Sunday, December 10, 2006

A snoozer

Good Sunday Morning - Lots of things running through my mind today, couldn't really sleep because of it. I am not well, but that is the general consensus these days and I am tired of thinking about it. I am also tired of whining about it, I try not to actually whine in person, and I though that maybe if I bitched here, I wouldn't need to bitch in person, but i find that reading about it is as tiresome as listening to it. I apologize to the readers. The problem is that the way I feel is as much about me as anything, and it really is getting in the way of my life, more than it has in years. Shit.

Last evening was a good one, I really didn't do much of anything, attempted to do some online shopping but am finding that the last few things i have to buy are hard to find. Christmas is stressful, I still have so much to do - not one gift is wrapped. I am not good at wrapping, I find it such a waste of time and money, but I say the same things each year, and each year I manage to get it done. There is not as much to mess with this year as in years past, it has all been really scaled down, and while it really is necessary to do that, it isn't nearly as much fun. I love to buy things for other people, but it had gotten so out of hand, and it had become expected of me, and I really hate that. If I HAVE to do something, it's not any fun, I only enjoy it when it's a surprise.

OS will be here again today, laundry, and I am looking forward to it, I don't think I have seen him since last week. It feels like I haven't seen YS in forever, I hope he comes around this week, I expect he will, as he will be legal to drive anywhere again as of this wednesday. Hopefully that will bring him around more. I have spent a couple of days with D this week, it is good to see her often again.

My Mom is having health troubles again, I always get so worried, it is shit when your parents get old. A blocked artery in her leg, I will be happy when that is taken care of, there are things worse than dying, and a massive stroke would be one of those. I worry so much. I am so NOT ready to lose her, but there are times when I think it's not far off. She has been the only stable thing in my whole life. I may not have always agreed with her, and she certainly has pissed me off back in my younger days, but she has been a good mom. I thank her for all the good things that i am. I blame all the bad things in me on my dad. She does too, teehee. Although she did give me chicken legs. and a funny nose.

Not alot of words in me this morning, so many thoughts but I can't quite get them from brain to fingertips. I will try later.

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