Friday, February 06, 2009

Goldilocks

Tomorrow, my baby is going to be 29. How is that possible? I wrote a post about my beautiful first born two years ago at this time-here. It says every little thing I still feel when I look at her, still the ringlets, still the chubby cheeks---yes, I know she will kill me for saying that, but she is currently in all the glory of being about to become a mother herself, and in this family, that comes with chubby cheeks. :) Happy early birthday Miss Janelle. I love you.

She's having a baby....I have said little to nothing about this event, mostly because of prior experience, and if you all have been reading here for a while, you know what I am talking about. Because of that, I have been afraid to let myself even begin to think about what this means to ME. I have thought about what it means for her, what it means for the father, what it means for the baby, but I have not even started to think about this baby and ME. In 98 days - or thereabout - a little man that will eventually call me Grandma will be introduced into my life. I have wanted this very thing since my kids were old enough to reproduce. (Please take that as I mean it, obviously I am not an advocate of kids having kids.) I have waited to feel the joy of being a grandma to a beautiful little one...for SO long, that I began to believe it just wasn't in the cards for me. Now that I can actually see that it's going to happen, I am beyond excited, but surprisingly afraid, too. How do you be a Grandmother? How do you be just the right mix of fun but also responsibility? I see others do it so well....As much as I loved my own mother, her grandmothering abilities were sometimes a little off. (A lot off.) For my children, she was either too involved and intimidating for me, or not interested enough. I want to be the Goldilocks of Grandmothers and do it just right. That's a lot to think about, and this morning---not an option. But you can bet I'll be pondering for awhile.

We were able to sleep last night - finally. Poor CrazyDog took a crazy-break, and we all were able to catch a few hours. Yesterday, she had an episode that I honestly thought was going to be the cause of her demise. It looked like a stroke to me, but with a little time, she got better and just went on acting like herself. After a few phone calls with our vet, they decided to fill us in on a few facts---and the very fact that they didn't tell us these things last week after they had boarded her and checked her over medically for the entire week, had me very angry. We knew she has had minor kidney problems since the dog food scare a couple of years ago. When Mark picked her up from the vet last week they told him she had the same kidney issues---no surprise there, and to put her on the prescription brand kd dog food. Okay, no big deal, we have tried that in the past, she won't touch it. Yesterday when we called and told the vet her symptoms, we were told that the water level in her blood was way too high, and that was causing swelling in her brain. WTH? That wasn't mentioned last Saturday...the only hope is this brand of dog food, and most likely, that isn't going to help much, either. So....depending on how she responds to this food, and I don't think she will eat it at all, apparently she is in her last days. The behavior that brain swelling causes is too erratic, too difficult to deal with, and like I asked Mark this morning - what kind of life can this be for her? He is trying to deal with all of it, and believe me, I understand. This is HIS dog, and crazy or not, he loves her. I love her too--although she has never been too keen on me. I am not looking forward to what comes next, we went down this road with our sharpei four years ago and we still have not recovered. Mostly, I just want her to be out of her (mental) misery. She will be fourteen in a couple of months---way past old for a Chow. The whole thing just sucks with a capital S.

And that is a Friday morning in my world. What's happening in yours?

13 comments:

ac said...

Sorry to hear about Crazy dog's issues. Having a beloved pet be at this stage in it's life is SUXXOR to the max!

I've been here long enough to be ecstatically happy for you and for Janelle. I'm very fond of you and your daughter... in a 'people you have great respect for on the internet' sort of way. She will be an amazing Mom, and you, my friend, will be a stellar Grandperson!

Libbeth said...

I'm so sorry about Chum, even though she and I never actually got along. I would hate to think of her being in any pain or distress. We had to let our Cocker Spaniel go a couple of years ago. It was so hard, but when the vet told us that the pressure on his lungs was going to make him feel as though he were drowning, then the choice was suddenly very clear. I hate that anyone ever has to make that choice, but it's part of loving our pets, you know?

You are going to be a WONDERFUL grandmother. I am so excited for all of you! :)

Mary said...

You'll be a great grandmother. I know you will simply because you want to be. Just relax and let it happen. I'm so happy that you have a baby coming into your life - being a grandparent is the best!

I"m sorry about crazydog. It's always hard to let a beloved pet cross the rainbow bridge but the time does come. That's one of the many hard things in life.

Cheryl said...

This baby will bring you so much joy. It's time to be excited. Knowing the bit I do about Janelle, she's going to be a great mom and you'll find the perfect way to be the right kind of grandmother. My mom was a great grandma. She wasn't a softie, but a do-er. A bit of a drill sergent, but in a good way.

It sounds like it's almost time to say goodbye to Crazydog. I know it's going to be hard for both of you, but a relief too.

SOUL: said...

hiya pal...
glad to hear you got some real sleep last night. i know that has been a long time comin.

however-- i am sad to hear about crazy chumley-- she's so sweet..but you are right... the alternative just has to better for her at this stage. ugh.


you already know how i feel about all of this that is happening in your world....and we both know you'll be the BEST gramma ever.

i'm gone--
have a really good rest of the day.

ox..

CRUSTYBEEF said...

aww gosh, I'm sorry. :(

BTW>.totally will be a great grandma...a fabulous amazing everyone will want one just like you type grandma. :)


My best for you and Crazy dog, your J, and your little grandson baby...wow..time flies when you're the one not having the baby, doesn't it? :)

My best to all of you!

E

Amanda said...

That's exactly what I thought too. You will be an amazing grandma! :)

I understand Mark but I also feel for CD. Hopefully there will be a resolution soon.

SOUL: said...

where'd you go? are you signed in....
do you feel better today
jaimeeeeeeeee
come talk to me-- and NOT on friggin yarri -- i don't like that--and i don't trust it. ugh. perhaps i just don't handle change very well?
anyhow-- sign in and talk to meeeeeeee
ox

Romany Angel said...

I think being a Grandma would be great. You get to spoil the little tike which most of us try not to do as parents. Parents have to try and teach this little person to be a decent and caring human being. A Grandma gets to have fun with them and then hand them back when they get cranky.


I am so sorry about CD. That time comes around in a pet's life far too soon doesn't it?

desert dirt diva said...

I'M TRULY SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT CRAZY DOG....ITS A TOUGH SPOT....

AND CONGRATS ON THE UPCOMING GRANDMOTHER POSTION, SPEAKIN G FROM EXPERIENCE, I LOVE BEING A GANDMA, WATCHING MY GRANDSON COME INTO THIS WORLD WAS AN AMAZING THING....AND MY DAUGHTER IS A WONDERFUL MOM... I JUST WISHED THEY LIVED CLOSER..YOU'LL BE JUST FINE AS A GRANDMOTHER, YOU HAVE ALL THE QUILETYS...A CARING HEART, AND LOVE FOR YOUR CHILDREN...DANG HOW DO U SPELL CHECK COMMENTS...????OH AND ALSO CONGRATS ON THE JOB!

desert dirt diva said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

i DELETED THAT LAST DELET, IT WAS A DOUBLE COMMENT..SRY

M Chickk said...

I remember how I felt when I found out I was going to be a Grandmother. I was afraid. Partly because, like your daughter, DIL went through a similar experience with a previous pregnancy but mostly because I was afraid of what kind of Grandmother I was going to be. Could I do it? I stayed somewhat detached and didn't let myself really think about it too much. Not while I watched DIL getting bigger by the week, not when I went to birthing classes with her, not even when we had a baby shower. It was like it was happening to someone else, not me. Now that Baby D is here, I don't even know why I felt that way. He is such a joy, even if he is a hard baby to take care of. That's just because he is so spoiled! You are going to have such a wonderful time and will be an awesome Grandmother! Knowing what I know about you, it will just come automatically to you. Its going to be GREAT!