So...I spent most of the day Monday, driving to and from an appointment with my neurologist. The drive was a bitch, the results of seeing the dr were worse. It seems that I now have to start a new round of appointments with a urologist. I have never seen one before and don't want to see one now. However, it seems that assuming the uro finds nothing wrong, then I have to seriously look at having more surgery on my neck. My doc believes that my spinal cord is showing signs of injury, and that if not taken care of as quickly as possible, the damage could be permanent. Since we are talking about a bodily function that I seriously prefer to work properly, his news scared the bejezus out of me. I am about to my breaking point. It seems that no matter how hard I try to make myself feel better, there is nothing that can change the course of this damned disease. My doc was very stern about understanding that this will be progressive and I need to take it seriously, while hoping that the progression stops. Does that make sense? Then he took out his prescription pad and brought out the big guns in medication. He believes that if I can rest without pain at night, it will help me feel alot better during the day. He was very proud of my exercise and weight loss. All in all, I left there wanting to cry.
So, I broke it off with the new fella. I really liked him, alot. But he kept talking future, future, future. Right now, I am doing well dealing with today. I am so tired and feel so bad all the time, and trying to see him was becoming a problem. It is so difficult when a new person doesn't understand, and there is no way he could. And, I have to ask---why is it that women always get the blame of wanting to plan and make things permanent? In my experience, it has always been the men that have to ruin things. Just sayin'.
I am tired today, and I haven't even gotten started yet. I HAVE been dealing with severe pain recently, but I haven't let it stop me much. That of course, makes it worse. I haven't gone to the pharmacy yet, I am always afraid of new meds...
And I am off to start this party. Happy Hump Day, I'm gone. :)