A post with a warning

Warning: Whine Alert


Yesterday was the worst day I have had in literally, years. I spent a major portion of it crying. Holy hell, I don't cry. EVER. I really don't know why that day was any worse than any other, but the faucet began early in the day, with a misunderstanding with my friend. Then I wrote a post about choosing to be happy, even in the middle of life's trials---which is rather ironic, really---since I am now telling you that I spent the day in tears. But when I went back and read what I had written, I sounded like freakin' Hitler, with zero understanding for other people's needs or problems, and that is not what I am about-EVER-and that upset me, tremendously. I was, at the time, trying to say that even in the middle of all this mess I am in, I am happy, but apparently God slapped me right down and told me to shut up, so I did.

Physically, I was yesterday, and am this morning, in more pain with these problems than I have been to date. I was under the impression that I had only to wait two weeks until the surgery but yesterday, H pointed out that it was three. That made me cry. Usually I can get a grip on the pain, and continue on, but it was not listening to me at all, I am sincerely hoping that today can be better.

So yesterday, I did make it up the stairs to shower but lost all my strength after that, slid down the wall in the hallway, and that was the end of my going to work hopes for the day. That made me cry. I never did make it into the shower I did not have the strength for it, and I hate not showering---I can't stand the feeling, even though I did manage to wash up, and make my hair look somewhat okay, I knew I hadn't showered, and that bothers me. That made me cry. I wanted to talk to my Mom and I sent her a text message to see how she was doing, but she was in as bad a shape as me, so I just sent her an I love you message and gave up on it. That made me cry. CrazyDog and I had a showdown and I didn't have the strength to fight, so I had to depend on H to take care of her when he ran home on his lunch break. That made me cry. You all see where this is going, right? It was just the worst day personally, I can remember. My day was spent sitting here, literally doing nothing. I am so bad at that. I really, really tried not to feel the way I did, I really tried to turn off the tears. Usually, getting busy with something else is my way of handling problems. Right now, I am unable to get busy....with anything.

Today, I am hoping for a brighter day. I am still at pain level gazillion. I am going to make it to work today, I have to. But I had to yesterday. I have a will of iron....it's not helping alot right now. Damn.

I hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday. Later.