Sunday, November 09, 2008

Heaven lies at the feet of all mothers.

Yesterday was quite a day - emotional - oh so sad- but still good in a way. I have been afraid of issues, either between us girls or between us girls and Richard, over some of the things that we wanted to keep that belonged to our Mom. But I have to say, there wasn't one single moment when things felt ugly or even like they could get that way. Mom had been pretty specific over the years about what she wanted to go to who, and that was pretty much the way it ended up. I have always heard about the family debacles that arise upon the death of a parent...even in my own extended family, and I'm pretty sure that happens in many families, someone makes an ass of themselves and cause a scene over things...and I have never understood it. Until now, that is. Now that my mom is gone, I do get it...the things that she loved or used or were important to her is all that is left of what my mother was as a person. I know that each of us has a heart full of her, but her worldly things suddenly take on a new meaning and I found myself feeling that those inanimate objects were her. So, I DO understand now how families are torn apart over what seems so petty to outsiders. I also know that money causes many of these family fights, and in that department, there is nothing to fight over. But each of us girls got everything that was important to us - Richard was so very gracious about whatever it was that we wanted. I was unsure how that would be taken by him, but he was so wonderful to us and we are all aware that he did not have to be. There were some extremely difficult moments...the hardest part for me were her clothes. I cleaned out all of her closets and bureau drawers and cried alot. Since I was old enough to work, I have bought so many things for my mom, she was so much fun to buy for--she was tiny and beautiful and so very fashion conscious...way MORE than I ever was. So as I filled up the boxes for Goodwill, so many things that I had given her and that she loved brought big, giant was at times, truly gut wrenching. Over the past couple of years she had lost even more weight and when she died she was in a size extra small or a girls size 14...and her clothes looked like doll clothes. I have spent many hours trying to find her things that fit...and there they all were...and it broke my heart. For her 70th birthday-just three years ago-she wanted those damned death trap shoes, Carrie Bradshaw's she called them, the pointy toe out to there-four inch spike heel pumps, in black. AND SHE WORE THEM. With her little, tiny, faded blue jeans and her black leather belt...and she was adorable. And there those shoes were, I had searched all over to find them in that ridiculous size...she had a quad A narrow foot...Nine West actually made them. Those shoes made me realize how special she was, how funny she was...and just how much I am going to miss my mother. She was like no other and that seriously is the truth. But, I survived. The ordeal of cleaning out her personal belongings is behind us. It hurt more than I can convey, but it helped in some strange way, too. I am just beginning to understand that my life will never be the same. It will be okay, but never the same. She has left a void that cannot be filled up with anything or anyone else and that is okay. I will make it my tribute to her---because seriously, how much more important can any person be than to leave a hole in someones heart?

Today, my sisters will still be with me, until this evening, anyway. I am going to cook dinner for them before they leave. It is mom's dinner actually---I really can cook almost as well as mom could and this will be all hers...just the way she always made it. It will be just the right ending to these rough couple of weeks. I hope you all have a great Sunday. :)


Smocha said...

I'm so glad the day turned out as well as it could have for you girls.
Your mom sounds just adorable.

Soul and I had a different kind of "hole". We spent our entire lives hoping that our mother would change and "be a real mother" , once she was gone we had to face the finality that it was never going to happen.

It's a strange thing to NOT miss her and to be hard pressed to dredge up some good memories of her.

"because seriously, how much more important can any person be than to leave a hole in someones heart?"

You are soooo right about that.

In the near future ,the pain will dim for you and you will smile when you think of your dear mom.

Many hugs to ya Jamie!

ac said...

Your stories about your Mother are always filled with words of love and respect. I admire your ability to convey your feelings so well like that. I feel from your writing that I truly understand your relationship with her and how wonderful she was... and I'm thinking how this wonderful person will now live on in you and your children. xoxo ac

SOUL: said...

"how much more important can any person be than to leave a hole in someones heart"

no bein silly here-- but that is a wonderful way to sum up a very special persons' life. it belongs in a card-- on a plaque?? i hope she knows how much you girls love her.

i'm sorry it was a rough time for you 3, but i am also happy to hear that it went as smoothly as it did.
and i know what you mean about the simplest of things meaning the most. i hope you kept the shoes. no idea what you would ever do with them, just somehow having them close can be comforting.

anyways--- in my earlier note-- i didn't know that dinner was to be soo special--- so forgive me for what may have seemed insensitive. and i hope you girls have a wonderful day-- remembering the good times.
don't be sad today--
your mom was a special lady---
cheers to the four of you today---

love you
ox xo

Golden To Silver Val said...

I sure do know what you went through. My dad requested me to come and get all of my mom's clothing 2 weeks after her death. I really didn't want to do it but was told by friends if I didn't, he may do a complete turn-around and not let me touch anything, making a shrine of sorts to her....and that's not really healthy. So, on my 39th birthday I was there doing just that. I donated 90% of them and sold the remainder to a woman who was mom's size. I did this alone, as I'm an only child....and it hurt but later I was glad it was over. The only surprise was an envelope of money hidden in her hanging shoe bag. There was a couple hundred dollars there and I gave it to my dad.
Big hugs to you and your sisters.

Cheryl said...

You made me cry. This was so touching. And I thought about what I'd write about my mom one day.

What you did was very hard, and it's amazing that it went so well. As you said, it often doesn't.

What did you make for dinner?

Amanda said...

I can only imagine...

I'm glad this worked out well for all of you.

bonnie said...

This was a beautiful beautiful post. I feel as though I just went through the closet with you, cried with you, knelt with you before those boxes, had hugs. I could see her clothes, those shoes!, her petite self with a huge attitude. Without fame, I forget how important one person can be to the lives of others, even if it's just one other. You help me remember.

And yes, what was that dinner.

Romany Angel said...

What a beautiful and touching tribute this was to your dear sweet mother Jamie. Now another step has been taken, another dreaded task done, so now you can just hold the memory of your mom close to your heart and bring up a memory or two when your heart can endure it. Big hugs and kisses to you.

M Chickk said...

What you said is the absolute truth. Your life will never be the same, but it will be okay.

Eventually, it will be.

Take care.