Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Do dah

So...I spent most of the day Monday, driving to and from an appointment with my neurologist. The drive was a bitch, the results of seeing the dr were worse. It seems that I now have to start a new round of appointments with a urologist. I have never seen one before and don't want to see one now. However, it seems that assuming the uro finds nothing wrong, then I have to seriously look at having more surgery on my neck. My doc believes that my spinal cord is showing signs of injury, and that if not taken care of as quickly as possible, the damage could be permanent. Since we are talking about a bodily function that I seriously prefer to work properly, his news scared the bejezus out of me. I am about to my breaking point. It seems that no matter how hard I try to make myself feel better, there is nothing that can change the course of this damned disease. My doc was very stern about understanding that this will be progressive and I need to take it seriously, while hoping that the progression stops. Does that make sense? Then he took out his prescription pad and brought out the big guns in medication. He believes that if I can rest without pain at night, it will help me feel alot better during the day. He was very proud of my exercise and weight loss. All in all, I left there wanting to cry.

So, I broke it off with the new fella. I really liked him, alot. But he kept talking future, future, future. Right now, I am doing well dealing with today. I am so tired and feel so bad all the time, and trying to see him was becoming a problem. It is so difficult when a new person doesn't understand, and there is no way he could. And, I have to ask---why is it that women always get the blame of wanting to plan and make things permanent? In my experience, it has always been the men that have to ruin things. Just sayin'.

I am tired today, and I haven't even gotten started yet. I HAVE been dealing with severe pain recently, but I haven't let it stop me much. That of course, makes it worse. I haven't gone to the pharmacy yet, I am always afraid of new meds...

And I am off to start this party. Happy Hump Day, I'm gone. :)

5 comments:

Coffeypot said...

Hugs, hon. Two things, second opinion and give the new guy a chance. He might be a comfort and someone to lean on when you need it.

Mary said...

Good advice from Coffeypot. I DO understand how you feel about "future, future, future" when you are struggling with today. Hang in there, my friend, my prayers are with you.

Leann said...

I just read that daily exercise, even if it is a small amount has been shown to help those with Fibromyalgia(sp?). I know that is only a small piece of it but I am so proud of you for what you have done. You have shown you are a strong woman who is willing to do anything it takes to maker her life better. Hang in there and know we're behind you 100%. (HUGS)

Mems said...

I hope that by the time you get this you are feeling a little better. :(

I'm sending you big hugs!!!

I feel that I need to see you sometime soon (are you still working in the Indianola direction?) &&& I haven't gotten to see either of your two little men yet & they look so darn huggable!!!

Love you lots & I hope things start looking up!!! <3
Emily

Cheryl said...

I know that your exercise and weight loss have helped a lot. You're doing your part. It sucks that it's not enough. You're strong...I've seen it in you ever since we met. You'll weather this storm, but I'm really sorry you have to go through it. One day at a time.

Too bad your new guy couldn't take it one day at a time. It's the way I'm living with mine and it works for me. We'll call this one your practice boyfriend :)

I hope you have some fun this weekend. Plans?