Friday, February 29, 2008

It's cracked

So this is it. The last day of an era in my workplace. The workplace will go on, but the names and faces will change now; and ultimately, someone else will lay awake like I just have, making lists and trying to remember all the details to be dealt with. The idea of that is hugely sad to me, but I am smart enough to know that this is the way things are meant to work, change is the only way that God can follow through with his promises. I am ready for my own life to be different, so I realize for that to happen, I am required to act. And so I am. I will still be employed there tomorrow, but I will be working for someone else, someone that I don't know but already don't respect. The days that I will be there from now on will extremely numbered, and I think I am ready. Scared, but ready. Worried, but ready. Petrified, but ready.

When I fell the other night, I do believe I broke my butt. Yes, I ALREADY know it's cracked. teehee I have been limping and hobbling around, and it hurts like a you-know-what. But I don't think I did any damage to the important things---my neck seems to be no worse than before, and my lower back may have some damage, but it's minor, at least for now. I have a bruise the size of a grapefruit on my upper ass...and it's extremely appealing..or so I have been told, because one of the side effects of having the recent neck surgery that I had is that one cannot turn their head far enough to see one's own ass in the mirror. I see that as a benefit, I have never been that proud of my skinny backside, and I do believe that if my rear were not so skinny, I may not have hurt myself at all. But it certainly was a complication that I didn't need right now, it has made all that I have to do that much worse. When I got home last night, the pain in my body was times ten - I had spent the day moving things out of my office, being physical, and it was the second day after the fall (and I have always thought that the second day after any trauma to the body is the worst), so by six pm, I could no longer take the pain, and I had to come home. I was very grateful for the pain medication that I have, I tripled my normal, nothing dose and managed. This morning, I am not feeling good, but waaaay better than last night.

Today will be a hard day. We are having a lunch - pizza and cake- for all the current and past employees. I have tons and tons of work to accomplish, but I am much, much closer than I thought I would be, and I no longer think I will have to be there until midnight. And that will be okay with me. I think I have put in about 70 hours each the past two weeks, and I am tired. Poor Mark has had to do the same, I swear, I don't know what I would do without him. Beginning tomorrow, it is time for the both of us to put most of our effort into finding work elsewhere, and please pray for us that it won't be difficult. There is no reason on earth that we should have trouble finding something adequate to take care of us, although it sure sounds easy, but often that is not the case.

I talked with my mom last night, and she is feeling better. She decided to tell me that when she saw the internist the day that her surgery was cancelled, he told her that her oxygen level was so low that he honestly believed that she would have slipped into a coma and died had she not gone to the hospital. That scared the hell out of me, and I curse the medical community for not knowing what was happening with her. On the other hand, had she not gone to have the surgery done, she may not be here today. One thing I have got to do in the next days is get over to see her, to spend some real time with her, and I will. New boss be damned, or even if it DOES harelip the Governor. One thing I can tell you is this: I will not get myself into another position that consumes me and expects me to save it. I hope I have learned my lesson---and even though I will not have a job soon, it is time to open the ICS, and that in itself will be enough to keep me crazy. As if I need a reason to be crazy...

I feel I have neglected all of you - and I will be getting over to visit in the next couple of days. I have missed reading all of your posts, but I will get caught up. Don't give up on me yet!

Have an awesome Friday. :)


Anonymous said...

well... i have not left my company..but it is the SAME.. new faces, new of Apr. 1st... the company I used to work for...(at least the name) will no longer exist...we have become "T" company as both "C" company (my co) and "G" company have been the end of an era... believe me.. i know (almost) how you feel!

SOUL: said...

as hard as it may be for you to believe .. i see progress here.

even down to your "skinny ass" :))
not too long ago-- it was "fat-- or large".. remember?? :))

and hey-- last time i checked.. it was supposed to have a crack. so that might not be all bad.

and really-- you could have really hurt yourself a lot more than a bruise-- even a bad bruise-- really-- it coulda been worse. and i'm glad it wasn't.

you really are able to see a lot of the positive things happening right now-- that a few weeks ago were near impossible for you to look at--- but less even think possible. remember?? it's happening. maybe not as fast-- or as clear cut as you want or really need them to be-- but as they say-- Gods time-- not ours-- right? it will come together for you. i see that happening for you already.

but trust me-- i do understand your fears. i've been there. in my own way. i've seen a lot of things come to an end. life is about beginnings and endings-- and like you said "change"

i wish i could say this was mine-- but it's not-- but i heard once-- that--

"change is growth"
i think that's true.
if nothing ever changed-- neither would we-- and where would that leave us? aside from stagnant?

you deserve way more in this life than to stagnate! and i am anxious to see what life is gonna bring your way!

perhaps, if i ever get out of bed-- i will see it happen!!

i hope you have a great day today-- i hope you can relax a bit at work and home, and try to enjoy the last weeks at work, and the people that you love there.
the rest will fall into place. really-- it will.

hope you have a really good day, and are able to laugh a LOT today-- it could happen.. even with a sore ass.


ps-- someday, i'll wake up on time, and we can have coffee again :((
i did TRY--

Gypsy said...

As if anyone would give up on YOU Jamie.

Just come by when you have time and btw did you see your surprise when you came over. It wasn't in the post you visited but the one before.

Anyway, not to worry. It will still be there when you get round to it.

I'm glad both you and your mum are feeling better though in your case I'm sorry about your ass. Now see that wouldn't have happened to me because I have my own inbuilt air bag on my butt. It's just inflated at all times is all.

I hope you manage to survive the new owner for as long as you are there and have a piece of pizza for me. Sometimes change really is GOOD....I think this is one of those times.

Foster Communications said...

Wow, what a colossal pain in the ass! :) I think you should be done with having pain for awhile ya know?

And I hear you about the job. Meant to be, but a challenge nonetheless. My sister gave me the best career advice ever--"There's no room for guilt or loyalty at work."
Sure, we do our best. Sure, we work hard be the only reason we go to work is to fund our lives, take care of our families and grow as a person.
Best of luck on finding your next new opportunity.

abbagirl74 said...

Have faith in yourself. I know you will find what you seek. Keep your beautiful chin up!

Golden To Silver Val said...

Here's to more time for YOU, more time for your family and for doing things you LOVE. Here's to finding a job you only have to work at for a normal amount of hours...but most of all, here's to finding real peace of mind and the time to bask in it. Big hugs and blessings for you, dear one. Charlotte

Mary said...

It's hard to face extreme change and the unknown. I've been there, done that. It's always hardest just before a new door is opened. That's something to look forward to. The current job has just about used you up - the next can only be better.

The new owner is going to have an awakening. If he is a (insert the worst word you know here) to you then you can just get up and walk out. Where will he be then? Often the new boy on the block feels pretty cocky until reality hits him in the gut....or worse. It's expensive to import employees.

Portia said...

Sounds like today will be another long, exhausting and emotional day, but I hope when you look back over it (tomorrow morning:) you'll remember it as a good one.
What a miracle for your mother. It is funny how things like that happen, but thank goodness they do.
Hope it's a great farewell party:)

Brad said...

You sound like you have it pretty together - a good realistic attitude. It will be interesting to see what life brings you next. Hope you get the chance to enjoy the folks you've worked with for so long at your lunch. Take care.

Rebecca said...

OUCH! Poor Jamie. That fall musta hurt like the dickens.

I really hope your coming final days are not too rough, and the ice cream store is a hit. (i can't even think of ice cream right now, it is FREEZING in NY!) Sorry i've been delinquent. Work here is busy. Kid busy, gym, yoga, blah, blah. Just really tired, so no new posts. And I have not been around other pages either! Looking forward to the weekend, that's for sure!

Have a good one, and feel better :)

fiwa said...

My head is reeling from reading all you have going on - I can't imagine how you are coping with all of that.

I hope your mom gets better, and I hope that once all of this job stress is over, that you can take a few days to rest and take care of YOU.

Hope your day goes by quickly today and is very productive.

Kelly Jene said...

You have been to hell and back lately and yet you still sneak in the humor and care for other people. You amaze me.

So sorry about the hiney... ouch!

Raine said...

HOly cow you got a lot to deal with. Life is not only a pain in the ass figuratively, now its literal. I really do admire you, you just keep on slugging it out.