I didn't go to the hospital yesterday. I was supposed to go back into my office for training, but I didn't do that either. I have not had one second to pick up my book, and there was no way I could go in and look like a complete ass. So, I have to reschedule that...It's really hard to stay focused on learning all of it when so much other negative, rotten and crappy stuff is happening.
My mom was supposed to go home yesterday for a few days...and that didn't happen. No one is sure why that didn't happen, because no one asks questions when I am not there. Apparently---and I have only surmised this theory, but there was a chest xray done early in the morning, and I am assuming that it didn't look good enough yet - from the pneumonia, I mean. So, the plan is maybe today. She did have her biopsy done on Monday, but he PET scan has been put off until next week. The test results will be in hopefully by the end of this week.
I did go look at another apartment with Craig, and he really liked it. So, with any luck, we will be moving him by the end of this month. I also cleaned this place I call home from top to bottom. That took almost all my energy---well that and the walk I took early in the morning. Then I had the clan over for dinner, well the clan minus my oldest, she couldn't make it. She was missed.
There are so many things happening in my life...and most of them, I just don't feel at liberty to discuss. They are not directly my problems, or they are my problems but they are related to someone else, and this is not a public forum for airing my grievances, no matter how much I wish to do so. However, to act like these things are not happening is not possible. All I can say is, after a night of trying to understand so many different relationships in my life, I have decided that there is nothing I can do about any of it. As usual, I have screwed things up by trying to help. I have screwed things up because I choose to believe in people even when I know I shouldn't. I always think that this time will be different. And when it isn't I am surprised. Who is the idiot now? So, I take full responsibility for my part in all of it, and since you don't know who I am talking about, I'll just tell you that relates to a couple of different problems I am facing at this time. I keep waiting for the time when things calm down a little---again, how can I be so dumb? That is not going to happen, not now, not ever. And I am tired of losing sleep over all of it. I have made many mistakes, and while they have all been made because I thought that what I was doing was good, that is no excuse. I will stay out of every one's misery from now on. Period. I may be really REALLY slow, but eventually I do learn. Sadly, it's rarely before more damage has been done.
Today, I am off to the hospital once again. Then I have to shop this evening - save me. :)