The way we were

I am so very tired this morning. We worked hard yesterday, although we barely made a visible dent in all that needs doing. The insides of all the file cabinets are organized though, and there is about forty pounds of useless paperwork sitting in a garbage bag waiting to go to the burn pile at Mark's brothers place. I cannot tell you how good it made me feel to get rid of so much paper...some of which I have been carrying around for ever. I also cannot tell you how surprised I am that so much of the paperwork made me cry...and that is a reaction I didn't really think about or plan on. When I left the old dealership, back in March of 08, I pretty much packed up what was in my desk drawers without going through any of it, there just wasn't that much time. I had been sitting at that desk for eleven (?) years...and of course, when I went through it all I found eleven years of my life. Cards from Mark addressed to the love of his life...pictures of the kids at various ages, art work from the boys high school assignments. Photos from basketball games and football games that the boys played in. Of course, photos of various Christmas parties from the job over the years, pics of employees kids as they grew...on and on and on. And then of course, there were the cards from about a million vases of flowers from Mark, Janelle and my mom. Birthday cards from my mom...just seeing her perfect, distinct handwriting makes me cry. Years and years of a life that was....and I can't help but wonder what this life that is has in store.

Of course we packed up the pics from the frames from all over the house and on the walls. I am surprised how many Mark wanted, I don't know why. I guess it stands to reason that they are his memories, too. Our wedding album, in it's box..full of photos of two very much in love, starry eyed younger versions of ourselves, with actual happiness and hope in both of our eyes. Yes, I cried, and so did he. It's helpful to know that this relationship is not all the way over, perhaps it can be repaired. We are the best of friends and for now, that helps. Not knowing what the future holds makes it hard to see how that will play out but for now, it does make the blow a bit easier.

After we did all that we were emotionally up to, we went to dinner, just he and I. Sadly, I couldn't remember the last time we did that, we go out frequently, but generally with one, two, or twenty-seven kids along for the ride. It was a good evening.

I couldn't sleep at all once I got in bed. Too much alcohol for one thing, although I didn't have that much, I just can't take it very well anymore. And way too many memories running around upstairs. Today will be rough, there is so much work to do.

On a much happier note, the Ice Cream Store is now history. That makes me happy. I wish the new owners the best of luck. :)

Happy Sunday friends. I'm out.