Prepare yourself, this could be a long post. It is nearly midnight, and here I sit at the computer, in pain, sad...you name it, I feel it. Or don't feel it, as the case may be.
My back is killing me, I have no idea why. It's pain in the lower part, and I already know that I have crumbling and deteriorating discs, so I suppose that has alot to do with it, or is all of the problem. I just don't know why now, I haven't done anything to it. I just took another pill, I hate having to rely on them.
My mom is better, although I didn't see her today. I am feeling so bad, and just wasn't up to driving there today. But I know she is irritated with me for not being there today, she always gets that way. It's funny, when I am sick, I don't want anyone around, anyone seeing me, anyone fussing over me, it drives me crazy. But I must be the minority, as when anyone in my family is sick or in the hospital, they all want/expect as much time as possible. I don't mind going to see her, although her mood and her drugged state really gets to me. She has seriously become addicted to the pain meds this past couple of years, and that bothers the hell out of me. I know she is too old and sick to do anything about it now, but I cannot stand to try and talk to her, and she is completely out of it. She actually falls asleep in the middle of conversation. I know I'm boring, but come on....
I am so lost. I am totally lost in my life right now. I have no idea where to turn, what to do, where to go. When I get up in the morning, there is no purpose. I cannot believe that I have let my life be reduced to what I DO, but apparently I have. I am absurdly worried about our finances, although there has not been enough time for that to be a problem, but it won't be that long before we will be living in the street. Finding work these days has become so different than it used to be. You cannot walk into any place and ask for a job - it is all done by computer now, there is no person you can talk to. Mark is working diligently on finding something, and I know he will. He has a bachelors degree in business and accounting, he is smart, personable, likeable, and has a good work history. There is no reason why he wouldn't find a good job. But still, I worry. And I know he is, too. It just takes so long from hitting the submit button to send a resume on the internet, and the call for the interview. Because we don't know where he will be working, then I have no idea where I should be looking. We don't know where we will live---we could move to the town that the Ice Cream Store is in, but I don't want to live and hour from the city and then end up working there. Not that we are ready to move, that's not the case at all, but it would be nice to know what town we will go to. Ahhh...no wonder I can't sleep. Dammit. Dammit all to hell.
I spent an hour on the phone today with the girl that took my place at my old job. She needed help with doing the monthly sales tax, and state withholding. I didn't mind, but Mark does. I will not let this be an issue between us, I told her I would help her, and I will. I am not doing it because I want to help the asshole that bought the place, I am doing it for her. And I don't feel that I should have to explain that to him again. Sigh...
I hope that you all are tucked in bed, asleep, like all good people should be. I think I will try to go to bed now, the pain meds are kicking in, and now my head hurts. I hate taking pills.
Until later. Sleep well. :)