Wah Wah Wednesday

Life in my little corner of this world has been up and down. Mostly down, and not necessarily my own doing. I lean toward the school of Life is What YOU Make It...but sometimes not all things can be controlled by us. I am trying to roll along with it, in spite of things that sting.

It is Wednesday, so far my week has been very busy. The old month is behind me, and I am one bonus pay schedule from having it all put away. A piece of cake for this morning, and May will be front and center. April was a lucrative, busy month. I have high hopes for this month, too.

I have spent my down time reading and sleeping and enjoying. Mostly sleeping, although that feels really wrong. Medications play a huge roll in this, and oh how I wish I could back off from them, instead of run to them in the evenings. I am enjoying my new (old) computer as well as the notebook style little puter I ordered and received a couple of days ago. Thursday, hopefully, all the technical crap will be wrapped up as my stellar computer friend will be here to finish the routing and re-routing of it all. That was supposed to happen last evening, but the clash of schedules got in the way and required a new date.

I am soon embarking on a new position of becoming an AVON lady. I KNOW! I can't imagine it either, but the Avon I remember is not the Avon of today. I am finding that I love many, many of their products and spending way too much money in the process, so I may as well sell it, if only to myself. I am learning now - but soon will have availability to all of it, so should you find an Avon void in your life, do let me know.  :)  Soon, I will have a web page to make ordering easier, and I will keep you all posted on that.

I do believe that Spring has actually, finally sprung around here. It is still pretty cool, a coat or jacket required but there has been sunshine the past few days, in a row, even!

Just for fun I am reposting a most awesome picture of my TWO YEARS OLD TODAY Brodie, on the day he met the Chef ---- Boy Ardee, of course. You just can't help but smile when you see it:

Happy Birthday my little Brodie ---- (Today is the day, but Saturday is the party).  LOVE LOVE LOVE you!

And a Happy Hump Day to you all!!

Do be do..

Spent my day yesterday, watching the inauguration, in-between the mundane household tasks. I cried a little, at the hope on the faces of those that traveled so far to be there...at the words I sincerely want to be true...and at the realization that I couldn't call my mom and compare notes and thoughts. She was the reason I love politics, she was the reason I have my own ideas and beliefs. We often differed politically and we always enjoyed the discussions. I miss my mom. I had a dream about her last night, when I woke up, I forgot she was gone for a moment. That was the best moment I will have today.

I have spent the past few days on the phone, trying to gather information for/about the business closing that I wrote about a few days ago. In doing that, I have learned that MANY of the small car dealerships that I know so well and that are in this general area are closing. I don't even know what to say to that. For one thing, it explains why I am still unemployed, as I know as sure as I'm sitting here that my many years of experience in that field is certainly desired --- assuming, of course, that there is business being done. I knew the business in general had gone south, but I was not aware of the enormity of the problem. That knowledge doesn't exactly make me feel better, but it does help me understand.

I have been working on a deal for the ice cream store for the past two months...there had been an offer made, but certain things had to be done and accountants had to be consulted and blah-blah-blah. In the end, it fell through. Yesterday was the day that I was notified. That too, made me cry...as the cash flow here and for Bill is becoming an issue. He of course has now lost over three hundred thousand on the car dealership, and the cash that would have cleared on the ICS deal would have helped him along until the mess could be sorted out in court. My finances were needing the shot in the arm that the sale would have provided, as well. There is not a job to be found - at least not for me. I am overqualified for what is available, and they don't mind saying that. No matter how much I assure them that I will not be moving on to greener pastures when the opportunity arises. And of course, I would. They aren't stupid.

Today, I have to SHOP...with my sons. Have I mentioned that I hate shopping?

Happy Wednesday. :)

Rambling Rose

Two weeks from today, Mark and I and a zillion other family members will set off in a rented van for Las Vegas. (The others will not be driving with us, I bought them plane tickets.) Under the circumstances, I am not sure if I should feel like going, but I have to tell you all ---- I cannot wait. I mean, I cannot WAIT. I know that leaving all the problems doesn't change any of them but if I don't get a break from the bullshit of life soon....I fear that I will become one of this families issues, as I will have to be locked up in a padded room. For the past year - yes it has been a whole year--things just keep going to hell. It began last summer/fall, when I was getting too weak to walk. And we all know that progressed to the wheelchair...then, my daughter found herself with child, and we all know how that ended late last January. Then my job blew up in my face, then we moved from the town I called home for the past 14 years, then I have taken and quit several jobs....then one child after another has had serious, scary issues...and now my mom. And daughter finds herself with child again. I am not celebrating this, and won't ---- until things are certain to be okay, as for my own protection, I just plain can't. Excuse me if that sounds cold but once I have been screwed in this life by something out of my control, I must....I HAVE to wait until I am relatively sure that it can't happen again. I certainly am not happy with some of the choices she has decided to make but again, not in my control and seriously, if I think about all of this too much right now, I am afraid of what will happen to me. And yes, I know that this is not about me, but if I don't consider me in all of it, I don't know what might happen. I have become too fragile to deal with most anything...and that's the first time I have ever said that. I don't like fragile people, but I am now understanding them. (I still don't like them.) There is something in me that makes me plod on....and once I quit doing that, I worry about what happens then. The one thing I do know is this: My life has to settle down. Things around me have to stop falling to shit or there will be no one wanting my help anymore, as they are going to have to help me.

It is Sunday, and Trav goes home today. I know she is ready, she has been gone a long time. She is so good at helping when help is needed, she spent literally all day - thirteen hours at the hospital with mom yesterday, as Richard had to be gone to take care of some business. I didn't even make it there, when I woke up yesterday, I was in a huge amount of pain and was too weak to walk across the floor, that scared me, I haven't been like that in months. Then as the day wore on, I came down with a full blown cold--sore throat, runny nose, coughing. Just great. I need to go to the hospital today but am not too sure I should, although with all the medications my mom is on, it's hard to believe that my cold would be a problem. But anyway, Trav will go home today and I will miss her. Somehow she always gets in on the drama of my life, and there has been plenty of that....so I am more than sure she is ready to leave.

Mom has been transferred to a regular room and may get to go home herself in a few days. She is still having issues but they are things that can be taken care of from there. I am so shocked that she has survived this. I feel like we have all been given one more chance at time with her, as we all know it's a matter of time before her lungs fail completely. Even just a couple of months more would be wonderful, and I plan to make the most of the time. Unfortunately, I have to get myself back to work now, as financially I cannot wait any longer. I feel completely unprepared to do that, my mind seems to be missing. I go back in to talk with my manager tomorrow, to see how I can possibly stay on the timetable that had been set up --- as I am not prepared to move further with my training. A good part of today has to be spent with my nose in a book and I pray that I can find my brain before then.

So back to the vacation --- yes, I know it's selfish of me to feel like taking one now. I know that. But if I have ever needed anything before, it couldn't be more than I need this now. And I know that I am taking most of my issues along with me...my kids...but they will be on strict notice that I want to hear NOTHING bad, this is a time for fun and if they can't accomplish that, then stay way from ME. I have the highest hopes that everyone can get along while there -- just call me Rodney King----but seriously, EVERYONE has to get along for four days. FOUR DAYS. Will it kill them? I think not. LATER.

Normal ME?

I woke up ridiculously early this morning, it was storming, weather warnings - from severe thunderstorm to flooding to tornado. We're still in one piece. I did bring in the patio furniture off of the balcony and I'm happy I did, I suspect I would have found it two floors below, judging by the wind strength.

Today is the day I return to some sort of normalcy, not that what I am going to be doing is any kind of normal for me. I will be happy when once again, I know what I am doing. That takes awhile, and one would think that by now I would be accustomed to not knowing what the hell is going on, but that is not one of my strong points. And we all know it takes time to learn it...I will be at the agency office all day today however, for the most part I will generally be working from home, once I know what that involves. My manager wants me to accompany him on a couple of sales appointments, that will be helpful. He also wants me to accompany a couple of other agents, and I politely refused. They are young and new to sales, and perhaps they have been selling with this company for a while now, but I have been selling longer than they have been alive. I can do this with little help, believe me. I am well aware I need to learn what to do specifically to this company, but after I learn that, leave me alone and let me work. I hope that I didn't sound like I have a bad attitude, that was not my intention. I merely think that sales is sales, whether you are selling health insurance or widgets...(what the hell is a widget anyway?), and I can do it without someone looking over my shoulder. I do not work for this company, I am not their employee. I am a contracted agent. I will listen to their suggestions and will do what is required, which is little by the way, and then, I will do what I feel is best for my own success. Yes, I am aware that isolating yourself when you are in sales is counterproductive...I know all of that. Particularly when you are the kind of person that lacks motivation and discipline. That is not me...and my once weekly sales meetings that take place on Monday is more than enough to keep me in the loop. Other than that...leave me alone. :) So, it will be a long day today. I will stick around into the evening to make calls, as the telephone is going to be my life line. I am not big on calling, I am a better cold caller in person, but I will utilize whatever means I can. I have spent a while now trying to get my state license applied for online, but as usual with any state website, there is some kind of glitch...and will probably have to call them during regular business hours.

Yesterday was such a nice, relaxing, calming day. Mark and I were the only people in this apartment all day, and I think that is a first since we have lived here. We left for a little while to do some shopping, other than that, it was quiet. I did not go out for the bike ride I so desperately wanted, I knew that I had a choice between that and doing any other thing yesterday...had I chosen the ride I would have been on the couch the rest of the day. So I gave that idea up.

I will look for all of you later tonight. Have a happy day. :)

No fun here

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a couple of days, there are many things happening here - most of them not good, although they are not directly in my own family. I have been trying to help Stephanie through some rough times, her dad is dying, and it has been really hard on her. (For those of you that don't know, she is the GF of my youngest son, Jordan.) There is of course, nothing I can do to really help, but I have been trying to support her in any way I can, you all know how much I love that girl, and she is so young to be trying to deal with this. Now there has been another tragedy in that family, and I don't feel that I can say what it is right now. I will tell you all about it in the next few days, when I know that all that read here-real people in my life and that family- have been told in the proper manner. Just suffice it to say, it's a tragedy of the worst kind, and I can't help but worry about her, and of course, Jordan, as this is going to be really hard on them. I keep waiting for things to settle down for her, for them, but apparently that is not to be just yet.

In the rest of my life, I am through with training, but as a result of what's happened, I have not taken the tests yet. I will take the company test on Tuesday, after I take the state test. And again, although I can't say, I'm not sure I'm going to be ready to do that, as Steph and Jordy were scheduled to work at the ICS on Sunday, and now I'm certain that won't be happening and I may have to work there on that day, too. UGH. Finding any employees to work this holiday weekend has been a problem and although it should not be this way, the reality is that you either let them off for the weekend or they quit and you have no one at all...so Mark and I work all day today and tomorrow...and now probably Sunday. Poor Craig has really had his hands full this week...and I know he's tired and grumpy and well, welcome to the world of restaurant management.

I will sign off now - I am feeling like ass this morning, no sleep, up worrying, so much of the night. I hope all of you have the best 4th of July ever, and have some fun for me, will ya?

:)

Lightening and thunder and rain, oh my!

This is not a pic of the storm I had to drive through on the way to the Whippy Dip yesterday, but it could have been. I took this shot the night before on my balcony, but it looks similar to the freaking "hurricane" I experienced yesterday. I want you all to know, I have driven all over this country in every kind of imaginable weather, as a rule, weather conditions don't bother me. Yesterday, it bothered me. For a time, my car left the pavement and it floated along. It was only for a few seconds, I'm sure, but it felt like an eternity at the time. It was raining too hard to see that I was about to drive into a huge pool of rushing water, and I was on an interstate bypass, for heavens sake...had I floated away, I would have been in good company, as I was in a long string of traffic that I'm sure was also freaked out that the situation had turned as scary as it quickly had. Right after that, I watched an electricity transformer blow up after being struck by lightening and then burn for a bit. What a ride that was. And all I was trying to do was get to the Ice Cream Store like a good little girl...

I worked hard yesterday, but got many things done at the store. The problem with working that way in a place like that, by this time next week, it will all need doing again. By the time I left there at three-thirty, walking was a problem. Mark came in and covered for me the rest of the day, and I was quite grateful. Like I have said a gazillion times recently, I cannot do that work anymore. It makes me mad, but it is the reality.

Craig and Jordy came and got me last evening and we went to dinner. An Italian place that none of us had ever been to before. It was okay, but I am not a lover of Italian food. I had eggplant Parmesan, I would have liked it way better had it not been fried, but it was good, overall.

I got home, laid down on the couch and that was that. I didn't wake up until after midnight, and I wasn't even sure if Mark had made it home or not. I must have really been sleeping. (he had, just so you know).

Today, Friday again, where does the time go? Lots of bookwork to do, no matter how much I accomplish, it just goes on forever. But I am grateful for another day to try and get caught up. Training starts for my new job on Monday...and I am trying to study for the state exam, and my eyes are giving me all kinds of problems...hell, anyone want to read it to me? I have no idea what to do about my eyes, my glasses prescription is "right on" according to my eye Dr, and he says the problem resides in my brain, but frankly, it doesn't matter where it is, a solution to that problem will apparently not be forthcoming, but seeing double most of the time, and triple at other times, is becoming a huge pain in the ass. Who knew that neurological problems could cause such a thing?

Have a very happy Friday. :)

The brain drain

It has been a really long time since I have been required to learn and RETAIN the information, and let me tell you this old brain is protesting! However, it is interesting, and I like the other women involved so it will be okay. The day runs late but doesn't start until 9:30...by then, I have been up for hours. The evenings are for homework and studying, there will be little downtime while I'm here. Which is okay with me, I've no plans or any desire to go out and do anything...I am just trying to get through this. That's all I ask, I want to get through it, learn it, REMEMBER it.

My roomie decided against the job, I assume, since she never did show up or even call. I can't say my heart was broken...I hope they find no other way to put me "with" someone else.

I really like it here, I think this place is very pretty, clean, the people are friendly. It's a good place to be if I can't be home with my husband and kitties.

Craig is having issues at the ICS- with employees, scheduling, you name it. Welcome to management.

I have got to go down and get more coffee. I hope each of you have a great Tuesday!