I woke up ridiculously early this morning, even for me. Pain is getting to be a real problem these past few days, and yes, I do have pills for that, but I only take them after my workday is over, and taking one at two in the morning would be out of the question if I want to act like I have half a brain at work in the morning at eight. My work hours are getting shorter and shorter and my list of things to accomplish before Tuesday grows longer, since I really have no idea how long I will need to be home after the surgery. I really wanted to be here recovering without worrying (yea right) about the job. It seems that I am the one that is going to make that impossible as I am the one incapable of doing what needs to be done to get me to that point. I get really irritated with myself, as I really believe that if I were a stronger person, a tougher person, a more caring, interested, a better person, I would/could do a better job, regardless of the circumstances. Yes, I know, no need to tell me how whacked out I am. I realize that is a stupid thing to say with one part of my head, believe me. But you all need to realize that if I were not that kind of thinker, then I wouldn't have gotten this far in the first place.... Soul tells me all the time, along with others that matter to me, that they would have given up and quit trying to work, among other things, months ago. First of all, I do not have that choice...and perhaps that would make no difference, I don't know. Secondly, this kind of thinking, that I describe now, is what makes me get up and fight, every day of my life, regardless of the pain. Perhaps it is a good thing, perhaps is isn't. Folks say that being strong is good....I am beginning to think it isn't. But what do I know, hell, it's three am, and I am in a huge amount of physical pain right now. :)
Well this blog entry certainly is not going in the direction I thought it would...but onward.
I have gotten several emails from you all wanting to know how you would be updated about my surgery and wanting to know how long I will be in the hospital, etc. I plan to ask my ultra smart, talented, educated, beautiful daughter to post at least once for me while I am in the hospital---once should be more than enough, as if things go right, I will only be there overnight. She will (I'm sure) let you know that I am fine and when I should be home. After that, depending on how I feel, I will be back with you in a few days. I have zero idea what to expect, but I know I will miss you all if I am away for more than a couple of days....
Oh--this is Friday, isn't it? Wake up Jamie, good heavens. I have alot to do today, but then I did yesterday, and I came home around noon, with big plans to get much finished here. Riiight.I took pills for the burning pain, then mostly, I was worthless. We did get around four inches of snow...oh how I don't love snow. I don't even like looking at it...except for maybe on that rare occasion that I don't have anywhere to be, nothing to do...and perhaps on Christmas Eve.
I have busy plans for my weekend, to keep my mind off of my upcoming surgery, or throat slashing, as I like to call it, and no one else wants to hear...but that is what they are going to do...but anyway, I intend to take pills for pain and go places all weekend, then literally work myself to death on Monday, so that by Tuesday, I will be so exhausted, I will just lay down on that table and say "have at me, boys". teehee Come on...you all know that's funny.
I have had the nicest folks, people I didn't even know cared about me come into the garage, or call me AT HOME, to tell me they are thinking about me, and are wishing me well, one even said they would probably see me at the hospital (wasn't thrilled about that one, but what are you gonna do), and it has surprised me so much. It's funny how you don't even know who knows you are alive. I was thinking about that yesterday, and I felt so blessed. Surprised, but blessed. See Mom, people DO like me. ;) Look Ma, no hands.....Geez, go back to bed.....
I just thought I would tell you all I have the best kids in the world. They will all be home on Sunday to put up my tree, and I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to it. :)
This morning, the song was "Hello". You know the Lionel Richie song from the 80's. :)
I hope you all have a great Friday.