The way we were

I am so very tired this morning. We worked hard yesterday, although we barely made a visible dent in all that needs doing. The insides of all the file cabinets are organized though, and there is about forty pounds of useless paperwork sitting in a garbage bag waiting to go to the burn pile at Mark's brothers place. I cannot tell you how good it made me feel to get rid of so much paper...some of which I have been carrying around for ever. I also cannot tell you how surprised I am that so much of the paperwork made me cry...and that is a reaction I didn't really think about or plan on. When I left the old dealership, back in March of 08, I pretty much packed up what was in my desk drawers without going through any of it, there just wasn't that much time. I had been sitting at that desk for eleven (?) years...and of course, when I went through it all I found eleven years of my life. Cards from Mark addressed to the love of his life...pictures of the kids at various ages, art work from the boys high school assignments. Photos from basketball games and football games that the boys played in. Of course, photos of various Christmas parties from the job over the years, pics of employees kids as they grew...on and on and on. And then of course, there were the cards from about a million vases of flowers from Mark, Janelle and my mom. Birthday cards from my mom...just seeing her perfect, distinct handwriting makes me cry. Years and years of a life that was....and I can't help but wonder what this life that is has in store.

Of course we packed up the pics from the frames from all over the house and on the walls. I am surprised how many Mark wanted, I don't know why. I guess it stands to reason that they are his memories, too. Our wedding album, in it's box..full of photos of two very much in love, starry eyed younger versions of ourselves, with actual happiness and hope in both of our eyes. Yes, I cried, and so did he. It's helpful to know that this relationship is not all the way over, perhaps it can be repaired. We are the best of friends and for now, that helps. Not knowing what the future holds makes it hard to see how that will play out but for now, it does make the blow a bit easier.

After we did all that we were emotionally up to, we went to dinner, just he and I. Sadly, I couldn't remember the last time we did that, we go out frequently, but generally with one, two, or twenty-seven kids along for the ride. It was a good evening.

I couldn't sleep at all once I got in bed. Too much alcohol for one thing, although I didn't have that much, I just can't take it very well anymore. And way too many memories running around upstairs. Today will be rough, there is so much work to do.

On a much happier note, the Ice Cream Store is now history. That makes me happy. I wish the new owners the best of luck. :)

Happy Sunday friends. I'm out.

Mothers Day

Once, when I was small, I was telling my mother about how famous I would become, how happy my life would be, how rich I would be..I think I was about eight years old. She told me that she believed that would happen in my life, that I was smart and beautiful and could BE anything I wanted. I asked her then how she could be so happy with her life, because with my young eyes, she had accomplished none of these things. I will never forget her answer. "If I can raise my girl's to be happy, competent adults, then I will have done the only thing I was ever born to do. You are each my heart, my soul and my entire world, and no amount of money, fame or recognition could ever be as important as the job I was put her for. There is no form of success any more fulfilling than that." At that time, there was no sense in her words for me. Today I know that she was the most successful woman on this planet as we (all of "us girls") are exactly that. Happy Mothers Day mom--I miss you more than you will ever know. :)

Monday Stuff

Yesterday turned out to be a difficult day, more so than I expected. I told you all that it was my mother's birthday. I was really missing her..wishing that I had to make that long drive to her town, wishing that I could have talked to her once more, I would have even let her kiss my face all over like she loved to do..I always thought because she knew I hated it so. So, I got up, got dressed, put on my face and went to Caribou and bought a coffee. I drove until I found an appropriate place--a pretty little park, with a lake and a dock and a few people on an early Sunday morning, I sat down and talked to her. I told her how much I missed her, how difficult things have been for me since she died, what a mess my life is recently. I felt that she already knew it all, but I told her anyway. It helped. I know she heard me, and while I couldn't hear what she had to say back to me, I know in my heart what it was. Writing it now, it sounds so ridiculous. To those people in the park that thought there was a crazy lady talking out loud to herself, I'm sorry. It would have helped so much if she were actually buried somewhere, at least then I could go and visit her in a place, but this worked okay too. If people see someone talking out loud in a cemetery, I don't think they consider calling the men in white coats..but in a public park, I'm not so sure. But after my conversation with my mom and God, I felt alot better. I got up and went exploring, walked from one end of that park to the other. It was so beautiful, I actually saw a robin, and heard a woodpecker. It has been a long time...that is perhaps the only drawback to living in the urban setting that I now live in. About twenty minutes into my walk, I hurt something in my back, and was forced to leave. I spent the rest of the day on the couch, on the heat and am still walking funny. I get so irritated with my body, it is just not cooperative, all I was doing was walking.

My "party-man" husband called, about noon, when he had gotten out of bed. He had been out the night before of course, and had a good time. That seriously didn't set too well with me. I lost my temper with him on the phone, and have decided that people do what they want to do, they are where they want to be, and they remember what's important to them. Enough said.

And another Monday dawning. Another wonderful week at my job. I did face full-on, the issues with the woman in my office. We will see if things are actually improved. I am not going to kiss anyone's rear end to keep my job. That sounds really tough and brave, doesn't it? It's too bad that the truth is that without my job I am so screwed. Have a happy Monday. :)

Happy Birthday Mom

Today , my mom would have been 74. Her birthday was only ten days after mine, and growing up, I loved that it worked out that way. No matter how old I was, I was always able to buy my mom a wonderful birthday gift, because I always got money from my real dad for my birthday, and every year, I spent it on her. She hated that I did this...but seriously, I always loved to give my mom presents, right up until she died. Last year on her birthday, I felt very strongly that it could be her last one and I insisted that everyone---meaning all of my kids, and both of my sisters, be there. It was a great day. She had just been released from the hospital the day before and she looked awful in the pictures that were taken, but she looked wonderful to me, to all of us. Later --when she was feeling better, she told me how embarrassed she was of how bad she looked in the photos. To the rest of us, we were so grateful that she was still with us on one more birthday, we all thought she looked beautiful. Today, I am very grateful for that wonderful day last year. To say I miss her would be a bit of an understatement. However, for her---I am truly grateful that she is no longer suffering, and I have no doubt where she is now.

Happy birthday, Momma. I love you.

My Mom's song

This was my mom's song....for so many reasons. She played in a band with my uncle...oh my--so much talent there...and this was her/his song. Hearing it now---or even then, for that matter, has always made me cry. It was my ringtone for her when she called me. Guess what I heard today in Starbucks?

Heaven lies at the feet of all mothers.

Yesterday was quite a day - emotional - oh so sad- but still good in a way. I have been afraid of issues, either between us girls or between us girls and Richard, over some of the things that we wanted to keep that belonged to our Mom. But I have to say, there wasn't one single moment when things felt ugly or even like they could get that way. Mom had been pretty specific over the years about what she wanted to go to who, and that was pretty much the way it ended up. I have always heard about the family debacles that arise upon the death of a parent...even in my own extended family, and I'm pretty sure that happens in many families, someone makes an ass of themselves and cause a scene over things...and I have never understood it. Until now, that is. Now that my mom is gone, I do get it...the things that she loved or used or were important to her is all that is left of what my mother was as a person. I know that each of us has a heart full of her, but her worldly things suddenly take on a new meaning and I found myself feeling that those inanimate objects were her. So, I DO understand now how families are torn apart over what seems so petty to outsiders. I also know that money causes many of these family fights, and in that department, there is nothing to fight over. But each of us girls got everything that was important to us - Richard was so very gracious about whatever it was that we wanted. I was unsure how that would be taken by him, but he was so wonderful to us and we are all aware that he did not have to be. There were some extremely difficult moments...the hardest part for me were her clothes. I cleaned out all of her closets and bureau drawers and cried alot. Since I was old enough to work, I have bought so many things for my mom, she was so much fun to buy for--she was tiny and beautiful and so very fashion conscious...way MORE than I ever was. So as I filled up the boxes for Goodwill, so many things that I had given her and that she loved brought big, giant tears...it was at times, truly gut wrenching. Over the past couple of years she had lost even more weight and when she died she was in a size extra small or a girls size 14...and her clothes looked like doll clothes. I have spent many hours trying to find her things that fit...and there they all were...and it broke my heart. For her 70th birthday-just three years ago-she wanted those damned death trap shoes, Carrie Bradshaw's she called them, the pointy toe out to there-four inch spike heel pumps, in black. AND SHE WORE THEM. With her little, tiny, faded blue jeans and her black leather belt...and she was adorable. And there those shoes were, I had searched all over to find them in that ridiculous size...she had a quad A narrow foot...Nine West actually made them. Those shoes made me realize how special she was, how funny she was...and just how much I am going to miss my mother. She was like no other and that seriously is the truth. But, I survived. The ordeal of cleaning out her personal belongings is behind us. It hurt more than I can convey, but it helped in some strange way, too. I am just beginning to understand that my life will never be the same. It will be okay, but never the same. She has left a void that cannot be filled up with anything or anyone else and that is okay. I will make it my tribute to her---because seriously, how much more important can any person be than to leave a hole in someones heart?

Today, my sisters will still be with me, until this evening, anyway. I am going to cook dinner for them before they leave. It is mom's dinner actually---I really can cook almost as well as mom could and this will be all hers...just the way she always made it. It will be just the right ending to these rough couple of weeks. I hope you all have a great Sunday. :)

A hole in my ozone

I am not much in the mood for talking so maybe I can let off a little steam here. I apologize in advance as I know this will end up rambling on, as many of my feelings make little sense, even to me.

I am feeling somewhat better this morning, I have been up about half an hour and have only cried one time. That's an improvement. It was when I read the online guestbook from the funeral home that took care of my mom's arrangements. SO many people that I haven't thought of or even heard about for years have either sent flowers or cards, or signed an online guestbook there. It is amazing to me how many people my mother touched in her life. It really does help to know that others are thinking of you, reaching out to try and help us all feel better. I will remember that when it comes to others, this is all something new to me. Everyone wants to DO something and I have felt that way so many times over the years when the pain of losing someone is so great for someone that I care about...but now I know that just a short note or a memory makes a huge difference. All of my comments here have been a wonderful help to me, I just cannot tell you. It does help. And you all are the greatest friends in the world. I honestly thank you for that.

Yesterday, I nearly killed myself cleaning. Making things smell good and look better has always been cathartic for me. Today, I am a little worried that I have done some further damage to my back, I can hardly stand up straight, the pain is too great. But it helped me yesterday.

My mom's "celebration of life" service was Thursday evening, and it was very beautiful. Heartbreaking, in fact. There were constant photo shows running on two flat screen tv's and watching that was one of the hardest things I have ever done. They were wonderful family pics, taken at way happier times, over many years - pictures of her with all the grandkids, and her with her dogs, and her with us, and her husband, and her family, and there she was...always laughing. Sadly, we hadn't seen her laugh in a long, long time. Her pain and suffering had been going on way too long...and that alone is proof that she needed to go on to the next life, but damn, I never knew it would hurt this much. I couldn't believe the number of people that came. She was loved, alot. It was a surprise to me, not because I didn't think people loved her, but my mom was a lot like me, or should I say I am like her?, but she said what she thought, often when she thought it--appropriate or not---and didn't "socialize" unless she damned well felt like it. In her later years, there was little of that. But no one forgot her. And that made me happy in a really sad kind of way. We did exactly as she wished and had her body donated to the University of Iowa Medical School, even though I was and still am not completely sold on that idea. I read what they do with those bodies, and I commend her on wanting to help in that way, but it is hard for the family. So she was not "there" at her service -- she had strict rules that NO ONE was to view her after her death, other than immediate family, and in one way, I am sorry I did that--when there is to be no funeral, they don't try to make the deceased look "nice" if you all know what I mean. I want to remember her as she was alive and happy, and the last time I looked at her was nothing like that. My sister Trav also was there to see her, and she feels completely different about it, it helped her a great deal to see what she felt was peace in my mom's face. I guess we are all different, even with something like this.

So, I will be fine. I mean, I am functioning, I can laugh and smile and talk and carry on with all things normal. But there is this hole in my heart, or my soul, or something. I feel empty right now, empty and sad. I know where she is---believe me, I know my mom is sitting with God right now, she was a christian and loved Jesus with all her heart. And of course, that makes me happy. But here, back in this life, on this earth, there is a hole in my ozone...and I suspect it will never be all the way closed again.

My constant

Losing my mom has turned out to be much harder than I anticipated. I mean, I knew it was going to happen, and happen soon. I am 48 years old, and I understand that this is the natural progression of life, the natural progression of living and dying. I get that. However, I never have taken into account that no matter what, all my life, I have had my mom to lean on. Well, that has been the case up until the last year or so when I realized that she was getting too old and sick to take on or listen to my problems anymore. But still, she was there, and that gave me the illusion of not being alone in this world. No, I know I am not alone, I have a husband and kids and extended family. But, my mom has always been the only one I could really talk to. She understood even when I was not making any sense, even when my heart was breaking, even when I couldn't find the words, she understood. We were alot alike, she and I, although I was well aware of her bad or difficult side and made great strides in not acting like her in those ways. However, she had a heart of gold when it came to her kids, and no matter what, we were loved. If you have been reading this blog for any time at all, then you know that my childhood and growing up years were more than a little rough, and I know that many of those issues were brought on by her, but always, ALWAYS, I could count on her. She was the only constant in a huge world of variables for me. Considering that she has been unhealthy all my life, I really do feel blessed to have kept her here on this earth for many, many years longer than I expected. She was a fighter, a scrapper, a brave and sometimes brass woman. Many times in my young life, I hated her for all the wrong reasons, like teens always do. But even then, I knew she was there for me. So, I must say to you all, this is like being hit in the gut with a baseball bat, and I am completely taken off guard at my own reaction. Tonight is the memorial service and I will be happy to have it behind me. We have done everything exactly the way she wanted it, and the social part of death is the hardest part for me, but I can do it for her, just one more time.

I miss her already

My mother died last night. It was quick and apparently painless and just the way I prayed recently, "God, if she cannot be healed, then please take her to end her pain and suffering". She was ready, God was ready, but I was not ready. I should have known on Friday when I saw her that it would be the last time, but I didn't. She was honestly too tired to stay awake and see me, and that hurt me, a little. But even then, when being that tired was so out of character for her, I didn't know it would be the last time. "I love you Momma..I'll see you soon", was the last thing I said to her. I believed I would see her soon. But last night I was there, and she wasn't. Her things were everywhere in that house that is ALL her, her doggies were all over the place, her husband stood there crying, but she was gone. That was hard friends. Really, really hard. I stood there and so many memories came over me, from when I was small to just last week, and that was so hard. She was a good mom, no matter what, I knew I was loved. I guess there is nothing more that can be asked of any person. I miss her already.

Wednesday, this is Wednesday, right?

There has been no time to update here recently, or even read any of my favorite friends blogs. Due to the lack of sleeping space here, I have been unable to even get on any of our puters, it seems that my tap-tap-tapping of the keyboard is loud and causes sleepers to wake. Since my laptop has been commandeered by my youngest...I have been waiting for folks to wake before I get on the computers in either bedroom and once they are awake, I find myself with no time to do it at all. So, I am here now, but late - it will soon be six-thirty.

My mother is not improving at all. She is still on the ventilator, and has a new added tube for feeding. They did a lung scope yesterday and saw no cancer, but the pneumonia is bad, and apparently resistant to anti-biotics. They did do a culture in the hopes that once it grows, it will tell them which one to use to fight the infection. On Sunday, we felt hopeful. On Monday, it was clear that she had taken another turn for the worse, and we were asked by the nursing staff to let her rest, apparently the whole family gathering there was detrimental to her healing. Since the family was all in town to see her, my youngest sister and her kids and husband went home yesterday, with plans to return on the weekend. Of course, my mom cannot talk with all the tubes in and I can tell she is extremely frustrated by that. All in all, this whole thing sucks. Trav is still here, spending her days at the hospital to at least sit with Richard, who has not left my mom's side, but all of us are staying out of her room, other than a minute here and there. I know that being in ICU is different than a regular hospital stay and I understand that she is there to rest and get better, but it really feels bad not to be in the room with her.

There are many other things happening around here, but all of them have been put on hold by this - and there are many things I am not remembering to do, or I am just plain blowing off, and I am going to have to get back to them...such as getting prepared for my job. I cannot even think right now---so many people have been here, and so much bad stuff happening, but not being able to eat will be the next bad thing if I don't get it together. Heavens, heavens, heavens.

I will get back to you all soon. In the meantime, know I am thinking about you all. Later.

Cheesecake and diapers and helicopters

There are seven people sleeping in my apartment right this minute--along with two confused kitties and a certifiably crazy, diaper wearing dog. It is impossible to step somewhere without stepping on something...or someone. Literally.

I don't have the slightest idea where I left off with you all last week so I may re-tell something or leave something out, but I will try and get you updated. My mom was sent home last week, with instructions on how to get in touch with hospice. HOSPICE. We all know that to utilize the services of hospice, you have to be terminal, and at least within six months of checking out and moving on to the hereafter. While that came as no surprise to any of us, we were not really ready to hear that word, or think about the ramifications of making that phone call. She got out of the hospital on Wednesday afternoon, but we still had no results of the lung biopsy done on Monday. She looked no better, was feeling no better but they sent her home after nine days with an excuse that medicare will not pay beyond that time frame, regardless. Once home, she grew remarkably weaker and did not improve. On Thursday, after a few phone calls from me, I did find someone that could give us the results of the test. "No evidence of any cancer...however, significant pneumonia and severe infection present." We were trying to be ready for anything, but we were not ready for that. While I was doing the happy dance, I knew that really was an insignificant detail at that moment because my mom was sicker than I had ever seen her. I was also really pissed, as her doctor called each of us girls and her husband personally with the news that she was certain it was lung cancer, eight days before. Now I realize that doctors have a responsibility to be up front and straight forward with everyone, but this diagnosis was plain WRONG. Plus, she had been sent home with severe infection in her lungs, and nothing was being done about that. NOTHING. The bad-news-happy doctor (who is my mom's regular physician) did not have the time to call us with the latest...she had her nurse call with the correction. Keep in mind that my mom was on no medications to make her infection better, she had been left to deal with this with pain medications only. I was outraged. A prescription was sent for an ineffective antibiotic and a recommendation to follow up with her pulmonologist. She could not walk across her bedroom to the bathroom without help, and even that wore her out. This went on until Saturday morning, when I happily made her a cheesecake -- that is her most favorite food ever, and she was not eating anything, and I had hopes that she would at least like to have that. I drove down that morning with the cake---when I got there, I was sad to see that she looked worse, but she wanted to get up and come downstairs for coffee and cake. I helped her down the stairs--when she got to her chair, she couldn't get her breathe. I brought her inhaler and she tried using that, after a few minutes, it was obvious that wasn't going to work. So, I had to call 911. The ambulance arrived and started working very quickly to help her get her breath. They left with the sirens blaring. I knew that was a bad sign. Once I arrived at the local hospital, I could see that it was very bad. After a couple of hours a what seemed like a gazillion tests there, it was determined that she needed to be LIFE FLIGHTED to Des Moines...and that a ventilator was necessary. And that is where we are right now---my mom is finally up here in Des Moines at a hospital that understands the difference between lung cancer and pneumonia, and she is still on the ventilator, and it is breathing for her. She does seems stronger as of last night, and we now have hope that she will live long enough to be released from the hospital and go home again. Sadly, she stayed in the hospital in Podunk for nine days with ineffective medications, and she would not have wanted to do that had she not thought that she was there for lung cancer...she wanted no chemo as she believed that her time had run out, she was not physically strong enough to endure it..but had she thought that what she had was infection, she would have gladly been transferred to a larger hospital in the city for treatment. I understand that doctors make mistakes every day but this was handled incorrectly from the beginning. I also understand that my mom is seventy-three years old and that her lungs are in seriously bad shape, whether it's caused from cancer or something else---and that she will probably die from pulmonary disease. That could even happen today. However, she has suffered for far too long with this, and it all could have been avoided. She has been through hell, and the rest of us have too. I am mad but also happy that she in on the right track now. I do not want her to suffer any more, but I am not ready to let her go just yet. She looks so small and sad in that giant hospital bed, hooked up to tube from every available hole. And that is where I have been spending my days. And nights. And both of my sisters and nieces are here, with one brother in law. And it is tight quarters but we are happy to be together and we all have hope again. Just maybe she will get to go home and feel halfway decent again soon.

Later.

Wednesday's child is full of woe

I didn't go to the hospital yesterday. I was supposed to go back into my office for training, but I didn't do that either. I have not had one second to pick up my book, and there was no way I could go in and look like a complete ass. So, I have to reschedule that...It's really hard to stay focused on learning all of it when so much other negative, rotten and crappy stuff is happening.

My mom was supposed to go home yesterday for a few days...and that didn't happen. No one is sure why that didn't happen, because no one asks questions when I am not there. Apparently---and I have only surmised this theory, but there was a chest xray done early in the morning, and I am assuming that it didn't look good enough yet - from the pneumonia, I mean. So, the plan is maybe today. She did have her biopsy done on Monday, but he PET scan has been put off until next week. The test results will be in hopefully by the end of this week.

I did go look at another apartment with Craig, and he really liked it. So, with any luck, we will be moving him by the end of this month. I also cleaned this place I call home from top to bottom. That took almost all my energy---well that and the walk I took early in the morning. Then I had the clan over for dinner, well the clan minus my oldest, she couldn't make it. She was missed.

There are so many things happening in my life...and most of them, I just don't feel at liberty to discuss. They are not directly my problems, or they are my problems but they are related to someone else, and this is not a public forum for airing my grievances, no matter how much I wish to do so. However, to act like these things are not happening is not possible. All I can say is, after a night of trying to understand so many different relationships in my life, I have decided that there is nothing I can do about any of it. As usual, I have screwed things up by trying to help. I have screwed things up because I choose to believe in people even when I know I shouldn't. I always think that this time will be different. And when it isn't I am surprised. Who is the idiot now? So, I take full responsibility for my part in all of it, and since you don't know who I am talking about, I'll just tell you that relates to a couple of different problems I am facing at this time. I keep waiting for the time when things calm down a little---again, how can I be so dumb? That is not going to happen, not now, not ever. And I am tired of losing sleep over all of it. I have made many mistakes, and while they have all been made because I thought that what I was doing was good, that is no excuse. I will stay out of every one's misery from now on. Period. I may be really REALLY slow, but eventually I do learn. Sadly, it's rarely before more damage has been done.

Today, I am off to the hospital once again. Then I have to shop this evening - save me. :)

Sunday Sunday Sunday

I spent a good portion of my day yesterday with my mom. It was not a good day for her, the difference in her from Thursday to Saturday was huge. I asked the nurses what the heck, they acted like I had two heads and said everything was fine. But she was not fine, she was sick and about to throw up all day, wasn't eating, shaking all over uncontrollably, too weak to even move herself in the bed, let alone get up and go to the bathroom without help. I know that hospitals use the B team on the weekends but come on...so I got her doctor involved and things started happening. I do believe that she was dehydrated, so I assume an IV was started. I frankly was surprised that had already not been done, but her physician told me that it had not been necessary prior to yesterday. Whatever. When a person is not eating and only drinks coffee, how hydrated can they be? By the time Mark and I left late yesterday, she seemed better. When I am there, she does not seem to care one way or the other --- she is just too sick. It is sad, there is generally few visitors, just me and Richard, and yesterday, Mark. I know everyone is busy and far away, but it makes me sad. We are all waiting to see what the results will be after Mondays tests. I think then, once we all have a good idea of what we are dealing with, it will be easier for everyone to plan or decide what they want to do. I had not planned to go today, I believe that my cousin will be visiting from Arkansas, so I thought that I might take a day off, since she will have others there. But I feel guilty when I don't go...so who knows. It is just so damned far away, it would be so easy if she were here, in a hospital that I know would be better for her, but no point in dwelling on that, she isn't going to transfer. So...

When we got home, we arrived to quite a mess. AGAIN. Poor CrazyDog is just not doing well and she couldn't wait, for whatever reason. I will not live this way, and I have no idea what to do about it. It is not her fault. In all the thirteen plus years we have had this dog, she has never, EVER made a mess on the floor. Now it is becoming a regular thing and I just cannot have it. We put diapers on her at night, because she cannot hold her pee anymore, but I did not know that holding the other was a problem, too. Aside from these issues, she is perfectly fine. Happy, healthy, full of energy. What do you do? A diaper would not have held that mess from yesterday, no way. We walk her all the time...and I do mean all the time. We were gone about eight hours yesterday...it seems that when we leave her at all anymore, there is some issue. Recently, we returned home to find her hung up under the computer desk, all caught up in the cords, the keyboard literally wrapped around her leg. I felt so sorry for her, and she was obviously distressed. Another time, she had some how gotten herself shut in the tiny laundry closet...in the dark, holy hell she was upset...this is a bad situation and one I don't know how to deal with. She is too old to kennel train now, that would surely be the death of her. She literally goes spastic when Mark leaves, even when I am home. It is just sad, and beginning to be a real problem.

My kitties LOVE the new couch. They think we bought a GIANT bed, just for them. If I did not have these cats, I would surely lose it. They make my life fun, keep me as sane as I can ever be, and provide the few smiles that happen around here these days. I thank Janelle for not wanting/being able to care for them in her small apartment. :)

Happy Sunday to you all. Later.

ps...the decision has been made for me, I am now on my way to the hospital, my mom called me early...crying. She wants me there this morning... So, off I go. :(