Sunday, February 22, 2009

Life update

Okay, so this another one of those times that I want to start a new blog post, but I am not sure how to jump in. Once again, events have occurred that are not my doing, but affect me greatly. Once again, a child of mine has behaved less than beautifully, and now has a steep price to pay. Once again, a sleepless night, a day full of worry and helplessness. My child is by no means the only one at fault, but is left holding the bag for everyone involved. Once again, I know how to make the problem go away, but cannot make this adult child understand that's the only option. Once again, I lay awake, knowing that nothing that I say or do will change any of it, and I am left with merely trying to keep my-own-self from destruction.

My new job is very stressful. At this time, I can't say whether that's only me---making it that way, or if the whole place is that stressed out. I feel fairly certain that it will eventually be okay there - but to say that this past week has been a breeze would be a lie. I have two women working directly for me---right, I know - a piece of cake..after all, in the past I have had more than ten times that amount report directly to me. However, the dynamic in this place is way different than what I am used to. First of all, I am the boss, and I have no clue about how things are done there. So, the two who do, have to spend all of their time showing me. Not a good way to begin. Then, I find out that the one that has to spend all of her time helping me, once had my job and couldn't do it----and was asked to step down. So, no wonder she has a chip on her shoulder large enough for me to crawl into. Personally, if I were in her shoes, there is no way I would stay in that place, but both of these women are long-term employees and not going anywhere. Neither of them appear to be smart enough to worry that leaving me hanging will not be good for them, not in the long run. But hey - whatever...at this point, I can take it. If the other things in my life do not settle down soon though, it could get ugly. Physically, doing this job is all that I can manage right now. I get to work by seven-thirty and nearly crawl back up to this apartment around five and I cannot hardly make it across the floor. This is not a physical job, and my exhaustion and severe pain are not completely understood by me, I mean - I know I have health issues but this is ridiculous. All I can do is hope that physically I become used to it...and mentally I can do it---and by that I mean put up with all the bullshit. Because this is the only option for me, and because it just makes sense...it has to work. I will manage, somehow.

At home, no progress is being made. That is my fault, as I just don't have the strength left in me to even be nice to Mark, let alone try and pull this relationship out of the toilet. We had plans to actually spend time together yesterday, you know - like doing something fun---as if either of us could recognize fun---but they were messed up by the events I started this post with. We did see alot of each other this past week, but it's easy to see, none of it was enjoyed or even wanted... by either of us I would say, but we had necessary reasons to be together. So, where this is going is also unknown to me right now.

Other than that...I'm doing well. I am actually looking forward to a quiet day alone. Well--mostly alone as I am sure I will see a kid or two at one time or another. Happy Sunday. :)

12 comments:

Mary said...

Only a mother understands the pain that adult children can bring - their pain is multiplied on our hearts and we are helpless. Have faith that everything will work out.

A new job is the pits even under the best of conditions. As soon as you get your feet planted you can change some of the "we do it this way here" and be able to remind them that it didn't work and that "this is the way we're doing it now"

I sincerely hope that you and Mark can work things out but if you can't it's still good if you can be friends and spend time together.

SOUL: said...

now that is just not right-- i was sposed to be first :((

oh well that's ok.

i know you're havin troubles, and working hard to settle into this whole new lifestyle-- but i do have faith , that whatever happens-- to you-- or any of the J-clan... you will handle it like it needs to be.
stop lookin so far ahead j.
one day at a time-- one crisis at a time... if you focus on the big picture-- it will swallow you whole.

just get your priorities in order.. and yep it will be a piece of cake!
hopefully NOT one that explodes in your oven!
bwa hahahahaha

you know i'm thinkin of ya-- and praying too--
don't forget about the links in the chain that we talked about before eh?

there's only one charlotte--- but there are also many more people on your side than you realize.

love ya-- and hoping you have a really good day! despite the bs...
i'll try if you do.
deal?
oxen!

Summer said...

I know it wasn't meant to be funny but when you said that neither of you could recognize fun it made me laugh. Of course, I'm not sure I could either. I think that was a kick in the back side for me.

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time of it.

Cheryl said...

I'm sorry it's so rough too. Not fair!

fiwa said...

Hugs! I know it's hard to watch your kids make mistakes. I hope everything works out.

I feel for you on the new job thing - that is a messed up situation. My settling in time is six months - I usually hate a new job and say I want to quit every day for the first six months - and then things seem to magically settle down for me. I hope it's sooner than that for you.

Keep your chin up.
love,
fiwa

CRUSTYBEEF said...

I've got your back Jaime and will have you in my prayers. sorry for all the unnecessary drama's.
I guess in a sick way at least it's all in three's, so now you can look forward to a break from drama's eve.

not funny. but trouble always comes in threes..and it appears it did for you only I wish it hadn't. :(

E

ac said...

We are still mom's even when our children get to adulthood. We still want to help them if we think they need it, wipe their tears away if they have some, and get them out of trouble if they mess up. Who knew when we had them that we couldn't just toss them out at 18 and never look back? I sure didn't! HA! Those women at work will shape up. You will win them over with that charm of yours in no time. hugs! xoxoxox ac

Brad said...

Fingers crossed that what ever's going on with the kid passes quickly and painlessly. Or at least as much as possible. I'll be sending you good juju dear.

Golden To Silver Val said...

Jamie this, too, shall pass. Us Pisces have been going through HELL since the first of the year...but we are about to burst free of this and emerge a bit older, a bit ragged around the edges....but OH SO MUCH WISER AND STRONGER. Wait and see, dear friend. Only a few more days!! Hang in there...BELIEVE and have faith...Prayers ARE answered. Big big hugs and much love. CHARLOTTE, aka Val

SOUL: said...

how are these situations goin now ? any improvement at all?

i hope at least you are handling things better-- you know what they say---

"the only thing we can change, is ourself."

i'm gonna email you somethin.. i hope it's not a re-run, but it might help a little-- well, if it doesn't piss you off.

welp--
that's all --

oxox

Portia said...

Hm. I'm sending you hugs. You are always there with the biggest warmest hugs, and frankly, it's all I got at the moment. Sorry.

Oh, I did get a cheesey joke in my email earlier. Maybe it will help you to remember that if the world didn't suck we'd all fall off. Haha. No?

:)

Amanda said...

A new job, family stress and a separation. No wonder your energy's gone!