I have been a bad, bad blogger. I am not sure of the reason, but I sit here, ready to write and I just can't. I think it's because I know I will whine again about my pain, and I just can't put you through that, not again. Yes, I could write about anything - something other than that, but it always creeps into my conversations, my writing. I suppose that's because it's uppermost on my mind. So, I don't write. I read other blogs, usually I don't even comment. I am in a slump and trying to work through it. So here goes---
We did go to the symphony and it was so wonderful. I enjoyed it way more than I even thought I would. You can bet we will be going again. We are lucky to live in such a small city and have such accomplished arts--symphony, art center and museums, a huge theater program, including many Broadway shows. I intend to become more cultured, good heavens, and you all can see I need it.
I have been pushing myself from home to work and work to home. I don't manage much else during the week, that is all that I can do.
I am having the trial spinal stimulator put in on December 2nd. That will be in place for a week. If I feel that it helps, that one will be taken out, the permanent one will be put in. That surgery will have to be scheduled, most likely it would happen after the first of the year, which is good for the holidays, bad for insurance. I am not too excited about trying to heal from surgery during Christmas, but I am also not too excited about having it done in a new insurance deductible year. I guess time will tell.
I have spent the past two years looking for a church. Mark and I used to go to one in West Des Moines a couple of years ago, then while he and I weren't together, I tried a couple of others. While I liked them all, I couldn't say I found the one that I felt I belonged in, the one that excited me so much that I looked forward to going each week. That is, until yesterday. Mark and I went, it was so AWESOME. I am serious, everything about it felt just absolutely perfect. From the music to the sermon and everything in between, it was heaven. I have never felt so welcomed anywhere in my life. The problem? It is an African-Methodist-Episcopalian Church. The entire congregation is black. Totally--all of them. And, it's in the hood. Serious. Disclaimer: Though I don't mean for it to be this way, I am generally not very politically correct, and I have no reason to think that I can be now. What I say here is not meant in any way, shape or form to be disrespectful. So, before I say (write) something hurtful, forgive me. Deal?
I love black people. I always have. I have always wanted to be black. I love their looks, mannerisms, passion for everything---especially when they are worshipping God. I have always wanted to go to a black church. They know how to pray, worship, sing...oh how I love the way they do it. So, when Mark's co-worker, who is black, invited us to his church, I jumped right on it. He said there were a few white people there, (yesterday, there was no one but us). Anyway, it was so, so, so wonderful. I was moved to tears during their songs, and during the preaching. And let me tell you - that pastor was PREACHING. Can I get an AMEN? It was the best two hours I have spent in a long, long time. So, my dilemma?
I am not sure I feel right about going back. Yes, they were so very welcoming. Yes, they hugged on us, they talked to us, and they hugged some more. I am just not sure if I belong there. I assume the problem here is mine, and to be honest, I am surprised at myself. Surprised and disappointed. In me.I just cannot get over feeling so out of place. Thoughts, anyone?
And so I am off, to go to bed. I have been so damned tired and have actually been sleeping, some. Totally new for me, at least lately. So, I am out of here.Have a wonderful Tuesday tomorrow. :)
Showing posts with label all kinds of stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label all kinds of stuff. Show all posts
Monday, November 07, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
I can't get no....
It's been a funny week, not in the ha-ha sense, but in the strange. It is a full moon, perhaps that has contributed. I believe that the moon affects many folks strangely, but most are not aware of it. If we have interesting customers at work, if people act a little goofy, if folks complain about the oddest of things...and this happens in multiples, every time, it is a full moon. That always makes me wonder about my own behavior, and even though I am not generally vocal about it, I can feel it.
I have spent every evening all alone this week, not seeing another human being other than at work. I have kind of liked it. This is a sad fact for me, but it is the truth. I am no more interested in having anyone in my life than I am in a root canal. I want to WANT somebody. Until I do, there is no hope. Speaking of which, the man that I was seeing last summer just will NOT let it go. I get emails from him every few days, a call at work one day out of the blue, two dozen more roses...he is a good guy but seriously? He needs to give it up.
Today, my dad would have been seventy-nine years old. He was a good man in many ways, but a monster in others. I often still miss him, though. It's too bad that we began to understand each other as he was dying. Too little too late, really.
Yesterday, my ex---my kids father, the man I was so very in love with for so very long, turned sixty-one. Holy crap, how time flies. That sounds old, even to me, I guess because when I remember him, he is a young man. The man I knew and loved is long gone, but physically, he is alive and well and still kicking, living in southern Iowa. Imagine that, after he lived all those years on Maui, he moved back to the frozen tundra of Iowa. There is no explaining some things, and that is one of them.
I was notified by email last evening that I won a Rob Dyrdek skate deck from Monster Energy drinks. I had no idea what that even was until I talked to my youngest, Jordy. He is quite excited about the win, as even at the ripe old age of twenty-five, he is still quite the skateboarder. So, when it is shipped to me next month, Jordy will have a new toy. I do remember entering the code off the box of Monster that I bought for a friend of mine last summer, as she mixes that nasty stuff with her vodka. I love to enter contests and do it quite often but have not won anything for quite some time. My last real win was the Super Bowl of 2003, all expenses paid to San Diego for three nights and four days...now that was a win!
My battle with the cold and snow is being lost, I am having a hell of time trying to maneuver my life in it. I go out only when I can guilt myself sufficiently, and when I am paid to, of course. I have only been to the gym two times this week and once it was on the way home from work. Work outs at that hour of the day are not good ones, I am way better at five am than at four pm. I am forcing myself to get there this morning, trying to get psyched for it as we speak. I believe the current temp is about five below. ZERO. Meh.
FINALLY, my hair has been cut. I don't know what day it decided to grow out of control, but I swear, I woke up one morning recently and it was just hugely too long! Then of course, it takes days to get in to my girl. She costs way too much, but she does such a good job. And she is an adorable, sweet little girl, she owns the business, and she is only twenty-two. How can I not keep going there? The fact that her place of business is only about twenty steps from the front of my building doesn't hurt, either. I have tried to move just about everything I do into this little complex of stores and business's. Which of course, is why I pay so much for everything. Like me, they all pay too much rent and that has to be paid for somehow.
I ran across an article on the web that named the fifty most famous and recognized guitar riffs of rock and roll. I have had fun with that, as I have remembered some music that had somehow escaped me over time. What do you think the number one riff was? Come on, you know you know it...
Satisfaction. As in, I Can't Get No. By the Rolling Stones. It is of course up there in the top ones...I am not sure I agree with the number one. My immediate thoughts were Clapton, the Kinks, the Dire Straits, and all of them made the list. For some reason, even the Iron Butterfly came to my mind. And it was on the list, too. In any event, I have had fun listening to music that I haven't heard in awhile.
Thursday. Usually the worst day of the week. Sucky Thursday. So...have a very happy Sucky Thursday. I'm out.
I have spent every evening all alone this week, not seeing another human being other than at work. I have kind of liked it. This is a sad fact for me, but it is the truth. I am no more interested in having anyone in my life than I am in a root canal. I want to WANT somebody. Until I do, there is no hope. Speaking of which, the man that I was seeing last summer just will NOT let it go. I get emails from him every few days, a call at work one day out of the blue, two dozen more roses...he is a good guy but seriously? He needs to give it up.
Today, my dad would have been seventy-nine years old. He was a good man in many ways, but a monster in others. I often still miss him, though. It's too bad that we began to understand each other as he was dying. Too little too late, really.
Yesterday, my ex---my kids father, the man I was so very in love with for so very long, turned sixty-one. Holy crap, how time flies. That sounds old, even to me, I guess because when I remember him, he is a young man. The man I knew and loved is long gone, but physically, he is alive and well and still kicking, living in southern Iowa. Imagine that, after he lived all those years on Maui, he moved back to the frozen tundra of Iowa. There is no explaining some things, and that is one of them.
I was notified by email last evening that I won a Rob Dyrdek skate deck from Monster Energy drinks. I had no idea what that even was until I talked to my youngest, Jordy. He is quite excited about the win, as even at the ripe old age of twenty-five, he is still quite the skateboarder. So, when it is shipped to me next month, Jordy will have a new toy. I do remember entering the code off the box of Monster that I bought for a friend of mine last summer, as she mixes that nasty stuff with her vodka. I love to enter contests and do it quite often but have not won anything for quite some time. My last real win was the Super Bowl of 2003, all expenses paid to San Diego for three nights and four days...now that was a win!
My battle with the cold and snow is being lost, I am having a hell of time trying to maneuver my life in it. I go out only when I can guilt myself sufficiently, and when I am paid to, of course. I have only been to the gym two times this week and once it was on the way home from work. Work outs at that hour of the day are not good ones, I am way better at five am than at four pm. I am forcing myself to get there this morning, trying to get psyched for it as we speak. I believe the current temp is about five below. ZERO. Meh.
FINALLY, my hair has been cut. I don't know what day it decided to grow out of control, but I swear, I woke up one morning recently and it was just hugely too long! Then of course, it takes days to get in to my girl. She costs way too much, but she does such a good job. And she is an adorable, sweet little girl, she owns the business, and she is only twenty-two. How can I not keep going there? The fact that her place of business is only about twenty steps from the front of my building doesn't hurt, either. I have tried to move just about everything I do into this little complex of stores and business's. Which of course, is why I pay so much for everything. Like me, they all pay too much rent and that has to be paid for somehow.
I ran across an article on the web that named the fifty most famous and recognized guitar riffs of rock and roll. I have had fun with that, as I have remembered some music that had somehow escaped me over time. What do you think the number one riff was? Come on, you know you know it...
Satisfaction. As in, I Can't Get No. By the Rolling Stones. It is of course up there in the top ones...I am not sure I agree with the number one. My immediate thoughts were Clapton, the Kinks, the Dire Straits, and all of them made the list. For some reason, even the Iron Butterfly came to my mind. And it was on the list, too. In any event, I have had fun listening to music that I haven't heard in awhile.
Thursday. Usually the worst day of the week. Sucky Thursday. So...have a very happy Sucky Thursday. I'm out.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Monday
And another Monday rolls around. It's snowing, just in case you all are interested. I'm really not, other than the fact that getting to work today will once again, be a good time. If I were to list the days that it wasn't snowing, it would be so much easier. It's always either snowing, or blowing or both. Or preparing to snow, or blizzard. I feel like I have been dropped off in the North Pole...but no Santa in sight.
I have survived the flu...and lived to tell about it. I have to say, that was not fun. I am still weak but better. I can eat again and enjoy my coffee. No fever sweats in the night, finally. An illness like that one takes a toll on an old woman like me, and I don't need to find that out again, any time soon.
I have to work late today, so I go in late. Apparently the flu has hit one of my office girls kids, so she will be home with him today, and I will work her hours. I am not a great fan of working until dark, but it's not that big of a deal. Going to work at nine-thirty am seems like going to work when half of the day is already over, but I will make it.
I hate Valentines day. Just sayin'. I got a very effective sticky cat hair picker upper thingy from Mark, and if that doesn't speak volumes about our relationship, I don't know what will. The fact that I was appreciative of the gift also says alot about us. Doomed? Yes, probably.
LOVE that NASCAR is back in full swing although yesterdays race was a bit odd. The Daytona 500...and they take two red flags to repair the track? The last lap was very exciting, though.
Happy Monday....
Can anyone see Friday yet?
I have survived the flu...and lived to tell about it. I have to say, that was not fun. I am still weak but better. I can eat again and enjoy my coffee. No fever sweats in the night, finally. An illness like that one takes a toll on an old woman like me, and I don't need to find that out again, any time soon.
I have to work late today, so I go in late. Apparently the flu has hit one of my office girls kids, so she will be home with him today, and I will work her hours. I am not a great fan of working until dark, but it's not that big of a deal. Going to work at nine-thirty am seems like going to work when half of the day is already over, but I will make it.
I hate Valentines day. Just sayin'. I got a very effective sticky cat hair picker upper thingy from Mark, and if that doesn't speak volumes about our relationship, I don't know what will. The fact that I was appreciative of the gift also says alot about us. Doomed? Yes, probably.
LOVE that NASCAR is back in full swing although yesterdays race was a bit odd. The Daytona 500...and they take two red flags to repair the track? The last lap was very exciting, though.
Happy Monday....
Can anyone see Friday yet?
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Lazy with a capital Z
Holy schmankees, two posts in two days!
So much rattling around in my pea brain this morning, I just had to get it on "paper".
I feel so bad for those in Haiti, but I cannot watch anymore of it. Every news broadcast focuses right in..and again, this is a disaster of epic proportions and not to be taken lightly or shoved out of one's mind by any means, but I just can't watch any more. My little bit of money is not going to change anything for those poor folks. All the telethons and concerts and fundraisers and intense commercials by the first lady, or celebrities is not going to save any lives. Too little, way too late. The cash will help with the rebuilding, it will eventually help with sustaining the lives that are left, but it will not lift those concrete caskets resting on top of the trapped, and it will not help anyone right this second. And that just makes me want to cry. I cannot look at the complete and utter despair another second. And the children? OMGosh. Disasters such as these just leave me questioning..and the politics that become involved seriously piss me off. I don't care if you are an elephant or a donkey, this is a human problem. Gah.
I woke up too early, in pain and head pounding. I am thankful it's Sunday and I can take it easy today.
Yesterday's home show was seriously the most boring event I have ever attended but I got the spend the afternoon with Janelle and Brodie and that was awesome. He is a little mac truck...with a bit of energizer bunny thrown in. Janelle is going to have to start setting up a few boundaries for this child, he's only eight months old but for him, that means going on two. He is so advanced for his age, it makes me wonder if babies are just moving that fast these days, I have no way of knowing but it sure seems that way. He is pulling up on everything, has his own mind and ideas and lets you know when things don't go his way. LOUDLY. However, he does every bit of it with that smile...you know, the one that just rips your heart right out of your chest. It's so hard for a new mom to know when to do what. She changes his diaper and he just crawls right off...by the time she gets the diaper, the pants, and by now, the shoes, socks BACK on, she is worn all the way out. I feel for her, she is already exhausted, pregnant will do that to you...and by the time her day is over, she has fought at least two bucking broncos....but she will learn. And they will make it. It was right about where SHE is now, with a small baby and one on the way, that I started to wonder if my kids would honestly be the death of me, and since I am still wondering that to this day, I am guessing not. :)
This will be a lazy day, I don't think I am even going to cook. There is a book calling my name and a lounge chair with my name on it. Yep...that's the way this day will go. Have a happy. :)
So much rattling around in my pea brain this morning, I just had to get it on "paper".
I feel so bad for those in Haiti, but I cannot watch anymore of it. Every news broadcast focuses right in..and again, this is a disaster of epic proportions and not to be taken lightly or shoved out of one's mind by any means, but I just can't watch any more. My little bit of money is not going to change anything for those poor folks. All the telethons and concerts and fundraisers and intense commercials by the first lady, or celebrities is not going to save any lives. Too little, way too late. The cash will help with the rebuilding, it will eventually help with sustaining the lives that are left, but it will not lift those concrete caskets resting on top of the trapped, and it will not help anyone right this second. And that just makes me want to cry. I cannot look at the complete and utter despair another second. And the children? OMGosh. Disasters such as these just leave me questioning..and the politics that become involved seriously piss me off. I don't care if you are an elephant or a donkey, this is a human problem. Gah.
I woke up too early, in pain and head pounding. I am thankful it's Sunday and I can take it easy today.
Yesterday's home show was seriously the most boring event I have ever attended but I got the spend the afternoon with Janelle and Brodie and that was awesome. He is a little mac truck...with a bit of energizer bunny thrown in. Janelle is going to have to start setting up a few boundaries for this child, he's only eight months old but for him, that means going on two. He is so advanced for his age, it makes me wonder if babies are just moving that fast these days, I have no way of knowing but it sure seems that way. He is pulling up on everything, has his own mind and ideas and lets you know when things don't go his way. LOUDLY. However, he does every bit of it with that smile...you know, the one that just rips your heart right out of your chest. It's so hard for a new mom to know when to do what. She changes his diaper and he just crawls right off...by the time she gets the diaper, the pants, and by now, the shoes, socks BACK on, she is worn all the way out. I feel for her, she is already exhausted, pregnant will do that to you...and by the time her day is over, she has fought at least two bucking broncos....but she will learn. And they will make it. It was right about where SHE is now, with a small baby and one on the way, that I started to wonder if my kids would honestly be the death of me, and since I am still wondering that to this day, I am guessing not. :)
This will be a lazy day, I don't think I am even going to cook. There is a book calling my name and a lounge chair with my name on it. Yep...that's the way this day will go. Have a happy. :)
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Wednesday woe's
For a person who shall remain nameless but SHE will know who she is.... Ahem..okay, it's for you Janelle, and obviously for obvious reasons, it is for past behavior
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYY0bh566vQ
And for my sister who cannot remember the song that I named yesterdays post after:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GluCM_ggMvw
And for the rest of you...
this day is ugh. Yesterday, temps in the 60's sun shining...this morning--rain/snow mix, COLD. I feel crappy on the outside and on the inside.
February has never been my favorite month...once March arrives, I usually decide I might live.
Happy Humpday.
:0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYY0bh566vQ
And for my sister who cannot remember the song that I named yesterdays post after:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GluCM_ggMvw
And for the rest of you...
this day is ugh. Yesterday, temps in the 60's sun shining...this morning--rain/snow mix, COLD. I feel crappy on the outside and on the inside.
February has never been my favorite month...once March arrives, I usually decide I might live.
Happy Humpday.
:0
Monday, November 03, 2008
Stuff
It's the third of November and the temp outside will be 76 today. What the hell?
Gas is $1.93 a gallon here in the big city of Des Moines.
This whole daylight savings time change is a pain in the you know what.
A record number of voters have voted absentee in Iowa this year---myself included.
Orange Glo Wood Floor clean and shine streaks, just in case any of you want to know.
I have another vice to add to my list --- Starbucks Bold coffee, with cream. I must have a cup (large, or VENTI to them) every day.
I start another job tomorrow, the same one I was to begin last Tuesday. It is sales and I'm NOT excited about it, but we have to have some dollars coming in. Ugh.
CrazyDog bit me last week. She didn't "tear me up" like I know she is capable of, but she did do some damage. She is getting old and grouchy and untrustable, (is that a word?), and we can't have that. I see problems ahead...
My children are not at peace with one another and it's breaking my heart. I cannot deal when they fight, and since they never, ever do---this is a problem.
I made seafood lasagna and banana pudding over the weekend, no we didn't have them together, that sounds ucky.
I texted my mom last night - she was the queen of the text message you know --and I wanted to send it to her so bad, but I was afraid it would freak out her husband, so I didn't hit send, I hit cancel.
I think this is enough rambling for one Monday.
Have a happy....
Gas is $1.93 a gallon here in the big city of Des Moines.
This whole daylight savings time change is a pain in the you know what.
A record number of voters have voted absentee in Iowa this year---myself included.
Orange Glo Wood Floor clean and shine streaks, just in case any of you want to know.
I have another vice to add to my list --- Starbucks Bold coffee, with cream. I must have a cup (large, or VENTI to them) every day.
I start another job tomorrow, the same one I was to begin last Tuesday. It is sales and I'm NOT excited about it, but we have to have some dollars coming in. Ugh.
CrazyDog bit me last week. She didn't "tear me up" like I know she is capable of, but she did do some damage. She is getting old and grouchy and untrustable, (is that a word?), and we can't have that. I see problems ahead...
My children are not at peace with one another and it's breaking my heart. I cannot deal when they fight, and since they never, ever do---this is a problem.
I made seafood lasagna and banana pudding over the weekend, no we didn't have them together, that sounds ucky.
I texted my mom last night - she was the queen of the text message you know --and I wanted to send it to her so bad, but I was afraid it would freak out her husband, so I didn't hit send, I hit cancel.
I think this is enough rambling for one Monday.
Have a happy....
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