Thursday, December 28, 2006

Enter at your own risk

Okay, so I don't feel so great this morning. Mentally.Physically.Bullshit. That's how I feel. I went to the doctor yesterday, why do I ever think that will help me feel better? It only proved to muddy the already dirty waters, now I will spend several more days of my life in the next month wasting more time going to other doctors. This is why I will not seek medical help when I really need it, this is why I call my regular little GP when i am in trouble, because he doesn't put me through all this shit. Just give me the frickin pills. I want to feel better, I don't care WHY i am having this problem or that one. I know i sound unreasonable, but if you had been through all the bullshit that i have been through in the past, then perhaps you would get it. We will learn NOTHING from his plan of action, I guarantee it, in the meantime, I continue to suffer, then when all else has failed, he will give me the pills. I will then be out several days of my life that I will not ever get back, several gallons of blood that my body will manage to remanufacture, and many hours of traveling. The medical profession will have gained several thousand dollars to learn absolutely NOTHING, and we all know that's what it's all about. I really do try to be responsible about my health and my body, but who wants to sign up for this shit? I say call the little man in C'ville, you know the one with the pending drug and various other charges, because he apparently thinks like I do. UGH......

I am pissed at my youngest, and i don't want to talk about it. Neither does he, although I will be the first one he calls when he can't pay. I am tired of all the problems, tired of all the shit, the three of them will be the death of me. I give them life, they give me....death. The other two will wonder why I am throwing them into the mix, when for the moment, their lives are quiet, but the key phrase is, "for the moment". D is feeling better and now she has a plan, and that helps. I am not sure how it will all work out, but a plan is a good start. UGH....

I am back to work, it didn't feel good to be there, that worries me. I will be in hell for the next thirty to sixty days, this time of year is really hard, i am tired of all if it. I hope H follows through on his plans, because I don't know how much longer I can do this. I am mentally fed up, worn out, gagged, on all of it. All of it. ALL of it. I have had enough. ENOUGH.

And how is your day? I hope you have enjoyed reading this uplifting blog entry. Have a good one.

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