TOO much

It has all just been too much. TOO MUCH.

Too much fun, too much love, too much laughter. Too much food. Too much work. Too much presents - yeah, I know that grammar doesn't work. Too much hope and good will and charity among us. Waay too much cooking. And cleaning up. TOO MUCH.

Is there such a thing as too much wonderful? If so, we've had it.

A blast. Successful holiday. Too much fun.

And seriously, I am happy it's over. Not too much.

Out. :)

I can't say I'm sad, exactly, to have the holiday behind us...but I am always a little let down. There is so much preparation, so much work, so much of my heart, so much worry...so much of ME in all of it, that when it's all over, it's kind of like feeling like a deflated balloon. On the other hand, it's nice to get things back in order, to move the bags of Christmas wrap out of the obvious place, to get the decorations back in their boxes and out of sight for another year. That job won't be too hard for me this year, there just wasn't space to put all the usual cheery objects in this apartment. So, I'll leave the tree up until the new year, but to put it ALL away will take me about an hour...and that's okay with me.

If you read my last post, then you already know that I got the best gift of all time this year. My Christmas Eve was the most special, the best I can remember in years. There is no way to wrap that kind of gift up, but it's the kind that never leaves you, it can't break, or wear out, or be lost. I am grateful for that. Yesterday, although a good day, it was not the most ideal Christmas day ever...the bulk of it was spent in the car, the rest of it was spent with my sisters, first I stopped and said "Merry Christmas" to Trav and Jim, and then we went on to see my youngest sister, Shell and family. My stepdad was there, also, and I was happy to be with them. The visit had to be too short and my little niece Carli, was quite enthralled with her Christmas gifts, I told her she must have been a VERY good girl this year, and she readily agreed. :) There just wasn't time to get to really see her, she was just too busy with her toys and I certainly understood that. We nearly had to eat and run, as we have a very crazy dog waiting for us here, one who just can't hold-it like she used to. So, it was way better than sitting here, staring at Mark all day, but next year, we will need to rethink the plans. I can say this - I am all the way worn out, and I'm not totally sure why, other than plain old hard work, cooking-cleaning-Christmas is hard on the body. I haven't felt this poorly in months, and I plan to spend the weekend just feeling better.

Here are some of the pics, from preparation, to party-

These are jordy and his bestest bud, actually doing my Christmas baking and candy making, and they did an awesome job---see?

And here is Craig with his artistic cheeseball contribution---oh how these kids of mine make me laugh----

He couldn't find an appropriate hat, so he suddenly became la French snowman cheeseball, with a cracker beret...

The best part --- the presents!

Nice beer shot - Jordy...at least you could have been holding the "good" beer...

Now that's a "glowing" pregnant lady, if I've ever seen one...

Mason though the whole thing was pretty boring, at least until Santa arrived with his kitty treats....

A snowy CrazyDog

Good pic of the gift in front of the face.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care...

And to all....a good night.

:)

I am blessed

It was the most perfect Christmas Eve, ever. Well, that is taking into account that we were missing a few that couldn't be here this year. But still, it was wonderful. The traditions were carried on by me, and I had alot of help from my kids...and it worked well. There were screams of excitement over gifts, and complaints that too much had been eaten, and sleepy good-bye's around ten. I could not have wished for a better evening. There was the comfort of knowing that this group of people gathered here knew you inside and out and loved you still. There were shared memories, shared stories told just one more time, shared hugs and laughter.

And I have to tell you all this: Many times in the course of the recent years, I have wondered why..why these kids of mine have wasted opportunities, wasted connections, missed what I viewed as the important things. I have often wondered how they missed the boat on the things that I tried so HARD to show them as their teacher, their mentor, their mother. Last night, I realized a most critical fact----None of them, not ONE of them, has missed anything. All I have ever wanted for my kids is to be good hearted, loving, understanding, caring adults. And that is exactly what they are. I watch them as adults interacting with each other....and I marvel at how much they love, they understand, they allow for the shortcomings, they forgive, they actually get it. And I feel shame for wondering about them. Regardless of their ambitions or lack of them, regardless of the things that I place skewed value on...they have learned to love, they have learned to forgive, they have learned that family is where it's at. They accept...they ignore what's necessary and they treat me with the most love and respect any mother could ask for. So, I apologize to my children , and I thank God for each of them.

I will write a decent post tomorrow, today I get to see my nieces! Merry Christmas to each of you!

Merry Christmas

I will get caught up with you all after the BIG day -

In the meantime,

A most blessed Christmas to each of you. Remember the reason.

:)

The pretzel king

Christmas Eve, Eve. When my youngest son was little, we would do the eve...eve...eve thing for days. On the 18th of December, he knew just how many eves to tack on.

I would give everything I own to go back to those days of Christmas wonder and hope. When the kids were little and Santa was on his way...when the house was full of love and wonder and great smells from the kitchen. When I, as mommy, could make all the hurts better and see the joy on those beautiful faces. Everything...in a heartbeat. That's what this time of year is all about.

I am about prepared for the big day, other than the cleaning and cooking. We braved the cold and crowds to go to the grocery store last night, it wasn't as bad as I had expected, we were in and out in under an hour. $165 later, we were finished. Today, I have to bake and cook - as our family celebration will be here on Christmas Eve night. On Christmas day, each of the kids has elsewhere to be and Mark and I are driving to the Quad Cities to spend the day with my youngest sister, Shell and of course her girls - Carli and Alex (and Rob too). I certainly hope this time we can actually get there, as we were supposed to go this past Saturday and we had to turn around, the weather was just too awful.

My youngest is actually supposed to help me today, he is the king of the chocolate-dipped pretzel...and not too bad at decorating a sugar cookie. He is my Christmas kid. The other two like it okay, but he is Christmas through and through. He will be a great father someday.

I hope this day is wonderful for each of you. Hugs.

Kentucky Woman

I think I may have taken a turn. I feel better-not healed, not great, but better. I just am better. And thankful. It's funny, this has been such an ordeal...long, painful and just plain crappy. I know it's not over yet, but I can almost tell you the exact moment that it turned around and started going the right direction. The human body is strange, isn't it?

I am so very tired of the Iowa caucus stories, and they are still four days away. Do you know what caucusing means? I looked it up, wanted to know a little more about it. What a strange way of standing up and being counted, literally, geez...I don't live in an area that's large enough to hold one, so I would have to go to who-knows-where, and I am not going to participate, but I certainly think it would be an interesting thing to see. I was taught that voting and being involved in the political process in not a right, it's an absolute responsibility, and I have never been as confused and literally dumbfounded as I am this year. I have always voted on a straight party ticket, at least pretty much so, but the lines are no longer clear, and the parties are no longer separate, and the candidates are no longer even worthy, sadly, and while I know that someone will be elected, and I HAVE to vote, I cannot at this time, make a choice-even just in my own mind. I realize the candidates will be narrowed down to two and that will make the job easier, it certainly will not make it any better. I have done my homework and I am not impressed. I have never liked those that complain for the sake of just that, if you want to bitch then give me a plan to make it better, too. Sadly, I cannot do that, either. At this time, all I can do is bitch. I see no way of changing this sad state of affairs anytime soon. This country was founded on freedom and the very root of that freedom is electing our leaders. I will still do that job and be proud of it. But I certainly feel for anyone that has the task of attempting to clean up the mess that has been made. I am still proud to be an American, and this is still the greatest nation in the world. I certainly hope that whomever inherits this huge job of cleaning up after this administration, can make some sort of progress toward a unified good. I suppose that's enough said...

H an I actually went out last night and had some fun. I can't tell you how great it was to be out, and walking! We got back home early, and then I actually slept for about seven hours. I think I may be a new person today.

I woke up to a little Deep Purple this morning, Kentucky Woman...I have to confess I heard it in the car yesterday afternoon, I guess that's why it's in my mind.

Now I think Kitty 1 is getting the cold that Kitty 2 is now over. He is sneezing and crabby...but then he is crabby all the time...but it certainly hasn't affected his appetite any.

D is not feeling well either. I think she is going to have a really long nine months. I think we are ALL going to have a really long nine months. Right now, she has a bad cold, and that sucks when you are pregnant.

I think I should get up and do something today. I have been sitting here long enough. I want to get all the Christmas put away, I don't know if I'm energetic enough for that today, or if I'll wait until Tuesday. I've always heard that it should be left up until the new year, that it's bad luck if it isn't. I know I don't want any more bad luck---Tuesday is looking better all the time.

Have a great Sunday!

Re-runs

"I'll be fine and dandy, Lord it's like a hard candy Christmas, I'm barely getting through tomorrow, But still I won't let sorrow get me way down..."

That song is STILL stuck in my head. Day two now, but when you read the words, maybe there's a reason for that. The problem? I cannot stand Dolly Parton...

I work today, but short hours. Maybe from nine or so until two or three. I would really like to get out tonight and do something, I will wait and see how I feel. I worked yesterday until one, then we needed to get home and let the furnace man in, of course, when he got here, the furnace wouldn't make the same sound it's been making for weeks. I know it's going to quit, that's what furnace's DO, and they always wait until its a weekend, or better yet, a holiday weekend, and when the temperature is below zero, so we were trying to prevent that. It really hasn't been working correctly for quite a while...but that happens at work all the time, people bring their car into the garage, "it's been making a horrible noise, but it wouldn't do it today".

I was supposed to have the family Christmas today, with my sister and her husband, and my two nieces, and my mom and her husband, and my kids again. Usually my sister is here on Christmas Eve along with everyone else but this year, it was planned for today. It has been cancelled however, my poor sister is unable to get out of bed or even walk, Lord-I know how that is, and my mom is just about in the same shape. Aren't we a sad, sad family? So, H shipped the gifts to them on Thursday and I will have to wait to see my nieces, one is three-she is a little doll and really, really loves her Aunt Damie. The other one is 16-and she is a sweetie too, but she doesn't get nearly as excited at seeing me-teehee. They now live near the Quad Cities, about three hours away, I guess I will need to make a trip that way soon. I am sad that we won't be together this year, I really was looking forward to it. I am not sad that I don't have to do all that work again, however. I was wondering how I was going to manage, although I would have. I got the three year old a princess dress-up set among other things and I really wanted to see her in it.

YS's GF- has a little Mazda MX6 that I helped her buy a year or so ago. The stereo in it was pretty crappy, although it looked nice-it was an aftermarket jobbie, that someone before her had put in. Wednesday night, someone stole it. They live in a really nice apartment complex in West Des Moines...not a bad area in the least. They are not upset about the loss of the stereo that much, because like I said, it wasn't very good. YS said they were more upset about the loss of the CD in the stereo. The problem? The car was locked of course, because that's what we teach our kids to do, and the damned thieves broke out the passenger side window....ahh... no insurance coverage on it, she only could afford liability. So, I ordered the window. It makes me so mad when people steal. This seems to be a theme recently...Summer had her Christmas gifts taken and Andrew had his whole car stolen...it just pisses me off when people take things that don't belong to them. Last year, YS had his house broken into, and that ended up costing me a fortune, so I moved them to a GOOD area...

I hope you all have a good Saturday. I am going to try. :)

There's a new kid in town

UPDATED***


Holy crap, I woke up at 1:30! One thirty in the blessed am! And I am up for the day...too much pain in my neck to sleep any longer. UGH. This day will be one long sucker. Some of you are just going to bed...I feel like a newborn, with my days and nights all mixed up. Good Heavens. I worked yesterday though, and it was hard on me. I was there until three thirty, and that was too much. When will I be able to work like I used to? I have worked sixty plus hours for years, it is the only life I know. I did get many things caught up and finished, but I wish I could tell you all how messed up my work is. I don't like "living on the edge", just making the deadlines, or in some cases, not making it at all. I am not that kind of person. I am ultra organized, on top of everything...right now, if any of you were to ask me about a vehicle on my lot, I couldn't tell you a thing about it. Hell, I couldn't tell you if it WAS on my lot. How's that for an effective general manager? I have a couple of fairly new employees that have no idea the kind of manager I used to be. They think I just suck in general, and that just really pisses me off. Who's fault would that be? Well my own, of course. I am trying to get back to the old me, but it's sure taking longer than I ever thought it would. Sometimes I think that person is gone forever. :(

I have apparently offended kitty 1 and kitty 2 recently. They seem to want little to do with me now--since I had everyone here over Christmas, and have been going back to work. They don't like crowds of people in the house, and they have been spoiled for so long having me home with them every day...I guess they are holding several things against me. They will have little to do with me now, I find them sleeping upstairs in the guest room or in my bedroom when no one is here. At night, it's any one's guess where they sleep, but it's no longer with me. Cats are funny little shits, I know Kitty 1 is obviously mad at me, I call his name he turns his head the other way, in typical "pissed off cat" fashion. Damned if I know what I did. Hmmmm...I suppose he'll get over it eventually. Kitty 2 is still mad about the pink medicine being shoved down her throat twice a day, but I figure better pissed off than pneumonia, and she'll eventually get that out of her system, and still love me. Who knows? THIS is why I love dogs....

I am hoping I begin to feel better before it's time to go to work. I will not have a very good day if not, and I don't expect it will be a very long day, either. Dammit--when will I be able to hold up my end of the deal? Owner is going to be in Detroit all day today, I really need to be there...This is me, frustrated.

I hope that whatever you all are doing today, that it is a great Thursday for you. I will settle for one that allows me to work for just a few hours. Later.

Okay, so I am working from home today. And that pisses me off. EVERYTHING is pissing me off today...I know, I was told I would have days that seemed like I was going backward, and that this surgery would literally take months to heal, but you know what? I didn't believe it, because I can generally do what I want physically, when I want. Until recently, and frankly--I have had just about enough of this shit. I work a day, I have to take a day at home. Heaven forbid I may shop or cook or clean, holeee shit. I can get up and hobble around again, even walk normally a little, but my legs are shaking uncontrollably, and I won't make it far. Dammit. So here I sit, in front of my computer, working, and yes, I have enough to do, that's the understatment of the year, but I'm in so much pain I had to take pills, and you all know what kind of work pillville produces... And while I'm bitching here, why can't our president say nuclear? Later.

Sentimental gentle wind

And a good time was had by all. It was a wonderful Christmas, no one could tell that I hadn't started months ago, and that is the look I was going for. Everyone was happy, or so it seemed, with everything chosen by me, and only one thing didn't fit, so I'd call that a success. I got some really great gifts from my kids and from my bestest friend, and that made me happy. Everyone was out of here by noon, and I must have been asleep by noon:01. And that was the rest of my day. There was only one pretty major blow up between kid three and his gf, but things got calmed down, I also felt that was pretty good, as kid 1 and her bf had been feuding all week long. Tempers and feeling and nerves, oh my.

So, this is that week that really doesn't exist---the one where nothing much is accomplished , the one where so many people are not where they normally are, the week where Christmas is over and some of the most-happy feelings are gone, but nothing is back to normal yet, so there must be a reason to feel different. The week where EVERYTHING is just OFF. I generally like this week, in fact, I often don't work this week at my job, but this year, I sort of have to work my ass off. For me, this is the week I have to get back to business, and that could be a major undertaking, considering the way I am feeling, and the lack of people at work. Could be interesting...

I wish for each of you, a wonderful, happy, carefree "week that doesn't really exist". I will be trying to get my act together, emphasis on trying...and doing it in half days, or nearly half days, as I have GOT to start taking myself and healing very seriously. I am somewhat nervous about the condition I am in, and I have miles to go to get back to where I was a week ago. Have a happy Wednesday!

I'm gonna make you mine...

I did it! Dinner and part of the gift opening went off without a hitch, and I did it! Well I did it with the help of an army...you wouldn't believe this family of mine. H worked his butt off, as well as OS and even D was in the kitchen after dinner, doing dishes, and that is something I haven't seen since the days of " you're grounded if you don't". Unbelievable, seriously. OS spent the entire day in the kitchen, working right along side of me. It was really nice---and very, very sweet of him. So, my dinner was good, everything went fine, and D and BF really liked their gifts. The rest of my chillens will open theirs this morning, when everyone is awake---their choice, not mine. My mom and step dad were here, and she felt well enough to eat a little, and even that went okay, she is not doing well, but she was well enough as she needed to be to enjoy herself for a few hours. I feel very blessed this morning. The remaining two kids and one significant other will be here until around noon when they will leave for their dads house...after that, H and I have big, big plans to lay around and sleep alot. That honestly sounds quite wonderful.

There isn't one part of me that isn't burning with pain of some sort this morning...unless maybe it's my hair. I don't feel pain there. But even with that, I am feeling quite wonderful this morning. I would like to tell anyone that would happen by here today to take the time to count your blessings and be grateful for what you DO have. Have a beautiful, wondrous day.

Merry Christmas

Silver Bells...

It's 2:30 in the blessed am, and I am sitting here, writing this, when I really should be sleeping. I won't get another chance, and I guarantee, this is going to be a long, long day. I was asleep, but pain woke me up, it's back with a vengeance recently. I don't like it - it worries me. After my surgery I had it, but only where I should, and now it's back any old place it wants to be. I am still thinking it's due to doing too much and I will be able to find out after today. This is the last crazy day I will have until the weekend, when I have another Christmas dinner to do for everyone coming tonight plus four more. Then, I will officially be finished for the year. I love the Holidays, but I am never sorry to see them go. :)

It is all coming together here---thanks to H and D. She was here all day yesterday and wrapped gifts until she was as worn out as I was. I baked all day, but had to quit early, I couldn't stand in the kitchen any longer. I had planned to go into work this morning, we are open from 8-12, but H is going to go in and deliver the gifts I needed to deliver, as that was the real reason I was going to be there. No work would have gotten done today...and I am not able to do that, and finish all that I have here to do. I don't suppose that Owner will understand, although I'm hoping he will , but he will have to wait until Wednesday to have the numbers that he wanted from me for the impending sale. I just can't do it. I will have to have some sort of Divine Intervention to get me out of this chair this morning at all.....

I am praying for a calm and happy family gathering tonight. Those can be hard to come by these days, once you children are adults, Santa sort of takes a backseat to the real world. I miss those days of wonder and excitement...there is no better feeling in the world than a happy child on Christmas morning. That was the one time every year that I knew would be a perfect, magical time for my family. I nearly killed myself every year to make it so, and every year it was. The look of sheer delight on the faces of my babies...nothing else that I know of compares. My mother always made it that way for me, and I can honestly say that I managed somehow, to always make it that way for mine. I guess that is the reason that all things still have to be just so at Christmas, still. Funny how things like that cannot be let go of.

I hope that everyone today has a beautiful Christmas Eve. For me, I am remembering the why of Christmas...and being grateful. :)

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas...

What ever happened to Burl Ives? Did he die? He makes me think of the old Rudolph special on tv, the one that ran in the 60's. Yes, I am dating myself...now that sounds funny! Dating myself, well the company couldn't get any better then, could it? Anyway, for some reason, he makes me think of the Rudolph special on tv, and the little guy riding the electric razor for a sled on the Norelco commercial. Is anyone out there old enough to remember what the hell I am talking about?

Ok..so yesterday, I sat here like I was made of stone, until I realized I wasn't and that plan wasn't working anyway. Things were not getting done, and I still felt as bad as before. So, I got up and did. And over-did. And today, it's deja-vu. But I am making some progress. H is very unhappy with me, in fact, last night, he was mad at me...but there are certain things that have to get done. Why on earth would I go to all the trouble of buying all these gifts only to NOT WRAP them? Or spend all that money and time and trouble (H's trouble and effort, not mine) at the grocery store, NOT to bake or cook a meal for Christmas? How exactly does he think all of this will get done? He is very, very good to help me. He is the best. But he cannot do everything. He is only one man. Frankly, if BOTH of us work at top speed, we will be lucky to get everything finished. Keep in mind that I am not complaining..not whining. I am just doing. I couldn't get back down the stairs and that is when he put his foot down (that saying really cracks me up, because many times he has done that only to have to pick it back up again...lol) and made me sit down on the couch. Well, I let him think he was the big, strong, decision making man because I had to, hell---I couldn't do anything else. I literally fell asleep on the spot. That was all she wrote. (Does anyone know who the hell "SHE" is? I would like to ask her to keep writing....) I woke back up a few hours later, and he had continued to wrap gifts and we are making a pretty good dent in the job. Today, we will finish. And today, I will get in the kitchen. It will all get done. It always has. Do feel like it? Ummmm...no. But it will all be okay, and we will have a great Christmas. My kids would have been here to help, but they all live a considerable distance away and once again...the weather is not helping. I didn't want them on the roads yesterday afternoon, or late last night. I would rather do it all than worry about them in a blizzard. So...it will soon be over. In the meantime, I am really trying to have fun and enjoy it. I really do love Christmas.

So, is everyone else running around like chickens with no heads today? I would like to know what you all are doing, too. I hope whatever it is, it is fun. Christmas should be about fun, love, joy...you know--all that mushy stuff, that gives you goose bumps on your arms. Have a great Sunday!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow....

Today, let's talk about the wasted energy involved in wrapping Christmas gifts, shall we? Not that I have done any of that this year, but it is a subject near and dear to my heart, as I will be engrossed in that very thing for at least the next 24 hours. If I should find myself able to move at some point today, that is. Oh holy Christmas fruitcake, I have hurt myself---doing waaaaay too much, please no need to remind me that I wasn't supposed to do that, (sort of like closing the barn door after all the horses have escaped, you know). I worked until 3:30, which was longer than I had planned, and longer than the Dr told me I should, but I can't really say I was working all that time, it had been so long since I had seen anyone, I spent quite a while catching up with them...and everyone had to talk and comment on the fact that I was WALKING, the last time any of them had seen me, I was in bad shape, still in the chair. Then we had the long drive to the city and then---you all know how hard it is to shop this time of year, to park, to find what you want, IF you know what you want...it was just a long, long night. And then, to top it all off, we had to deal with the mother of all fog's on the way home...and it was nearly midnight before I saw the welcome sight of my own brick barn. Ugh. Once I got here, I could barely get out of the car and I was shot, all the way through.

Needless to say, this morning, I am not ambulatory. Not in the least. I am in big pain,I was unable to sleep for that very reason, so I am mucho-tiredo on top of it all. Work was in my plan for the day, but I'm here to tell you, that is not happening. I am once again, living in pill-ville, and unable to accomplish anything. Damn.

Kitty's are not happy with me this morning, well at least Miesha isn't. She is the one that is actually sick, though, so I think her unhappy status has more to do with that than anything. Well that, and H and I trying to shove cold, pink medicine down her throat at twelve thirty this morning. Did you know that cats will not open their mouths for any reason when they are not in the mood? I didn't, but I am learning. She wasn't buying into it, and I got tired of fighting with her. No wonder she hates me now, but a call to the vet is in order today, as I am not going to fight her twice a day only to lose. She got a shot of antibiotics yesterday for the virus she has, and it's a good thing...as she will be late on any additional medication. I am used to dogs, and I know all the dog tricks, namely, when you have had enough cajoling and arguing, force it down them, and you will persevere. Cats are not the same.

Christmas countdown...so much to do...so little time. Another huge ice/snowstorm on the way today, only this time a lot of wind thrown in for blizzard and white out conditions...yes, we needed another weather problem on the weekend before Christmas. This now makes four Saturdays in a row. Wonderful, just wonderful. Bring it on, I say or in other words, can't dance, too fat to fly.

I have a grocery list as long as my arm. Or, I would if I wasn't in pill-ville today, I have to pull it together and think, woman, think. Poor, poor H. I am the luckiest woman, I am aware, that he will go and fight the crowds this morning, which I assume will be doubly bad, as it is the last weekend before the holiday, and also just before a big storm. Holy Christmas cheesecake, I shudder just thinking about the mess he will face today, while I sit here is my warm house...

I guess I will go and lay down. I am in pain kiddos...and the pills are not helping this morning. Legs, arms, neck. Damn. I hope each of you have some kind of a peaceful day today as you all try, like me, to get your holiday all wrapped up. Have a really, really good Saturday. :)

Oo-oh, I'll bet you're wonderin' how I knew...

Friday. Back to work day. I don't know how I feel about that. I thought I would be all excited and happy to go back, but there has been some kind of transformation in me, and at this time in my life, I don't think it's a good one....sitting on the couch with my kitty's has been very, very nice. A luxury I cannot afford, unfortunately. So, it's back to the barrage of issues and problems and day to day trials and tribs...

And speaking of my job, I have heard through the grapevine that the buyer that was ridiculously low on his cash offer is now not so ridiculous. So, it looks like I WILL be out of work very soon, for real. I don't know how I feel about that, other than scared to death. I have to bring in a certain amount of money....and that's a pretty high amount. One that I am quite capable of earning, if I move to the city. I suppose it will all work out, but it does unnerve me, and this is a rotten time of year to be unnerved. I tried to talk to owner about it, but you all know him, he was too busy. I will talk to him today. Not being treated that way would certainly be nice, I have to admit.

Meisha, or kitty #2, has developed quite a cold. So, she is off to the vet today. And they are both behind on their annual whatevers, so they will both go today, actually. Poor little things, one is sneezing uncontrollably, and both will hate me by tonight. That is the one thing that I dislike about cats---the grudges they hold. Neither will talk to me tonight---hell, probably for the next few days. H is the one actually taking them, I am so grateful that he is the kind that will take the pets the the Dr...he is so good about things like that.

Tonight, or later this afternoon, after I have worked several hours anyway, I have to go back to the city and finish my shopping. Ugh. I really won't want to I know I won't feel like it, but I am out of time. Tomorrow, another storm---6 to 8 more inches of snow, and I don't want to fight a trip to the city then, Sunday- I have to clean house with H and try and bake a few things, and I still haven't wrapped one gift! Monday, I work until noon and then I have a huge dinner to prepare. That is it, time is up. So tonight is it. I will be glad to have it finished. I cannot believe that it is all upon us, where have I been? Sitting here, on my butt, in painpill-ville. teehee. Now, that is funny!

Have a good Friday, everyone. I'm out.

It's delighful, it's delectible. it's de-lovely...

Hello there. I survived...barely. I shopped...until I dropped. I am still not finished, but I am closer than I was. Tomorrow night, we will get the last few things. Ugh...Christmas is hard, physically, financially...in every way. It shouldn't be this way, but every year, it is. I do like Christmas, once all the hard work is done. But that is such a short period of time. I once thought that the key to enjoying it was starting way early, so several years ago, I did all my shopping in the summer and fall. The problem with that was, I bought so much more...and spent so much more. So, it is what it is...and I do enjoy it, once it is all wrapped up. Pun intended.

I went to have my stitches out, and things are going according to plan, at least that's what the RN said. She was quite helpful, and took the time to answer all my questions. She thinks that I will have some physical therapy in my future, and that made me feel better, as hopefully that will allow the spinal cord a better opportunity to heal and me a better opportunity to continue to walk. I am cleared to go back to work tomorrow, although slowly. Only a few hours at a time, she thinks that I will be one to over do---hmm....where did she get that idea? I have to wear this blasted neck brace for at least a couple more weeks,( I see the Dr for my post op appointment on the 2nd of January), and she said she cannot stress the importance of it enough. Ack----it is hell, wearing it. But I can see why. Just a little while ago, I tripped over CrazyDog, while wearing it, mind you, because I cannot see down with it on, because the dog and cat were fighting over the dog treats, and now I have hurt my neck pretty badly...in fact, I am somewhat worried about it, and wonder if I need to see the Dr today, but imagine how bad it would be had I NOT been wearing the damned thing...on the other hand, I might NOT have done it had I not had it on, as I could have seen my feet.....hrmph. In any event, I am pretty hurt in the back of my neck and will now wait and see if I need to go to the Dr today, although I don't know what he would be able to do...but dammit, I didn't need any help in the hurting department. Dammit.

So many things I need to do today, and if I do any of them, there will be no work for me tomorrow. I mean it, I am in bad shape from over doing yesterday, and that is just my own dumb fault. But it was a nice day, I almost felt normal, out and about. I am ready to get back to work, and to be able to walk while doing it? That will be like a miracle...

I have one thing that I would like all of you to keep your fingers crossed for me on...we got an offer on the other house yesterday...and it's not much but it will let us get rid of the payment that we make each month, and it would pay the expenses and allow us have a little bit left over and in this housing market, that's good enough for us. We accepted the offer and they now have 25 days to get their financing arranged. Please say a little prayer that it goes through....we have been paying quite a lot on the place since my sister moved out in March and this would be a bit of welcome good luck.

Have a very Happy Thursday! I am going to take mine slow and easy....

There's no BUSINESS like show BUSINESS

Yes, that was it. This morning's song. Holy cow...will there ever be a good song? Maybe that's a sign that I am in a slump. Maybe the day that I wake up to a good classic rock song or a tried and true country classic will be the day that I know that things are going to take a turn for the better. Van Halen, Ricky Skaggs, Merle Haggard, George Strait, the Eagles...

Yes. I am in a slump. A funk. I have the blues. It's one week before Christmas, and I am trying so hard not to. I know the reason for the season and I am trying to focus on that. Really, I am. But nothing is normal this year. Nothing. It would be so much easier if I felt better, or could even turn my head, for that matter. I am not a narcissistic person, I have done my part for others or I am doing it, even more than usual, and even that isn't helping...I try not to focus on me, because no one should. No one. But damn. Damn. Pain is my friend these days. It's coming back, the old pain...I didn't have alot of it, and now it's coming back. My legs are not cooperating like they were just a few days ago, and yes, that does have me somewhat scared. Perhaps it is because I did too much on Sunday, like H wants to believe. I want to believe it, too. So, I am trying. And shopping online, although it is getting too late to do that now. Tomorrow I go to have the stitches out. Maybe the Dr can tell me why then, and I won't have to be afraid anymore. In any event, I will finish the shopping then. And it will be good to get out of this house, as I have been in since I arrived from the hospital last Wednesday.

Well, this certainly isn't an uplifting post, is it? There are happy things, you know. My daughter is having a baby, as I have already told you. And that still thrills me, of course. I cannot believe it, if you want the truth. It's so early, and there are no outward signs...but I know it's so, of course, but I have to keep reminding myself of that fact. Man, that is going to be so awesome. :) And I have the MOST awesome kitty's in my life these days. I swear, I don't know what I would do, if D had not left them here. God certainly had a hand in that. But then, He always does. My Christmas tree is beautiful...and the kitty's have not bothered it, so far. I am surprised by that. But then, they have not been left alone with it yet. I think that will be the true test.

Have a good Tuesday. :)

ps...just found this little stress reducer. So, if you are a little Christmas stressed...give this a try! :) http://uk.download.yahoo.com/ne/fu/attachments/bubblewrap.swf

Truckin' on down the other side

So, I woke up to "Wolf Creek Pass" this morning. After the day with the kiddos, doing all the Christmas stuff, wouldn't you think I would have beautiful Christmas music in my head? No, I have C.W. McCall in my head...I suppose because YS and GF were talking about taking a trip to Colorado for New Years Eve. But still...Wolf Creek Pass....Do any of you know that song? It is SO retarded!

Yes. My tree is up. And it was a good day, if you don't count the mini crisis's that were going on all around me. It is completely impossible to get everyone in my family in the same room and happy all at the same time. I guess that is because I have raised three kids that are like me, or like the way I used to be, total control freaks....fighting mad unless all things go their way. In some cases, the fight was warranted. In others, ahhh.....not so much. We are always attracted to strong personalities, then never happy when the strong personalities are brought out to play. So, it was a typical family day here. These days, the drama just wears me out. I try and save it for the real stuff, and there was alot of that, and even that seemed to wear me out, too. I try to help, and that isn't right, but Mom is called on to DO SOMETHING when things go wrong. And you all wonder why I drink... :)

And since we are on the subject, I can't even say that alcohol is helping my current situation, it pretty much tastes like ass, and that has me bummed out. I mean, it is the one thing that I have been able to look forward to in my string of rotten days lately, and it doesn't mix with one or more of my medications, because I open the brown bottles and they taste like THAT, and they go right down the drain...so there goes another thing that I used to love....God, what are you doin' to me here?

I am really, really happy that I am not working today. I had been thinking yesterday that maybe it was stupid to be taking so much time off, but now I know that it isn't. I did WAY too much yesterday. WAY TOO MUCH. I knew it at the time, but it was hard to keep the family motivated, and I had STUFF everywhere, and I cannot stand to have stuff everywhere, so if I got up and started doing something about said stuff, usually everyone would eventually drift in the right direction again. My house looks wonderful, and I meant to ask D to take a picture before she left but she was in no mood for that, so I will have to wait and have her do it later and you all will have to just take my word for it. But the tree is beautiful and all the other decorations are up, well most of them anyway. I made a big pot of chili for everyone, and another pan of brownies....they are the easiest for that many people, and chili wasn't exactly on my list of good food but everyone else enjoyed it. By the time I accomplished those things, I was done in. My legs have started doing their own little "dance " again, and I am hoping that is merely from too much use. I am praying that's all it is. If my doctor wasn't such an ass, I might be inclined to call him...

I am in serious pain this morning, otherwise, I don't think I would be up blogging at two am, but I couldn't lay there anymore. I thought getting up and taking pills might help. So anyway, I am very grateful that I am not working today. I thought that I might go back to work this Thursday. I have to go to Des Moines on Wednesday and have the stitches out of my neck, and I thought that would be a good time to finish up the HO HO HO. Then if i went back to work on Thursday and Friday, before the Holiday, maybe I could be in somewhat okay shape. Oh, who am I kidding, the end of the year will be a nightmare, but I am not going to think about that now...

Monday again folks. Time does march on, doesn't it? I hope that your days are good, and that the song in your head is more worthy of your time than mine was. :) Have a good one!

Oh Christmas Tree....

This is the day that my Christmas tree will go up. All my kids are supposed to be here to help with it, and I am excited by that, but even if they are not, that tree is going up, one way or another. I have been a good little girl, I have done all the things that the Dr has said to do and I still feel like a 60 ton train has run right over my ass, then backed up and did it again. Today, I am going to do what I want. Either way, I am going to feel like hell.

There is snow outside---it looks like enough to reach my ass. And let me tell you, my ass is a long way off the ground. I suppose that is a bit of a stretch (pun intended) but since I have been out and about, we have had a massive ice storm, the majority of which is still hanging from the trees, and several inches of snow at various times. This winter thing is really beginning to piss me off. And no, I am not self centered enough to believe that it has been literally aimed at me, but give us ALL a break....

I want real food. That has been cooked by someone I know - not a paid restaurant. Even then, they cannot get it right. I am tired of eating garbage---I live in a small town, and if it isn't fried, then it isn't on the menu. Ack ...Or pizza. I don't even LIKE pizza. I am not a fried person, I am not a cheesy person, I am not a sandwich person, I am not a potato person. And I have finally had ENOUGH of the deli chickens. Much to CrazyDog and the kitty's dismay. In the past couple of month's, H must have bought 50 of the damned things. And I cannot even look at another one. Plus, I am having a tough time swallowing dry food---and canned soup gets old quick. I have got to get up and start cooking, otherwise I am going to starve. I cannot take any more rotten food.

I slept upright last night, with TWO kittys on my lap. No furnace needed here. They like it when I sleep sitting up.... :)

Have a really good Sunday.

Stoned Shopping?

Happy Saturday to you all---I don't have too much to say today...my life remains the same. I am pretty disgusted with myself, the pain is not getting any better and I am still depending on the pills pretty heavily to make it through the days. I have never been a pain weenie, and this time, it seems that I am. I look in the mirror and cannot escape, my face looks like that of a downs syndrome child, still pretty swollen, my neck of course is too, and the incision looks pretty mean. Last night, I layed down with the neck brace on and slept, I think in spite of it all, I was so exhausted, and I managed about four hours. That's the most since I've had this damned procedure done. Each day, swallowing seems to get harder to do, not easier, but I was told the swelling would last for quite a while, so I assume that it is normal, too. The one thing I find sort of freaky is my eyesight---I no longer need my glasses to see the computer, and you all need to know that I have been nearly blind for a few years. I cannot see the TV at all, with or without them, and that was not that way before, either. I do still need them to read, but I don't think I am seeing double anymore, and that was supposed to go away with this surgery, but I am not really sure of that one yet.

I got the most beautiful flowers yesterday, from my little sis. It was so nice of her to think of me. I was very surprised. My kiddos got me flowers at the hospital, too.

I have to spend some time on the computer today, doing some shopping. I will take a couple of pain pills and try and finish. Look out family--you never know what may be in your Christmas stockings, under the circumstances...teehee

I hope each of you have a great weekend. I just learned that we are to get more snow, and H told me that we are well on our way to that goal---apparently we already have at least half of the eight inches predicted. Just lovely. Have a good day! Later.

So much to do...so little time

Well hello there. Yes, I am late with this post, but I can't say it's from sleeping too late. In fact, you could say I'm not sleeping at all, I am in way too much pain. I am hoping for a better day today, as this is really getting pretty old. It's unrelenting, stabbing, awful, irritating, I-cannot-find-a-comfortable-position pain. So last night was quite long. But still, I look for the good, and I am able to get up, and walk. I am just too tired to do so right now. :)

Christmas is like---right on top of us. I have no idea when or how I am going to manage to get this holiday pulled together, but somewhere around midnight last night, it dawned on me that it was like TIME for Christmas. Holy crap----I have a lot to do. And that leaves many questions in my mind...

I want to bake cookies, and cheesecake. And plan a dinner menu. And wrap presents. But first, I'd probably better finish buying them. And I have not baked even one thing this year. Not one. In fact, I have not cooked anything in more than probably two months....I might have forgotten how? It's possible...And my tree is still not up, although it will be on Sunday. And as much as I want to get all of this going, I cannot do any of it right now. And that is so frustrating. Sigh.

I will get it done, somehow. I have been in tighter places than this. Haven't I? I'm sure I have...and I will manage. I always do. I have eleven days. That's alot of time. Gulp. Later.