I am not too full of words of wisdom this morning, in fact, I have very little inspiration to talk about anything today. This has been a rotten week, full of decisions that I have hated making, not that any plans are solid yet, I can NOT find a place to live. If I were desperate, I would be tempted to take a place that is less than desirable, hell I would settle for less than desirable now, but I won't live in a shit hole. I am amazed at how many of those there are out there. Even if money were no object, and it really isn't-in this town, even the taj would be affordable to me, there would be no place t go. There is one place that would actually be okay, it's nice, clean, and well taken care of, and it's even way too big but that would still be okay, but it's leased until July, even though no one is living in it. The manager thought he MIGHT be able to work something out with them, let them out of their lease early, if i moved in. But he wants me to sign a one year lease, and I am not willing to do that. I would like to talk with the current lessee's (?) about a sub-let, but apparently that is unheard of around here, plus I have no idea who they are. Since I have absolutely no idea what i am doing right now, I think a one year lease is out of the question. I am a big believer in meant to be, so I will just wait, the right thing will present itself.
Looks like the big news is once again, the weather. Big storm coming in on the weekend, yippee fucking yay. Seems that the kids are doing okay, I have talked to/seen them this week. None of them really know how to take the current separation plans. I understand that. H has been a terrific father to them, and they love him. And I would expect nothing less. If he never did one more good thing for me/with me/to me/ for the rest of his life, I would never feel anything but love and respect for the way he has handled the family aspect of our relationship, the stability he brought to this family, the example of a MAN that he has been to me and my kids. I mean that will all of my heart. I cannot think of one time that there has been a bad feeling between him and any of the kids. He has handled them with love and understanding, even when it was all I could do to feel that way, and i love them more than my own life. Even though I know there had to be times that he wanted to throw up his hands and run, never once, never even once, did he utter one wrong word. And that is saying so much. So, I understand their confusion. I really don't want this separation to be permanent, but if it would turn out to be, then he and the kids will find the right place in their relationship. If I can't find a place to go, there may be no separating. I guess time will tell. Just like all other things. H does go back to work on Monday, he won't be home so much, so that may help the current tension around here anyway.
Friday. That used to be a good day. Now it's just another day. Maybe if I didn't work on Saturday? Over and out.