Tuesday, February 12, 2008

You are my wife, GOODBYE city life...

At the risk of repeating myself again and again, I think all of my friends here need to know one more time just how wonderful I think you are. Amazing - that word fits well. It wouldn't matter what I whined about or why, each of you would come through for me, and for that I am so very grateful. You all have the best advice, understanding and biggest hearts of any people I have ever known. Just sayin'. :)

Yesterday turned out to be quite a day - it seems that all of us saw doctors of some kind.. My oldest son had his antidepressant doubled, and then his doctor wants to see him again in two weeks. Janelle did see a counselor, a woman that specializes in this sort of issue, and seems to think that she will be able to help her. She also had some changes to medication, and I can only hope that all of this helps her, and quickly. It was an extrememly stressful day for me, I found myself unable to relax with so much to worry about. In the end though, we all survived.

I wish I could say that the experience I had at my appointment went better. I saw the neurosurgeon that just did the surgery on me, and I know I have said here many times what a jackass he truly is. He didn't let me down this time either, his jackass-ness showed right through. My neck is healing fine. That is all I know. Any other questions I had, and I had many, were completely ignored as though he were deaf. Which is how he has handled any question I have had over the past few visits. It doesn't make him look good to think that I am not doing well, and all he cares about is his image, and how wonderful he is at neurosurgery. I was not surprised at all, although I had hopes of a few of my problems being addressed. No matter - I won't be going back. He did tell me that he wants me to have physical therapy, and I will, that may help, actually. Then he said he wanted to see me again in a month - and I told him I wouldn't be back. I'm sure he didn't hear that either, but his staff did, and they had left a message on my phone by the time I got home. I erased it, and I will earase their number from my phone. I will see my neurologist for my problems, and actually, that is the doctor that I need to see for these things, I was just hoping that since I was already there...But the facts are these: I already know from my neurologist before my surgery and from a ton of reading on the internet, that only about 40% of the people that have had the same surgery I had for the same problem which is myelopathy, actually improve. I knew that going in. I just had hoped that because I started out doing so well that maybe I was one of the lucky ones. Now I am not so sure...as the reading once again has told me that it often happens this way. The spinal cord really is a mystery to the medical profession, and they cannot predict what will happen when it comes to injury and healing. I also know that just because I may occasionally have trouble, that does not mean that I will always have problems, and of course, I am hoping that is the case. Right now, the only thing bothering me continually is my eyes, and seeing really is a problem. I plan to have the physical therapy for the pain I have and hopefully it will help with the other problems, although I have no idea, as I am winging it on that one. My reasoning is that it can't hurt - and could help. I have hopes that for whatever reason, I may have significant swelling there again, and that could cause the weakness and other problems. Actually, who knows? But it makes me feel better to think that I will not end up in a wheelchair again, I may just have occasional trouble from time to time. That will be my theory until I can see my neuro, in April. Nothing like doctoring yourself, but there really is some validity to this theory.

I have to get my mind on the job today, and that is getting harder and harder to do. With everything falling apart all around me, I am having trouble focusing. But deadlines are looming once again, it's hard to remember when I was actually a good manager. So many things are bound to change there, it's hard to know exactly how to go about alot of it. I find myself thinking, "if this place weren't sold, I'd...", or "if I were going to be here longer, I'd...". Owner is currently in Florida at the races, his annual two weeker - and it really is easier with him gone. It's just alot more responsibility for me, under normal circumstances, that's not an issue. This time, I am just bumbling along. Oh well. One huge thing at a time, I guess.

Again, I want you all to know that you are the best. Are you tired of hearing that yet? I think we are an amazing group, just in case you don't know. The thing I find so funny is that everyone has such a negative opinion of internet friendships, there is such a bad connotation that goes along with the word INTERNET. Too bad they don't have something like all of us do. We are our own personal cheering section for one another, a group that honestly cares and tries to understand. Someday, I would LOVE to be able to meet, and have a party together. Do you think that could ever be arranged? So many of you are SO far away....Ah, we can dream.

Have a great day today. I apologize for being so behind in all your pages - I will get back on track soon.

In case you don't know by my title, that stupid song -the theme song for that old tv show GREEN ACRES is stuck in my head, and has been for days...ugh...someone else take it, please!


Cheryl said...

I loved Green Acres. I haven't seen it since I was a kid, so I guess I can say I have the memory of loving the show.

I agree...we have a great thing going here. I feel so lucky to be part of a great group of caring and supportive friends. For me it started with Andrew. I'd read his comments, and be amazed at the people who stopped by and left wonderful messages. I followed the links to their pages, and saw a pattern. And I got in the loop, and am so glad I did.

So, things sound like they're on the right track with your kids. I'm glad to hear that you'll start therapy. That can only help, at least I hope. I hate that you have to wait till April to see your neurologist...could that change?

Happy Tuesday!

Gypsy said...

One foot in front of the other Jamie. That is always my mantra to myself when everything just feels too overwhelming.

Therapy sounds like a great plan. It can't hurt right? Anything is worth a shot if it alleviates your pain even a little.

The people in the blogosphere are the best. I think my parents think I am being lured into some sort of cult when I mention anything about the internet, but that's ok. The important thing is that I know what we all have together is very special and to draw strength from each other in times of need is a wonderful thing.

I hope each day gets better than the one before. Take care Jamie.


I too, loved Green acres...it used to be one of my favorite shows when I was much younger..something about that goat!

I can't stand it when doctors, or people for that matter, don't listen to what we have to say when it comes to our bodies, I hope that things improve for you, and for your family.

Here's to hoping that all this weather/snow settles down, and you get yourself a basket of nascar shaped cookies to snack on! :)

Mary said...

Ahhh ......... Green Acres. I have to admit I enjoyed that show. The pig was smarter than some of the characters.

Janelle and your son seem to be getting help that will help them. I'm glad you have that comfort even though it will take time.

Jamie, it's time to focus on yourself and your well being. That doctor sounds like a first class jerk - and that's putting it mildly. Is there any chance you can see your neurologist before April? It wouldn't hurt to call and ask for any cancelled appointment to be given to you. (Just and idea) Seeing someone more receptive to your questions would be a plus. Therapy should help some and that can only be a good thing.

I wish this group could all meet somewhere for a gathering. I, for one, feel that I found friendship when I was lucky enough to find this group. I'd be the old lady with the big silly grin spread all over her face.

Brad said...

I'm Hear to help ! (with that ear-worm your suffering.....)

"Come and listen to a story about a man named Jed,

A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed,

Then one day he was shootin at some food,

And up through the ground came a bubblin crude"

There. My work here is done.

XO - B

Portia said...

I'm glad you all made it. I'm sooo glad you told that lousy doc you won't be back. I don't know what to think about your spinal issues, but I am always, always hoping for the best for you. I do know it sucks nuts not being able to see. Keep on moving forward.
Oh, and I would LOVE to meet everyone in person one day! Seems a little unlikely but wouldn't it be fun?

Rebecca said...

I was wondering what the titular reference was!! I confess I would never have gotten it, but once you spelled it out, it immediately made sense!

Don't worry about work. It will all get done, well or otherwise. In terms of what is going on in your life, the priority is properly placed as last!

You're right. This group of blogging buddies is really wonderful. I know I've worried over one thing or another and everyone has been very supportive. Even when I thought the world was coming down around my ears. Would be wonderful to get us all together...Soul might be arranging it, or was it Mother Hen...

I am glad to hear that Janelle is seeing someone..though she'll probably outsmart them. And PT for you will probably really help. From what I've heard, those folks actually listen, and have a very sound body of knowledge.

Take care...I, too, have fallen behind on everyone's pages, so I'm gonna go catch up :)


Anonymous said...

Green Acres? Gosh I guess our age "gaps" are showing... LOL..just kidding everyone....

Well.. yeah do not continue to see ass holes for drs...see the one you regularly see and I hope for the best for you in that area.... That would be nice to have a party altogther..admittedly a bit far..but give me an excuse to go home and see my family!

SOUL: said...

peek a boo!

i'm late today-- sorry.

yep- glad you explained the little ditty up top-- i never woulda guessed green acres either.
the young guy on that show was a guest preacher at our church once when i was a kid--- just so ya know. he was a nice guy--

anyhow-- yep-- your doc is a real asshat.
good for you tellin him where to put his ego.

anyhow--- i'm not very focussed at the moment-- but when am i ?

i will catch up with you tomorrow--

i am happy to hear that y'all are gettin where ya need to be-- it'll take some time-- but you'll all get there.


The Real Mother Hen said...

I still keep you in my prayer Jamie.
The bad days will pass. The Jackass will go. You will get well. Things will be better.

Kelly Jene said...

That song is deadly when it gets stuck in my head. It drives me mad!

I was amazed at how caring and real people are on here. It is so comforting, even still being somewhat new around here, I would want to meet just about everyone!

You're awesome. Deal with it.