful, and this year is going to be the ONE. I love you.

I have spent this short week working - and running to various appointments. I have seen doctors, therapists, and today, we close on the house that we have finally sold. That's a good, but sad thing.

My job still blows but I am trying not to care. It pays.

I am on different medications and can feel some improvement. I have the sinus infection from hell and am taking an antibiotic. I have found a new doctor - a gp, that I really like. That's always a plus.

Goodbye old friend. You served my family well---you were used and abused and loved and well taken care of. You kept us safe and happy and warm and I thank you. I will miss you but the time has come - you need a new family..with lots of kids and dogs and activity. You need to feel the stomp of sons and daughters running up and down your stairs yelling "MOM!" again. You have stood here-proud and tall- for 107 years. Imagine the next 107! Thanks for every memory, you will never, ever be forgotten.

Happy Friday.

Stuff

It is Sunday---and that's always a good thing. Too much going on today, and I can't spend the day the way I would like, but that's okay, too. At least I can be helpful to others.

I appreciate all the kind and smart words from each of you. I will get my act together, and perhaps I will ask my dr about medications, it isn't like I haven't been on them in the past. I always hate taking them, but I can see in this case, I probably should. Some days, life is just a bitch.

Happy Sunday.

What's happening upstairs

I know I need to write something, it's been a few days. However, my mind is a complete blank this morning. Nothing-bad, good or even indifferent is rolling around up there, and now that I think about it, that's pretty off. Oh---there is a song ...

It was the third of June, another sleepy, dusty delta day..

there is always a song. I used to try and remember what was the first one that popped into my head every morning. Today, I guess this one would have to be it.

I was out chopping cotton and my brother was baling hay...

It's Friday again, that's awesome. It has been a rough week, and I'm happy to have it nearly over. I am feeling better, well -- the issues with the medication are over, and I am back to the problems that made me take it in the first place.

And at dinner time we stopped and walked back to the house to eat...

We have been so busy at work, I can't even get a minute to gather my thoughts. That's a good thing, I am aware, but I know there are things that I am not doing, or not doing on time. I haven't been able to even put a decent list together all week long, someone is always standing in front of my desk, needing something.

And Mama hollered out the back door "y'all remember to wipe your feet"..

It's time to begin the planning for the Ice Cream Store. We are usually open by now, but this year, it just didn't make sense. I am not positive yet, but I hope I have most of the details worked out, in my head at least. It will be a much-scaled down version of the usual season this year, I just don't have it in me to oversee any more than what I'm planning on.

And then she said "I got some news this mornin' from Choctaw Ridge"...

In fact, I am sort of wondering how I will be able to do even this. It is still listed for sale and it wouldn't hurt my feelings at all if it sold, today. Right this second. However, that's not likely and to try and sell an ice cream establishment in the summertime when it's closed is probably not the best way to do it. So, I will figure it out somehow.

"Today Billy Joe MacAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge"...

It's Good Friday, Easter is Sunday. I am having the whole family over for dinner, it's been forever since we have all been in the same place at the same time. In fact, I haven't even seen my youngest since my birthday - so I am looking forward to it.

And Papa said to Mama as he passed around the blackeyed peas
"Well, Billy Joe never had a lick of sense, pass the biscuits, please"
"There's five more acres in the lower forty I've got to plow"
And Mama said it was shame about Billy Joe, anyhow
Seems like nothin' ever comes to no good up on Choctaw Ridge
And now Billy Joe MacAllister's jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge...

And see...this is why I am braindead. My head is full of stupid song lyrics, that I haven't heard in years, and yet I can still quote the whole thing.

And what was Billy Joe throwing off that bridge?

Happy Friday! :)

Desperate times call for desperate measures

I must thank you all for all the care, concern and prayers. They have worked, as I have managed to work all week, even though I do fall onto the couch as soon as I hit my apartment, and I can't move until the next morning. The pain has gone way past the scale and has stayed there, but it's amazing what a person can learn to live with. The weakness holds off just enough----and I can manage until I don't have to. I called my dr's office, turns out he has had bacterial pneumonia, and has not been in the office for weeks. I think I am lucky to already have an appointment scheduled, so there is no way I can move it up. I did ask for one of the medications I was on before my surgery and should know something today. I don't want to take any of them, but I have to do something. I remember that one of two of them helped quite a bit with the problem, and while I would almost rather do anything than take the damned seizure medications that are commonly prescribed, desperate times call for desperate measures.

In other news....

My place of residence looks like a complete slob has moved in. I have been completely unable to do anything about it, and I have to say---it's killing me. I cannot handle living in a mess but have no choice right now.

The bags under my eyes have taken up permanent residence. They have now moved in and put all their stuff away and signed a lease. WTH?

Mark and I cannot seem to communicate on any level lately, and he is supposed to be here for at least part of this weekend. I am not feeling very good about it, and may have to cancel the plans. We were only going to work on the taxes, I have to get many of the numbers from him--deductions for his job. It's pretty sad when the only plans we have for an entire weekend revolve around the IRS. None of it's going to matter very much as when it comes to the taxes for 08, we are pretty much screwed. We will owe a giant penalty for cashing in the 401k's. Oh how I love our government, we are taxed at a ridiculous rate on the money to begin with, then have a ten percent penalty on top of that. Obviously, we were in desperate need of the money, or would not have touched it in the first place. So, I can add the Internal Revenue Service to my list of monthly obligations. Yea, me.

Friday----finally. It's casual day at the office, so at least I don't have to put on the suit and heels. Things have been going pretty smoothly there, at least where the work is involved. Surprisingly, this place of business makes money. They actually are turning a profit, and a good one. That's something I haven't seen for a very long time. It makes my job so much easier, no "creative accounting" required.

Happy Friday.

Do be do..

Spent my day yesterday, watching the inauguration, in-between the mundane household tasks. I cried a little, at the hope on the faces of those that traveled so far to be there...at the words I sincerely want to be true...and at the realization that I couldn't call my mom and compare notes and thoughts. She was the reason I love politics, she was the reason I have my own ideas and beliefs. We often differed politically and we always enjoyed the discussions. I miss my mom. I had a dream about her last night, when I woke up, I forgot she was gone for a moment. That was the best moment I will have today.

I have spent the past few days on the phone, trying to gather information for/about the business closing that I wrote about a few days ago. In doing that, I have learned that MANY of the small car dealerships that I know so well and that are in this general area are closing. I don't even know what to say to that. For one thing, it explains why I am still unemployed, as I know as sure as I'm sitting here that my many years of experience in that field is certainly desired --- assuming, of course, that there is business being done. I knew the business in general had gone south, but I was not aware of the enormity of the problem. That knowledge doesn't exactly make me feel better, but it does help me understand.

I have been working on a deal for the ice cream store for the past two months...there had been an offer made, but certain things had to be done and accountants had to be consulted and blah-blah-blah. In the end, it fell through. Yesterday was the day that I was notified. That too, made me cry...as the cash flow here and for Bill is becoming an issue. He of course has now lost over three hundred thousand on the car dealership, and the cash that would have cleared on the ICS deal would have helped him along until the mess could be sorted out in court. My finances were needing the shot in the arm that the sale would have provided, as well. There is not a job to be found - at least not for me. I am overqualified for what is available, and they don't mind saying that. No matter how much I assure them that I will not be moving on to greener pastures when the opportunity arises. And of course, I would. They aren't stupid.

Today, I have to SHOP...with my sons. Have I mentioned that I hate shopping?

Happy Wednesday. :)

Stuff.

We went to the Starving Artist sale here in town....I have wanted to go to one for years. It seemed that many of the "paintings" were paint by number...a waste of time and effort on my really painful back, and now - my neck. No idea why I'm falling apart but it's peeing me off.

Cleaned the pigsty I live in on Saturday. Perhaps part of the reason why my neck has joined the party...husband sat by and watched while I scrubbed the floor. Unfortunately, the clean floor doesn't last nearly long enough, especially in the winter, when you have a dog. Ugh.

Spent a good portion of the weekend arguing with Mark or not speaking to him. Good times.

I have somehow had my email address used in a Lesbian Chat website. I logged in, after changing the password which was easy to do since it was registered to MY email...and voila--there is a YOUNG girl named sarah, apparently a chapstick lesbian (WTH?), in all her young faced glory...with her own page. Sort of a myspace for lesbian women. The problem? I am not sarah, I am not 16, and I am not a lesbian. I don't want to know when LIZ or ANGEL have left me comments or have been added to my friend list. Heavens....And my email address has been mine for more than 12 years...

Monday. Bring it on. Good day.

:)

Yada yada yada

The tree is down, all of the decorations are put away. It isn't a big job at all, not in this apartment. I am always a little shocked at how bare everything looks when "Christmas" gets put away...It gives me an idea for the window coverings that I have yet to buy for the living room...but now I KNOW what I want.

It's Friday...how messed up the past two weeks are, I don't even know what day it is. Feels like Monday again.

My back is so messed up, and I have no idea why. I have been battling with it for the past two weeks and yesterday was the last straw, it's officially BAD. Can't stand, can't sit, can't lay without pain. I have already had enough...

Happy Friday. :)

Friday stuff

Friday again. Holy buckets...where do the days go? My week has been spent mostly in despair, the weather outside - rainy and cold, has matched the feelings inside so I have found it comforting in an odd way. I have walked miles in the rain and liked it, since no one can tell if it's rain on my face or tears, including me. But, I am tired of crying now and I only have to get through this weekend and maybe, just maybe I can get on with the positives..and I know if I search hard enough, I can find them. The weekend? I am having BOTH of my sisters here, alone, no families--theirs, I mean--and we are going to our mom's house early tomorrow to sort out her things, take what she wanted us to have and get rid of the rest. I don't look forward to it, but it has to be done, so that maybe we can all get on with our lives.

Today I have a house to clean and I believe Bill is coming to visit for a while, I talked with him yesterday and he sounded really GOOD. He will go back to Florida next week and it will be awhile before I can see him again, assuming his docs release him then.

Marks mom sent me a Willow Tree statue yesterday, Mother and Daughter, it was the most beautiful gesture and of course, I cried buckets when I got it in the mail. I can't help but wonder how she knew that when I cleaned out our house to move, I got rid of or packed away the house FULL of crap I had, but the two Willow Tree statues I owned still sit where I can see them daily. The two that I already have are from Brenda - Soul, my bestest buddy, and one from my sister, Trav. I have told everyone that loves me how much I love these things...but I don't think they hear. And it's funny that the two people in my life I talk to the most heard me...but anyway, this thing is beautiful and it means the world to me. And before you all think that Mark told his mom I love them, you all can scratch that -- I asked him yesterday if he did and he said he wasn't aware that I even like "those things". Ahh...husbands.

Other things happening in my world, can't say I'm too happy about any of them. Kids and their issues that piss me off and embarrass me...job status for myself and issues for Mark on his....money--ugh....life in general pretty much blows.

Happy Friday.

Update

Hey all - I am sorry that I haven't even been around to see you at your own places, it has just been so busy in my life lately, and when I am here, I am so damned tired that all I do is lay my large ass down. I do apologize, as I miss each of you and think of all of you daily. One thing is for sure though, when you aren't blogging and reading blogs all day, there is a whole lot of extra time to fill with other fun things such as cleaning, laundry, studying for work...ugh. Blogging is waaaay more fun!

There are many things that I need to catch you all up on, but no time now. I have to head down to see my mom once again this morning, she is maybe having a relapse? We are not sure yet. I DO know that she is having a hard time carrying on with her life now, it seems that she is just plain ready to go, and won't take no for an answer. Her timing however, is not the one that matters and for whatever reason, she waits. It's hugely sad and heartbreaking to see her now, she is sad and sick and just waiting.

I will write soon, I promise. We all made it to Vegas and home again, and we even managed to have some fun. My job is once again questionable, I think I am losing my damned mind. My kids are all alive and breathing; some days, that's the best we can hope for. Hugs. :)

A note to y'all

Today is the biopsy. I will be there most of the day. It will be a few days before we know anything. I may be here sporadically, things are really messed up...mostly just my mom, but I am supposed to be trying to learn for my new job, and that's not happening. If I don't post for awhile, it's only that there is nothing to report...I will let you all know whats going on as soon as I do. Keep happy, keep smiling, I'm out.

The new room filler...

So, I am over this morning's issues, and ready to tell you all about my new furniture, although it isn't all here yet. Why is there always an issue when you buy something anymore? My ottoman didn't arrive yet, and it won't until at least next Friday. So, I will put a quick photo or two here now, and then more after everything is here. I also had to go back to the store and order another end table, although we measured for the sectional, it isn't nearly as huge as we thought it might be and another end table will fit just perfectly, and that makes me happy. This thing is miles long and we desperately need at least two tables, so that too will be here next week.

I am planning to buy red pillows-I already found two, and a red throw or two, I think that will help jazz up a really boring room...but I love this new thing. It is down filled, has a twenty year guarantee on the stuffing and fabric, guaranteed against stains for five years and has a lifetime warranty on the frame. I will post photos of the whole room when I get it finished, I am surprised how hard it is to find red...why is it, no matter what color I want, it was last year's color? Typical me....

I just returned from the grocery store, so far that's about the only constructive thing I have done all day. It wore me right out too..the shopping is bad enough, but carrying all of it in alone, from waaaay down in the parking lot to up here is really a killer. We have an elevator and I did use it on one trip up, but damn it's really s-l-o-w.

Mark is at the ICS all day today, so the kitties and CrazyDog and I are bach'in it...that looks like bach-ing it, like the the classical music guy...but you all know what I mean.

Have a happy. :)

one sandwich short?

There are so many things happening at once, I am overwhelmed. I know you all think I've lost it, and don't feel bad, I do too. But I don't believe I will be selling cars after all, I had another job offer yesterday, one that is even better suited to this old lady's lifestyle. And that is the only reason I am not taking the job, it has nothing to do with the fact the car dealer I interviewed with on Tuesday texted me last night at eleven thirty pm----eleven thirty pm in the blessed DEAD of NIGHT---to tell me he would be looking for me in the training class this morning! I was irritated beyond belief, he was supposed to call yesterday---and yes, I know that one half hour before midnight was still yesterday---but he was supposed to call and let me know whether my attendance was required under the circumstances at the ICS. When I did not hear from him, my assumption was that they had decided that I was not worth the risk, health-wise. So, imagine my surprise when I got that text. Had the job meant that much to me at that point, I would still manage to go this morning. Or frankly, if it was that important, I would have called him...but really this other offer seems better for me. I seriously do think I am losing my mind...what or if any I have left. I have never been this wishy washy in my life...and I am surprised at myself. I believe I have just gotten lazy, and mostly, I do not want to work. That is not an option for me at this time, so I have got to get my act together. Bear with me friends, I will get it all in one sack soon. UGH.

Steph's dad passed away last night. My heart breaks for her, although it was time..he was in so much pain, and the family has been on such a roller coaster with him for so long. She called at one-forty-five...and she sounded pretty good under the circumstances. She is certain that he is now with the baby...and I liked that idea just fine.

I am off to the ICS. I am tired. Ugh. Have a happy Thursday. :)

Royalty among us

Yesterday, Janelle, Jordy and I did a little exploring in the neighborhood. (Yes, I know, that didn't accomplish my goal for the day, but it was fun) Anyway, we went to the Three Dog Bakery and bought some outrageously priced dog treats, made as beautifully as anything we would buy for ourselves in the bakery...and CrazyDog wouldn't have anything to do with them. I swear, they looked good enough for me to eat, but---she hated them. Ugh. While we were there, Janelle found a cat toy - a catnip filled banana of all things, that I bought for Mason and Meisha---and they both went crazy over it. So crazy, I had to send Janelle back to get another one, we were going to have kitty mutiny if I hadn't.

So after she got back, both kitties were quite happy. And yes, that's me laying on the floor in the background. I didn't know I was going to be in the shot...

And we also bought a tiara for Miss Stephanie, because she is quite the princess, and she is sad lately because her dad is very ill and no one can cry while wearing a tiara, because it's against the royalty rules. I wish I had a photo of her in it, but I feel certain that she looks quite beautiful in it. She actually wore it to work today, and said she was going to tell everyone that it was "Stephanie Day" ...LOL

Just thought I'd share this today - it does seem to be a rather crappy Wednesday, doesn't it?

Later.