My free time is going fast. Reality is threatening, closing in...save me. While I am looking forward to getting back to the daily grind, I think I may have gotten lazy in these past few months...and if I never worked another day, that would be okay with me. Seriously, I have never felt this way. I have never wanted time on my hands...I have always loved the challenge of a new day on the job. While I have spent these months unemployed, I have not spent them doing nothing, and speaking on a general level, working will be easier. Working provides a set area of definition, and usual path, a general rule. Not working provides complete openness--and it's easy to find yourself bouncing from this thing to that, and accomplishing nothing. Frankly, it's easier and certainly more organized to hold a job. I have never been so busy accomplishing nothing in all my life. And for the lack of parameters, I AM looking forward to getting back to it.
Yesterday was an awesome day. My old buddy, previous boss and best male friend on the planet came to visit, along with his long time girlfriend, Melissa and their daughter, Catelynn. We took care of some business that needed taking care of, and then we went to lunch -- Janelle came along. Afterwards we came back here and hung out all afternoon, and I have to admit, I have missed him. It was a great day. I was sad when he left, as he is moving all the way to Florida in just about three weeks. I don't see him often now, although I talk with him a great deal...but soon, I will not see him, not unless I want to journey to the southern coast. Change is so damned hard. I cannot tell you how much I love this man, idiosyncrasies and all, and believe me---he has many. But I have "taken care" of him for years, and in his own way, he has done the same for me. There isn't one of my kids that he hasn't helped out in one way or another...many, many times. He has held me when I have cried, not understanding why or what or knowing what to do, but patted my back awkwardly nonetheless...always telling me it will be okay. I have seen him cry, I have seen him rage, I have watched him grow older. I believe I have helped him learn many things, things that he somehow missed out on the first time around, but has managed this go around in his personal life. I have helped and loved his daughters...and I still do. I have found myself in the middle of the damnedest family messes--his--with all of them looking toward me to help them. And for some reason, that position has never felt strange. We have laughed, Oh-my-goodness- how we have laughed. We have always found the strangest things to be hysterically funny, things no one else understood. I have worked myself to death for him, never because he demanded it, but always because it felt like the right thing to do. I have never loved a man the way I love him...and no, once again, it's not like that. He is honestly the best friend I have ever had, the kind of friendship that grows from many, many years. I know him so well, can usually predict his next sentence or plan of action...right down to the details. And no, things aren't really changing much, I am still taking care of his personal finances as well as all of his business matters, but the loss I feel due to his move is huge this morning. Sometimes moving forward really, really hurts.
I am still feeling like ass, my energy level is so low. I am worn out, and I don't even know why. Mark has been gone since yesterday morning early, to Kansas City for training for his job. Part of the reason I am in such sad shape is that I have been left to deal with CrazyDog, and that is a big job. We must have walked more than a half a dozen times yesterday, and I'm going to have to take her out again in a bit. She is having issues, worse than usual, and is never happy when her dad is gone. He will be home around six tonight, and it won't be soon enough for me, for many reasons.
Today, I have several things I have got to accomplish. Like I said earlier in this post, time is slipping away, and there are many things left for me to do before Monday. So, I will get busy. I plan to make it to all of your blogs today...I have been trying, but my blog reading time is being interrupted by eyes that won't cooperate. If I have missed yours, I do apologize, I will get there. I am missing my friends. :)