Just like Arnold...I'll be back

Pink Floyd, "The Wall". I HATE that song. Why, when it is MY stereo, in MY damned head, would music that I HATE be playing? But, that's what it was. :(

I think that H sits at this computer at night and eats, because there is frequently some kind of food on the screen in the morning. Have I ever mentioned that H is kind of messy?

Can we all tell that I may just be in a bit of a bad mood this morning?

Yesterday turned out to be the kind of day I needed. Nothing. Quiet, no activity, a long nap for me. I was in a lot of pain, and I took a lot of medication. It is rare when I can take what I need for the pain, and when I do, it knocks me out. I believe I slept maybe six hours of the day away, and when I wasn't sleeping, I think I was eating. That is always good for my size 6 jeans goal, but I am not far from it now, and food hasn't really been too important to me recently, eating has been put on the back burner for several weeks. I think I have now lost fifteen of the 20 stupid medication pounds, so I am almost back to where I was...and almost back into my jeans. I really haven't tried that either, recently. My clothes have not been top priority since I am in that chair, and dressing while having to use it is really different. I had never thought about it before, but when you are sitting all the time, it does change how and what you wear. Also, my sleeves are always dirty from the wheelchair, since I go into the back -- the garage part of the dealership so much, that the wheels on my chair are dirty, and my long sleeves always dangle on the wheels, so I only wear dark colored, long sleeved shirts. And my shoes are more prominent, they sort of stick right up there, where God and everyone can see them all the time, so it has changed everything about dressing...but I ramble....and all I was beginning to say was that I ate taco pizza yesterday, and then I ate brownies. Something I would normally not eat-ever. But I decided what the hell, it will probably be a while before I want to eat much of anything, and who really cares about being bad for one day? So, that was my Sunday.

I am not sure what will happen tomorrow, and I know that many of you are wanting to know. I will hear from the hospital today about the time for my surgery. The Dr's office told me a month ago that it will most likely be scheduled early, around seven am, but that would ultimately depend on emergencies and the like, so the hospital will let me know the day before, but to plan on having to be there around five or six in the morning on the day of the surgery. I am to plan on being there overnight, but if anything unforeseen comes up, it will be longer. (I am praying so hard that is not the case, I HATE, HATE, HATE being in hospitals.) The procedure is kind of yucky sounding, at least to me, as they are going to remove a couple of discs in my neck, replace them with donated bone, then plate and screw all of that in place. In doing that, they will release the spinal cord that is being smashed, and hope that over time, that will allow me to regain the strength in my legs to walk again. The problem with that is that I have been unable to walk for so long, the chances are not good. It will most certainly fix the weakness in my arms as that is a new problem and also the weakness in my hands. As far as the pain I have, it should take care of the pain I have in my arms and hands, and the burning, searing pain I have in my feet. Most of the other pain I have in my legs comes from disc pain in my lower back, and that will still be there after this surgery. I will have to have another surgery on my lower back to fix that to get rid of the majority of the leg pain and all the back pain that I have. I will have to see about that, the idea of another surgery right now is pretty unappealing. The recovery time at home should be a week or two, and that's all I know. I will most likely have to wear a neck brace for some time. Since they are going to do the procedure through the FRONT of my neck, I will most likely have issues with my voice for quite some time, and from what I have read, maybe forever. Also, my throat will most likely hurt and swallowing is an issue for quite a while. Because there is an artery in the way, stroke is the number one risk from what I have read, as they have to move it and keep it out of the way to get to where they are going. All in all though, the risks are minimal, and the hope of walking certainly is worth the risk.

Because I don't know when I have to leave for this procedure, I don't know if I will post again before. I have about a month's worth of work to finish today at the dealership, and we all know I can do that, right? I am hoping it will be the first thing tomorrow, the sooner, the better. I do know that another ice storm is expected tonight, and this one is the kind that could cause the power outages and all that good crap, which is just what we need right now, so there may be the chance of going up tonight and staying in a motel. If you all don't hear from me again for a few days, then you will know why. D will post tomorrow, after it's over and let you know that things are fine. Don't worry about me, they do this shit every day. Just not to me.... :)

Take care, I will see you all soon. I love each of you, you know.