Thursday, March 12, 2009

Gah


Today I am 49 years old. Yes, it is my birthday and the day promises to be one of the hardest (of the birthday-days) in recent history. I mean, let's face it, my life is sort of in the toilet recently. I get to spend my birthday afternoon at an attorneys office, trying to figure out some legal/financial issues..and finding out what the options are. Yea...me. Ugh.


Mostly, I miss my mom today. On my "big" day, she always was the first on the phone to tell me how wonderful, how special, how beautiful I am and always was..how lucky she was to have had me for a daughter. Yes...I know she was full of it, but she was my MOM...:) Mothers are supposed to feel that way, you know? Many years, I thought that call was stupid. Many years, I resented being woke up..because my mom couldn't make that call after eight am, it had to be closer to six. Oh..how I would give a few birthdays now, to hear her voice. To let her tell me once again how I was born in a snowstorm...stupid? Yep, I know. Pity party, anyone?


I am trying to age with grace and dignity. That is a difficult thing to do. My life has been about nothing recently if not change, and at this age, change is even more intimidating than ever. But, I am trying. I am trying to roll with it all---and accept. Some days I wake up and wonder who's life I have been thrown into, this surely can't be mine. And yet it is. I hope for the day when I can look back and make some sort of sense of all of it.


I am supposed to have dinner with a couple of my kiddos tonight, if I have the strength left. Tomorrow night, Mark and I are supposed to have dinner. I am trying to look forward to both. Wish me luck...


Hugs to all. :)

17 comments:

Romany Angel said...

Hi Jamie

Well unless someone beats me to it, allow me to be the first to wish you a very Happy Birthday.


I turned 49 eight days ago and felt very much the same way you do about it all. Looking back at how I arrived where I am and wondering what the future holds. I guess it will all work itself out in the end.


I have officially retired from blogging myself but will visit from time to time to see how you are faring.


You are one of life's survivors Jamie and so am I. We're going to be just fine.

Have a wonderful day and good luck at the Solicitors.

Golden To Silver Val said...

Happy Birthday from one Pisces to another. Mine is on the 15th. I know what you mean about your mom....I feel exactly the same way about mine. Go to my blog, I have a little present for you. This is something that has always brightened my mood, no matter what. Big hugs and have a wonderful day, dear friend.
p.s. I'd love to be 49 again and know what I know now!!

SOUL: said...

i'm not first--unless ya count the early happpy bday wish the other day. sorry for that- i wanted to be.

lotsa stuff goin on with you i know-- but please, go to dinner with the kiddos. i know just bein out and with those who love you will brighten your day--
wish i could be there to harass you-- sarcastically, of course.
lots of march birthdays out there. last year i felt rich and had a better memory--
but do know that i hope you have a happy day.
age is just a state of mind-- and you only feel old when you think old--
so stopit--
and go party with the youngsters.
they love you-- we love you-- and all your blog-pals love you

you are blessed--
even in the midst of lifes challenges..

love and hugs to my bestest pal-- evah!
the OX

Mary said...

Happy B'day to you! Go out with the kids and try to let everything that's weighing on you take a back seat. Change - even good change - is hard. We all are intimidated by a new door opening. Love to you and a big B'day hug.

superjanel said...

The birthday phone call is something I pretend bothers me but secretly I love it. It's okay to miss her, I miss her too. Try to have a good day, in spite of the not-so-fun stuff this afternoon. I'm really looking forward to dinner. :)

Libbeth said...

Happy Birthday, Jamie!!

I really hope you have a great day. Make it your day, and enjoy it. :)

desert dirt diva said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU MY FRIEND.. AND TRY TO HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY, YOUR MOM IS LOOKING DOWN AT YA TELLING YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOO..

fiwa said...

I bet your mom was still thinking all those things about you today. I can't imagine how much you must miss her.

Happy birthday, dearest friend. You ARE beautiful and strong. I hope this year you find happiness and peace, it's there for you, I am sure.

Birthday hugs -
fiwa

M Chickk said...

Happy birthday to you! I hope you enjoy both your dinners.

Cheryl said...

I am wishing for a good birthday for you. And, I don't think you're too old for changes. Even if you were, what can you do to stop them? The changes could lead to something wonderful. Happy Birthday!

Summer said...

My mom didn't feel the same as yours. I won't go there. But I think I'd be missing your mom too if I were you.

I hope your evening is a good one.

I'll tell you about my day from hell yesterday some other time. I didn't get fired today. My Dr. Greek God stood up for me and told one of the other doctors to stick it up her...

Love him.

ac said...

Happy Birthday Jamie girl!

Portia said...

Happy Birthday Jamie!
Things will come around. Change is hard but all these changes won't be so fresh forever. Not that they ever stop coming;) I hope the dinner out was and is good. And good luck:)

SOUL: said...

just sayin howdy--hope tonight is better than you expected.
love you

heavens corner said...

Dear Jaime,
GOOD MORNING!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
It is wonderful up here and I'm sorry for not giving you a sign earlier in the day that I'm thinking of you and sending you good thoughts.
I miss you too and love you and am so sorry that I can't be there to call you.
But I know that you'll find humor in today..

remember, look for the signs, I'm always with you.
See you in your dreams my dear.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Hey Jaime,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I wanted to send you something that would give you warm and fuzzies so I pictured what you would need today (you and I are alike with this and I would hope someone would do for me) so I wrote you a note from your mom.

Please don't take it the wrong way at all...like being disrespectful..it was totally done in honest caring. After my Grandpa died I pictured his relationship with my grandma and wrote her a letter as if it were from him..my memories and thoughts and if I were him and she loved it..helped the not so good times pass..

I wish all moms could be like yours. You're right..she was your mom and she seems like she was a really good one..so that's where you get it from!!!


Words spoken that all of us that hurt love to hear..like Dear Abby did the day she lost her balloon to Heaven...
they needed it though because the party wasn't complete without it.

Happy birthday!
Good luck tomorrow! maybe you should challenge the cue ball to a game of pool...you call the shots! :)

:)E

Terri said...

I'm sorry I missed your birthday - Happy Belated Birthday! For the record I believe you are wonderful, special and beautiful. I'm not your mom but hey I'm someone! Besides just because she's not here on this earth with you right now making that phone call, you know she still knows and feels this way about you. That's what matters.