So...I spent most of the day Monday, driving to and from an appointment with my neurologist. The drive was a bitch, the results of seeing the dr were worse. It seems that I now have to start a new round of appointments with a urologist. I have never seen one before and don't want to see one now. However, it seems that assuming the uro finds nothing wrong, then I have to seriously look at having more surgery on my neck. My doc believes that my spinal cord is showing signs of injury, and that if not taken care of as quickly as possible, the damage could be permanent. Since we are talking about a bodily function that I seriously prefer to work properly, his news scared the bejezus out of me. I am about to my breaking point. It seems that no matter how hard I try to make myself feel better, there is nothing that can change the course of this damned disease. My doc was very stern about understanding that this will be progressive and I need to take it seriously, while hoping that the progression stops. Does that make sense? Then he took out his prescription pad and brought out the big guns in medication. He believes that if I can rest without pain at night, it will help me feel alot better during the day. He was very proud of my exercise and weight loss. All in all, I left there wanting to cry.
So, I broke it off with the new fella. I really liked him, alot. But he kept talking future, future, future. Right now, I am doing well dealing with today. I am so tired and feel so bad all the time, and trying to see him was becoming a problem. It is so difficult when a new person doesn't understand, and there is no way he could. And, I have to ask---why is it that women always get the blame of wanting to plan and make things permanent? In my experience, it has always been the men that have to ruin things. Just sayin'.
I am tired today, and I haven't even gotten started yet. I HAVE been dealing with severe pain recently, but I haven't let it stop me much. That of course, makes it worse. I haven't gone to the pharmacy yet, I am always afraid of new meds...
And I am off to start this party. Happy Hump Day, I'm gone. :)
Showing posts with label boring stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boring stuff. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
I have the bullets, do you have a gun?
- No heat in this apartment this morning, at least not from the furnace. Every damned time they come in to change the filter, which was yesterday, they leave the switch on the furnace turned to off. Furnace closet door is locked, so yeah...no heat. It's currently 6 outside. That's right, 6. Thank goodness for small room heaters..
- I go in late today, and come home late. Not really a problem, but I honestly do hate driving home in the dark. It will be after six when I get here, and that's way past dark thirty.
- Just about one more week and the craziness at work will be over. I have been working my tail off since the first of the year, and all things are on target and going well. Now I am left with closing the month of January, still waiting on the CPA for the final numbers and then the 13 month statement..and back to normal. Yea!
- I have been honestly EXCITED about the fact that I have been able to drive to and from work normally. Seriously. No ice, snow...it's still there of course, but nothing on the pavement. The first day I could drive that way I kept checking to make sure I wasn't speeding, it had been so long since I was able to drive the limit. Never mind the fact that we are in the deep freeze, single digits during the day, below zero at night.
- This fatty mcbutterpants has done well the past few days...no junk, no chocolate...oh how I love chocolate. I took the giant bowl of candy to work, it was gone in a couple of hours..much to Mark's dismay, I might add. He was rather dumbfounded last weekend when I had no Kit-Kat's. Poor Mark.
- The detail boys in the back at work made pancakes for lunch yesterday. (Yes, we have an interesting group like that.) I was invited but held off...and stayed with my boring, chicken tuscany, (light) soup. I have to say it looked like I-Hop back there. I am going to get my cholesterol down if it kills me. Bleh.
- I haven't even filled the new prescriptions yet, I will do that tomorrow. I just won't start new meds during the week when I have to work. It would be my luck to have some sort of bad reaction and make an ass of myself on the job. I need no help in that area, so yeah..tomorrow.
- Happy Friday, friends!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Do be do..
Spent my day yesterday, watching the inauguration, in-between the mundane household tasks. I cried a little, at the hope on the faces of those that traveled so far to be there...at the words I sincerely want to be true...and at the realization that I couldn't call my mom and compare notes and thoughts. She was the reason I love politics, she was the reason I have my own ideas and beliefs. We often differed politically and we always enjoyed the discussions. I miss my mom. I had a dream about her last night, when I woke up, I forgot she was gone for a moment. That was the best moment I will have today.
I have spent the past few days on the phone, trying to gather information for/about the business closing that I wrote about a few days ago. In doing that, I have learned that MANY of the small car dealerships that I know so well and that are in this general area are closing. I don't even know what to say to that. For one thing, it explains why I am still unemployed, as I know as sure as I'm sitting here that my many years of experience in that field is certainly desired --- assuming, of course, that there is business being done. I knew the business in general had gone south, but I was not aware of the enormity of the problem. That knowledge doesn't exactly make me feel better, but it does help me understand.
I have been working on a deal for the ice cream store for the past two months...there had been an offer made, but certain things had to be done and accountants had to be consulted and blah-blah-blah. In the end, it fell through. Yesterday was the day that I was notified. That too, made me cry...as the cash flow here and for Bill is becoming an issue. He of course has now lost over three hundred thousand on the car dealership, and the cash that would have cleared on the ICS deal would have helped him along until the mess could be sorted out in court. My finances were needing the shot in the arm that the sale would have provided, as well. There is not a job to be found - at least not for me. I am overqualified for what is available, and they don't mind saying that. No matter how much I assure them that I will not be moving on to greener pastures when the opportunity arises. And of course, I would. They aren't stupid.
Today, I have to SHOP...with my sons. Have I mentioned that I hate shopping?
Happy Wednesday. :)
I have spent the past few days on the phone, trying to gather information for/about the business closing that I wrote about a few days ago. In doing that, I have learned that MANY of the small car dealerships that I know so well and that are in this general area are closing. I don't even know what to say to that. For one thing, it explains why I am still unemployed, as I know as sure as I'm sitting here that my many years of experience in that field is certainly desired --- assuming, of course, that there is business being done. I knew the business in general had gone south, but I was not aware of the enormity of the problem. That knowledge doesn't exactly make me feel better, but it does help me understand.
I have been working on a deal for the ice cream store for the past two months...there had been an offer made, but certain things had to be done and accountants had to be consulted and blah-blah-blah. In the end, it fell through. Yesterday was the day that I was notified. That too, made me cry...as the cash flow here and for Bill is becoming an issue. He of course has now lost over three hundred thousand on the car dealership, and the cash that would have cleared on the ICS deal would have helped him along until the mess could be sorted out in court. My finances were needing the shot in the arm that the sale would have provided, as well. There is not a job to be found - at least not for me. I am overqualified for what is available, and they don't mind saying that. No matter how much I assure them that I will not be moving on to greener pastures when the opportunity arises. And of course, I would. They aren't stupid.
Today, I have to SHOP...with my sons. Have I mentioned that I hate shopping?
Happy Wednesday. :)
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Rambling Rose
Two weeks from today, Mark and I and a zillion other family members will set off in a rented van for Las Vegas. (The others will not be driving with us, I bought them plane tickets.) Under the circumstances, I am not sure if I should feel like going, but I have to tell you all ---- I cannot wait. I mean, I cannot WAIT. I know that leaving all the problems doesn't change any of them but if I don't get a break from the bullshit of life soon....I fear that I will become one of this families issues, as I will have to be locked up in a padded room. For the past year - yes it has been a whole year--things just keep going to hell. It began last summer/fall, when I was getting too weak to walk. And we all know that progressed to the wheelchair...then, my daughter found herself with child, and we all know how that ended late last January. Then my job blew up in my face, then we moved from the town I called home for the past 14 years, then I have taken and quit several jobs....then one child after another has had serious, scary issues...and now my mom. And daughter finds herself with child again. I am not celebrating this, and won't ---- until things are certain to be okay, as for my own protection, I just plain can't. Excuse me if that sounds cold but once I have been screwed in this life by something out of my control, I must....I HAVE to wait until I am relatively sure that it can't happen again. I certainly am not happy with some of the choices she has decided to make but again, not in my control and seriously, if I think about all of this too much right now, I am afraid of what will happen to me. And yes, I know that this is not about me, but if I don't consider me in all of it, I don't know what might happen. I have become too fragile to deal with most anything...and that's the first time I have ever said that. I don't like fragile people, but I am now understanding them. (I still don't like them.) There is something in me that makes me plod on....and once I quit doing that, I worry about what happens then. The one thing I do know is this: My life has to settle down. Things around me have to stop falling to shit or there will be no one wanting my help anymore, as they are going to have to help me.
It is Sunday, and Trav goes home today. I know she is ready, she has been gone a long time. She is so good at helping when help is needed, she spent literally all day - thirteen hours at the hospital with mom yesterday, as Richard had to be gone to take care of some business. I didn't even make it there, when I woke up yesterday, I was in a huge amount of pain and was too weak to walk across the floor, that scared me, I haven't been like that in months. Then as the day wore on, I came down with a full blown cold--sore throat, runny nose, coughing. Just great. I need to go to the hospital today but am not too sure I should, although with all the medications my mom is on, it's hard to believe that my cold would be a problem. But anyway, Trav will go home today and I will miss her. Somehow she always gets in on the drama of my life, and there has been plenty of that....so I am more than sure she is ready to leave.
Mom has been transferred to a regular room and may get to go home herself in a few days. She is still having issues but they are things that can be taken care of from there. I am so shocked that she has survived this. I feel like we have all been given one more chance at time with her, as we all know it's a matter of time before her lungs fail completely. Even just a couple of months more would be wonderful, and I plan to make the most of the time. Unfortunately, I have to get myself back to work now, as financially I cannot wait any longer. I feel completely unprepared to do that, my mind seems to be missing. I go back in to talk with my manager tomorrow, to see how I can possibly stay on the timetable that had been set up --- as I am not prepared to move further with my training. A good part of today has to be spent with my nose in a book and I pray that I can find my brain before then.
So back to the vacation --- yes, I know it's selfish of me to feel like taking one now. I know that. But if I have ever needed anything before, it couldn't be more than I need this now. And I know that I am taking most of my issues along with me...my kids...but they will be on strict notice that I want to hear NOTHING bad, this is a time for fun and if they can't accomplish that, then stay way from ME. I have the highest hopes that everyone can get along while there -- just call me Rodney King----but seriously, EVERYONE has to get along for four days. FOUR DAYS. Will it kill them? I think not. LATER.
It is Sunday, and Trav goes home today. I know she is ready, she has been gone a long time. She is so good at helping when help is needed, she spent literally all day - thirteen hours at the hospital with mom yesterday, as Richard had to be gone to take care of some business. I didn't even make it there, when I woke up yesterday, I was in a huge amount of pain and was too weak to walk across the floor, that scared me, I haven't been like that in months. Then as the day wore on, I came down with a full blown cold--sore throat, runny nose, coughing. Just great. I need to go to the hospital today but am not too sure I should, although with all the medications my mom is on, it's hard to believe that my cold would be a problem. But anyway, Trav will go home today and I will miss her. Somehow she always gets in on the drama of my life, and there has been plenty of that....so I am more than sure she is ready to leave.
Mom has been transferred to a regular room and may get to go home herself in a few days. She is still having issues but they are things that can be taken care of from there. I am so shocked that she has survived this. I feel like we have all been given one more chance at time with her, as we all know it's a matter of time before her lungs fail completely. Even just a couple of months more would be wonderful, and I plan to make the most of the time. Unfortunately, I have to get myself back to work now, as financially I cannot wait any longer. I feel completely unprepared to do that, my mind seems to be missing. I go back in to talk with my manager tomorrow, to see how I can possibly stay on the timetable that had been set up --- as I am not prepared to move further with my training. A good part of today has to be spent with my nose in a book and I pray that I can find my brain before then.
So back to the vacation --- yes, I know it's selfish of me to feel like taking one now. I know that. But if I have ever needed anything before, it couldn't be more than I need this now. And I know that I am taking most of my issues along with me...my kids...but they will be on strict notice that I want to hear NOTHING bad, this is a time for fun and if they can't accomplish that, then stay way from ME. I have the highest hopes that everyone can get along while there -- just call me Rodney King----but seriously, EVERYONE has to get along for four days. FOUR DAYS. Will it kill them? I think not. LATER.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Procrastination is my middle name
It's a beautiful morning, but I know another unbearably HOT and HUMID day is on the way, once again. It has been so sticky that walking early - at six - has been a really sweaty experience.
I am enjoying my morning walks, generally done alone, sometimes with Mark and yesterday, with Mark and CrazyDog, but she slows me down, so I will leave her to Mark today. Most generally, it's me and God..walking along, amidst the construction messes, virtually everywhere. These construction workers start early here, and work late, so there is no way I can avoid them, and I really don't care if they think I am the crazy lady, walking along.....seemingly talking to herself, but really having pretty intense conversations with the Man. As usual, it has been me running my mouth...recently, I am trying to listen as much as talk. That's kind of hard to do, but I'm learning.
We had a wonderful day with our Mom yesterday, sometimes when I visit, she is feeling so bad that it can be quite difficult to even get her attention, yesterday, the day was awesome. She was happy to see us, our stepdad cooked us the most wonderful lunch...and by the time we left, I could tell she was ready to lay down, she was so very tired. She is in a lot of pain all the time, and I certainly understand how that can wear a person out. After we left there, we drove to the Ice Cream Store---Trav needed her Butterfinger avalanche, and I needed to pick up some paperwork and money. Trav and I had a wonderful day in general, we really spent most of the day talking---well, talking and driving. It felt like I spent hours behind the wheel.
Last night, we ordered dinner out and started the Friday Night Lights series on DVD, I love that show, and she had never even heard of it. I think she is sufficiently hooked...we watched FOUR episodes, have ten more in the first season, now I have to find the second season on DVD. Season three begins in October, and that's one show I really am looking forward to seeing again.
Today---bookwork, since I have put the quarterly tax reports for the ICS off until the last day...good heavens, I didn't use to wait 'til the last minute to do anything.
Happy Thursday to you all.
:)
I am enjoying my morning walks, generally done alone, sometimes with Mark and yesterday, with Mark and CrazyDog, but she slows me down, so I will leave her to Mark today. Most generally, it's me and God..walking along, amidst the construction messes, virtually everywhere. These construction workers start early here, and work late, so there is no way I can avoid them, and I really don't care if they think I am the crazy lady, walking along.....seemingly talking to herself, but really having pretty intense conversations with the Man. As usual, it has been me running my mouth...recently, I am trying to listen as much as talk. That's kind of hard to do, but I'm learning.
We had a wonderful day with our Mom yesterday, sometimes when I visit, she is feeling so bad that it can be quite difficult to even get her attention, yesterday, the day was awesome. She was happy to see us, our stepdad cooked us the most wonderful lunch...and by the time we left, I could tell she was ready to lay down, she was so very tired. She is in a lot of pain all the time, and I certainly understand how that can wear a person out. After we left there, we drove to the Ice Cream Store---Trav needed her Butterfinger avalanche, and I needed to pick up some paperwork and money. Trav and I had a wonderful day in general, we really spent most of the day talking---well, talking and driving. It felt like I spent hours behind the wheel.
Last night, we ordered dinner out and started the Friday Night Lights series on DVD, I love that show, and she had never even heard of it. I think she is sufficiently hooked...we watched FOUR episodes, have ten more in the first season, now I have to find the second season on DVD. Season three begins in October, and that's one show I really am looking forward to seeing again.
Today---bookwork, since I have put the quarterly tax reports for the ICS off until the last day...good heavens, I didn't use to wait 'til the last minute to do anything.
Happy Thursday to you all.
:)
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