Saturday, December 19, 2009

Grandma got run over by a reindeer

The 19th of December and the countdown has begun. Too much on my mind, too much hanging over my head to sleep, so I got up after four hours...I guess I shouldn't have had all that coffee last night. It isn't like I don't know it keeps me awake, but sometimes that's the point. If I didn't drink coffee some evenings, I would be out before seven pm, due to medications. It seems I can't find that in-between place, the one that allows me to stay awake until a respectable bedtime, and one that lets me sleep at least six hours. I will be tired and miserable today, and I have so much to get done. Like I said, the countdown is ticking away.

I am very grateful that all of the shopping is finished, I would hate to be out in the malls and stores today, it will be a madhouse. I have a ton of grocery shopping to do, that will be bad enough. And after that, baking. Cleaning. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Janelle and Brodie will be here to help, so that will be fun. My body is way past pain, it's gone on to the "just shoot me, now" phase. I haven't been able to walk most of the week, I missed one whole day of work and cut a couple others short. I lay on the bed when I can no longer go, and cry. My kitties can't figure out what's wrong with mom, but they lay beside me and try to make me feel better. The drugs help, alot. I just can't function after taking them. After being on them for the past couple of years, you would think I could get used to them, you know? But, I keep lumbering on, getting up once the crisis is past, and try some more. If I ever give up, I'll really be in trouble. It has become my nature to push through it all...but the day is coming that I won't be able to. That scares me.

Another monster storm predicted for Wednesday and Thursday. Craig is supposed to be coming home then, so I am of course, already worried about that. Really, really bad timing --- do you hear me mother nature?

You know, I am aware that I sound awful, but I don't feel that way, not inside. I have pain and problems but it's Christmas, and I love it. Have a wonderful weekend. :)

7 comments:

Summer said...

We're having our blizzard today. UGH.

I hope you can manage your pain today.

Cheryl said...

I probably live about an hour from Summer so we're having the same blizzard. I'm sure it's nothing like your's since it's in the 20's here. I hope your pain is manageable today. It breaks my heart to hear how bad it is for you. If I were there I'd give you the biggest hug and help you out. I wish you could stay home with Brody and be the paid day care provider. Wouldn't that be a great job???

Smocha said...

I seriously believe that cold weather makes pain worse!

You should be in the tropics :)

Hope today is a better day .Kiss that baby a few hundred times for me too. :)

Gypsy said...

You sound beaten down honey and I feel for you I really do. How I wish I could do something to help.

Can anyone else do the grocery shopping for you so you can stay out of the cold?

Just try and keep those spirits up, though I know how hard THAT is. I feel so helpless with a capital H.

Leann said...

I so hear you sister! Take care of yourself, enjoy the kids and the season.

Blessings (hugs)

Happyone :-) said...

I am sorry to hear that you have so much pain. Hope things get better for you.

prashant said...

seriously believe that cold weather makes pain worse!

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