Wednesday, November 21, 2007

A post with a warning

Warning: Whine Alert


Yesterday was the worst day I have had in literally, years. I spent a major portion of it crying. Holy hell, I don't cry. EVER. I really don't know why that day was any worse than any other, but the faucet began early in the day, with a misunderstanding with my friend. Then I wrote a post about choosing to be happy, even in the middle of life's trials---which is rather ironic, really---since I am now telling you that I spent the day in tears. But when I went back and read what I had written, I sounded like freakin' Hitler, with zero understanding for other people's needs or problems, and that is not what I am about-EVER-and that upset me, tremendously. I was, at the time, trying to say that even in the middle of all this mess I am in, I am happy, but apparently God slapped me right down and told me to shut up, so I did.

Physically, I was yesterday, and am this morning, in more pain with these problems than I have been to date. I was under the impression that I had only to wait two weeks until the surgery but yesterday, H pointed out that it was three. That made me cry. Usually I can get a grip on the pain, and continue on, but it was not listening to me at all, I am sincerely hoping that today can be better.

So yesterday, I did make it up the stairs to shower but lost all my strength after that, slid down the wall in the hallway, and that was the end of my going to work hopes for the day. That made me cry. I never did make it into the shower I did not have the strength for it, and I hate not showering---I can't stand the feeling, even though I did manage to wash up, and make my hair look somewhat okay, I knew I hadn't showered, and that bothers me. That made me cry. I wanted to talk to my Mom and I sent her a text message to see how she was doing, but she was in as bad a shape as me, so I just sent her an I love you message and gave up on it. That made me cry. CrazyDog and I had a showdown and I didn't have the strength to fight, so I had to depend on H to take care of her when he ran home on his lunch break. That made me cry. You all see where this is going, right? It was just the worst day personally, I can remember. My day was spent sitting here, literally doing nothing. I am so bad at that. I really, really tried not to feel the way I did, I really tried to turn off the tears. Usually, getting busy with something else is my way of handling problems. Right now, I am unable to get busy....with anything.

Today, I am hoping for a brighter day. I am still at pain level gazillion. I am going to make it to work today, I have to. But I had to yesterday. I have a will of iron....it's not helping alot right now. Damn.

I hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday. Later.

14 comments:

Summer said...

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I wish I could find my damn wand so I could fix it for you. Are you staying at home today? Who's cooking tomorrow?

Gypsy said...

Jamie, honey, I read that post you wrote and you are being way too hard on yourself. I understood exactly what you were trying to say and I personally saw nothing wrong with it. Please tell me my comment didn't make you feel bad or God forbid, make you cry.

I know if I was in the kind of pain you're in I would have been blubbering like a baby weeks ago. Hell, I stubbed my toes on my husbands weights the other night and I burst into tears. What kind of a sook does that make me?

You know what? Its good that you cried. That particular dam needed to burst. You have to let it out some time or you will explode Jamie. Stop trying to be brave and cry when it gets too much. Tear ducts are our safety valve. God wouldn't have invented them if he didn't intend for us to use them. I, for one, hope a good cry will do you the world of good.

Take care Jamie, I'm thinking of you and sending gentle HUGS.

simonsays said...

No Gypsy----No. Ir wasn't you at all. It was the way I had written it, it didn't sound like me. Please don't worry that you made me cry. :)

Portia said...

I hope today is a brighter day for you too. But I also agree with gypsy in that crying is not always bad. It doesn't really seem like the way anyone wants to spend a day, but hopefully it helped you to release some negative energy. I hope wherever you are, today is a much better one. Wishing you a happy, and as painless as possible:) Thanksgiving!

The Real Mother Hen said...

*hug*
*hug*
But you know what, today is your lucky day, me aka the most influencial person on this planet is here to CHEER you up!
Man, what have you done to deserve such an honor? You must have cooked/cared for someone lately. You must have bahaved. Or perhaps you have just pressed 9 on the telephone pad to reach me...

Cheryl said...

I'll be waiting for a new post from today to see if you're feeling better. Today I wished I wasn't at work so I could cry. I was just so upset with my daughter and ex. You probably needed that good cry. I hope today is much better.

Ingrid said...

I'm sorry you are down. A big hug to you from an ocassional lurker.

Maria said...

Sweetie...honey lamb, dear heart...

(It helps to be loved up sometimes)

You have got to cut yourself some slack. You have every right to be in bed and staying there for the next three weeks. Give yourself permission to do this. Can work get along without you for just that long?

You are truly a person of great value and this is so odiously unfair....hang on. Just try and hang on.

Andrew said...

(((((HUGS))))))

My heart goes out to you Jamie! I wish there was something I could do or say. I will write that you are a wonderful person whom I've grown to admire and really like. I'm here if you ever need a friend to talk to!

abbagirl74 said...

Oh sugar. What a rotten way to spend a holiday. I wish you weren't in so much pain. I am so sorry. I am wishing you and your family a safe and happy Thanksgiving.

JYankee said...

oh no.....((((hugs))))

Gypsy said...

Happy Thanksgiving Jamie. I am hoping that you are feeling a little better today and I'm so happy I didn't make you cry :)

CRUSTYBEEF said...

I'm holding you in my thoughts! IF anything you need me to do!!
Sometimes though, the tears are good to get out...just cry my dear..and then you'll feel as if God has lifted you up!
Always,
Crusty~
believe me all that pain you're in, you do have the right to bawl. :)

desert dirt diva said...

yes i am too sorry for your pain, i just started reading your blog.. so what is wrong... if you don;t mind me asking?? hope tomarrow is better