Every other day, every other day of the week is fine..

A new day, a new opportunity to try and feel positive....I'm working on it. :)

I don't have to work 12 plus hours today, that's a plus, although I have more than enough work to keep me going there for that long.

It isn't supposed to snow today, that's always a plus. The temps are supposed to drop to inhumane range once again, but it should be dry.

I get to get out of the office and do something, shopping would never be my choice, but sometimes it's almost fun.

I will get to spend some (happy?) time with my daughter...and it's been awhile, as we are both a virtual fountain recently..

Oaky, that's it, I'm out of positives for this day. I mean, I always have blessings and good things and always things to be grateful for, but for this day specifically, that's about it. It's okay, I'll take what I can get.

Blue and medium brown

So much for the best laid plans....last night was not what I thought it would be. H and I ended up staying in, Janelle was feeling pretty blue, and I thought she might need some company. Turns out, I think she's sick of my company, as she went up to her room and stayed there when she found out we were not going anywhere. Originally, I had hoped she would join us, at least for dinner. Tonight is her birthday celebration, I hope she is feeling up to it. Red Lobster, here we come....

Saturday, another work day. Ugh. But that is only after I color my hair. I don't care if it harelips the Governor, this time, I have to. I cannot remember ever looking this bad - even my ex commented on my gray hair peeking through last week. Yes, I was pleased...considering he has a pony tail down to the middle of his back that is pure white. The only reason I have let it go this long is my neck - trying to wait until I can bend my neck well enough to rinse it in the sink, but the shower will have to work, it's my only option. My neck is still not in good enough shape to bend it forward that far. In fact, my neck has been hurting quite alot this past week, and I don't think that is anything to mess with.

Have a great day! I hope it's filled with color - and fun. For me, mine will be filled with Preference Medium Brown. Later.

I've got Soul

Well, Good Sunday Morning to you all! It's 3:36 in the blessed am, and I am up and heading for the shower. Today, the weather is going to be sunny and nearly warm here - in the forties. (After the deep freeze we have been in, we will all be wearing out shorts!) But where H and I are going, it will be 60 degrees! That is itself is a cause for celebration, but that's not all, because we are driving six or so hours south(ish) to meet Soul and Soulman, who drove six or so hours north(ish) last night. We will have a long lunch and turn around and drive back home, but it will do me a world of good to see my friend, and I know it will do the same for her. Frankly - we need to laugh, and with the two of us, that is guaranteed. :)

That is assuming of course, that once I wake D, all things are still okay. I have a little anxiety at leaving her for so long, but we will be no more than a few hours away. She is nervous about it too, although she wants me to go. My oldest son is coming here later to stay most of the day, and they always have a good time together, so she won't be alone all day.

I want to thank each of you for all your kind words here, and on D's blog. Your encouragement has meant alot to me, and she is really surprised at how wonderful each of you are. I, of course, was not. :) I also need to apologize for not making it to your blogs as regularly as I want to, but after this week, that will change. I have still been working really hard, then falling onto the couch, but I am almost caught up. It's a good thing, too - as the end of January is almost upon us...but I wanted to let you know, that I will be back to read each of you every day like I always have, soon. I have missed so much with you guys---or I have read it, but haven't had the time to comment.

I hope you all have wonderful, peaceful days today. I hope your weather is going to be as beautiful as mine.

Ain't no sunshine

I worked from home yesterday and you ought to see my desk - it looks as sad as my office at work! I am a real neat freak but lately, if it has to do with my job, it looks like a typhoon went right through it.

The more I watch the elections and caucus's, the more confused I become. Apparently I am not alone, as no one predicted the correct outcome in New Hampshire.

I slept with a kitty 1 on my head for awhile last night, until I felt the sweetest pat, pat, pat on my cheek. I didn't move, and I just waited. There it was again, pat, pat, pat---so I looked up at him and asked him what was up- couldn't he sleep? Want to talk? He must have, we were awake for awhile together...I'm kidding you guys, I really was already awake, I am NOT that far gone, but close. But it was really sweet.

I am back to the real work world today, back at the garage, owner will be in KC buying cars. In fact, I think H and OS will be there driving them back as well. I no longer look forward to working there, or working in general, I suppose because my future there is over, along with the fact that going to work these days creates more pain. I just know that I want to go back in time when I loved my job and didn't hurt every second of every day.

D has been feeling pretty well, a little nauseated from time to time but nothing horrible. I think that in itself is pretty miraculous - I believe I puked my way from month 1 to 6 when I was pregnant with her. That is something I am happy about, it's hard enough to be in her shoes right now, she doesn't need that to make it worse.

H talked with the realtor yesterday, and the buyers financing has come through just fine. I believe all we are waiting on is the termite inspection, and I know there are no issues there. As far as we know, the rental house is sold. But until I have the check in hand, I consider it for sale. Life has kicked my butt one too many times in the past, and I don't count my chickens or my eggs or whatever the hell the saying is. I've seen lots of cars sell too, only to see the brake lights come on before the end of the driveway....

I need a night out, or a good drunk - although I don't ever drink to that point, so shall I say a good buzz? I need something...to lighten the load just a little. I am feeling rotten, physically and mentally and nothing looks good right now. I often get this way this time of year, so I know it passes, but this year its worse than ever. I am sure it has to do with constant pain in my neck, arms and hands. I am able to walk however, and I feel guilty for feeling less than grateful for that. Perhaps a night on the town would do me some good? It probably couldn't do me any bad. So, with that--

I will talk to you all later. I hope your Wednesday is the best ever!

Hold on tight to your dream

A beautiful day, this morning...the sun is shining so beautifully, my house it lit up BRIGHT. There is a slight breeze, I can see it in the flag out front, it's not whipping, but it's briskly blowing this way, then that way. Sounds gorgeous, doesn't it? The problem is, it's 3 degrees outside. And I think that makes the windchill nearly -369. Holy crap, it's cold out there, even CrazyDog was shaking after being out for a few minutes. I was hoping for a somewhat warm, or warmER day today, so that I could get outside and WALK. Yes, I said WALK. On Sunday, H, CrazyDog and I went out and took a walk! In the real outside, in the sunshine, in the air! It was absolutely amazing...it was awesome...it was indescribably wonderful. The last time I was able to do that, I believe we were in South Dakota, and that was in September. I consider it miraculous, believe me. Something so mundane, and so taken for granted by so many is literally miraculous to me, but it is. I didn't think I would ever be able to do it again. I almost cried, it felt so wonderful. I may still try it today, it depends on the wind. I can dress against the cold very easily, but the damned wind is hard to dress for, when it's this cold, you cannot keep the wind out. So, we will have to see as this day progresses. Anyway, first on my list of things to do has to be getting the Christmas taken down, it is way past time for all of it to be packed away once again.

New Years Eve was a happy time, we enjoyed ourselves, the crowds the noise. I had the best kiss at midnight---and even had champagne to compliment it! We dragged out tired selves in here about the time I usually get up in the morning, so I am little upside down, time-wise today. H will be getting up at the crack of noon to help me get started on the tree-removal task... then he and I will spend a quiet day, probably freezing our butts off. :)

We have so many things to do this year, it's overwhelming when you look at all the plans at once. We talked about all of it last night, and I'm happy to know we are on the same page with most things, although it's funny what worries him about those plans versus what I concern myself with. He has high hopes for himself personally, and I know he can do anything he puts his mind to. We are still under the impression that the other house we own is selling and it will be good to have that handled and out of our hair. Once it does though, this place is going to be put on the market---after a few (what I hope to be) minor updates. H has many plans and he is only one man. I am NOT a home re-modeler, you will not find me with a sander in my hand, going to town on the upstairs wood floors. Nor will you find me drywalling. You MIGHT, and I did say MIGHT, find me with a paintbrush---but only if it's an easy job. It never has been my thing, and to be honest, I am not GOOD at any of it. The problem with projects like that, particularly in a house this old, is that you finish one, and then see another thing that needs doing, just as badly. It can take years and thousands of dollars. And we are doing it to SELL. So, it could be a struggle for him to know when to stop. :)

I hope that whatever you do today, that you are warmer than me, (shudder), and that you are having a great beginning to 2008.

I will catch you all later. :)

Kentucky Woman

I think I may have taken a turn. I feel better-not healed, not great, but better. I just am better. And thankful. It's funny, this has been such an ordeal...long, painful and just plain crappy. I know it's not over yet, but I can almost tell you the exact moment that it turned around and started going the right direction. The human body is strange, isn't it?

I am so very tired of the Iowa caucus stories, and they are still four days away. Do you know what caucusing means? I looked it up, wanted to know a little more about it. What a strange way of standing up and being counted, literally, geez...I don't live in an area that's large enough to hold one, so I would have to go to who-knows-where, and I am not going to participate, but I certainly think it would be an interesting thing to see. I was taught that voting and being involved in the political process in not a right, it's an absolute responsibility, and I have never been as confused and literally dumbfounded as I am this year. I have always voted on a straight party ticket, at least pretty much so, but the lines are no longer clear, and the parties are no longer separate, and the candidates are no longer even worthy, sadly, and while I know that someone will be elected, and I HAVE to vote, I cannot at this time, make a choice-even just in my own mind. I realize the candidates will be narrowed down to two and that will make the job easier, it certainly will not make it any better. I have done my homework and I am not impressed. I have never liked those that complain for the sake of just that, if you want to bitch then give me a plan to make it better, too. Sadly, I cannot do that, either. At this time, all I can do is bitch. I see no way of changing this sad state of affairs anytime soon. This country was founded on freedom and the very root of that freedom is electing our leaders. I will still do that job and be proud of it. But I certainly feel for anyone that has the task of attempting to clean up the mess that has been made. I am still proud to be an American, and this is still the greatest nation in the world. I certainly hope that whomever inherits this huge job of cleaning up after this administration, can make some sort of progress toward a unified good. I suppose that's enough said...

H an I actually went out last night and had some fun. I can't tell you how great it was to be out, and walking! We got back home early, and then I actually slept for about seven hours. I think I may be a new person today.

I woke up to a little Deep Purple this morning, Kentucky Woman...I have to confess I heard it in the car yesterday afternoon, I guess that's why it's in my mind.

Now I think Kitty 1 is getting the cold that Kitty 2 is now over. He is sneezing and crabby...but then he is crabby all the time...but it certainly hasn't affected his appetite any.

D is not feeling well either. I think she is going to have a really long nine months. I think we are ALL going to have a really long nine months. Right now, she has a bad cold, and that sucks when you are pregnant.

I think I should get up and do something today. I have been sitting here long enough. I want to get all the Christmas put away, I don't know if I'm energetic enough for that today, or if I'll wait until Tuesday. I've always heard that it should be left up until the new year, that it's bad luck if it isn't. I know I don't want any more bad luck---Tuesday is looking better all the time.

Have a great Sunday!

Silver Bells...

It's 2:30 in the blessed am, and I am sitting here, writing this, when I really should be sleeping. I won't get another chance, and I guarantee, this is going to be a long, long day. I was asleep, but pain woke me up, it's back with a vengeance recently. I don't like it - it worries me. After my surgery I had it, but only where I should, and now it's back any old place it wants to be. I am still thinking it's due to doing too much and I will be able to find out after today. This is the last crazy day I will have until the weekend, when I have another Christmas dinner to do for everyone coming tonight plus four more. Then, I will officially be finished for the year. I love the Holidays, but I am never sorry to see them go. :)

It is all coming together here---thanks to H and D. She was here all day yesterday and wrapped gifts until she was as worn out as I was. I baked all day, but had to quit early, I couldn't stand in the kitchen any longer. I had planned to go into work this morning, we are open from 8-12, but H is going to go in and deliver the gifts I needed to deliver, as that was the real reason I was going to be there. No work would have gotten done today...and I am not able to do that, and finish all that I have here to do. I don't suppose that Owner will understand, although I'm hoping he will , but he will have to wait until Wednesday to have the numbers that he wanted from me for the impending sale. I just can't do it. I will have to have some sort of Divine Intervention to get me out of this chair this morning at all.....

I am praying for a calm and happy family gathering tonight. Those can be hard to come by these days, once you children are adults, Santa sort of takes a backseat to the real world. I miss those days of wonder and excitement...there is no better feeling in the world than a happy child on Christmas morning. That was the one time every year that I knew would be a perfect, magical time for my family. I nearly killed myself every year to make it so, and every year it was. The look of sheer delight on the faces of my babies...nothing else that I know of compares. My mother always made it that way for me, and I can honestly say that I managed somehow, to always make it that way for mine. I guess that is the reason that all things still have to be just so at Christmas, still. Funny how things like that cannot be let go of.

I hope that everyone today has a beautiful Christmas Eve. For me, I am remembering the why of Christmas...and being grateful. :)

Truckin' on down the other side

So, I woke up to "Wolf Creek Pass" this morning. After the day with the kiddos, doing all the Christmas stuff, wouldn't you think I would have beautiful Christmas music in my head? No, I have C.W. McCall in my head...I suppose because YS and GF were talking about taking a trip to Colorado for New Years Eve. But still...Wolf Creek Pass....Do any of you know that song? It is SO retarded!

Yes. My tree is up. And it was a good day, if you don't count the mini crisis's that were going on all around me. It is completely impossible to get everyone in my family in the same room and happy all at the same time. I guess that is because I have raised three kids that are like me, or like the way I used to be, total control freaks....fighting mad unless all things go their way. In some cases, the fight was warranted. In others, ahhh.....not so much. We are always attracted to strong personalities, then never happy when the strong personalities are brought out to play. So, it was a typical family day here. These days, the drama just wears me out. I try and save it for the real stuff, and there was alot of that, and even that seemed to wear me out, too. I try to help, and that isn't right, but Mom is called on to DO SOMETHING when things go wrong. And you all wonder why I drink... :)

And since we are on the subject, I can't even say that alcohol is helping my current situation, it pretty much tastes like ass, and that has me bummed out. I mean, it is the one thing that I have been able to look forward to in my string of rotten days lately, and it doesn't mix with one or more of my medications, because I open the brown bottles and they taste like THAT, and they go right down the drain...so there goes another thing that I used to love....God, what are you doin' to me here?

I am really, really happy that I am not working today. I had been thinking yesterday that maybe it was stupid to be taking so much time off, but now I know that it isn't. I did WAY too much yesterday. WAY TOO MUCH. I knew it at the time, but it was hard to keep the family motivated, and I had STUFF everywhere, and I cannot stand to have stuff everywhere, so if I got up and started doing something about said stuff, usually everyone would eventually drift in the right direction again. My house looks wonderful, and I meant to ask D to take a picture before she left but she was in no mood for that, so I will have to wait and have her do it later and you all will have to just take my word for it. But the tree is beautiful and all the other decorations are up, well most of them anyway. I made a big pot of chili for everyone, and another pan of brownies....they are the easiest for that many people, and chili wasn't exactly on my list of good food but everyone else enjoyed it. By the time I accomplished those things, I was done in. My legs have started doing their own little "dance " again, and I am hoping that is merely from too much use. I am praying that's all it is. If my doctor wasn't such an ass, I might be inclined to call him...

I am in serious pain this morning, otherwise, I don't think I would be up blogging at two am, but I couldn't lay there anymore. I thought getting up and taking pills might help. So anyway, I am very grateful that I am not working today. I thought that I might go back to work this Thursday. I have to go to Des Moines on Wednesday and have the stitches out of my neck, and I thought that would be a good time to finish up the HO HO HO. Then if i went back to work on Thursday and Friday, before the Holiday, maybe I could be in somewhat okay shape. Oh, who am I kidding, the end of the year will be a nightmare, but I am not going to think about that now...

Monday again folks. Time does march on, doesn't it? I hope that your days are good, and that the song in your head is more worthy of your time than mine was. :) Have a good one!

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

I woke up ridiculously early this morning, even for me. Pain is getting to be a real problem these past few days, and yes, I do have pills for that, but I only take them after my workday is over, and taking one at two in the morning would be out of the question if I want to act like I have half a brain at work in the morning at eight. My work hours are getting shorter and shorter and my list of things to accomplish before Tuesday grows longer, since I really have no idea how long I will need to be home after the surgery. I really wanted to be here recovering without worrying (yea right) about the job. It seems that I am the one that is going to make that impossible as I am the one incapable of doing what needs to be done to get me to that point. I get really irritated with myself, as I really believe that if I were a stronger person, a tougher person, a more caring, interested, a better person, I would/could do a better job, regardless of the circumstances. Yes, I know, no need to tell me how whacked out I am. I realize that is a stupid thing to say with one part of my head, believe me. But you all need to realize that if I were not that kind of thinker, then I wouldn't have gotten this far in the first place.... Soul tells me all the time, along with others that matter to me, that they would have given up and quit trying to work, among other things, months ago. First of all, I do not have that choice...and perhaps that would make no difference, I don't know. Secondly, this kind of thinking, that I describe now, is what makes me get up and fight, every day of my life, regardless of the pain. Perhaps it is a good thing, perhaps is isn't. Folks say that being strong is good....I am beginning to think it isn't. But what do I know, hell, it's three am, and I am in a huge amount of physical pain right now. :)

Well this blog entry certainly is not going in the direction I thought it would...but onward.

I have gotten several emails from you all wanting to know how you would be updated about my surgery and wanting to know how long I will be in the hospital, etc. I plan to ask my ultra smart, talented, educated, beautiful daughter to post at least once for me while I am in the hospital---once should be more than enough, as if things go right, I will only be there overnight. She will (I'm sure) let you know that I am fine and when I should be home. After that, depending on how I feel, I will be back with you in a few days. I have zero idea what to expect, but I know I will miss you all if I am away for more than a couple of days....

Oh--this is Friday, isn't it? Wake up Jamie, good heavens. I have alot to do today, but then I did yesterday, and I came home around noon, with big plans to get much finished here. Riiight.I took pills for the burning pain, then mostly, I was worthless. We did get around four inches of snow...oh how I don't love snow. I don't even like looking at it...except for maybe on that rare occasion that I don't have anywhere to be, nothing to do...and perhaps on Christmas Eve.

I have busy plans for my weekend, to keep my mind off of my upcoming surgery, or throat slashing, as I like to call it, and no one else wants to hear...but that is what they are going to do...but anyway, I intend to take pills for pain and go places all weekend, then literally work myself to death on Monday, so that by Tuesday, I will be so exhausted, I will just lay down on that table and say "have at me, boys". teehee Come on...you all know that's funny.

I have had the nicest folks, people I didn't even know cared about me come into the garage, or call me AT HOME, to tell me they are thinking about me, and are wishing me well, one even said they would probably see me at the hospital (wasn't thrilled about that one, but what are you gonna do), and it has surprised me so much. It's funny how you don't even know who knows you are alive. I was thinking about that yesterday, and I felt so blessed. Surprised, but blessed. See Mom, people DO like me. ;) Look Ma, no hands.....Geez, go back to bed.....

I just thought I would tell you all I have the best kids in the world. They will all be home on Sunday to put up my tree, and I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to it. :)

This morning, the song was "Hello". You know the Lionel Richie song from the 80's. :)

I hope you all have a great Friday.

MOANDAY

Moanday again---that was a typo, but then I thought it might be appropriate, so I left it.

Is it just me, or is it ALWAYS Monday? How can that be? There must be Tuesdays and Wednesdays and other days in there too, but somehow it seems that it is always Monday.

We had a good time yesterday, we drove a total of about seven hours, and saw a really good friend, one that didn't like seeing me in my current condition. Perhaps I should have thought that one through more thoroughly. I ended up near both of my sisters places and tried to see both of them, but neither of them were reachable by phone. So we came home, that was probably best, I was pretty worn out by the time we got back. I will see my family at Thanksgiving anyway.

Blogland is a little quiet recently and I don't just mean Soul and her entourage, folks are just quiet lately. It seems that many are having hard times lately, perhaps it's the time of year, or the weather, or hell, the moon is in the seventh house or some damned thing? We need to perk it up, make it fun again, maybe I should stop my whining and bitching....and get back to fun.

The "most wonderful time of the year" is upon us, or at least, that is what they tell us. It is hard for me to believe that the Christmas season is upon us, but all you have to do is turn on the television, and every other commercial will remind you. To tell you the truth, I have not given it the slightest bit of thought...and I had better. The holidays are a little messed up for my family this year, and I will need to find ways to work around it. So, I had better get busy. :)

I hope that each of you have a great day. I know, I know it is MOANDAY. But, do the best you can. Out.

The weekend

So, I am back. It was a really, really good weekend. We drove twelve hours to the south...one direction, to meet my new friend, (and yours too, I'm sure) Soul. And we had an absolute blast. We could only be there one full day, Saturday, but we made good use of the time and packed alot into it. H thought I was crazy when I asked him to go, but he ended up having alot of fun as well. I am in pain this morning, but that is to be expected, and certainly no different than I would have been, 24 hours in the car or not.

Let me tell you---she is every bit as crazy in person as she is in blog land. I laughed until i hurt. The whole day. We discovered that we are so very like minded, just two different bodies. She and her very kind husband have a beautiful home and a sweet, beautiful daughter, and yes, she would kill me if she knew I said this about her, because it just isn't cool to be sweet you know but the truth is the truth. They were very gracious hosts, and I was quite sorry to see the day end. H and her hubby got along very well and that was quite a bonus.

Apparently, this is a very unusual thing to do....going all that way to meet a friend, or maybe to meet a friend that i haven't yet met in person, or maybe it was just that it was such a distance and a short period of time...I don't know, but it certainly was met with a lot of negativity. She and I have been friends for quite a while now, just not in person, we have talked online for months, and actually know one another very well. Why did I do it? Obviously, she means alot to me and it was the right thing to do. I cannot tell you why, other than it was one of those things that gets put off and never happens if you don't just do it. I generally would not drive across town to visit a friend, most people are not that important to me. So, she is special to me, and that is why anyone that knows me was surprised. The timing certainly was bad, at least work-wise, for me. But it was the right time, otherwise. And it felt right, and she seemed good with it. I know I surprised everyone in my life here at home, my own kids said "nah-uh, you are not". That's rather telling. But, anyway, that is where we went. And it was great, and certainly worth it. Doing things that usually get put off for a "better time" is part of the plan that H and I decided many months back had better be put into place now----life is for the living, and you only get one shot at this. It doesn't make sense to you, negative person in my life? I'm sorry....So, anyway....it was great!

Well, today I have to visit the Dr, before I visit the job. Lovely. Then, I work until eight tonight. And it starts again. Another week has begun. Did I mention it must be Monday? That's right, it is...have a great one! Later.