Saturday, January 27, 2007

Sad, cold, windy afternoon.

I am so sad today, I have no idea why. My kiddos left, as they should, only to go back to their own home, and I miss them. YS and GF had only been here since yesterday, it isn't like i haven't seen them alot recently. I just miss them. I miss all of them. I miss D, she is now so far from me, and i see her every week, more than I did for a long while this past year, and yet I miss her. I hate when OS comes here on Sunday and leaves in the evening. What the hell is wrong with me? Isn't this what all parents want, for their kids to leave home? I feel empty inside sometimes, and I think that must be why. I was driving home from work today, and a large, green tractor was ambling along on the side of the road, the driver wearing a big winter hat to keep out the cold, and inside the cab, I could see a little boy sitting on his lap, leaning on Dad, wearing the same winter hat, and it made me want to cry. There is no feeling like having your child on your lap, leaning into you, knowing that they feel so safe, so warm, so right. I miss that. I guess I am just old, or perhaps losing my mind. I need a dog. Not a crazy one, one that loves me. I need something that loves me, maybe a kitty? Hell. Maybe I just need a drink. Later.

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