Friday, December 07, 2007

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

I woke up ridiculously early this morning, even for me. Pain is getting to be a real problem these past few days, and yes, I do have pills for that, but I only take them after my workday is over, and taking one at two in the morning would be out of the question if I want to act like I have half a brain at work in the morning at eight. My work hours are getting shorter and shorter and my list of things to accomplish before Tuesday grows longer, since I really have no idea how long I will need to be home after the surgery. I really wanted to be here recovering without worrying (yea right) about the job. It seems that I am the one that is going to make that impossible as I am the one incapable of doing what needs to be done to get me to that point. I get really irritated with myself, as I really believe that if I were a stronger person, a tougher person, a more caring, interested, a better person, I would/could do a better job, regardless of the circumstances. Yes, I know, no need to tell me how whacked out I am. I realize that is a stupid thing to say with one part of my head, believe me. But you all need to realize that if I were not that kind of thinker, then I wouldn't have gotten this far in the first place.... Soul tells me all the time, along with others that matter to me, that they would have given up and quit trying to work, among other things, months ago. First of all, I do not have that choice...and perhaps that would make no difference, I don't know. Secondly, this kind of thinking, that I describe now, is what makes me get up and fight, every day of my life, regardless of the pain. Perhaps it is a good thing, perhaps is isn't. Folks say that being strong is good....I am beginning to think it isn't. But what do I know, hell, it's three am, and I am in a huge amount of physical pain right now. :)

Well this blog entry certainly is not going in the direction I thought it would...but onward.

I have gotten several emails from you all wanting to know how you would be updated about my surgery and wanting to know how long I will be in the hospital, etc. I plan to ask my ultra smart, talented, educated, beautiful daughter to post at least once for me while I am in the hospital---once should be more than enough, as if things go right, I will only be there overnight. She will (I'm sure) let you know that I am fine and when I should be home. After that, depending on how I feel, I will be back with you in a few days. I have zero idea what to expect, but I know I will miss you all if I am away for more than a couple of days....

Oh--this is Friday, isn't it? Wake up Jamie, good heavens. I have alot to do today, but then I did yesterday, and I came home around noon, with big plans to get much finished here. Riiight.I took pills for the burning pain, then mostly, I was worthless. We did get around four inches of snow...oh how I don't love snow. I don't even like looking at it...except for maybe on that rare occasion that I don't have anywhere to be, nothing to do...and perhaps on Christmas Eve.

I have busy plans for my weekend, to keep my mind off of my upcoming surgery, or throat slashing, as I like to call it, and no one else wants to hear...but that is what they are going to do...but anyway, I intend to take pills for pain and go places all weekend, then literally work myself to death on Monday, so that by Tuesday, I will be so exhausted, I will just lay down on that table and say "have at me, boys". teehee Come all know that's funny.

I have had the nicest folks, people I didn't even know cared about me come into the garage, or call me AT HOME, to tell me they are thinking about me, and are wishing me well, one even said they would probably see me at the hospital (wasn't thrilled about that one, but what are you gonna do), and it has surprised me so much. It's funny how you don't even know who knows you are alive. I was thinking about that yesterday, and I felt so blessed. Surprised, but blessed. See Mom, people DO like me. ;) Look Ma, no hands.....Geez, go back to bed.....

I just thought I would tell you all I have the best kids in the world. They will all be home on Sunday to put up my tree, and I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to it. :)

This morning, the song was "Hello". You know the Lionel Richie song from the 80's. :)

I hope you all have a great Friday.


Summer said...

Hello right back at ya!
I know it sounds funny, but, I'm excited about your upcoming surgery. I have great hopes for you.

Josie Two Shoes said...

I so agree with what you were talking about here, with the strength thing. I am still learning that there are times to be incredibly strong and determined, and times that God is wanting us to let go, to realize that it is not our place or responsibility to keep the whole world turning. Finding that balance is tricky, but I know that "Let Go, Let God" works best. You know that you will be surrounded by angels and the prayers of many, many come Tuesday, I'm sure you'll just be glad to finally get it done! I love how your kids are stepping up to decorate your tree together - now that's one of those gifts that are priceless!

SOUL: said...

i really hate that freakin helloo song///
but, again... could it be God, telling you that all these peeps out here are on your side? along with HIM???
whaddayathink bout them apples?
much as you aren't feeling real positive right now, and maybe more of an ostrich with his--ummm, her... head in the sand, than a chicken... runnin around--- doin everything....
well.... you are still... really doing more---and better than most would be at this point, in your situation.
you really need to to realize, and notice, how much you have done, how much you are planning, how MANY people love and pray for you...everyday!!!! and let yourself FEEEL it ALL.
it can only make you stronger---and really you need that strength more right now than you ever have.
don't try to minimize what is going on or coming up--- but don't maximize it either. just take it as it comes... and like Joz said... place it in Gods hands. that really is the best thing you can do at this point.
your next few days are planned out, and sound really good... spent with H and kids. i sooooo hope you can enjoy that time. and be happy. i know the pain is there--- but you can manage that. do what you have to to enjoy your family over the weekend, and like you said... lrt the doctors and god do the rest on tuesday, and the days that follow.
honestly--- i have faith that this will have a good outcome.
remember ...
where two or more are gethered....
and jamie---
YOU have many many more than TWO out here gathered for you.
take care of yourself.
don't sweat the small stuff.
keep us posted... tell D we really appreciate any updates she can and will give us ....
hoping you have a really good day today...ttyl
did i just blog in your box again?

abbagirl74 said...

Have a wonderful weekend Jamie! I'll be thinking of you!

Mary said...

Jamie, I can't say it better than Soul did. Ditto from me. You bet more than two are gathered. You are truly a brave lady. I'd just melt into a puddle of nothingness if I had to fight through the pain you live with. I'm praying for a comfortable weekend with your children and great success with the upcoming surgery.

Mary said...

I just read your comment on the blog I wrote last night. I have a wonderful idea for your recovery time. Ask Santa for an early gift of a bird feeder and lots of bird food. If Santa reads the label on the food he can get food that won't invade your lawn. Birds are so much fun to watch.

The Real Mother Hen said...

(a) Have a good weekend
(b) You're in my prayer
(c) Being strong is no fun. Being weak sucks too.
(d) I won't slash your throat, promise. I will just let you suck on a made-in-China toy.
(e) You will have a gret Christmas, this I promise.

Portia said...

Busy is good. We are getting our tree too this weekend! I hope it's a good one and I'll be thinking of you:)

Andrew said...

I'm with Summer. I am excited about the surgery and hope it helps you immensely. I will be worried to death here in Alabama wanting to know how you fare, though. Take care and if there is anything I can do blogwise then let me know!

Anonymous said...

Good luck Jamie... we are all hoping and praying for the best outcome possible! Enjoy the rest of the week and weekend while you can...?

SOUL: said...

well, any wheeler mods yet?
carbs? back seats? 4 wd?
you must be sleepin in today? that's good.
i hope you did have a good night last night.?

Amanda said...

I give my self attitude too. Why can't you be more like Jamie for pete's sake!

It's hard to accept one's limitations and just be.

You're doing just great Jamie, and I'm looking VERY much forward to reading the good news about the surgery.

desert dirt diva said...

I truly hope your operation goes well and i will be saying prayers for you.....and i will mis you not being online.. hopefully after all this you will be more moblie....I think the snow would be great ... but then i don't live in it!!take care...

desert dirt diva said...

I truly hope your operation goes well and i will be saying prayers for you.....and i will mis you not being online.. hopefully after all this you will be more moblie....I think the snow would be great ... but then i don't live in it!!take care...