Wednesday, October 24, 2007

I cannot afford to be a klutz

Good Morning. I am feeling kind of cruddy today, for many reasons. My job is kicking my ass, for one, and i think the business is being sold, to a very arrogant man. He already doesn't like me, but the feeling is quite mutual. So, i will be unemployed after the first of the year. That does scare me because I have spent a major portion of my work life in this very place. I am also afraid financially. Plus, I love all the people that work here, as well as the owner. He however, as much as told me yesterday that he could take me or leave me, so moving on will be the right thing to do. Frankly, with my health the way it is now, it would probably be the only choice i have, but i don't like the choice taken from me. And I do worry about who will hire a middle aged woman that can barely walk. :(

I have made a couple of decisions regarding my health, and I know that all of you are going to tell me to wait until I talk to the surgeon and certainly I am going to do that, but i do know this: I am not going to have surgery for a maybe. I have been more than present for countless surgeries with both my mother and sister, none of which have ended up helping in any way. Back surgeries are major, scary, possibly life-altering events that rarely have successful outcomes. The first one that I had many years ago was a cut and dried thing, there was one problem, easily taken care of. If my problems turn out to be that kind then I will jump on that table. I know however, that they are not. And i am not going to go through weeks of rehabilitation to potentially lose what good I do have left. But, like I said, I will see whatthe good DR has to say. I know I am asking for alot, because I want guarantees, but I do know the other side of this coin, and it is waaay worse than the one I am on now.

I do think I neglected to say on my post yesterday that my neck has gotten quite small and the neurologist said that he was quite worried that if I was in any kind of accident, my neck would snap.The reason I didn't say this was the drama was a little too much and it kind of scared me. I am now worried that if I am walking along and trip will I break my neck? Kind of gives reality to the old joke---"you are going to break your neck if you aren't careful". Maybe I need to wear some kind of helmet? Owner said I need to wear a hans device in the car (for those of you that don't know, that's what race car drivers wear)...Perhaps body armor? I cannot worry about this, and my title for the day is a joke because I AM a klutz.... Geez.....Out.


SOUL: said...

i'm in soul hell..will return when everyone is gone. i cant even read right now.

Cheryl said...

I just read yesterday and today's comments. What a whole load of bad news to get at once. I'm so sorry! The neurosurgeon will be the one to get to the bottom of your problems. I wish you didn't have to wait so long for that appointment. I'm hoping for better news for you. Be careful. Be well. I'll be thinking about you.

SOUL: said...

oh now that is a bunch of crap!!!
i just wrote a long ass comment and my damn computer got hung up and the whole thing got lost!
soul-hell i say. apparently that's just the way it's gonna be today.

i googled the hans device---- looks like a not so bad idea. expensive-but worth your life- dontcha think? i DO. maybe insurance will pay part of it??/

anyhow.. guess i shall just go now, seein as i have lost all my humor for the moment.
see why i am changin cable companies?
mine sux.
or would that be squeezes?
ok , so i have a wee bit of humor left.
hope you have the best day you can.

Josie Two Shoes said...

Lord Jamie, that doc sure dumped a big pile of worries on your head all at once. I'm sure you must feel plenty overwhelmed at the moment. We're all praying for you, and I know that the right answers and direction will come.

I hear what you are saying about the back surgery, it can be a scary proposition. See what the neurosurgeon has to say first. You really need all the facts before you can decide. But you know that we'll be right behind you whatever choices you make for your life!

I am so sorry about the situation at work. Even though you pretty much knew it was coming at some point, facing the idea of job hunting is never easy. However,coming to the realization that everyone is replaceable (at least in their eyes) is good in that it will hopefully free you from some of the emotional burden and guilt of trying to keep the whole place afloat...for who and for what? Right now you do need to deal with the back issues first and foremost. Down the road, consider checking with your state DVR about job assistance. They have all kinds of programs to help people find suitable jobs.

Bottom line, don't you give up on life... God didn't bring you here to abandon you now. One day at a time, Sweetie, one day at a time! Sending you my biggest (((hug)))!

simonsays said...

Ok, first, I wanted to know what Soul hell was, but now I kinda get it, and seriously the hans device was a joke----I am NOT going to drive around buckled inlike that any more than i am going to wear a helmet...

and thanks you guys for the kindness, and you know i will listen to what the dr says, before i make any decisions, and yes, I know all things happen for a reason, and I do know that things work out, its just hard NOT to worry. But again, thanks jos and cheryl and soul, my friends - lord, I first typed frieds- for caring. xo

Portia said...

oh jamie. the doctor's advice is important but so is your own experience and intuition. take your time in making the big decisions. and i've heard several people suggest getting a 2nd opinion which, if possible, is never a bad idea.
i hope humpday is treating you alright- although it's probably one of your 12 hour days, i hope it's not too hard on you.
also, i don't think i have ever said this yet, although i typed it a deleted it a bunch, because it's really not my place, but the more you talk about your owner, the less i like him. it seems clear to me that you are extremely valuable to your company, and you have plenty of potential.

SOUL: said...

hmmm... i feel as tho i have been ScOULded. whaaa.
i know it was a joke. but .. nevermind.
i know it is hard not to worry.. i also know you have some tough decisions to make.
and i know a lot of people care about you, and pray for you, and in that way , you are blessed.
and now i shall go.
c ya laterz

simonsays said...

LOLOLOL ScOULded.....teehee, oh girl, whatever would I do without you?

simonsays said...

and you know what portia, you are right, about oh so many things...!

Gypsy said...

Sorry I'm a bit late today Jamie. I usually get on line at night when its your day but went to bed early. Its 3am .....can't sleep.

I have heard that back surgery can either by spectacularly successful or NOT. There seems to be little in between. It certainly is a decision not to be taken lightly but as you know yourself, the best thing to do is wait until you have all the info you need before making such a HUGE decision. It is hard not to worry which is also why I wish your appt was sooner. In the meantime all you can do is take one day at a time.

Maybe this thing with your job is a blessing in disguise in a way. Everything happens for a reason I believe, you never know. Big hugs to you Jamie, but gentle ones :)

SOUL: said...

see, you didn't deny it.
you DID ScOULd me.
call the whaaaambulance

i hope you are having a good day.

it's nice to see you in your own box!
good to see you in mine, but good to see you in yours too.

i think i am unable to keep a train of thought today.
so i will leave ... again... for now...

c ya

simonsays said...

Hello again, I had to come home around twoish, I couldn't take any more pain, and walking was impossible, OS walked in and I left with him. So much for my day, but I did get SOME work accomplished. So, I am home, on the couch once again....

Hope everyone else's afternoon has been good!

Maria said...

I think it sounds as if you have thought all of this over very well and come up with a game plan. Good for you. I also was asked if I wanted to have back surgery, looked into my particular problem and found that the success rate was a whopping opted to simply live with a fentanyl pain patch instead.

Yes, your job can be a worry, especially because you will need the insurance, so unless you find another job right away, be SURE and sign up for Cobra, okay?

And try to take it easy. I hope it turns around for you and the neurosurgeon has a few tricks up his sleeve to help, mine did.


Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear about this...I'll hold you up with Soul and Cheryl and P so you don't fall! :) AND everyone else I'm not mentioning yet!! :)
We're thinking of you!!!

SOUL: said...

hi again...
sorry you landed on the couch early. i didn't know that. glad OS showed up when you needed him. funny how stuff like that happens eh?
anyhow, i was just checkin on ya.
hope you feel better .
get some rest.

Amanda said...

At the end of the day you know best what you need. Trust that voice Jamie.

CCC said...

We can drive ourselves crazy with what-ifs, Jamie. Just take one day at a time. And look where you're walking (no falling down stairs -- lol). I'll be anxious to hear what the Dr. says.

SOUL: said...

i'm up---are you?
you doin ok this mornin? hope so.

Anonymous said...

crap even later than everyone else... bummer about the back and everything..but about the job... they dont appreciate you enough there... dont kill yourself trying to do stuff for them if they cant even bother keeping you...! that's all I can say for now...

SOUL: said...

take it easy on yourself today. k?