Tuesday, October 23, 2007

A little pity party all for me

Yesterday wasn't quite the day that I expected it to be. I thought my visit to the neurologist was to be a check up, as I hadn't seen him in more than thirty days. Once I left there, I felt I had been blind sighted. Because I really don't want to spill my whole medical guts here, I will give you all the short version: apparently, my upper back is in much worse shape than my lower. Remember the most recent MRI that I didn't believe was necessary? I have degenerative spine disease, and due to some symptoms that i would rather not discuss here, apparently the damage has progressed further than he had hoped. He is sending me to a neurosurgeon, and hoping that something can be done, either with the upper or the lower part, but he does not feel optimistic that there will be a surgical "fix". He was quite frank but gentle when he told me that usually someone with my troubles, ends up without the use of their legs. The symptoms that I have are actually irreversible damage, and while he didn't leave me without hope, he did tell me that there usually is no way for it to be reversed. I was rather stunned.He also is certain that is why I am seeing double, as I have an upper disc pressing in the base of my brain and he gave me the blobbity-blob-blob words for it. He did tell me at that time, that if anyone could beat the odds or fight it, he knew it would be me. He also said that he is not a neurosurgeon, and certainly they would know more than he. He said that he wanted me to understand the situation. He also said that time was of the essence, that the longer the problems were left to go on, the worse the outcome became. So, I go to the neurosurgeon on the 5th of November. Needless to say, my day was a little fucked.

So i went into work, and looked at the pile of work waiting for me, got up and went home. I had a little pity party here, by myself, and decided there isn't much i can do about it. If I can't walk, then I guess I'll ride.

I am a little pissy this morning. I suppose I am allowed. We are out of Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop Tarts (low fat) and I have to eat Strawberry, which really shouldn't be an issue, because I only eat the edges anyway, but the strawberry has that dammed icing with the hard things on the top and I hate that crap...

H washed his cell phone last night. All the way through the washer, then the dryer. I couldn't figure out what the hell the noise in the basement was, clunk, clunk, clunk...it was the phone in the dryer...

We have a tree frog in the basement...how in the hell do they get in there, and really, why do they want to? They are noisy little asses...and H can't find him, and even if I COULD go down there, I wouldn't, not until he finds it...

Shit. Out.


CCC said...

I know you're in a bad mood...but your post made me laugh a bit here and there. Strawberry poptarts?? Hello - YUM! Of course the chocolate and vailla creme ones are the best! ;)

CCC said...

BTW -- you have been in my prayers with this whole back thing since it started. It's hard for me to believe what doctors say/predict anymore. I listen but take it w/ a grain of salt. I'd almost want you to get a second opinion when they start predicting the worst. I've found in most intsnaces doctors predict the worst (and secretly hope for the best). Yet I think if you believe everything they say, you set yourself up for failure from the very start. Only God knows what will happen in the end.

JYankee said...

oh no..but once you know what exactly is causing all this mess and what can or cannot be done..then you will be more relieved...or at least i hope so.. my prayers are with you too..and didnt you have a good time with soul!!!

Summer said...

I don't know quite what to say. I'm sorry isn't enough is it? Get to the surgeon as quick as you can, he will be able to tell you more. Your other doc is right, if there is anyone who can fight their way through this and win, it will be you.

You only eat the edges of your pop tarts?

Amanda said...


I'm very sorry about the bad news. Then again I think, knowledge is power. Once you know what's wrong, you can research the crap out of it on the web, for example, and get that plan B together.

SOUL: said...

good lord, what a soul slacker i am today huh?
i am usually the first one here, --- today, i'm like 50th, and i don't even have my kid outta bed yet. so much for being a morning person today. hmmm.

anyhow... i have some LIFE cereal--- apparently- you do not? you could, but we forgot. :))

edges of pop-tarts. geesh- only YOU. i give that part to the dogs.
what do you do with the middle? crazy dog must love you for it?
(well, if he's the one that gets em)

OH hey---- guess what--- not sure why THIS just came to mind---
but hey--- i DON"T have a string in my mouth anymore!!!! i'll save the details for myself---but yep.. all gone- all better. woo hoo!

as for you---- just keep on keepin on my friend. i know this is so very hard for you. but i also know you are a fighter at heart. and i know you'll make it no matter what.

please take it easy on yourself today.

oh by the way, would you like to know the easiest way to remember the order of the parts of a combustible engine? (speaking of aircraft, but i am sure it is the same with a vehicle---)

you have your intake- compressor- ignition- and exhaust. (got it?)

ok... this is how they taught us in school


now- on that note- i have to get soul kid up before she bitches that she doesn't have time to primp!

i do hope you have the best day possible .

Portia said...

Oh boy that sucks. Sending you lots of hugs and healing vibes! I do like the sound of this doc and the faith he has in you. I hope today is a better one:)

Gypsy said...

If time is of the essence then why can't they get you in RIGHT NOW!!! Haven't you had to endure enough pain already??? Keep the faith Jamie and wait til you hear what the surgeon says. The neurologist sounds like a great Dr in that he has a lot of faith in you but like he admitted himself, the surgeon will know better than he does.

I must admit I had a chuckle about the pop tarts too. It was the sudden change of subject without any warning that made me laugh.

simonsays said...

I want to thank all of you for the kind wishes, and really, I WILL be alright. One way or the other.

Gypsy---this appt that I have already set is really not far off, there are only two groups of neurosurgeons in the city, and they handle worse situations than I am in, like brain tumors, you know-life and death. I thought i would be waiting for at least thirty days for an appt.

And yes, I only eat the edges of the pop tart, the middles are gross.

And soul, yes, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that sequence of the combustible engine, and I think all pervs do, even tho it truly is helpful in remembering the way an engine works...and yes, my LIFE cereal is there and I am here....waaaah...

Thanks so much to all my friends. xo :)


You're in my thoughts my dear!!
I'm putting a call in for a really good neurosurgeon for you;MCDREAMY!!!

hopefully this thing can be better approached for you having a name to fit the problem may help you overcome some of those not so happy days!!

I'm keeping you in my prayers!!
p.s What Amanda said on here is so true..knowledge is power...now that you KNOW use the LEDGE to throw anyone off of should they piss you off!! :) heehee

the landshark said...

i don't know why he still buys strawberry - i don't like them, you don't like them, i don't even think the dog or the kittehs like them. does he like them? not even craig likes them, and that's saying a lot...

i know you're upset right now, and i think you have every right to be. it's just not fair - none of it is fair. but he's right - if anyone is strong enough to overcome, to pull through, to make it work in spite of all the bullshit, it's you. it's always been you. you don't feel like it today and you may not feel like it tomorrow but you're amazing.

you have no idea the inspiration you are to me and how much i love you. try to have a good day. :)

Josie Two Shoes said...

Awww man, this news really sucks! My thoughts and prayers are with you, Jamie. You are certainly entitled to a pity party on this one, but don't give up hope, doctors have been proven wrong MANY times!

SOUL: said...

hey perv:

i'll send the LIFE cereal if you send the strawberry pop tarts... :))

although.. for the same price we could toss what we all hate, and buy what we all like . hmmm


SOUL: said...

how does a tree frog get into ones basement ?

it's actually a good place for them... they eat bugs...
did i tell you my cats killed another baby gecko???
where in the heck is the mom???
this is like the third one. do geckos have litters? hmmmm.

Pen and the Sword said...

I hope that you feel better soon. That is a hard blow to have to digest and I hope that whatever the outcome it all works out in the end.

Maria said...

Don't start worrying until you see the neurosurgeon. A LOT can be up in the air.

And just hang on, sweets. Just for now...one foot in front of the other, okay?

SOUL: said...

step away from the crappy pop tart- and talk to me


OH MY GOSH< SOUL!! You're freakin comments are hilarious!! :)
Jaime: Please feel better...stay strong..and if you want to cry, that's fine too..you'll make the best decision for your body I have no doubt you'll do what you feel is best!

SOUL: said...

CRUSTY- it's my job. it's what i do.
:)) just checkin on ya JAMIE