When I wake up in the morning, there is a smile on my face. I mean, literally, in the dark, in the wee-small hours of the day, I smile. I SMILE. I reach out for the man that shares my bed --- the four legged, long tailed, hairy man named Mason, who is always ready to reward me with a loud purr. I talk to him, I tell him what day it is, I comment on what is going to happen on that particular day, and I am smiling and purring inside, myself. For a long while, I did not recognize this feeling, this smiling feeling, that comes from the inside and spreads to the outside. But in the past few months, I have come to know it as "happy". Yes, I am aware that it isn't the "in" thing to be, it isn't cool, and few ever really want it, but I am happy. Each and every day. No matter what is going on around me, I smile inside. I am comforted by my routine, my lifestyle, my plans, and even the struggles and daily little traumas. I am grateful each and every day for the job that I have, the place that I live, my sisters and their families, the friends I have made, the children and grandchildren that put a song in my heart, for my husband who lives down the hall and one day I will call my ex, for the freedom I feel each minute, for each and every little thing, I am grateful and well...just happy. Those of you that are really close to me, that really take the time and know me, know that every day brings pain on a scale that most people will never imagine. Pain that would strike down King Kong, if it weren't for the attitude. I am ever grateful for the medications I take...and the will of iron that I am made of, to never let it stop me. It can and does get me down on occasion, but each and every time I rise again, never giving in. I push on, going to the gym and working this tired old body ever harder. In the long run, it is helping me greatly. In the short term, I know it makes the pain worse, but I am the kind that must have a goal to reach, and mentally I am stronger because of it, physically...the changes are drastic and helping the overall of ME so much. Perhaps the facts of my medical issues have helped me to be the best I can, because knowing that the reality of my life is that I could, at some point not too far off, have little to no control left over my body. My spinal cord is for whatever reason, disintegrating. I could at some point require wheels to get around and various other accouterments just to manage daily life. I suppose that is part of the reason that I have decided to live in the moment and surround myself only with people and situations that bring out the best. But for whatever reasons I am what I have become, I will take it, enjoy it and live it with gusto. Seriously. I no longer care about the tomorrows because I have the gift of today. I have my God, my family, my friends, my little life and I am ever..EVER grateful that I have been chosen to experience the best that life has to offer. I marvel at the me I am now, compared to the me I was just two short years ago. It is very hard for me to believe that I am the same person that thought of making that one short turn of the steering wheel, right into the side of the bridge at a very high rate of speed, most mornings on my way to work. I am thankful that I am no longer "her". I am thankful for the abilities I have been given to overcome. I am thankful, and humble and...happy.
Happy Friday. :)
Showing posts with label Thank you. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thank you. Show all posts
Friday, November 12, 2010
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Unsung Hero's
When I woke up this morning, like all other mornings, I spent the first few minutes, reflecting on the previous days events. I thought about all the folks who needed something from me just yesterday, and it made my head spin. So many of my days are spent taking care of others – my own family, my employees, my boss, my friends. When I say take care, I mean listening, providing suggestions, sometimes literally telling them what to do, and just being a sounding board for some. I have often wondered what or who put me in that role of caretaker, I don’t remember asking for it, I don’t remember advertising that I could help, but it is the role I have in most of my relationships. It’s okay, I think I do a fair job of helping in most situations, and I always do a great job of empathizing, as I can literally feel their pain, and cry with them. Sometimes I do have the answers, sometimes I don’t pretend to, but always-I listen. I am not complaining here, not at all. This morning’s thoughts led me to who I run to, who I can turn to, when my own life is too much and I am out of answers. And that led me to three people I can count on to listen to me, to cry with me, to help me. Like all the others that run to me, I neglect to thank those that are there when I need their help, and today, I think it’s high time I fix that. So, this post is about my UNSUNG HERO’S.
My first hero has to be my husband, Mark. We have been married for nearly 12 years, and we were together for more than two before. The past 14 years of my life, I have been living with him, loving with him and sharing with him. It hasn’t been until the past two, that I have actually been talking with him. I know, that’s a sad statement to make, but it’s the truth. In case you all don’t know the real me, I can be pretty uncommunicative in my life, I do as I want and take no advice. I have felt extremely confident in myself, with my children, with my life. I asked for no advice or input, because to not know what to do suggests weakness, and I could never afford to be weak. I felt there was never anyone to hold me up should I start to lean, and that was a luxury I couldn’t afford. So, once my children were raised and out of my home (at least they should have been out of the house) I began to relax just a little, as the job at hand was done. Then Mark and I began to work together, and we were literally spending 24/7 in the company of one another. I have always known him of course, but I found that I really liked him, really admired his abilities to stay unruffled and on an even keel, and it was a natural transition to open my mouth and start talking. It was like discovering gold when I realized that he did have opinions and ideas, and could be a support for me. We now listen to each other, we help each other, we TALK to each other. He can and does keep me sane, and that’s a huge, HUGE undertaking. He has learned the difference between me needing him to just hold me when I cry, or really wanting his input in what is happening at that time. His words really do make a difference to me, and I trust his judgment completely. He understands and feels my pain, or he laughs and wears my victories like they are his own. It has been a wonderful ride, discovering this about my own husband, after all this time. So, I say thank you to him, for loving and listening and still wanting to stay. :)
The second person on my list would be my own son, Craig, or OS as I have referred to him over the past years here. He is my own flesh and blood, a chip off the old block (so to speak) and wise beyond his years at the ripe old age of nearly 24. He has always been the child that cares, the child that is tuned in, the child that worries after me, and I think all of us mothers have one like that. However, in this past couple of years, he has turned into my friend. Even though I am sure that at times he has no earthly idea of what I am talking about when I ramble on and cry, he is always the first one with a hug or a reassurance. But often, he really does get it, and has very helpful advice and suggestions. He is honest with me but always diplomatic – and that can be a hard combination to manage. He is ever, EVER mindful of my feelings, as he would never want to hurt me, even when I ask him to tell me the truth. I understand that drive that pushes him on, and seriously, he understands that he got that from me. It does make for a good relationship when so much of US are the same. So, I thank you too Craig. And you know I love you. :)
And the third Unsung Hero in my life would have to be my older sister – Travis. Or Trav, to me. Yes, I know her name is unusual, hell so is mine---do you think our mother wanted boys? She and I grew up in a life filled with uncertainty and doubt, and that created a bond that cannot be torn apart. We used to be afraid together, we used to be happy together, we used to try to make the best of some situations that were at best, impossible. But since we have become adults, and I mean literally all my life, she has been there for me. We are not exactly alike, we never have been. But she has never made me feel wrong; she has never made me feel like the freak of the family, she has just never made me feel bad. After I talk to her, no matter what the problem is in my life, I always, ALWAYS feel better. Sometimes we cry a lot, sometimes we bitch and moan, but we always laugh. She is not quiet and meek, and you all know that doesn’t describe me either, but we don’t disagree, we always understand. She has always been someone I am proud of, a person that I have always known I should be more like. I am so proud of her-her character-her loving relationship with God-just her. I seriously say that without her in my life, I don’t think I would be where I am today. Both of us have managed to overcome many things – but somehow, she overcame better. And to you, my wonderful sister, I thank you, for just being you.
Okay, enough for sad, serious and sappy. I have no internet connection this morning, and I have no idea why. I am actually writing this in Word, hoping that I can post it sometime this morning. So, if it looks a little different, that is why. And good heavens, do I ever make a ton of grammar mistakes! I also want to add that there are many, many other people in my life that matter to me, and many I talk to…that help. My two other kids and I are close and I talk to the both of them, and I find as they age, they also are a good source of support. I also have a new bestest friend that I can say anything in the world to, and she understands. I just wanted to tell these three so-very-important-people in my life that I am grateful for all the years they have been there for me; I know I am a pain in your ass, and I am lucky to have you. :)
I hope that you all have a great day today; it’s Thursday, isn’t it? Ahh..a 12 hour day for me. But recently, they all are. I am still stuck in work hell, not getting where I need to be fast enough. Wish me a better, more productive day today, okay? Later.
My first hero has to be my husband, Mark. We have been married for nearly 12 years, and we were together for more than two before. The past 14 years of my life, I have been living with him, loving with him and sharing with him. It hasn’t been until the past two, that I have actually been talking with him. I know, that’s a sad statement to make, but it’s the truth. In case you all don’t know the real me, I can be pretty uncommunicative in my life, I do as I want and take no advice. I have felt extremely confident in myself, with my children, with my life. I asked for no advice or input, because to not know what to do suggests weakness, and I could never afford to be weak. I felt there was never anyone to hold me up should I start to lean, and that was a luxury I couldn’t afford. So, once my children were raised and out of my home (at least they should have been out of the house) I began to relax just a little, as the job at hand was done. Then Mark and I began to work together, and we were literally spending 24/7 in the company of one another. I have always known him of course, but I found that I really liked him, really admired his abilities to stay unruffled and on an even keel, and it was a natural transition to open my mouth and start talking. It was like discovering gold when I realized that he did have opinions and ideas, and could be a support for me. We now listen to each other, we help each other, we TALK to each other. He can and does keep me sane, and that’s a huge, HUGE undertaking. He has learned the difference between me needing him to just hold me when I cry, or really wanting his input in what is happening at that time. His words really do make a difference to me, and I trust his judgment completely. He understands and feels my pain, or he laughs and wears my victories like they are his own. It has been a wonderful ride, discovering this about my own husband, after all this time. So, I say thank you to him, for loving and listening and still wanting to stay. :)
The second person on my list would be my own son, Craig, or OS as I have referred to him over the past years here. He is my own flesh and blood, a chip off the old block (so to speak) and wise beyond his years at the ripe old age of nearly 24. He has always been the child that cares, the child that is tuned in, the child that worries after me, and I think all of us mothers have one like that. However, in this past couple of years, he has turned into my friend. Even though I am sure that at times he has no earthly idea of what I am talking about when I ramble on and cry, he is always the first one with a hug or a reassurance. But often, he really does get it, and has very helpful advice and suggestions. He is honest with me but always diplomatic – and that can be a hard combination to manage. He is ever, EVER mindful of my feelings, as he would never want to hurt me, even when I ask him to tell me the truth. I understand that drive that pushes him on, and seriously, he understands that he got that from me. It does make for a good relationship when so much of US are the same. So, I thank you too Craig. And you know I love you. :)
And the third Unsung Hero in my life would have to be my older sister – Travis. Or Trav, to me. Yes, I know her name is unusual, hell so is mine---do you think our mother wanted boys? She and I grew up in a life filled with uncertainty and doubt, and that created a bond that cannot be torn apart. We used to be afraid together, we used to be happy together, we used to try to make the best of some situations that were at best, impossible. But since we have become adults, and I mean literally all my life, she has been there for me. We are not exactly alike, we never have been. But she has never made me feel wrong; she has never made me feel like the freak of the family, she has just never made me feel bad. After I talk to her, no matter what the problem is in my life, I always, ALWAYS feel better. Sometimes we cry a lot, sometimes we bitch and moan, but we always laugh. She is not quiet and meek, and you all know that doesn’t describe me either, but we don’t disagree, we always understand. She has always been someone I am proud of, a person that I have always known I should be more like. I am so proud of her-her character-her loving relationship with God-just her. I seriously say that without her in my life, I don’t think I would be where I am today. Both of us have managed to overcome many things – but somehow, she overcame better. And to you, my wonderful sister, I thank you, for just being you.
Okay, enough for sad, serious and sappy. I have no internet connection this morning, and I have no idea why. I am actually writing this in Word, hoping that I can post it sometime this morning. So, if it looks a little different, that is why. And good heavens, do I ever make a ton of grammar mistakes! I also want to add that there are many, many other people in my life that matter to me, and many I talk to…that help. My two other kids and I are close and I talk to the both of them, and I find as they age, they also are a good source of support. I also have a new bestest friend that I can say anything in the world to, and she understands. I just wanted to tell these three so-very-important-people in my life that I am grateful for all the years they have been there for me; I know I am a pain in your ass, and I am lucky to have you. :)
I hope that you all have a great day today; it’s Thursday, isn’t it? Ahh..a 12 hour day for me. But recently, they all are. I am still stuck in work hell, not getting where I need to be fast enough. Wish me a better, more productive day today, okay? Later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)