Tuesday, December 18, 2007

There's no BUSINESS like show BUSINESS

Yes, that was it. This morning's song. Holy cow...will there ever be a good song? Maybe that's a sign that I am in a slump. Maybe the day that I wake up to a good classic rock song or a tried and true country classic will be the day that I know that things are going to take a turn for the better. Van Halen, Ricky Skaggs, Merle Haggard, George Strait, the Eagles...

Yes. I am in a slump. A funk. I have the blues. It's one week before Christmas, and I am trying so hard not to. I know the reason for the season and I am trying to focus on that. Really, I am. But nothing is normal this year. Nothing. It would be so much easier if I felt better, or could even turn my head, for that matter. I am not a narcissistic person, I have done my part for others or I am doing it, even more than usual, and even that isn't helping...I try not to focus on me, because no one should. No one. But damn. Damn. Pain is my friend these days. It's coming back, the old pain...I didn't have alot of it, and now it's coming back. My legs are not cooperating like they were just a few days ago, and yes, that does have me somewhat scared. Perhaps it is because I did too much on Sunday, like H wants to believe. I want to believe it, too. So, I am trying. And shopping online, although it is getting too late to do that now. Tomorrow I go to have the stitches out. Maybe the Dr can tell me why then, and I won't have to be afraid anymore. In any event, I will finish the shopping then. And it will be good to get out of this house, as I have been in since I arrived from the hospital last Wednesday.

Well, this certainly isn't an uplifting post, is it? There are happy things, you know. My daughter is having a baby, as I have already told you. And that still thrills me, of course. I cannot believe it, if you want the truth. It's so early, and there are no outward signs...but I know it's so, of course, but I have to keep reminding myself of that fact. Man, that is going to be so awesome. :) And I have the MOST awesome kitty's in my life these days. I swear, I don't know what I would do, if D had not left them here. God certainly had a hand in that. But then, He always does. My Christmas tree is beautiful...and the kitty's have not bothered it, so far. I am surprised by that. But then, they have not been left alone with it yet. I think that will be the true test.

Have a good Tuesday. :)

ps...just found this little stress reducer. So, if you are a little Christmas stressed...give this a try! :) http://uk.download.yahoo.com/ne/fu/attachments/bubblewrap.swf


abbagirl74 said...

Sending you love and warm wishes for a good day your way. Keep that chin up!


may today be a bit better for you Dear Jaime!!
I wish and will hope that "Santa" blesses you with a pain free Christmas!

SOUL: said...

hiya girlie---

i have no magic words for you-- or a magic wand for that matter.. i wish i did.
i know this is hard for you, but there are good things in all of this. you just don't see it yet--- and surely don't feel it. but ya know? it will be ok. nothing painful--- spiritually or physically, seems to pass fast enough.

but---- as you know, and have told me, and many others--- "this too shall pass".
and it will.

i know you are not a person who enjoys staying home, and you surely must be going stir-crazy being trapped at home this way. i think getting out tomorrow will be really good for you. too bad it's so damned cold out there. you could roll your car window down and get a LOT of fresh air on the drive to the dr. maybe you will be blessed with a nice day? i hope so.

let us know how it goes--- at the dr, and the mall.

the dr, i know won't be much fun, but i do hope he can tell you something that will ease your fears.

as for the mall... drug up before ya go! that's what i do. i must--- or else i would surely kill someone. (not literally) but i would probably mall-rage myself into a jail cell.
hahaha... i hate the mere thought of the mall, but you know, i mUST face it today myself. me, and my trusty xanax!

anyhow.... please try to have a good day today. open a window for a little while, and get some fresh cool (ok, freezing) air, into your lungs. it will help. trust me. i know these things. :))

ok... i shall go now.


Portia said...

Hugs to you, Jamie. And keep your ears peeled, that good classic rock song is coming...

Maria said...

You call that a stress reducer? I am so performance based that I could not stop until EVERY bubble was popped.

Wait to talk to the doctor and see what he has to say. And by all means, rest. You are probably sick to fucking death of hearing that, but it may the key that you need to heal.

SO REST, damn it!!!

Gypsy said...

You are probably feeling worse because you are worried that things seem to be reverting back to how they were pre op. That might be perfectly normal and to be expected so wait and see what the Doc has to say. Bet you'll be glad to get those stitches out.

Like Soul said...enjoy the day out, feel the wind in your face albeit a cold one, be amongst people again, even if it's crazed christmas shoppers and you'll feel a lot more like part of the human race again. Hmmmm maybe that's not such a good thing....:)

Summer said...

I'm looking for the wand.