The end of an era

My heart is sad this morning. I was informed yesterday that the car dealership that I used to run- until March of 2008 - is being forced out of business by the entity that holds the loan. As I spoke to someone that is still employed there, the transport trucks were loading up the inventory to take it to unknown destinations. I was asked yesterday by an uninvolved friend, why this upsets me, as I am no longer there and have nothing to do with the business. I thought about that for a while last night, because this goes so much deeper than the obvious. The obvious being that there are still four employees there that worked for me, before. They are all long term employees, that need the job to take care of their families. Each of them are good, quality people that are guilty of nothing other than staying with a ship that was obviously sinking, and continuing to try and keep things afloat. These people matter to me, they are in my heart. I am saddened for them. I know the feelings that come next, the almost shock that follows behind losing your job, your identity, years of memories. The next reason that I am so devastated is also obvious, Bill---the prior owner, will now have little, if any recourse on collecting his money from the snake that bought the business, as this event will set off a chain of events that will most certainly leave those involved with little assets. That too, is really not my problem, but in many ways it is, as I still take care of the personal finances for Bill, and this will put him into a problem state, financially.

Beyond that, why should I care, right? No, that isn't right. I care alot, for many reasons that have nothing to do with personal loss or gain. This honestly is the end of an era. The end of small business flourishing in small towns. This is a true measure of the state of the economy. The car business is...as a rule, a high dollar business. The inventory requires major capital, even in light of the fact that most dealers in this country don't own their inventory, they borrow on every car and truck, just like you and I--as the buyers, do. Even having that, very few can capitalize this type of business...it takes major cash, and major credit. The business is closely governed at the state and federal levels, and still, owning a car dealership is something that many dream of and few can actually do. We all know that sh** rolls downhill, and for years, the American made car manufacturers have been in trouble. Since that time, their own car makers have been squeezing the little guys, hoping to push them out. It has not been cost effective for the corporate conglomerations to have so many small dealers out there...too much competition these days..the big dealers have gotten the breaks, have gotten the deals, have gotten the favors from their car makers for a long, long time. Among many other things, this has contributed to the sad state of many small car dealers in recent years. I watched as business declined over the years, knowing what would eventually be the final deal, the closing of yet another car dealership. Bill and I talked incessantly that there was not going to be a choice one day soon, that there would be certain death of the business, and it wasn't long before our vision began to come true. He opted to sell rather than close, but both of us honestly questioned whether anyone would be adventurous enough to buy, as we both felt that even Ray Charles could have seen the writing on the wall. When the new buyer came in, it didn't take us long to see that he knew little, but boasted that he knew it all, and at some point, you just agree, and let the chips fall where they may. That's what I did, when I opted to leave last March. His big head and ego were nothing that I wanted any part of, and I knew that the fat lady would soon be tuning up, to sing over this particular car dealership. It was not ever what I wanted for my friends there, for Bill, for the small town in which it is located, and not even for the idiot that purchased it. I had hoped that the new blood coming in would have new and innovative ways of doing business, would be able to fine tune the car business, adopting some of the NEW ways of selling cars, but also understanding that keeping the locals on his side was the only way of keeping the doors open. As we can all see, that didn't happen.

At one time, that place kept more than twenty families fed and twenty mortgages paid. Yes, I know that is small number, but when you add that number to all of the other small business's that are now failing, the numbers become staggering. Small towns across this country are dying and that only leads to big problems in the large cities, as folks that live in the small areas have to work, and often relocate. It adds to the number of foreclosures across small town America, and when that happens, it's the end of the American dream. Families face unemployment, being uprooted, huge changes in their lives, all of them being forced by one small business being closed. Watching this happen really does make me sad--for my friends, for the town, for the country, in general. Just watching the six-o'clock news these days, one almost needs to take a tranquilizer..doom gloom, despair, everywhere you turn. And in the scheme of things, this is just a blip on the screen in the big picture. However, it still feels like it's my screen. And I'm sad.

Soap Opera, Anyone?

Yesterday, I found out that my stepmother died. IN OCTOBER. I just happened to be on the internet and ran across her obituary. No, I was not notified. Should I have been? I guess I can't say, not truthfully, anyway. Her sister did try to call me, but I have moved and she called the old phone number at the house. I was upset..for so, SO many reasons. Let me try and fill you in...

This woman has been my stepmother since I was eight years old. (That's alot of years.) I know for a fact that she resented me all my life, but I could never really blame her, as being married to my dad was no picnic, and that has to be the understatement of the century. She did try with me, and I loved her. After I grew up, she was a wonderful grandmother to my kids..they worshipped the ground she walked on. She was the kind of grandma that every kid wants---the kind that will get out and play with you...isn't afraid to get dirty, exert herself..whatever. In the poor times of my life, had it not been for Dorothy, my kids would have been naked. She was wonderful to them, and to me, in what she did for them.

You all remember that my dad died on January 1st, 2005. During his illness, I realized that Dorthy's mind was going, and at that time, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. While my dad was sick, she tried to hold it together, but after he died, she let it all hang out and just plain HATED me. I am sure that is because of her illness, but it hurt me, nonetheless. We did not speak to one another the last three years of her life. In fact, she did not speak to many of her friends, or to alot of her family...she had become paranoid and believed that so many of us were out to get her. She did befriend a few people that she has always found distasteful before she lost her mind...a woman that my dad had a long-term affair with became her "best friend", and a cousin of mine became her main family. Dorothy knew about the affair with Kathy, and of course to say that she disliked her is also a huge understatement...but that is who she put her trust in, once she became ill. As far as my cousin goes, she was one of her least favorite people on the planet, too. She also still talked to her own nieces and nephews, and I think there are three of them. It saddens me to think that she died so lonely...and I seriously mean that. She was a good woman, before she became sick, and my heart aches to think that she had no one around her that loved her for HER, instead of what she could do for them. But she had managed to push everyone that honestly cared about her away.

My father died without a will. He was in the process of tying up the loose ends in that area when he died. That is his fault, and I know that. I was his only child. Dorothy had no children, ever. Once my dad died, the estate became hers, as it should have. Now that she is gone, there are apparently several wills, all of which were drawn up after she became ill. The entire estate is apparently going to my cousin in one of them. In the others..it's mixed up between my cousin and her nieces and nephews. My father would literally explode if he knew this. However, this could have been prevented, had he just taken care of his own business. To say that this upsets me would also be a huge understatement. To tell you all that it's not about the money would not be believable, by most of you. But it isn't...not entirely. There are THINGS that I want so badly that belonged to my dad...a photograph of him and Dale Earnhardt, and antique chair that belonged to my GREAT grandmother...other sentimental things. Then, there is the money. And I can't deny that I believe that HALF of that million-dollar estate should be mine. Yes, I do feel that it should, if you all think I am acting like a money-grubbing snot, I apologize. I did not know until recently, the sense of family...the sense of entitlement that goes along with losing a parent. My father worked hard all of his life, for what he owned. Dorothy did too---I am not saying that it wasn't hers to give. However, I know what my dad wanted, and he wanted me to have it, he told me. But, he did not take care of his end of it. And I have no legal leg to stand on. None, whatsoever. And that really, really upsets me. I am doing my best to let it go. I knew when he died with no will that this would end up happening...but I really thought that it would all go to HER family, and that at least made sense in my head. Her sisters, her nieces and nephews. But for the bulk of it to go to my own cousin...his niece, when he had a daughter is like the biggest slap in the face. He had no use for my cousin...never in his life. He knew the kind of person she was, he had her pegged for a "user" long ago. I guess he was right. Unfortunately, she feels that I have no right to any of it, not even the things that I would like to have. So, I just let it go, right? I'm working on it....

Where's the tylenol?

What I can't say

If spilling my guts (as it were), weren't so hard for me to do...then I would tell you all that I am having one of the worst weeks of my life. One of the most difficult, I can't seem to find God anywhere, I'm lost and can't seem to find myself weeks. But...I am not that kind, so I cannot tell you all that.

I can tell you that I have hurt my back somehow and it's really kicking my butt. There is a muscle low in my ribs that is killing me on my side and in my back and no matter what I do, I cannot get comfortable. Walking very far is out of the question, laying down doesn't work, sitting hurts, and heaven help me if I hiccup! This started on Monday night, and I have no idea what I might have done to it.

It's Friday once again. Wasn't it just Friday, like a couple of days ago? I think senility might be setting in.

Have a happy weekend. :)

Big Ford Bumpers

So, I think I may need a new back. Yesterday was spent getting ready for today's new living room furniture and that involved moving everything in this apartment. Mark did all the heaviest lifting but it was necessary that I help and oh lordy..help my back. In the late afternoon, my youngest came to take all of my old furniture to it's new home in his apartment, and once again, there were only two of them and miles to cover, so I felt I had to help. Why apartment complexes feel a need to use staircases that turn a complete one-eighty (his) is beyond me, but it sure makes for an ordeal when moving a huge double reclining sofa. UGH. One thing I know for sure, that little shit of mine is tough. He can yell like an Indian and get things MOVED.

I am excited to get the new stuff in here....and to get my home back the way it should be. At this moment, there is nothing in my main living area, other than a tv and speakers. My kitties are sure that we are moving again, they are so nervous, I feel bad.This morning I have to get the floor cleaned---since it's empty, now is the opportune time. My back has different idea's, however.

Janelle was rear-ended on her way to work yesterday. She was driving her boyfriends truck, because we needed it to move the furniture---and of course, it was the first time she ever used it. (There is no damage to it, however---but the car that hit her sure was messed up, Thank goodness for Big Ford Bumpers) Her neck is really messed up, so she will be off of work for the next few days. Today, she and I have a job to do...this was the day that was supposed to be her due date...she was supposed to have a baby today. So, we are going to commemorate the day with balloons and a bear tied to them, release them to the heavens...my idea---yes, I know it's lame but I believe that proactive doing is better than reactive crying. Then, we are going to go shop for red accents for my new living room.

Have a wonderful Friday. :)