Sigh....

CHUMLEY

(AKA CrazyDog)

1995-2009

Gone but never forgotten.

xo

Blah Blah Blah

I wasn't going to post this morning, but when I looked at my blog, it does not appear correctly - my title and top and bottom bar are there, and nothing more...so this is a "test" post.

Things are ticking along here...this will be day three on the new job, and I am tired beyond belief. In the past year, I have forgotten how OLD and not healthy I am...but still, I will be able to physically do it, once I have gotten used to doing it. The work will be challenging, once I figure out what the previous person has done, at this point...it's a mess.

Mark and I are still apart - and are okay with it. CrazyDog is not feeling quite the same, however. She is having larger issues than normal, and for that, I feel very bad. We have talked about the two of them coming back home for that reason but have decided that isn't why we want to reconcile...so I don't know. I have to admit I have been so wiped out at night that being here alone has been wonderful. I knew that I would be that way...when I am tired and fed up, I just want to be left alone. I don't think that's a good way to be when one is part of a couple. Often, my issues are not with Mark, they are with everyone. That alone, sort of scares me and what it means for us. Today, he is bringing the dog here for the day and he and I are supposed to have dinner together. If he doesn't bring her with him, then he has to hurry back to our old house an hour and a half away, to let her out, so there would be no opportunity to see him at all. Poor old CrazyDog....she will be the death of us. She is seriously old and crazy, but physically---she just keeps on ticking. I knew we should have named her Timex.

Out.

The first or the last?

Sunday is the last day of the week in my mind. Officially, it's the first day of the week. As usual, I am off with the rest of the world. How do you all look at it?

So, it has been a (mostly) good week. If you don't count the fact that we are dying financially, and that CrazyDog has had major issues and kept us up most nights. Or if you don't count the additional fact that I have a raging sinus infection. Besides these things, the week was good. CrazyDog has actually rallied some and is still among the living. She is eating the prescribed dog food and while I am not sure what this is supposed to do for her, she has been a little easier to get along with. Of course, it is the weekend now and as long as Mark is around, she's easier.

I also heard those magic words --"you're hired". That helps a girls outlook immensely. Now---if I could just get started on the job, that would be oh-so-much better. The person I am replacing does not know she is being replaced and because I did not want to try and straighten out her end of the year mess, it was best that she be given the time needed to finish it. I actually was willing, but the new employer thought that would be a nightmare for a new person coming in---and that makes sense. Because he has little trust in her abilities, he couldn't give me an exact date, but I certainly HOPE it's this week.

I have had a couple of conversations with old and new friends that have made me very happy. I must confess, I am now an official addict of Facebook....yes, I know....I'm not proud. But I am having fun with it. I still think I am a little old for all of it, but I see many that are older than me, and what the hay...At least it isn't as juvenile as the whole myspace scene.

Today----I am having the family over for a birthday dinner for Janelle. She wants Chicken Tacos, so Chicken Tacos it is. And birthday cake and ice cream of course ---we are never too old for that. Have a very happy Sunday. :)

Goldilocks

Tomorrow, my baby is going to be 29. How is that possible? I wrote a post about my beautiful first born two years ago at this time-here. It says every little thing I still feel when I look at her, still the ringlets, still the chubby cheeks---yes, I know she will kill me for saying that, but she is currently in all the glory of being about to become a mother herself, and in this family, that comes with chubby cheeks. :) Happy early birthday Miss Janelle. I love you.

She's having a baby....I have said little to nothing about this event, mostly because of prior experience, and if you all have been reading here for a while, you know what I am talking about. Because of that, I have been afraid to let myself even begin to think about what this means to ME. I have thought about what it means for her, what it means for the father, what it means for the baby, but I have not even started to think about this baby and ME. In 98 days - or thereabout - a little man that will eventually call me Grandma will be introduced into my life. I have wanted this very thing since my kids were old enough to reproduce. (Please take that as I mean it, obviously I am not an advocate of kids having kids.) I have waited to feel the joy of being a grandma to a beautiful little one...for SO long, that I began to believe it just wasn't in the cards for me. Now that I can actually see that it's going to happen, I am beyond excited, but surprisingly afraid, too. How do you be a Grandmother? How do you be just the right mix of fun but also responsibility? I see others do it so well....As much as I loved my own mother, her grandmothering abilities were sometimes a little off. (A lot off.) For my children, she was either too involved and intimidating for me, or not interested enough. I want to be the Goldilocks of Grandmothers and do it just right. That's a lot to think about, and this morning---not an option. But you can bet I'll be pondering for awhile.

We were able to sleep last night - finally. Poor CrazyDog took a crazy-break, and we all were able to catch a few hours. Yesterday, she had an episode that I honestly thought was going to be the cause of her demise. It looked like a stroke to me, but with a little time, she got better and just went on acting like herself. After a few phone calls with our vet, they decided to fill us in on a few facts---and the very fact that they didn't tell us these things last week after they had boarded her and checked her over medically for the entire week, had me very angry. We knew she has had minor kidney problems since the dog food scare a couple of years ago. When Mark picked her up from the vet last week they told him she had the same kidney issues---no surprise there, and to put her on the prescription brand kd dog food. Okay, no big deal, we have tried that in the past, she won't touch it. Yesterday when we called and told the vet her symptoms, we were told that the water level in her blood was way too high, and that was causing swelling in her brain. WTH? That wasn't mentioned last Saturday...the only hope is this brand of dog food, and most likely, that isn't going to help much, either. So....depending on how she responds to this food, and I don't think she will eat it at all, apparently she is in her last days. The behavior that brain swelling causes is too erratic, too difficult to deal with, and like I asked Mark this morning - what kind of life can this be for her? He is trying to deal with all of it, and believe me, I understand. This is HIS dog, and crazy or not, he loves her. I love her too--although she has never been too keen on me. I am not looking forward to what comes next, we went down this road with our sharpei four years ago and we still have not recovered. Mostly, I just want her to be out of her (mental) misery. She will be fourteen in a couple of months---way past old for a Chow. The whole thing just sucks with a capital S.

And that is a Friday morning in my world. What's happening in yours?

UN no longer applies

I am now employed. I accepted a job last evening that I have wanted for the past couple of months---accounting, in a car dealership. It's a job that will be easy physically, and after a refresher course, one I can probably do in my sleep. I will not set the world on fire financially, but it will keep us alive. I am extremely happy ---right now, just to have a job is quite a feat when you look at what's happening all around us. I do not have a start date yet, there are extenuating circumstances so...by the middle of this month is all I know, or it could be sooner. Thank you God!

No one has slept in this house for the past two nights, CrazyDog is creating all kinds of problems and it is TIME to do something about it. I understand Mark's reluctance completely, but this has got to stop. Is it possible for a dog to be manic? That's how she is acting...and that's even after we gave her the tranquilizers last night. She sees and hears things that are not there, growls continually, barks occasionally. She had a complete work up at the vet last week - there is NOTHING physically wrong with her. Her brain---on the other hand---is gone. She is old. It has to be handled, and soon---or she and Mark are going to be sleeping in the car.

Have a very happy Thursday!

Plows and demons and bushes, Oh my...

And so...it snows. Again. As we speak, it's 4:24 in the blessed am, and the snow plows are banging around so loudly outside, I don't know how Mark can sleep through it. We must have all of two inches out there, and the property management company that runs this building finds it absolutely imperative that the plows show up and keep us all awake....while I am all FOR snow removal, is it not possible to do it once the sun comes up? I mean, today --a SUNDAY-- is not even a real business day, and 99% of the retail establishments downstairs aren't even open. Aside from that, it just began snowing, within the past hour....most sane, logically thinking individuals wait until near the end of the storm to begin the process, unless of course the snow removal company wants to make a twelve hour job out of four or five inches of the glorious crap. UGH. Frustrated much?

Not that I spent much time sleeping last night anyway. Too many things on my mind, too much to worry about, too much head time in general. Part of it is generated by usual things...kids, money - oh money...sigh. Financial ruin is not feeling very good. I have not been in this position for about twenty or more years, at least not laying awake worrying about the how. And forget about the why...I can see part of it is my own doing. Stupid decisions made, but never with the intent of being stupid. Yes, yes...I know the saying...about the road to hell and good intentions. That and $2.01 will get you a cup of coffee. (a venti dark, with extra cream, just so you all know)

Part of the reason I cannot sleep is because of CrazyDog. In fact, no one has slept well with CD in the house, not for quite some time. She has complete other worlds happening in that head of hers, and her demons most definitely come out at night. However, she is not here. She is at the kennel, because Mark is leaving today for a week, and CD and I no longer understand one another well enough to get along all alone for that long. So, in the interest of me not killing her while he's gone, he thought it best to take her to doggie lock up for that time. I was so looking forward to a quiet night, no low-pitched growling, no barking, no clickity-clickity-click of her nails on the wood floor, pacing back and forth. What do you think happened? It was too quiet, too empty, and did not feel like my home, all night long. At least until the plows showed up. Go figure.

And there you have my life recently. There are things happening behind the scenes, and soon I hope to tell you that I have found something that will save me from complete insanity. I don't want to say anymore because a job in the hand is worth two in the bush and right now, the bush is all I have. But soon.

Happy Sunday. :)

Sunday Sunday Sunday

I spent a good portion of my day yesterday with my mom. It was not a good day for her, the difference in her from Thursday to Saturday was huge. I asked the nurses what the heck, they acted like I had two heads and said everything was fine. But she was not fine, she was sick and about to throw up all day, wasn't eating, shaking all over uncontrollably, too weak to even move herself in the bed, let alone get up and go to the bathroom without help. I know that hospitals use the B team on the weekends but come on...so I got her doctor involved and things started happening. I do believe that she was dehydrated, so I assume an IV was started. I frankly was surprised that had already not been done, but her physician told me that it had not been necessary prior to yesterday. Whatever. When a person is not eating and only drinks coffee, how hydrated can they be? By the time Mark and I left late yesterday, she seemed better. When I am there, she does not seem to care one way or the other --- she is just too sick. It is sad, there is generally few visitors, just me and Richard, and yesterday, Mark. I know everyone is busy and far away, but it makes me sad. We are all waiting to see what the results will be after Mondays tests. I think then, once we all have a good idea of what we are dealing with, it will be easier for everyone to plan or decide what they want to do. I had not planned to go today, I believe that my cousin will be visiting from Arkansas, so I thought that I might take a day off, since she will have others there. But I feel guilty when I don't go...so who knows. It is just so damned far away, it would be so easy if she were here, in a hospital that I know would be better for her, but no point in dwelling on that, she isn't going to transfer. So...

When we got home, we arrived to quite a mess. AGAIN. Poor CrazyDog is just not doing well and she couldn't wait, for whatever reason. I will not live this way, and I have no idea what to do about it. It is not her fault. In all the thirteen plus years we have had this dog, she has never, EVER made a mess on the floor. Now it is becoming a regular thing and I just cannot have it. We put diapers on her at night, because she cannot hold her pee anymore, but I did not know that holding the other was a problem, too. Aside from these issues, she is perfectly fine. Happy, healthy, full of energy. What do you do? A diaper would not have held that mess from yesterday, no way. We walk her all the time...and I do mean all the time. We were gone about eight hours yesterday...it seems that when we leave her at all anymore, there is some issue. Recently, we returned home to find her hung up under the computer desk, all caught up in the cords, the keyboard literally wrapped around her leg. I felt so sorry for her, and she was obviously distressed. Another time, she had some how gotten herself shut in the tiny laundry closet...in the dark, holy hell she was upset...this is a bad situation and one I don't know how to deal with. She is too old to kennel train now, that would surely be the death of her. She literally goes spastic when Mark leaves, even when I am home. It is just sad, and beginning to be a real problem.

My kitties LOVE the new couch. They think we bought a GIANT bed, just for them. If I did not have these cats, I would surely lose it. They make my life fun, keep me as sane as I can ever be, and provide the few smiles that happen around here these days. I thank Janelle for not wanting/being able to care for them in her small apartment. :)

Happy Sunday to you all. Later.

ps...the decision has been made for me, I am now on my way to the hospital, my mom called me early...crying. She wants me there this morning... So, off I go. :(

Yada Yada Yada

Although it's not set in stone at this time, it looks like I am going to sell cars for a living. I am okay with this, not necessarily excited, but okay. It will be fun to work for a "city" dealership, that is something I have not experienced. I do not have the job officially yet, although I am certain if that is honestly what I want, I could have several offers by the end of the week. I have a couple of reservations about it, mostly physical ones, but I was quite up front and honest with them about my physical past and my limitations, or possible limitations, and they were okay with it. So, we will see. Recently, I seem to have NO physical limitations, I am not saying NO pain, just no limits. I have been very able to walk each morning, and I am up to forty minutes, without putting too much stress on this old body, and that is forty minutes of FAST walking, not strolling. I am hoping I can soon do an hour. So perhaps I am meant to go back into the car business. The only reasons that I had not considered it before was the lack of strength to do the job, and the stress that comes with it. Selling however, really is not that stressful...you go to work, sell a car, go home. That part will be nice, it won't be up to me to make sure that things are running as smoothly as possible, although I know ME, and I am wondering how long it will be until it is up to me, once again. The only part that I am really NOT looking forward to is the man vs. woman thing, and in all my years in this business, it has not changed. NOT. I am frankly too old to have to "prove" myself once again, and they can all suck it. How's that for an attitude before I even have the job? But I am serious. I will not play the games anymore, I have done it too many times in my life, and I frankly don't care if they like me or they don't, you can bet I will just be there to make the dollars, the rest be damned. One thing in my favor in this department - this dealership is just opening, so all of us will be new at the same time. I know this is a bad time to be in this business, but it sure didn't look that way yesterday evening when I was there, there were people all over the place. Another exciting aspect --- this is a Dodge and Jeep dealership, and I have only been involved in a GM place for the past 15 years, so the inventory will all be new to me. I like Jeep, although I have always thought they were horribly overpriced, but what the heck, I'm on the selling side of them now, not on the trade-it-on-even-though-you-are-buried-in-it side. So, all in all...it will be okay. I need to do something and if this doesn't work for me, I can do something different. I will know what's up in the next couple of days...and I will let you all know, so that you can come and buy a car from me...LOL

I had a really good interview with an insurance company on Wednesday, too. I like the company and what they have to offer, which includes group insurance coverage, which is highly unusual. I am supposed to take some more online assessments with them, and I will go ahead and do it, the only issue I have with it is that I will have to take my Series 6, 7, and 23 state tests to do it. The seven is hell. HELL. That one could wait a few months---it is the one that allows me to trade in stocks and bonds...the 6 and 23 would be right away, I seriously don't know if I am up to that right now. The stupid life and health tests about killed me, although I did well. Hell...how is it that I am forty-eight years old and I have no idea what I want to do? Sometimes, too many choices is a bad thing. I have not even been seriously looking for work, both of these positions have found me--or my resume, on the internet. I keep waiting for divine intervention, but so far I have heard no voice telling me what to do...and since I thought I had done the right thing the past TWO jobs I took, I am really confused. The car business, I know. I can do it in my sleep. So for now, I think it makes the most sense.

Things around here are perking along. My youngest has taken a job - HERE - at my apartment complex---and the surrounding business's and he loves it. Maintenance---groundskeeper, he is really in his element. He drives around most of the day on a Bobcat, getting really dirty, doing guy things...he is an outdoor kid, so he is in heaven. Who knew that there was even a job HERE, of all places? Had CrazyDog not needed to pee at six am last week, and Mark not been the kind of talkative fella he is, Jordan would still not have a job....this is a huge property management company, there are many places he can go if he so chooses..so it's all good.

The other two are still breathing, one is really sick with a kidney infection -- which I think is odd...men generally don't get those that often, do they? He spent the weekend at a concert with the youngest and gf, and wound up in this shape. It was the same weekend concert thing that Steph got her infection in--about six weeks ago, and she ended up in the hospital...what the hell kind of bacteria is floating around out there in that farm field? My oldest is doing well, working at her own job and filling in at the Ice Cream Store for extra money. Speaking of the ICS, I have to do my share the next two days...I will be there. And hopefully not today, although with Craig as sick as he is, it wouldn't surprise me. In fact, I am supposed to begin training for the car sales job on Thursday and Friday, and I am also supposed to be at the ICS...so far I have found no clone recipe, so that will be a neat trick. The manager at the dealership was going to see if there was any other way I could do their training, he will let me know today. If not, I have no idea what I will do. We are out of employees at the store---vacations, returning to college, etc and it's too late in the season to hire, we will only be open another three and a half weeks. Mark may have to help---although he is supposed to be at the house down south, working on making it more saleable. UGH. Things can never be simple, can they?

Make today a happy one. :)

Big old LAZY me...

My free time is going fast. Reality is threatening, closing in...save me. While I am looking forward to getting back to the daily grind, I think I may have gotten lazy in these past few months...and if I never worked another day, that would be okay with me. Seriously, I have never felt this way. I have never wanted time on my hands...I have always loved the challenge of a new day on the job. While I have spent these months unemployed, I have not spent them doing nothing, and speaking on a general level, working will be easier. Working provides a set area of definition, and usual path, a general rule. Not working provides complete openness--and it's easy to find yourself bouncing from this thing to that, and accomplishing nothing. Frankly, it's easier and certainly more organized to hold a job. I have never been so busy accomplishing nothing in all my life. And for the lack of parameters, I AM looking forward to getting back to it.

Yesterday was an awesome day. My old buddy, previous boss and best male friend on the planet came to visit, along with his long time girlfriend, Melissa and their daughter, Catelynn. We took care of some business that needed taking care of, and then we went to lunch -- Janelle came along. Afterwards we came back here and hung out all afternoon, and I have to admit, I have missed him. It was a great day. I was sad when he left, as he is moving all the way to Florida in just about three weeks. I don't see him often now, although I talk with him a great deal...but soon, I will not see him, not unless I want to journey to the southern coast. Change is so damned hard. I cannot tell you how much I love this man, idiosyncrasies and all, and believe me---he has many. But I have "taken care" of him for years, and in his own way, he has done the same for me. There isn't one of my kids that he hasn't helped out in one way or another...many, many times. He has held me when I have cried, not understanding why or what or knowing what to do, but patted my back awkwardly nonetheless...always telling me it will be okay. I have seen him cry, I have seen him rage, I have watched him grow older. I believe I have helped him learn many things, things that he somehow missed out on the first time around, but has managed this go around in his personal life. I have helped and loved his daughters...and I still do. I have found myself in the middle of the damnedest family messes--his--with all of them looking toward me to help them. And for some reason, that position has never felt strange. We have laughed, Oh-my-goodness- how we have laughed. We have always found the strangest things to be hysterically funny, things no one else understood. I have worked myself to death for him, never because he demanded it, but always because it felt like the right thing to do. I have never loved a man the way I love him...and no, once again, it's not like that. He is honestly the best friend I have ever had, the kind of friendship that grows from many, many years. I know him so well, can usually predict his next sentence or plan of action...right down to the details. And no, things aren't really changing much, I am still taking care of his personal finances as well as all of his business matters, but the loss I feel due to his move is huge this morning. Sometimes moving forward really, really hurts.

I am still feeling like ass, my energy level is so low. I am worn out, and I don't even know why. Mark has been gone since yesterday morning early, to Kansas City for training for his job. Part of the reason I am in such sad shape is that I have been left to deal with CrazyDog, and that is a big job. We must have walked more than a half a dozen times yesterday, and I'm going to have to take her out again in a bit. She is having issues, worse than usual, and is never happy when her dad is gone. He will be home around six tonight, and it won't be soon enough for me, for many reasons.

Today, I have several things I have got to accomplish. Like I said earlier in this post, time is slipping away, and there are many things left for me to do before Monday. So, I will get busy. I plan to make it to all of your blogs today...I have been trying, but my blog reading time is being interrupted by eyes that won't cooperate. If I have missed yours, I do apologize, I will get there. I am missing my friends. :)

The local menagerie

Lots of thoughts rattling around up there in my head this morning:

Son number one won a good chunk of money in a state lottery raffle...at the time he bought the tickets, I thought he was crazy-they were 20 dollars each and he bought two. He won several hundred however, and apparently I don't know what I'm talking about.

Poor, poor CrazyDog...several times in the night, she was up--wandering the apartment, click, click, click went her nails on the wood floor. I kept encouraging her to go back to bed, it was late, etc....finally, at three-thirty, she was making the strangest noise, I went to investigate, she was flipping her completely empty water bowl across the floor...I felt so bad, that never happens, apparently she had been thirsty all night...man-oh-man, we are bad dog parents. After she drank nearly half of the contents, she happily went back to the bedroom...

Speaking of being parents to unruly animals: Sunday morning, after being up for much of the night, and after Mark had gotten up and walked CrazyDog, we decided to go back to bed, after all it was only 6:30 on a weekend...so that's exactly what we did. About 8:00, there was a knock on the door...is that our cat down by the elevator? Holy crap - Mason, aka Farfield, had escaped when Mark came back in with CD, and we didn't even know it. Poor, poor Mason, he seemed pretty traumatized by his little adventure...and when we moved in here, I thought the fact that they required photos of your animals was stupid, now I must admit, I'm happy they do. I wonder if he was spotted by another resident here and then called in, because it was the leasing manager that came knocking, or if he was spotted on the ever present, always monitored cameras...but either way, I felt really stupid for not knowing that my kitty had packed his little red bandanna and put it on a stick, and hit the trail---looking for a train to hitch a ride to....where exactly?

Home today, all day...work on the damned books, I swear, I am going to, even if it harelips the governor. And it might, I have been putting this off for so long.

Mark's mom sent a check for our anniversary, it was very thoughtful of her...and now, because of that, I am getting the print of "winter trees" to hang in my new living room. I am so excited about that, as buying it for myself seemed really selfish under the current financial circumstances... Plus, this weekend is the Des Moines Art Festival and I have always wanted to go to that, so at least one of my kiddos and myself will go to that, you never know, I may find something I cannot live without to help fill the really bare wall space in here. I am really looking forward to it.

Not well this morning at all, yesterday was really bad, too. I am not sure what to do about any of it but whine about it, until I have health insurance, I just have to deal with it, not that I think there is any miracle-cure out there anyway.

I think now I'm going to cruise around a little and see what's going on your worlds...Have a very happy day!

:)

asshats, burned dinners and spotty doors.

How about a mixed up bunch of nothing this morning?

I cannot sleep, it's killing me.

Mark has taken the legal stuff about being let go from the dealership by the new owner to an attorney. According to him, there is no way that mr asshat could let him go, not legally, as it was in the contract between old owner and asshat that he could not, not without the written permission of old owner, Bill. Mark went to see him (the lawyer) almost two weeks ago, and the verdict was that our attorney would send a letter to mr asshat, asking for payment now, otherwise a law suit would begin. A lawsuit, that by the way, there is no way he can win, as we turned over the signed agreement between the two buying/selling parties to our attorney. Well, mr asshat got the letter yesterday. Holy crap, Mark certainly ruined mr asshats day. He called Bill and told him "you had better get this handled. I am NOT paying this, I NEVER lose a lawsuit, and if I have to pay, then you will pay it".(Well, which is it mr asshat? You never lose, or Bill's paying it...you cannot have it both ways) If he wasn't being such an ass to my friend and former boss, I would laugh out loud. However, it was not our intention to screw things up for Bill, and while the deal on the dealership has been done to a degree, it does still involve many years of payment from asshat to Bill. I can see a huge legal and financial mess coming out of this. I did ask Bill if he would rather we drop it, and he of course said "no". I'll keep you posted. By now, for us, aside from the money that is owed, which is $6000, it is the principle of the thing. He was such an asshole to Mark, and took out his frustration and pure meanness with/for me on him. It was not right, and at the time it made my blood boil. Mark has never hurt anyone, and would never, ever treat another the way he was treated. I tend to want to shy away from problems of the legal kind and I do NOT want this to turn into a huge cluster**** of a mess.

We need to sell our house in podunk so badly. I keep hoping that will happen with just a sign out front, but realistically, I know better. It is not ready to be listed with a realtor, but soon, it will be.

Damn, I am tired today.

CrazyDog goes to see the vet today, although the original problem that we made the appointment for in now better. Mark is taking her with him this morning, so that means another ride in the car for two hours. I hope she does as well this time as she did when we moved, I got her Dramamine for traveling, all of life she has been carsick, but the pills worked wonderfully on moving day. If she should be sick all over Mark's car, he is not going to be happy. We try so hard with that dog, but I'm afraid our nerves and patience are wearing a little thin. I looked up the life expectancy for her breed, and it's 8-12. She turned 13 last week. Borrowed time? I do not want her to leave us, I just want her to calm down and enjoy her "golden years". Do dogs have those?

I am starving. A common problem recently. It seems I have not cooked a decent meal in weeks, and I fully intend to try to today. I have cooked something a total of twice since we moved here, and I must admit, I am having problems getting used to this new kitchen. I have never loved electric stoves, and as usual, I am burning everything. I cannot get the heat right - not in the oven or on the cook top. This is one of those smooth, black-glass covered ranges...and I just suck at using it. Practice, I suppose.

I have a question for all of you uber-smart friends of mine - do any of you know how to clean clear, glass shower doors? Is there a product made specifically for that? I have not had the opportunity to look for one yet, but cleaning, or keeping them clean is certainly a pain in the rear. I have used the daily shower cleaner, but that does a terrible job. I have cleaned them with Windex, and they look okay until it's used again. I am not going to clean both shower doors every day. I know I am just not doing something right, and I know you guys will know what to use.

Holy crap, this is boring. I am boring even ME. I think I will go do something exciting, like find some breakfast. Happy Saturday, everyone. :)

Friday thoughts from an old, old woman

Today, I sign the paperwork to begin my new job, and I'm rather excited about it. It means learning ALOT again, and I hope this old brain will stand up to all of it.

Yesterday, I worked at the Whippy Dip, aka the ICS, and it was no fun. My oldest son really didn't want or need my help...or at least that's the way it felt while I was there. To add insult to injury, I cut my finger and it bled for HOURS. I hate that, and I seem to cut myself alot.

CrazyDog is making life in this wonderful place hell. She will not ever relax, and it's really beginning to get me down. Taking her out for walks really isn't the problem, as it is an enjoyable place to walk her, but she wants to be walked constantly...She sees the vet back in our old town tomorrow, I really hope they can find a medication that will help her calm down. Physically, the crisis has passed and she is feeling better, mentally-I really feel sorry for her. At different times in my life, I have felt the way she seems to feel ALL the time, and living like that is no fun. We just keep trying to love her and have patience. It is hard, sometimes.

Daughter and her significant other are having problems, and I somehow have been sucked into the loop. I have no advice to offer, no help to give. I am given out, adviced out, and worn out. More than anything, I want my kids to be happy. Hell, I don't care how they accomplish that, but for heavens sake, just be happy. Life on this earth is too short to make problems, and if that's not what's happening, then perhaps the the wrong path has been chosen. Beyond that, I don't even know what to say to any of them.

I don't remember being so tired, not in a long, long time. Since I live my life in a perpetual state of tiredness, that's a huge statement to make. I am not sleeping well, and damned if I know why. Physically, my body is giving up, the pain is getting intolerable, and all I want is just to enjoy my new life. It's beginning to really piss me off.

This post was not supposed to be a whine-fest, and I do apologize...sometimes when I sit down to write, my fingers have ideas that my brain was not aware of.

On a happier note.....I've got nothing here.

Happy Friday, y'all.

Life hasn't been the same since that house fell on my sister...

This has been an exhausting day - and I have made little progress. But, I have made some and under my physical circumstances, that's a miracle. But now, I am finished for the day. I cannot do anymore, and once again all of the responsibility falls onto Mark. And my kids, tomorrow.

I did take a little while today and went and visited Richard in the hospital. He looked surprisingly good, but is still in alot of pain. Holy crap, his incision is huge and it looks really, really bad. His attitude is wonderful and he is quite the trooper, more worried about my mom than himself.

The poor kitties and CrazyDog are all upset and nervous...the kitties really should know the moving drill by now, heaven knows they have moved many times when they belonged to Janelle. CrazyDog however, is not sure what is going on, this is the only place she has ever known. We moved into this house when she was just a puppy, and apartment living is going to be quite an adjustment, for her, and for us. I can see it now, walking her in the middle of the night, that will be quite fun...

I hope you all have had a wonderful day. Have a great weekend. :)

Just call me Red...

No, no, no...I don't want it to be Sunday already, that means I have to leave again, today. Ugh. I have had a great weekend home, although we actually haven't been home at all. I have been running around like a fool, trying to get it all done before I'm out the door again, and none of it is done, if you want the truth. In fact, my sweet, most wonderful husband is going to drive me all the way back to Minnesota today, so that I can hit the books on the way. There has been zero time for studying, and there is a huge exam on product knowledge/client flow/medical exceptions/counseling technique tomorrow. I think that is the sweetest thing ever. I will not need the car while I'm there, everything I could possibly need is within walking distance, so this seems to be the most viable solution. Plus, it gives us that much more time to get caught up, there has been little time for talking this weekend.

I got to see all of my wonderful kids yesterday, and it was great. I hadn't seen Janelle is a long time, or Jordy either, actually. They are all doing fine, Jordy and Steph seem quite well-they are so cute together-Janelle looks great-and Craig, well poor Craig is having issues running the Ice Cream Store, and he looks a bit frazzled, otherwise he's good, too. I love being with my kids. I doesn't happen enough. I cannot wait to get moved so that I can be closer to all of them.

Speaking of moving, we looked most of the day for apartments. Holy Crap - this is going to be harder than I thought.We only actually got to look at one, all the others we stopped at were either full, or had issues with the kind of dog that CrazyDog is. She is a chow. They are on the "bad dog" list, which makes no sense to me, but was not surprising. (Out of the blue, several years ago, we got a letter from our home owners insurer that we could no longer have their insurance, due to the fact that our dog was a Chow...) and while I understand rules, frankly, I have never known a Chow to be aggressive, unless you count the way CrazyDog acted towards the dog we used to have, my Snowman. But anyway, the one place that we looked at, Mark really liked, and I liked okay. It was quite beautiful, in a brand new area of town...mixed in with shops, restaurants, stores, every kind of business you can think of, this little area has it all. And the apartments are strewn about, here and there, over, under, beside all of these "trendy" lifestyle type of places. Once you were home, you would not have to move your car. Ever. And I would like that, I know I would. The building is the quietest I have ever been in, so much noise protection, that even if the stupid dog would happen to bark all day, like we are afraid she will, no one would hear her. The apartment itself was big, new, had everything you could want. The price was steep with two capital E's, although with all that's included, it's probably not any worse than anywhere else. It comes with local paid for telephone and internet, water, gas, DIRECT TV..the only thing needed is electricity. And that would be very minimal, with all the insulation against the elements. It has my balcony...it has underground, heated parking, (no more scraping windows in the winter) and the very best security system I can imagine. No security key fob, no going anywhere on the property, not even the elevators will work without it. So, I don't know. Like all things, I feel that if it's the right thing, we will know it. But we have to decide soon, I actually start working in one week, and there is no way I am going to be able to commute for two hours each way.

We shopped a little yesterday, and I bought a couple of things, I needed more suits, and I am built so stupid, I cannot buy one off the rack. I have to buy separates, and that's not that easy to find. But I did find a a jacket and pants and a sweater. I cannot tell you how much I despise shopping. Oh - and I colored my hair, and although it wasn't really planned that way, I am now a bit of a redhead, and I have decided I like it...mahogany is red, at least when it's put on my hair, who knew?

Have a happy, happy Sunday. I'll catch you all here, later. :)

Effin degrees...

Damn, it's cold in here this morning, apparently the wind chill is 34 F'in degrees. Holy crap - on the third of May.

(When my youngest was little he would look at the bank sign with time and temperature, and loudly proclaim "it's 76 F'in degrees" because of the little F for Fahrenheit. We thought it was cute then, and we still say it today...)

So, I am still hobbling this morning, but not quite as badly as yesterday, as it was one dead day at the ICS. With the weather, and the fact that many folks just do not have money this year, we are really feeling the pinch. I have a little hope for today, but since it is so cold, most likely we will be able to call Tulip Time a bust this year.

I did get a little bit of encouraging news yesterday regarding the sale and the deal at the car dealership. It should be complete by the end of this next week, and if that is the case, it will be none too soon for any of us. Financially, it would be just in the nick of time for all of us, - the (previous) owner, the ICS, and me. Yes, call me stupid, but I still take care of all the financial paper work for all of the above, and I have just been trying to rob Peter to pay Paul for the past couple of weeks. It is beginning to be impossible as even Peter and Paul have their limits.

I forgot to tell all of you, but my new job training has been postponed for a week, and that is okay with me. Originally, I had the option of starting on the 5th or the 12th, and I had chosen the 12th so that I could get a couple of important things finished before I left. Then, it had been changed to beginning on the 5th. Now, we are back to the 12th, and that's good. Yes, I need the money that beginning a week early would have paid me, but Mark and I have got to get out and find an apartment in the city, and now we should have the opportunity to do that. Hopefully. I have several things to do this week, one of which is to meet Soul in the Wichita area, at least I hope so, and that would be an overnight stay. With any luck, we will be able to get it put together, sometimes working with two families schedules can be a problem. Plus, I work one whole day at the ICS, and then I have to help with the closing at the dealership, and then Mark will be working daily beginning Monday, and that will be different because I have had many months of him being able to be anywhere or do anything whenever he wanted to. Hmmm...

Mark will get back from Kansas City today, his training for the new job will end today about three. I have missed him. CrazyDog has missed him. Although, this time she has not been too bad, and we have all managed without him fairly well. If anything ever happened to Mark, I am afraid she would not survive. She has the worst separation anxiety I have ever seen. She waits for him to come home, by the door, and sighs loudly and often. Then at bedtime when he's not here, she starts to shake, I feel so sorry for her. She really is quite elderly, will be 13 next month. I don't know the life span of a Chow, but it seems to me that I read once that 11 or 12 was usually the limit. Physically, her health is good, mentally...not so much.

Today, I am off to the ICS once again. I am looking forward to it today, Janelle will be there to help, and I haven't seen her in what feels like ages. I doubt I work too very long, because the business will be dead, and there are too many people scheduled. That doesn't break my heart too badly. Have a happy day! :)

Grrr....

So today, I'm feeling pretty poopy. I am a nervous wreck and listening to CrazyDog bark at this moment (outside) is about to cause me to run away. However, last night was a normal night, everyone slept. And for that alone, you would think that I would feel better. But it's Monday morning once again, and I have no job to go to. I am seriously thinking that I am going to get an offer or two this week, I have had a couple of really good interviews and still have two to go, but the waiting is getting to me. IT IS GETTING TO ME. And to Mark. Because he and I pretty much hate one another at this juncture. Grrrrr...

But on to other things. I had the BEST day yesterday, with my kids. Janelle did make it here, and I was very happy to see her, however, I'm not so sure the feelings were returned, she was here for awhile, but clearly unhappy. I assume that meant unhappy to be here, but I guess you never know. I did try several times to talk with her, to no avail. But having Craig and Jordy and Steph was also wonderful, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Jordy and Steph were her until nine last night, they were doing their laundry...it was just an awesome day. All of us took a walk down memory lane, looking at old photos, and school papers and we all laughed alot...digging out old things really brings a family closer, you know? My mom was unable to be here, and that made me sad. She was having a really bad day. I worry.

So today, I'm here, doing what I do best, submitting resumes. And submitting the federal and state taxes, have I mentioned that I hate the IRS? And looking for xanax...good heavens. Out.

Protect thy arteries

Another bad night with CrazyDog, so this has been number three. Tomorrow, I feel certain that she goes to the vet, again. I don't know if there is anything more that can be done for her, perhaps a new medication? She has not slept for more than two hours maybe two or three times in the past three nights-total. The rest of the time has been spent pacing and barking. Simultaneously. Even Mark is losing his patience, and of course I am too, but I can recognize that this isn't her fault, he is beginning to take it personally. I swear, she is acting manic, is it possible for dogs to have the same sort of problems mentally, that humans do? Is there medication for that? I guess I need to do my homework. And yes, to answer your questions from the last post's comments, she is a Chow. Papered and registered, as if that makes any difference...

I'm having a clan for dinner today, all of my kids-I think, I'm still not too sure about Janelle-and my mom and stepdad. It will be a sort of catch all dinner, I'm firing up the electric fryers, and it's going to be an artery plugging affair. Chicken strips, tenderloins, french fries, onion petals, and I'm making a double batch of homemade Mac and cheese, just to round out the already yellow meal, and to seal the deal on the artery plugging, wouldn't want to leave any open spaces, lol. I do think I need to make a cake or maybe brownies for dessert. None of it is my cup of tea, although I do like my own chicken strips, with my own horseradish sauce. I have told all of my kids to come and get what they don't want thrown out or sold in the garage sale later this month, that anything left after today is mine to do with as I choose, and believe me, they have ALOT of stuff left here. The days of Mom's free storage are over. It is sad, sort of, but in another way, it will be nice to get rid of all the junk that is overflowing every closet, every rafter in each garage, and clean out the basement...that part will be good.

I do hope that Janelle can be here, I haven't seen her in at least three weeks. Apparently when the subject was mentioned in her home yesterday, there was a fight, and that made me feel really bad. I don't think I should call her when he's at home, and I won't do it again. She knows how I feel about him, and I know how he feels about me, I don't know why any of this surprised her. I understand that she wants harmony in her family, including him, but that is unrealistic. Completely. She knew how all of that was when she went back, and frankly, she surprises me. Everyone is just supposed to get over it, like that, because she has. It never works that way. I am trying to keep my mouth shut, although we all know that is hard for me, but the fact that I don't think he is right for her is well known. I can only imagine what he says about me, so the fact that she gets all upset when something like this happens is surprising. However, I will not be the reason for making her life harder, she is my daughter and I love her no matter what. I will not interfere and will not call again when they are together, which I assume would be evenings and weekends, and since she is now working days, I guess she will have to call me. Ugh.

When I just looked outside, my car is covered with a dusting of snow, again. Good lord, will this ever end? It has been so cold this weekend, it feels more like February than April.

I suppose I had better get myself in the kitchen. The group will be here around noon or one, and I have alot to do in there. I hope each of you have a really great Sunday! :)

Just call her Gnarls (Barkley)

This (see above) is the source of many of my most recent problems....seriously, she will be lucky if i let her live. UGH. It is no fun having a CrazyDog, there are times I fantasize about opening the front door and just letting her leave; however, I know she would return. And yes, I do love her. And no, not as much as Mark, but I love her nonetheless, but she has been C-R-A-Z-Y for all of her life...13 LONG years. And the problem is progressing. We have her on full time tranquilizers, but they really are not working too well anymore. She cannot/will not relax. EVER. I really do feel sorry for her, I think it must feel like living in a perpetual panic attack, and that would certainly suck. BUT, it is really getting to be a burden on us, as well. There is no way that either Mark or I could do anything to her, such as get rid of her, I am really only joking about that, but some times with her are worse than others, and these past couple of days have been about as bad as it can get. But I post her picture here so that you all can see how cute she looks, and it will be a blessing to her if the weather ever warms up. Her fur is so hot in the summer time, I can't make her keep it, and we always have her shaved this time of year, but this year it is still too cold, so I do think that is part of her problem right now...she wears a sweatshirt when she gets really cold, but that too, makes her unhappy. I swear, if it's not kids causing problems, it's animals. On the really lucky days, it's kids and animals...LOL

This has been a pretty easy day, no help is required at the ICS, so Mark and I actually went grocery shopping, together. UGH----I need a job, if only to make myself unavailable to doing that, once again. You all know how much I HATE to shop, and Mark really is the shopping master, much better at it, and way more patient with it than I.

Soon- very, VERY soon. :) Later.

The wonder of it all

It's Friday, again. Holy crap, am I in a time warp? I wonder now how I had the time to work...it seems that my days are full and busy, and over so quickly. However, my main job right now is finding a job, and that does take a LOT of time.

Things in that department are looking up, I have had a couple of promising interviews, and I have a couple more next week. Any of them would be fine, I'll take whatever if I can live on the pay. I have realized that I am quite full of shit and can write a bullshit letter with the best of them; I applied for a job with the state, and somehow, SOMEHOW, I have made it through the first couple of hoops that are required to jump through. Now, this job that I am talking about would be a dream job, and frankly, there is no way I have any clue what the hell they are talking about when it comes to the actual job---I know nothing about overweight semi trucks or the intrastate commerce that comes from a whole pot of acronyms that the state of Iowa just loves to use, but I did receive a letter from them, wanting me to outline my understanding and experience with such....and I wrote a killer letter. Let me tell you, there is no way I am going to hear from them again, but I was proud of my success in writing it. I sounded like an intelligent woman, which in the middle of real life, you sort of forget you are. So, there goes two hours of my life, I will never see again....teehee.

Life in our house has settled into a routine, one of us goes to the Ice Cream Store, the other stays home and does the job search thing or Mark works on the house. We have put a for sale sign in the front yard, that makes me feel a little strange. I avoid looking at it, which is odd, I am the one who wants out of this town so badly, but the very idea of someone else living in my house is a bit hurtful.

The Ice Cream business has not been good, but hell - the weather this year is NOT conducive to eating frozen ANYTHING...will spring ever arrive? Yesterday we had tornadoes in the area, today it will snow....what a weird year for weather.

I will have to post a photo of CrazyDog, we had her shaved yesterday...and she looks so cute. She is NOT happy however, last night she protested, ALL NIGHT LONG. It is so much fun to live with a crazy animal, it certainly provides entertainment.

Hope you all have a great day---I will catch you later. :)

But it's Sunday now, and I guess that I'm alright.

Short, sweet and to the point. That's me, at least today...

Although, not too many have ever called me sweet.

I am having my mom and stepdad and Craig over for dinner, which is actually lunch, so I have to get busy in the kitchen.

I'm tired, we were out too late, well not really, I was up too late. Steph, my youngest's girlfriend was here, she stayed in the spare room while she is in town helping her sister with her new twins. So, we talked a little while. I love that girl.

Got out of the house for awhile last night, but Mark and I really aren't capable of having too much of a good time, too much to worry about right now. It sucks. He is not a moody person, but recently, he really is. And while I understand it, it is becoming a real problem. Uncertainty about the future will drive you to drink. Well, it will drive me to drink, not so much him. He just cannot let loose and forget it all, not even for a little while. We have been together each and every minute of the day for quite a while now...ugh.

I'm off to the kitchen. My mom has requested another cheesecake, that is her favorite. I made her one last weekend, and she ate all of it, or all of what was left, all by herself. I don't mind making them, hell, I'll make her a dozen, that will surely put some weight back on her.

And my race is back on today...so far, I'm batting zero at getting to see them, seems there is always a crises on Sunday...but today I will watch, and I don't care if it harelips the Governor.

Ta ta.




I leave you with a new photo of CrazyDog. She needs a haircut, eh?