Nope - I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, although I can't say that doesn't sound more appealing that what I have been up to.Because , what I have been doing is nothing with a capital effin' N. (Nothing). I have been here, in this house, day in--day out. Day in, then out. Day innnnn then outtttttt. You get the idea. I have been H-E-R-E.
In fact, I am in a little bit of shock right now, as i was thinking about writing this and I realized all the weeks that I have NOT been writing, and all the weeks of doing not-a-damned-thing has gone by. Many weeks. This whole disability things blows. Just sayin'.
Not to say I am not happy that I don't have to try and go to work right now, because like so many weeks before, there is no way I could manage that. But --- not being well enough to go to work---well, let me just say right now, I'd trade anyone who thinks this might be kinda' nice. You would be sadly mistaken. Being home because you want to be, because you are happy that way, because you have all kind of fun things to do instead of working, well that's a different matter. Being home because you are effectively left with no choice --- that just plain old blows. Bites. Sucks. Or any other oral sort of verb you would like to place here.
I am still not receiving money from my insurance company but finally it has all been approved - (I sure as hell hope), and things should be moving along soon.
I have a new body component, and I am not too sure how I feel about it. So far, it's literally been a pain, and there really has been little upside. I keep hoping that will change. I have a lump on my be-hind the size of half of a softball, and a lump on my spine the size of half of a golf ball. Both places hurt like you know what, and that really isn't getting any better. The machine itself at times I think helps me, other times, it irritates the you know what out of me. I have had a couple of issues as a result of the surgery that don't make me a bit happy, but to spare you TMI, I will keep that to myself. Let me say though, that one of the issues is really quite life altering, and I am none to happy about it. Medication is keeping it in check right now, but geez, I don't need any help, thank you very much, things are breaking and not working quite nicely all on their own. :(
Aside from all this fun and light-heartedness, life is good! How are things with you all?
I'll be back. Promise.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Sunday, January 01, 2012
Walking away
And so, another new year upon us. They stack up on me these days, fly by way faster than I care for, little time for reflection, little time for enjoyment, just plug right along day after day, day after day, then BAM - here we are, another new year in my face.
The truth is, as rough as I can be, New Years Eve and New Years Day always makes me sad. Auld Lang Syne always, ALWAYS reduces me to tears. Last night, no exception. I was awake, I was out of the house, I was kissing my husband at midnight. Inside, I was crying, happy and grateful for the past year, fearful and nervous for the next one.
Because the truth is, I have taken the plunge. I have applied for (private insurance) disability, and will not be working, at least not the way I have been for the past thousand years. 2012 will be a new chapter and way of living. I know no other way, work until I fall down, literally. Work until there is little if anything left to give, nothing left to work with. Necessary for survival for myself and my family. It still is, that hasn't changed. Many more people than should depend on me for many things, financially. But I have no more left in me. I am hurting myself further, I am taking risks with my own life and more importantly, the lives of others, driving to and from each day. All of this has weighed heavily on me for months now. That fact alone, makes me sicker each day. Knowing that I am doing less than a stellar job in life, in every damned department I cover - personal and business, I am failing. I can't live with failure. I can't live knowing that I am taking from my employer more than I am giving. So, I took the plunge. The details I will keep to myself for the time being, but suffice it to say, once I have the end of year accomplished, I am done. Perhaps consulting, certainly training, but no schedules, no time clock, no expectations. Normal people would like that. Me, being the twisted woman that I am, finds this utterly terrifying. No exaggeration....terror describes the feeling. I feel that I am following my destiny, that is not in question. Even though I am now and always have been aware that I really don't pilot this vessel of my life, the illusion has always been that I do. To physically, literally walk away from the controls induces panic attacks in this old gal, and panic attacks are not my forte'.
If you pray, will you please throw one out there for me? Obviously to prevent any further issues health-wise, but also that I can let go gracefully, that I can focus what I have left in the right place, that I can take the best care of me so that there can be joy. Physically, I won't bore you all, but you must know that I wouldn't be changing every little thing in my life if the situation were not dire. No, nothing new. Just bigger, worser, more in my face, every damned day. Also, many things need to fall in place financially, for this all to work. The stress of that - the stress of worrying that things will not work out is difficult, and it will be some time before I can breathe in that area. Once again, something that is not in my control.
Happy New Year, my good friends. Thank you all for being there for me, thank you for caring.
Love and Hugs.
The truth is, as rough as I can be, New Years Eve and New Years Day always makes me sad. Auld Lang Syne always, ALWAYS reduces me to tears. Last night, no exception. I was awake, I was out of the house, I was kissing my husband at midnight. Inside, I was crying, happy and grateful for the past year, fearful and nervous for the next one.
Because the truth is, I have taken the plunge. I have applied for (private insurance) disability, and will not be working, at least not the way I have been for the past thousand years. 2012 will be a new chapter and way of living. I know no other way, work until I fall down, literally. Work until there is little if anything left to give, nothing left to work with. Necessary for survival for myself and my family. It still is, that hasn't changed. Many more people than should depend on me for many things, financially. But I have no more left in me. I am hurting myself further, I am taking risks with my own life and more importantly, the lives of others, driving to and from each day. All of this has weighed heavily on me for months now. That fact alone, makes me sicker each day. Knowing that I am doing less than a stellar job in life, in every damned department I cover - personal and business, I am failing. I can't live with failure. I can't live knowing that I am taking from my employer more than I am giving. So, I took the plunge. The details I will keep to myself for the time being, but suffice it to say, once I have the end of year accomplished, I am done. Perhaps consulting, certainly training, but no schedules, no time clock, no expectations. Normal people would like that. Me, being the twisted woman that I am, finds this utterly terrifying. No exaggeration....terror describes the feeling. I feel that I am following my destiny, that is not in question. Even though I am now and always have been aware that I really don't pilot this vessel of my life, the illusion has always been that I do. To physically, literally walk away from the controls induces panic attacks in this old gal, and panic attacks are not my forte'.
If you pray, will you please throw one out there for me? Obviously to prevent any further issues health-wise, but also that I can let go gracefully, that I can focus what I have left in the right place, that I can take the best care of me so that there can be joy. Physically, I won't bore you all, but you must know that I wouldn't be changing every little thing in my life if the situation were not dire. No, nothing new. Just bigger, worser, more in my face, every damned day. Also, many things need to fall in place financially, for this all to work. The stress of that - the stress of worrying that things will not work out is difficult, and it will be some time before I can breathe in that area. Once again, something that is not in my control.
Happy New Year, my good friends. Thank you all for being there for me, thank you for caring.
Love and Hugs.
Friday, December 23, 2011
There are pop tarts on highway 5.
It has been so long since I've been here, I can't really even offer a good excuse or even a reason. I have just been doing the bare minimum of life, and vegging the rest of the time. Winter is not my perfect time, it's not even a good time for me, I am cold every second. Or, I am roasting, in my house, car, at work. I hate the feeling of the heat running, I always feel like I am baking in an oven. It does however, beat freezing to death, so I choose baking.
Speaking of baking, I am going to try and accomplish a little of that today. I have had a perfectly horrid week, health-wise, and I have not worked more than I have. I have made it in a few mornings, only to hobble around and run out of steam early. The looks of pain on the faces of others that have to look at me is almost more than I can take. I know it bothers others to see me walking the way I have to on bad days, I remember it from before, dealing with it now is no different. The last time I went through this was in 2007. Mark ended up carrying me up and down the stairs in our home, and often other places. I eventually ended up with wheels - like in a wheel chair. The thought of that scares me, I am not sure I can do it again. At least this time I have no stairs. I am waiting on a few medical tests to be completed, actually waiting on the results. I insisted that I have them, just in case there is some sort of surgery that can help my neck, which would also hopefully fix the myelopathy that is taking over my legs. Once that is complete - and we know whether I need to see a surgeon or not, I will have the spinal stimulator scheduled. It will be sometime in January. If no surgery will help the neck and leg weakness, then I will have a second stimulator put in to help my neck, most likely sometime in the spring. In the meantime, I am trying to get by. I am sure that I will have to leave my job, at least temporarily - so I will be applying for temporary disability. Hopefully, it will all work out so that we will not starve to death. But I cannot continue this way. I do have tons and tons of end of the year work to be done, somehow, like everything else, I will manage. Just don't ask me how. :)
I have the Christmas thing mostly ready to go. I have had a lot of help this year, and things just don't look like normal. I honestly don't have what it takes this year. But I am good with what has been done. Craig and new girlfriend will be home late, late tonight. Jordy and Tegan are in Cape Cod, visiting her family, so we will have our Christmas on Tuesday evening.
All in all, life is good. I am in pain hell, but I try really hard to look deeper and beyond.
Merry Christmas. Hugs and love.
J.
Speaking of baking, I am going to try and accomplish a little of that today. I have had a perfectly horrid week, health-wise, and I have not worked more than I have. I have made it in a few mornings, only to hobble around and run out of steam early. The looks of pain on the faces of others that have to look at me is almost more than I can take. I know it bothers others to see me walking the way I have to on bad days, I remember it from before, dealing with it now is no different. The last time I went through this was in 2007. Mark ended up carrying me up and down the stairs in our home, and often other places. I eventually ended up with wheels - like in a wheel chair. The thought of that scares me, I am not sure I can do it again. At least this time I have no stairs. I am waiting on a few medical tests to be completed, actually waiting on the results. I insisted that I have them, just in case there is some sort of surgery that can help my neck, which would also hopefully fix the myelopathy that is taking over my legs. Once that is complete - and we know whether I need to see a surgeon or not, I will have the spinal stimulator scheduled. It will be sometime in January. If no surgery will help the neck and leg weakness, then I will have a second stimulator put in to help my neck, most likely sometime in the spring. In the meantime, I am trying to get by. I am sure that I will have to leave my job, at least temporarily - so I will be applying for temporary disability. Hopefully, it will all work out so that we will not starve to death. But I cannot continue this way. I do have tons and tons of end of the year work to be done, somehow, like everything else, I will manage. Just don't ask me how. :)
I have the Christmas thing mostly ready to go. I have had a lot of help this year, and things just don't look like normal. I honestly don't have what it takes this year. But I am good with what has been done. Craig and new girlfriend will be home late, late tonight. Jordy and Tegan are in Cape Cod, visiting her family, so we will have our Christmas on Tuesday evening.
All in all, life is good. I am in pain hell, but I try really hard to look deeper and beyond.
Merry Christmas. Hugs and love.
J.
Sunday, December 04, 2011
Thingamajiggy
Here I sit, with what feels like a giant hole in the middle of my back. I'm pretty sure it isn't giant, but painwise, it's as big as the grand canyon. Holy mother of Santa Clause and all that is Awesome---son of a biscuit eater --- my effin' back hurts. Oh how it hurts.
But the thingamajiggy that is in that hole has promise.
It would really, really help my leg pain if it were anywhere near where my pain is. It is supposed to be where the pain is, and I cannot tell you why it isn't. I supposedly told the doc while in surgery where to go and where to put it. I have ZERO recollection of any of that. ZERO.
So when the time comes for the permanent thingamajiggy---there will have to be a different way of doing it. Apparently I am out of my everlovin' mind when I am conked out on wonderful drugs.
Happy Sunday, ya'll!
Random pics below. :)
But the thingamajiggy that is in that hole has promise.
It would really, really help my leg pain if it were anywhere near where my pain is. It is supposed to be where the pain is, and I cannot tell you why it isn't. I supposedly told the doc while in surgery where to go and where to put it. I have ZERO recollection of any of that. ZERO.
So when the time comes for the permanent thingamajiggy---there will have to be a different way of doing it. Apparently I am out of my everlovin' mind when I am conked out on wonderful drugs.
Happy Sunday, ya'll!
Random pics below. :)
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
I am so
Sorry ya'll. I just seem to have lost my muse. Or my voice. Or the light. The joy.
Hell, IDK.
I just know I can't write at all. Not an email, a blog post, nothing. I am a mess, mentally.
Physically.
I will keep trying.
Don't quit me.
Hell, IDK.
I just know I can't write at all. Not an email, a blog post, nothing. I am a mess, mentally.
Physically.
I will keep trying.
Don't quit me.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Twas the day before Turkey, and all through the house
Here I am, at home...on the day before Thanksgiving. It's okay - this was a planned day off. After all, I have a huge meal to pull together by tomorrow noon, somehow. The days before today, Monday and Tuesday - they weren't so planned. Yes, I was home then, too. Well, on Monday I was home early in the afternoon. Yesterday, I was back at home before ten am. Yes--I am having all kinds of trouble walking, sitting, laying, even just effin' breathing. My pain level is about a 13, on a scale of 1 to 10. I cannot walk, not far anyway, I am doing this weird loping, loose legged thing that I used to do before my neck surgery. Sometimes. Not always. Suffice it to say I am in really bad shape. I am taking large amounts of narcotics, they really do help. But oh Buddy, when they wear off, lookout. Tears and gnashing of teeth, and the really ugly cry. Blenheim. Nothing I can do at this point.I just swallow pills the minute the next one is allowed. I am merely trying to make it though another day, job intact. So far, so good. We'll see how it is on Friday. They do understand as much as they can -- hell, I don't understand, not really...and we are all waiting to see if the stimulator helps. A week from Friday, the trial one will be put in/on. I dread it and look forward to it, if that makes any sense.
So, pies and cake and stuffing..please make yourself. Christmas trees, please decorate yourselves...
So here goes:
Hopefully, more than nothing.
Later.
So, pies and cake and stuffing..please make yourself. Christmas trees, please decorate yourselves...
So here goes:
Hopefully, more than nothing.
Later.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Nutella?
I am sitting here, stuffing my face with Nutella on a bagel. Good hell- where have I been all of Nutella's life? Too bad, the whole jar will go in the garbage when I get up. Can't have anything this good in the house. I bought it for Mark more than a month ago, the jar had never been touched. Since I am out of almond milk and cannot have cereal, I thought - "why not"? I can see why not, now.
What a crass-appy week this has been. I missed more than three days of work, too much pain, no strength. Alot of face time with my bed...and it doesn't care about my face, whatsoever. I did manage to go back in to work Friday morning, until early afternoon. Hopefully by Monday I will be back to my normal.
This weekend for me will be a quiet one, I am just not too capable of much else. I have places that I really need to be, like a benefit for my good friends mother, tonight in southern Iowa. I can already tell that won't be possible. One reason might be that I have been up for more than half the night. Geez--I will be ready for bed by seven. I sure do hope that the stimulator will allow me to live a somewhat more normal life, people are going to give up on me. Don't give up on me. :(
Hope your weekend will be better than mine. Later, y'all.
What a crass-appy week this has been. I missed more than three days of work, too much pain, no strength. Alot of face time with my bed...and it doesn't care about my face, whatsoever. I did manage to go back in to work Friday morning, until early afternoon. Hopefully by Monday I will be back to my normal.
This weekend for me will be a quiet one, I am just not too capable of much else. I have places that I really need to be, like a benefit for my good friends mother, tonight in southern Iowa. I can already tell that won't be possible. One reason might be that I have been up for more than half the night. Geez--I will be ready for bed by seven. I sure do hope that the stimulator will allow me to live a somewhat more normal life, people are going to give up on me. Don't give up on me. :(
Hope your weekend will be better than mine. Later, y'all.
Monday, November 07, 2011
Can I get an Amen?
I have been a bad, bad blogger. I am not sure of the reason, but I sit here, ready to write and I just can't. I think it's because I know I will whine again about my pain, and I just can't put you through that, not again. Yes, I could write about anything - something other than that, but it always creeps into my conversations, my writing. I suppose that's because it's uppermost on my mind. So, I don't write. I read other blogs, usually I don't even comment. I am in a slump and trying to work through it. So here goes---
We did go to the symphony and it was so wonderful. I enjoyed it way more than I even thought I would. You can bet we will be going again. We are lucky to live in such a small city and have such accomplished arts--symphony, art center and museums, a huge theater program, including many Broadway shows. I intend to become more cultured, good heavens, and you all can see I need it.
I have been pushing myself from home to work and work to home. I don't manage much else during the week, that is all that I can do.
I am having the trial spinal stimulator put in on December 2nd. That will be in place for a week. If I feel that it helps, that one will be taken out, the permanent one will be put in. That surgery will have to be scheduled, most likely it would happen after the first of the year, which is good for the holidays, bad for insurance. I am not too excited about trying to heal from surgery during Christmas, but I am also not too excited about having it done in a new insurance deductible year. I guess time will tell.
I have spent the past two years looking for a church. Mark and I used to go to one in West Des Moines a couple of years ago, then while he and I weren't together, I tried a couple of others. While I liked them all, I couldn't say I found the one that I felt I belonged in, the one that excited me so much that I looked forward to going each week. That is, until yesterday. Mark and I went, it was so AWESOME. I am serious, everything about it felt just absolutely perfect. From the music to the sermon and everything in between, it was heaven. I have never felt so welcomed anywhere in my life. The problem? It is an African-Methodist-Episcopalian Church. The entire congregation is black. Totally--all of them. And, it's in the hood. Serious. Disclaimer: Though I don't mean for it to be this way, I am generally not very politically correct, and I have no reason to think that I can be now. What I say here is not meant in any way, shape or form to be disrespectful. So, before I say (write) something hurtful, forgive me. Deal?
I love black people. I always have. I have always wanted to be black. I love their looks, mannerisms, passion for everything---especially when they are worshipping God. I have always wanted to go to a black church. They know how to pray, worship, sing...oh how I love the way they do it. So, when Mark's co-worker, who is black, invited us to his church, I jumped right on it. He said there were a few white people there, (yesterday, there was no one but us). Anyway, it was so, so, so wonderful. I was moved to tears during their songs, and during the preaching. And let me tell you - that pastor was PREACHING. Can I get an AMEN? It was the best two hours I have spent in a long, long time. So, my dilemma?
I am not sure I feel right about going back. Yes, they were so very welcoming. Yes, they hugged on us, they talked to us, and they hugged some more. I am just not sure if I belong there. I assume the problem here is mine, and to be honest, I am surprised at myself. Surprised and disappointed. In me.I just cannot get over feeling so out of place. Thoughts, anyone?
And so I am off, to go to bed. I have been so damned tired and have actually been sleeping, some. Totally new for me, at least lately. So, I am out of here.Have a wonderful Tuesday tomorrow. :)
We did go to the symphony and it was so wonderful. I enjoyed it way more than I even thought I would. You can bet we will be going again. We are lucky to live in such a small city and have such accomplished arts--symphony, art center and museums, a huge theater program, including many Broadway shows. I intend to become more cultured, good heavens, and you all can see I need it.
I have been pushing myself from home to work and work to home. I don't manage much else during the week, that is all that I can do.
I am having the trial spinal stimulator put in on December 2nd. That will be in place for a week. If I feel that it helps, that one will be taken out, the permanent one will be put in. That surgery will have to be scheduled, most likely it would happen after the first of the year, which is good for the holidays, bad for insurance. I am not too excited about trying to heal from surgery during Christmas, but I am also not too excited about having it done in a new insurance deductible year. I guess time will tell.
I have spent the past two years looking for a church. Mark and I used to go to one in West Des Moines a couple of years ago, then while he and I weren't together, I tried a couple of others. While I liked them all, I couldn't say I found the one that I felt I belonged in, the one that excited me so much that I looked forward to going each week. That is, until yesterday. Mark and I went, it was so AWESOME. I am serious, everything about it felt just absolutely perfect. From the music to the sermon and everything in between, it was heaven. I have never felt so welcomed anywhere in my life. The problem? It is an African-Methodist-Episcopalian Church. The entire congregation is black. Totally--all of them. And, it's in the hood. Serious. Disclaimer: Though I don't mean for it to be this way, I am generally not very politically correct, and I have no reason to think that I can be now. What I say here is not meant in any way, shape or form to be disrespectful. So, before I say (write) something hurtful, forgive me. Deal?
I love black people. I always have. I have always wanted to be black. I love their looks, mannerisms, passion for everything---especially when they are worshipping God. I have always wanted to go to a black church. They know how to pray, worship, sing...oh how I love the way they do it. So, when Mark's co-worker, who is black, invited us to his church, I jumped right on it. He said there were a few white people there, (yesterday, there was no one but us). Anyway, it was so, so, so wonderful. I was moved to tears during their songs, and during the preaching. And let me tell you - that pastor was PREACHING. Can I get an AMEN? It was the best two hours I have spent in a long, long time. So, my dilemma?
I am not sure I feel right about going back. Yes, they were so very welcoming. Yes, they hugged on us, they talked to us, and they hugged some more. I am just not sure if I belong there. I assume the problem here is mine, and to be honest, I am surprised at myself. Surprised and disappointed. In me.I just cannot get over feeling so out of place. Thoughts, anyone?
And so I am off, to go to bed. I have been so damned tired and have actually been sleeping, some. Totally new for me, at least lately. So, I am out of here.Have a wonderful Tuesday tomorrow. :)
Saturday, October 22, 2011
The beat goes on
I am forcing myself to sit here and write, it seems lately that I cannot find the time, or I lack the inspiration or some damned thing. But I miss writing here, I need to write here. So here goes nothing...all random, as that is the way my brain runs these days. Snippets here, entire subjects there.
I do NOT have a brain tumor. Not that I thought I did, but the doctorman made me rule it out this week. Yes - I know. So, the crazy is all mine. ALL MINE. I'm not sure if I like that or not.
Work is scary slow. So far in this recession that I call a depression, we have been pretty much unscathed. Not so lately. We need a good finish to the month...that would make many people breathe easier. So, since it is so slow, I have really not had much to do. Well, there is always something to do really, but I work best when I have a succession of things in a certain order, under pressure. I always have.
I have a sinus infection...like everyone else this year, it seems. So - while I was having the CT scan to rule out the tumor, I had one of my sinuses. I assumed they would be full of gunk...I can NEVER breathe, or my nose runs all the time. But, NOPE - all clear. So, mr doc says to see an allergist if the problems persist, not an ENT. Good hell...I don't want any more doctors. But I also like breathing.
My kiddos - the little ones, were here last evening. I had such fun with them. Brodie is saying everything and I can't even believe it. They love coming here, there is grass to play in, rocks to climb on, carpet to run on swings and a slide, and a lot of room to run. By the time they leave I need a pill or two and a beer. They wear me all the way out--- being with them is aerobic, I'm telling you. And nerve wracking and for that, I have no idea why. I am on high alert every second...worrying that they will hurt themselves somehow. And every damned time they visit, they do. Brodie left with a big old goose egg on his head AGAIN last night. They are just so full of energy. Zach runs every bit as much as Brodie. He is in that stage where everything is a wonder, so fascinating. I love it. I love them. I cannot even tell you how much.
I am going to the SYMPHONY tonight and I am so excited! I have always wanted to go. Like I said in an earlier blog post, I am getting on with living. My pain can suck it. I am taking pills and getting on with my life---and I am tired, but it's worth it. So anyway, I cannot wait for tonight. We will get dressed up, (some) and have a real evening out together. I may hate the symphony, but I'll bet I don't. The one thing I am worried about is falling asleep. Every time I stop moving...that's what I do. I average about four hours a night on sleep, so I am quite tired. I cannot sleep due to pain. This problem is the one I cannot change, at least so far. Laying or sitting with my head anywhere but straight up hurts like a youknowwhat. Yeah, like that. If I could sleep like a horse and stand in my stall it would be fine. So I muddle along. TIRED. But I am getting used to it. Eventually the lack of sleep makes me a bit manic and I can get alot done.
I was sick all last weekend, throwing up. WTF? I missed an entire weekend...and you know, there are only so many of those allotted to us in our lives. It really made me mad, it came out of left field. Mark actually took care of me. Seriously. He has never done that. He brought me what I needed, things like that. I didn't ask him to hold my head or anything, ewww. I despise barfing. I will do anything not to throw up, but sometimes there is no choice in the matter and that's where I was last week. Jordy and Tegan even came over for football Sunday all day and I missed that, too. They had a fine time with Mark - but I wanted to be with them, too.
Okay--enough. I will try and post a few pics of my babies here...
Have a great weekend, friends. I'm going to. :)
These guys are ALWAYS thirsty.
" I want to take the pictures, Me-Maw."
Brodies first attempt at photography...what a beautiful shot of Me-Maw. Ugh.
"Say CHEESE mommy." She really said some cheese....!!
Self-portrait.
Sort of like a sausage in a too-tight casing. :) Poor little chubby Meisha girl.
"I am way too cool for this picture crap. "
Tonka is always chasing the ties on my robe.
See ya'll next time!
I do NOT have a brain tumor. Not that I thought I did, but the doctorman made me rule it out this week. Yes - I know. So, the crazy is all mine. ALL MINE. I'm not sure if I like that or not.
Work is scary slow. So far in this recession that I call a depression, we have been pretty much unscathed. Not so lately. We need a good finish to the month...that would make many people breathe easier. So, since it is so slow, I have really not had much to do. Well, there is always something to do really, but I work best when I have a succession of things in a certain order, under pressure. I always have.
I have a sinus infection...like everyone else this year, it seems. So - while I was having the CT scan to rule out the tumor, I had one of my sinuses. I assumed they would be full of gunk...I can NEVER breathe, or my nose runs all the time. But, NOPE - all clear. So, mr doc says to see an allergist if the problems persist, not an ENT. Good hell...I don't want any more doctors. But I also like breathing.
My kiddos - the little ones, were here last evening. I had such fun with them. Brodie is saying everything and I can't even believe it. They love coming here, there is grass to play in, rocks to climb on, carpet to run on swings and a slide, and a lot of room to run. By the time they leave I need a pill or two and a beer. They wear me all the way out--- being with them is aerobic, I'm telling you. And nerve wracking and for that, I have no idea why. I am on high alert every second...worrying that they will hurt themselves somehow. And every damned time they visit, they do. Brodie left with a big old goose egg on his head AGAIN last night. They are just so full of energy. Zach runs every bit as much as Brodie. He is in that stage where everything is a wonder, so fascinating. I love it. I love them. I cannot even tell you how much.
I am going to the SYMPHONY tonight and I am so excited! I have always wanted to go. Like I said in an earlier blog post, I am getting on with living. My pain can suck it. I am taking pills and getting on with my life---and I am tired, but it's worth it. So anyway, I cannot wait for tonight. We will get dressed up, (some) and have a real evening out together. I may hate the symphony, but I'll bet I don't. The one thing I am worried about is falling asleep. Every time I stop moving...that's what I do. I average about four hours a night on sleep, so I am quite tired. I cannot sleep due to pain. This problem is the one I cannot change, at least so far. Laying or sitting with my head anywhere but straight up hurts like a youknowwhat. Yeah, like that. If I could sleep like a horse and stand in my stall it would be fine. So I muddle along. TIRED. But I am getting used to it. Eventually the lack of sleep makes me a bit manic and I can get alot done.
I was sick all last weekend, throwing up. WTF? I missed an entire weekend...and you know, there are only so many of those allotted to us in our lives. It really made me mad, it came out of left field. Mark actually took care of me. Seriously. He has never done that. He brought me what I needed, things like that. I didn't ask him to hold my head or anything, ewww. I despise barfing. I will do anything not to throw up, but sometimes there is no choice in the matter and that's where I was last week. Jordy and Tegan even came over for football Sunday all day and I missed that, too. They had a fine time with Mark - but I wanted to be with them, too.
Okay--enough. I will try and post a few pics of my babies here...
Have a great weekend, friends. I'm going to. :)
These guys are ALWAYS thirsty.
Tonka is always chasing the ties on my robe.
See ya'll next time!
Friday, October 14, 2011
Weekly wrap up
I can't believe it's Friday again, time just goes on without me some days. :)
I had THE very best weekend with my family. It was over too fast but oh-my-it-was-a-good-time. I will post pics after I get finished blabbering here.
This week has been fast but difficult. Work is good but it is killing me. I did make it all five days though --- assuming that I make it today, as well. I have no reason to think I won't. My pain is just like every other morning.
I did not hear from my doc this week, I had hoped maybe I would. I know they have the recommendation
from the psychologist regarding the stimulator. I will need to call them I suppose. I am ready to get this show on the road. It is my only hope.
I am tired - I have been up since just after midnight. My pain level has been off the charts all night, sleeping was out of the question. But it's Friday, and I can make it.
Have a very happy weekend. :)
I had THE very best weekend with my family. It was over too fast but oh-my-it-was-a-good-time. I will post pics after I get finished blabbering here.
This week has been fast but difficult. Work is good but it is killing me. I did make it all five days though --- assuming that I make it today, as well. I have no reason to think I won't. My pain is just like every other morning.
I did not hear from my doc this week, I had hoped maybe I would. I know they have the recommendation
from the psychologist regarding the stimulator. I will need to call them I suppose. I am ready to get this show on the road. It is my only hope.
I am tired - I have been up since just after midnight. My pain level has been off the charts all night, sleeping was out of the question. But it's Friday, and I can make it.
Have a very happy weekend. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)