Gah

Today I am 49 years old. Yes, it is my birthday and the day promises to be one of the hardest (of the birthday-days) in recent history. I mean, let's face it, my life is sort of in the toilet recently. I get to spend my birthday afternoon at an attorneys office, trying to figure out some legal/financial issues..and finding out what the options are. Yea...me. Ugh.

Mostly, I miss my mom today. On my "big" day, she always was the first on the phone to tell me how wonderful, how special, how beautiful I am and always was..how lucky she was to have had me for a daughter. Yes...I know she was full of it, but she was my MOM...:) Mothers are supposed to feel that way, you know? Many years, I thought that call was stupid. Many years, I resented being woke up..because my mom couldn't make that call after eight am, it had to be closer to six. Oh..how I would give a few birthdays now, to hear her voice. To let her tell me once again how I was born in a snowstorm...stupid? Yep, I know. Pity party, anyone?

I am trying to age with grace and dignity. That is a difficult thing to do. My life has been about nothing recently if not change, and at this age, change is even more intimidating than ever. But, I am trying. I am trying to roll with it all---and accept. Some days I wake up and wonder who's life I have been thrown into, this surely can't be mine. And yet it is. I hope for the day when I can look back and make some sort of sense of all of it.

I am supposed to have dinner with a couple of my kiddos tonight, if I have the strength left. Tomorrow night, Mark and I are supposed to have dinner. I am trying to look forward to both. Wish me luck...

Hugs to all. :)

The brain drain

It has been a really long time since I have been required to learn and RETAIN the information, and let me tell you this old brain is protesting! However, it is interesting, and I like the other women involved so it will be okay. The day runs late but doesn't start until 9:30...by then, I have been up for hours. The evenings are for homework and studying, there will be little downtime while I'm here. Which is okay with me, I've no plans or any desire to go out and do anything...I am just trying to get through this. That's all I ask, I want to get through it, learn it, REMEMBER it.

My roomie decided against the job, I assume, since she never did show up or even call. I can't say my heart was broken...I hope they find no other way to put me "with" someone else.

I really like it here, I think this place is very pretty, clean, the people are friendly. It's a good place to be if I can't be home with my husband and kitties.

Craig is having issues at the ICS- with employees, scheduling, you name it. Welcome to management.

I have got to go down and get more coffee. I hope each of you have a great Tuesday!