Goldilocks

Tomorrow, my baby is going to be 29. How is that possible? I wrote a post about my beautiful first born two years ago at this time-here. It says every little thing I still feel when I look at her, still the ringlets, still the chubby cheeks---yes, I know she will kill me for saying that, but she is currently in all the glory of being about to become a mother herself, and in this family, that comes with chubby cheeks. :) Happy early birthday Miss Janelle. I love you.

She's having a baby....I have said little to nothing about this event, mostly because of prior experience, and if you all have been reading here for a while, you know what I am talking about. Because of that, I have been afraid to let myself even begin to think about what this means to ME. I have thought about what it means for her, what it means for the father, what it means for the baby, but I have not even started to think about this baby and ME. In 98 days - or thereabout - a little man that will eventually call me Grandma will be introduced into my life. I have wanted this very thing since my kids were old enough to reproduce. (Please take that as I mean it, obviously I am not an advocate of kids having kids.) I have waited to feel the joy of being a grandma to a beautiful little one...for SO long, that I began to believe it just wasn't in the cards for me. Now that I can actually see that it's going to happen, I am beyond excited, but surprisingly afraid, too. How do you be a Grandmother? How do you be just the right mix of fun but also responsibility? I see others do it so well....As much as I loved my own mother, her grandmothering abilities were sometimes a little off. (A lot off.) For my children, she was either too involved and intimidating for me, or not interested enough. I want to be the Goldilocks of Grandmothers and do it just right. That's a lot to think about, and this morning---not an option. But you can bet I'll be pondering for awhile.

We were able to sleep last night - finally. Poor CrazyDog took a crazy-break, and we all were able to catch a few hours. Yesterday, she had an episode that I honestly thought was going to be the cause of her demise. It looked like a stroke to me, but with a little time, she got better and just went on acting like herself. After a few phone calls with our vet, they decided to fill us in on a few facts---and the very fact that they didn't tell us these things last week after they had boarded her and checked her over medically for the entire week, had me very angry. We knew she has had minor kidney problems since the dog food scare a couple of years ago. When Mark picked her up from the vet last week they told him she had the same kidney issues---no surprise there, and to put her on the prescription brand kd dog food. Okay, no big deal, we have tried that in the past, she won't touch it. Yesterday when we called and told the vet her symptoms, we were told that the water level in her blood was way too high, and that was causing swelling in her brain. WTH? That wasn't mentioned last Saturday...the only hope is this brand of dog food, and most likely, that isn't going to help much, either. So....depending on how she responds to this food, and I don't think she will eat it at all, apparently she is in her last days. The behavior that brain swelling causes is too erratic, too difficult to deal with, and like I asked Mark this morning - what kind of life can this be for her? He is trying to deal with all of it, and believe me, I understand. This is HIS dog, and crazy or not, he loves her. I love her too--although she has never been too keen on me. I am not looking forward to what comes next, we went down this road with our sharpei four years ago and we still have not recovered. Mostly, I just want her to be out of her (mental) misery. She will be fourteen in a couple of months---way past old for a Chow. The whole thing just sucks with a capital S.

And that is a Friday morning in my world. What's happening in yours?