Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Enough said

So I got the wind knocked right out of me again yesterday and I have to confess to you all: If my balcony were higher off the ground, I would jump. I can't go into what happened here, but if it turns out anything like the last time, I am not sure I'm strong enough to hold myself - let alone any other involved parties together. To be perfectly honest, I am totally worthless in that department now, all of my "correct words" and maybe even my faith is lost...I am tired and brain dead and nearly all the way cold and dead inside. Every area inside of me hurts...and I don't mean physically here. Work? Who can work? And more importantly, this morning at least, I just don't care. Let them come and take it all.....I won't be far behind. Please forgive my tone, because I know how bad this sounds, but you all need to understand, I have had enough. And now that I have whined to you all once again, enough said.

9 comments:

SOUL: said...

it just can't be right j--
you do know that i can relate-- i won't say i understand or i know how you feel... but you know i have walked a very similar path.
you will make it. you may not like it-- but you'll get thru this shit. so will the rest of you. i hate it all for you and for all of yours.
if i could actually do anything-- you know i would. this for whatever reason, has come come down to you and God i think-- and you know i am praying that all is going to be ok.
don't let this beat you.
you have hated that part of me all along , and you have helped tremendously in helping me fight the demons that hold me down and teetering on the edge of the blacony rails you speak of.
i say dig deeper-- this last blow just can't be right. it has to be a mistake.
even tho i do relate-- and lightening can strike twice sometimes.. i still cannot imagine how you must feel right now.

i am praying for you all a miracle... i hope it comes your way very soon.
please let me know as soon as you hear more???

you are so not whining-- i wish you would understand that.,
this is why we are here.
maybe not with perfect words or always the right thing to say--
but sometimes
i love you just has to be enough.
you taught me that--
heed your own words. would you?

don't quit, don't hide, just get the right answers -- and go from there.

this is where being "strong" pisses me off.. cuz i know you don't feel that way--nor do you want to hear it right now.
but for your faith to waver, your self to feel dead.. all that you are feeling are phases--
don't get stuck there.
don't look behind you twenty years from now at a life that you might throw away-- and only be full of regrets.
a lot of people love you--and your family. you know i am one of them. i may not be much of a help lately--
just don't forget that i am here-- and have been pretty close to where you are-- and tho it takes a lot of time to heal-- you will.

but just don't give up yet-- there is time, and so much has changed since i was there-- you just can't stop believing -- not yet-- not now.
not ever.

btw-- i'm here--and i am lookin for you--
come talk to me.

love you
z-soul
ox

Gypsy said...

I wish I could say something that would help or bring you comfort Jamie. You and Soul have really been through the wringer and yet somehow you keep rising above it all. You're a fighter Jamie, if I know anything about you at all it's that. You may feel whipped and beaten but I KNOW that when anyone else would be going down for the final time, you will find the strength to not let it beat you.


You are already grieving for your dear Mom, it's cruel that you should have anything else on your plate to deal with but hang in there honey. You have a lot of friends who love you and are pulling for you for all this to be over.


I continue to hold you in my thoughts. Big hugs and much love to you and your family.

Terri said...

you can cry, vent, scream, complain all you want here, just don't go away and don't expect too much of yourself, you are only one person and one who is hurting.

ac said...

Whatever it is, you MUST stay strong, my friend. Keeping you in my thoughts. ac

Brad said...

I'll put fresh sheets on the bed in the guest room. What ever it is baby - your not alone.

fiwa said...

I don't know what's going on, but my arms are around you, dearheart. Sending you my love,
fiwa

Cheryl said...

I can guess what you might be talking about, and if it's what I think, it's out of your hands. Stay on the sidelines as much as you can. Your shoulders can only take so much. I'm so sorry.

Kelly Jene said...

Praying you through whatever comes....

Summer said...

I'm sorry.