The past few days around here have been a mixture of emotions and chaos. And I'm talking about me, not the rest of those being affected by the tragedy that surrounds everything. I keep having to remind Jordan and Steph to step back, take a breath, realize that while you are about as close to this as you can be without it being you...it still hasn't happened TO you. Those are good words for me to remember as well...why is it so easy to give advice to others, and so damned difficult to follow your own? I have not in the least allowed myself to be sucked in, and yet the sadness and worry that surrounds my heart right now is unexplainable.
There have been many things in my life that have had to change or be put on hold as a result of all of this: One, I rescheduled my insurance test, as somehow I apparently agreed to watch the remaining two babies during the funeral. That is entirely possible, trying to understand Steph on the phone - or in person, for that matter - when she is upset is nothing short of impossible. At first, when I was told that I was being counted on to do that, my response was, "I can't do that, I have this test, and you all don't know if the funeral will be Tuesday or Wednesday..." After a conversation with my sister and one with my heart, I felt like an ass, as I DID stand in their apartment and offer any kind of help, whatever I could do. So, they come up with something that I actually can do, and I tell them no. It didn't take me long to reschedule at that point, the problem is, I think it was too late, so I get to pay double for the privilege of taking the damned test. Ugh. And, in theory, that will give me extra time to study, although I have yet to pick the book up since Sunday. The idea of spending an hour or two alone with two babies bothers me, I have to admit I have not been a baby fan since our own baby tragedy last winter. I have held these babies since then, but it has done a funny thing to my heart....and maybe, it will help, who knows? But it honestly is the least I can do.
My kids have been around here all the time since all of this...one or the other, or another. Or all. It has been good, but draining. I think that Steph has improved some in the past twenty-four hours, I was becoming quite worried about her mental state. I did take her yesterday and replace the lost phone, she has been using mine since last Friday, and I'm ashamed to admit I have been rather lost without it. Hers drove away on the hood of some one's car last week, right in the middle of all the tragedy...and seriously, something like that can only happen to her. :)
On a lighter note, last night, I made a down home, kitchen destroying, grease fest of a fried chicken dinner. I had just been talking with Soul recently and she mentioned that she was hungry for fried chicken...well anyway----one thing led to another, and here I was making the chicken, the mashed potatoes, the gravy...all of it. When she and I discussed it, I told her that I would make it more often if it weren't for the noise of the frying...it drives me crazy. Last night, I discovered that not only the noise makes me nuts, but the whole freakin' mess is a nightmare; I must have had grease from one end of this apartment to another. No wonder I don't ever fry anything....And please, the next time I think I might want to cook again the way my mother did, smack me. Although, the men in my life enjoyed it.
My cold has now turned into a sinus thing, no more throat pain, chills or fever, but if I close my mouth I would suffocate. I think a lot of it is allergies, I have never seen a year with so much cotton wood floaty thingys in the air. And before you ask, floaty thingys is a technical term...
Have a good Tuesday. :)
PS....this brightened my day, I could NOT stop laughing out loud. If you are an old "rocker" like me, you will love this:
