Wednesday, November 05, 2008

I'm getting really personal here, beware.

As all the stations are reporting, history has been made. I think it's about time - about time that we elect and believe in our officials based on what they stand for and say, and not for what they look like, the sex they are, or the color of their skin. I am proud of America today but have a feeling that we are a bit late, as I would have thought we would have come to this conclusion long before now. Barack Obama was not my candidate, simply because we didn't see eye to eye on a couple of core issues. John McCain was not my candidate either, but our eyes lined up a bit more on the basics than the other choice and I did vote for him, but I am not surprised that he lost. Or not even necessarily sad. I am feeling pretty ambivalent about the whole affair and am merely hopeful that our new President Elect can pull this country out of the mess we are in. Our issues here in America go way beyond a four year term for an elected official...and although I believe that the right one can help us get on track, it takes a village friends, and the political grandstanding and rhetoric and just plain old bullshit will always get in the way. But America, I do applaud you, because for once in our history---you believed that one man can make a difference and you voted with your hearts and minds and not your centuries old prejudices and fears.

Sorry, I had to get my two cents in...

I appreciate all the love and support all of you - my good friends - have given me recently. I'm serious when I say that it has made a tremendous difference in the way I feel about things. Sometimes it's good to know you aren't alone. In my previous post, I think many of you knew what I was talking about...and I hope I am not telling something I shouldn't as you all know that Janelle - my daughter - and the subject of which I spoke yesterday, blogs, too. And she has not said anything about the current state of her life lately. But because you ARE all my friends, I feel that I have to share with you my fear and worry, at least the most current one. You all know that she is just over twelve weeks pregnant. Whether that is right or wrong is not for me to say, but I think you all know my feelings about the subject in general. But we are talking about a baby here, her baby, my grandchild, whom all of you are well aware that I want more than anything in this life. And if you have all been reading my words here for awhile, then you know that she was also expecting last year, and due to some really ugly circumstances and problems with the baby itself, she had to make the most heart wrenching decision that any woman would ever have to make. It about killed her, first...and me...second. And let me say again, for the record that none of this is about me, I am aware. However, this blog IS about me...and it's where I say and tell and do those things that affect me the most, hurt me the most, and make me the most happy. Where this baby stands right now, is somewhere in there...and sadly, I'm not sure. Because of the issues with the past pregnancy, Janelle sees a group of specialty doctors, as well as her regular ob doctor. She saw these docs a couple of weeks ago, and we were truly thrilled as the news was that everything looks good. EVERYTHING. But as a precaution, there were a couple of further tests done. The results came back on Monday...and the news wasn't so good. She was of course, devastated and hysterical. I was nearly the same, but was and am expected to help keep her level and thinking straight and generally positive. That is a tall order for a woman who is honestly and seriously at her limit. But I tried. I prayed for God to give me the right words and attitude and I tried and I believed that I did help her. Yesterday, Janelle went in to see these doctors and very frankly told them that she would NOT under any circumstances, terminate this baby. Then she asked them what she should DO, within those parameters. The decision was, basically nothing. There would be more frequent ultrasounds so that if there is in fact a heart defect or downs syndrome, then she can be somewhat more prepared for it. Otherwise, she will take the baby that God gives her and we (she and Nick and myself) will deal with it when and if the need arises. God, give me the strength. And please friends, when you talk with Him---say a little prayer for us, will you? A prayer that this baby, the one in Des Moines Iowa, that is wanted SO much by its mother and grandmother, will be okay. And once again, I thank you.

16 comments:

fiwa said...

I will pray for all of you, Jamie. What a difficult situation - my heart goes out to you & Janelle.

Sending you my love
fiwa

SOUL: said...

you know i'm with you all, and so are my prayers and my love and everything else. same for the other half over here ya know. we love you guys. you know that.
aunt n Punkle soul :))

well...
underpants!

Gypsy said...

Keeping you all in my heart and thoughts Jamie and may God give you all the strength you need to face this crisis.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Jaime, I don't know what to say (in regards to the 2nd paragraph) only that I will speak to Him constantly for all of you!

I wish I've known you all personally, that we were neighbors, that I was your Janelle's friend, so that I could physically be there for her and although I can't understand or comprenhend the fear and pain that she is walking on right now, I can hold hands, give reassurances, share similar stories that have occurred with other friends that have had loss such as Janelle has...no matter, I feel that things will be good for her, for you for her future unconditional love, I just feel like it will.

(a good story if you can manage the tears, as well as an example of risks and babies that could be ill, you should look to stellan's blog..it may help reassure or at least ease some fear, or perhaps put in a bit more positive hope for all of you.) I'll get the link and be back to comment here with it..

truly it's a remarkable blessing regardless that your daughter is strong enough and ready to give all of her love to her children regardless of any problems..as moms we know how amazing that is!

My thoughts, loves, blessings and prayers to you guys!
Soul's got my #'s if ever you or her needed to chat! (yeah, soul, you can give them to her if she asks--I accept text msg's too) :)

LOVE!
Elizabeth
(P.S. Something tells me that your mom is whispering in God's ear right now to grant her daughter and granddaughter a wonderful healthy babe..She is your Heaven's words and I think that God will hear them!)

xoxoxoxo

CRUSTYBEEF said...

http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

there's a button on my blog about it underneath the mom ads.

E

Brad said...

I'm always short on words when it comes to serious stuff but you all will be in my prayers. Love you!

Mary said...

Once again you face a heartbreaking situation. I'm so sorry this happened for the second time. When our Judy was pregnant we were told that Downs was a real possibility. It was hard news to hear but there was never any question that Judy and her husband would love and care for the baby God gave them. Our prayers were heard and Maddie is now a happy almost two year old little bundle of energy. Speach is a little slow - as was walking - but other than that she is a normal little girl. I'm praying that God gives Janelle the same miracle.

Kelly Jene said...

My prayers are with you and Janelle. Always.

ac said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter, (who I'm secretely very fond of!). I can't offer much in the way of words... but I can say with much conviction (from experiences of my own), that life has a way of working itself out. It does. And it will. Stay strong. You are both in my thoughts. Hugs! ac

jyankee said...

You know mine are....

Cheryl said...

I'm so glad you know that we really are here for you. And will remain. Keep getting personal and let us help with your load. We want the best for Janelle and your family. I will hope for the best news.

Amanda said...

((((((((Jamie))))))))

Sometimes frequent tests can be a bad thing, too.

There's only a few things one can say with any degree of certainty about a baby that still resides within its mother - the rest is often wrong and very anxiety inducing.

Is it possible for J. to join a pregnancy group on the net?

I did, back then, and I found a great deal of comfort, strength and wisdom there...

Summer said...

I'm at a loss for words. I will keep you and yours close to my heart.

Golden To Silver Val said...

You and your family have been and will continue to be in my prayers. I wish I could say something that would make everything ok...but all I can say is...have faith and know that faith can move mountains. Much love to you all. Hugs, Charlotte

Terri said...

good for Janelle in making a tough decision and sticking to her guns about it. I will pray for all of you involved and that precious little one growing hopefully healthy in her belly. Forget walking around in the rain and crying and trying to hide it....I suggest you scream to the heavens....maybe that will feel better? Hugs your way.

Raine said...

of course I will- for all of you