When I wake up in the morning, there is a smile on my face. I mean, literally, in the dark, in the wee-small hours of the day, I smile. I SMILE. I reach out for the man that shares my bed --- the four legged, long tailed, hairy man named Mason, who is always ready to reward me with a loud purr. I talk to him, I tell him what day it is, I comment on what is going to happen on that particular day, and I am smiling and purring inside, myself. For a long while, I did not recognize this feeling, this smiling feeling, that comes from the inside and spreads to the outside. But in the past few months, I have come to know it as "happy". Yes, I am aware that it isn't the "in" thing to be, it isn't cool, and few ever really want it, but I am happy. Each and every day. No matter what is going on around me, I smile inside. I am comforted by my routine, my lifestyle, my plans, and even the struggles and daily little traumas. I am grateful each and every day for the job that I have, the place that I live, my sisters and their families, the friends I have made, the children and grandchildren that put a song in my heart, for my husband who lives down the hall and one day I will call my ex, for the freedom I feel each minute, for each and every little thing, I am grateful and well...just happy. Those of you that are really close to me, that really take the time and know me, know that every day brings pain on a scale that most people will never imagine. Pain that would strike down King Kong, if it weren't for the attitude. I am ever grateful for the medications I take...and the will of iron that I am made of, to never let it stop me. It can and does get me down on occasion, but each and every time I rise again, never giving in. I push on, going to the gym and working this tired old body ever harder. In the long run, it is helping me greatly. In the short term, I know it makes the pain worse, but I am the kind that must have a goal to reach, and mentally I am stronger because of it, physically...the changes are drastic and helping the overall of ME so much. Perhaps the facts of my medical issues have helped me to be the best I can, because knowing that the reality of my life is that I could, at some point not too far off, have little to no control left over my body. My spinal cord is for whatever reason, disintegrating. I could at some point require wheels to get around and various other accouterments just to manage daily life. I suppose that is part of the reason that I have decided to live in the moment and surround myself only with people and situations that bring out the best. But for whatever reasons I am what I have become, I will take it, enjoy it and live it with gusto. Seriously. I no longer care about the tomorrows because I have the gift of today. I have my God, my family, my friends, my little life and I am ever..EVER grateful that I have been chosen to experience the best that life has to offer. I marvel at the me I am now, compared to the me I was just two short years ago. It is very hard for me to believe that I am the same person that thought of making that one short turn of the steering wheel, right into the side of the bridge at a very high rate of speed, most mornings on my way to work. I am thankful that I am no longer "her". I am thankful for the abilities I have been given to overcome. I am thankful, and humble and...happy.
Happy Friday. :)