Sunday, March 02, 2008

Carry on my wayward son

Three am on a Sunday morning, what the hell am I doing up? When I went to bed four hours ago, I was so tired, and so happy that I didn't have to go to work today, because that meant that I could sleep in. And here I am. I am feeling some serious pain in my back, I suppose from the fall a few days ago. Every step I take creates a burning pull on my right side. So here I sit, in front of my computer with a heat pad on my lower back and a whole lot on my mind.

My birthday is this month - on the 12th. Last evening, Mark and I had to go to the city to feed Janelle's fish, yes I know, driving two hundred miles to feed a fish is not the smart thing to do, (I have never claimed to be smart), but while we were there, we went to the mall and did a little birthday shopping----well, actually I did the shopping. Mark dropped me off at Penney's, and I shopped for all of thirty minutes while he ran to Home Depot for a plunger....oh the excitement that is my life. But in that thirty minutes, I tried on what felt like a hundred pair of jeans, and I found the perfect pair. THE PERFECT PAIR. I don't know about you all, but for me, that is HUGE. So, anyway, this most perfect pair of jeans was so perfect, that they only cost $19.99. Did I bring my most perfect jeans home? Why of course not, as they only had them in size 8R and I needed 8L. They had L (long) in every other size of course, and it seemed they had about ten in size 6L, which is the size I have worn for years and years (and should still be wearing), but do you think I could have found them when I was a 6? Ugh...such frustration. And, of course they are such cheap, unheard-of nothing kind of important jeans, made by TINT, that I cannot find them anywhere on line. Double ugh... I have the damnedest time finding jeans. I cannot shop in the junior department for them, I will NOT wear the ones that are cut down to there, and usually the kind that I find in the misses department are made for what I have decided for OLD women, they go all the way up to there, and are not at all in style. I did settle for a pair made my Claiborn, but they are not my most perfect jeans. I have worn DKNY for the past few years, but the style and cut that I love the most is no longer made, and I think I may have depleted the whole stock of them on ebay already. So I will keep searching for them, online, in the stores...but one day I will find them. I did however, make myself feel better by purchasing a new purse, new shoes, and a couple of pair of slippers that were on sale. So, it's okay. And I did all of that in a half an hour, as by the time Mark got back to the store, I was ready to check out. Have I mentioned that I absolutely hate to shop? I could lose the 10-15 pounds that would put me back into my 6's but that seems like a lot of trouble to go to for a pair of jeans, perfect or not, teehee. Seriously, I need to lose some weight, but the motivation is just not there. I must be getting lazy in my old age, I find myself accepting me, the way I am. Who knew?

Well, what can I say about the past few days? To say they have been hard days is a huge understatement. I have been so covered up with work, I cannot even describe it. The mood at the dealership has been tense, but when I think about that, maybe it has been me that has been tense. Friday had to be one of the worst work days I have ever experienced. I had so much to get done, and of course, that was the day that everyone needed me to make decisions or to hold their hand. I eventually blew up (a little) and demanded that everyone take care of it themselves, and that included the owner, and I did manage to get to where I needed to be, by six pm. The floor-plan funding company decided to show up that day and do their usual audit, and of course, that didn't help. I believe that guy was there for four hours. He held up all work that I needed to do---and my frustration grew. In the end, that turned out to be a positive in general, but it certainly wasn't as far as the work was concerned. By the time I left, the place looked like a ghost town, all of my office had been cleared out, along with both of the offices that owner uses. It was depressing, and all I could do to look at it. Most of the employees hung around to have a beer together, but I just wanted out of there...I didn't want to look at it anymore, not that night. The tears were there, but I didn't let them fall.

When I went back in to work yesterday, I had adjusted my attitude somewhat. I am not good with change, I never have been. That's a statement that I am not proud to make; and it's something I feel I need to work on. The fact is-that owner wanted to sell the business, the new owner didn't steal it. It really is best for my friend (owner), and I am happy for him. I am smart enough to know that nothing can stay the same, and my resisting it, or being a bitch about it is not going to help---me or anyone else there. So, I am trying. When the new owner finally arrived, it went well. There are huge changes already being made, but I am trying hard not to take them personally. He did tell me that he wants me to stay, that he needs me to stay. He was clearly distressed about my empty office, and said so. I made no decisions or promises, other than telling him that I wouldn't leave him with no one to do my job, that if I decided to leave, I would allow time to train a new person. I seriously don't know what I am going to do, but I feel in my gut that this is the time for me to leave. I do not want all the responsibility that goes with that job any longer, and I do not want it to be taken from me either. So, either way I lose. It's time for something different, something new. So, we will see. In the meantime, I am aware that there will be many more rough days ahead, but I am trying to make the best of it. Surprisingly enough, we did discover that the new owner (DJ is his name) that we went to the same jr high school at the same odd is that? It was in Moline Illinois---and I thought that was a strange coincidence. I don't know if I like him yet, I do believe he is a hot air windbag that is quite full of himself, although that side of him wasn't the most prevalent yesterday. Time will tell...

My most needy problem at the moment is the Ice Cream store. I have always been able to come and go at the dealership, and run to the ICS to help out, whenever I needed to. It belonged to Bill, the old owner, and of course there was no issue in me doing that. Now that it is going to belong to me, and Bill will no longer be running the dealership, it will not be possible for me to take a day here or there and work at the ICS, or to run from one job to the other all the time. That concerns me-as I am sure that DJ will not care that I have other obligations. For the past two years, Mark has been there, actually doing the work and worrying about all of it. Since he will now be working elsewhere, it is a double worry. My oldest son- Craig- is going to take on the job of managing it, and I know he will do the best job possible. However, he is still only 23 and will need help---and alot of it. He has worked there for some time now, but he has never had it all left up to him. I suppose it will all work out, but I am seeing too much running and work in my future once again, and I am wondering how I will manage it all---and I am just plain tired. It would be so much easier if we could move closer to the store, and we plan to, but we have got to sell this house first. many things to worry about, and I know the things that need to be done, but before I can do this thing, I have to do that thing....

And now I am hungry. I think I will go answer back to the box of Captain Crunch that is calling my name. Have a good day. :)


Caroline said...

I'm exhausted after reading this. One thing is for certain. You do need a vacation and the people at the dealership need to learn how to do their job. Oh wait. That's two things.

Smocha said...

ditto that!

As far as the perfect jeans should try Levi's 505 straight legs or Levi's 545 low and straights.

They have both on line at Goody's.

They are the best jeans I've ever found for those of us with nothing in the ass department.

I hope you have a restful day!!!

Smocha said...

p.s. Oh Old Navy has some good jeans too. :)

Gypsy said...

I agree with Caroline. You NEED a vacation Jamie. Even if you don't go anywhere you need to take a little bit of time for yourself to assess where you go from here without the daily grind to mess with your head. Even a week would make the world of difference. Do this for yourself as an early birthday present. You'll feel like a new woman. Hugs.....

Mary said...

I don't know how you do all you do. I agree with other commenters that you need some time to be away from the frey to get your breath and make decisions for YOU and your well-being.

Buying jeans causes trauma! It's something I hate to do. I usually have a headache and a short temper by the time I have jeans. I hate to shop, too.

Jamie, take care of you. You are as important as anyone in your life. I don't know how you manage to keep the pace. I really, really admire you.

fiwa said...

Oh man! How discouraging to find the perfect jeans and NOT find them in your size. Do you have friends or relatives in nearby towns who can look for you at other Pennys? And I have to say, I'm a fast shopper, but all that in 30 minutes is IMPRESSIVE!

Hey, I don't think you lost twice regarding the job. The new owner has said he needs you to stay, so he recognizes your worth. Can I give you a tiny piece of advice - and if you don't like it you can tell me to shove it and I won't ever do it again? I've been through two mergers, one of which the company I worked for and loved basically rolled over and gave it's stummy to another company, so we lost a lot of employees and control. It was hard. What I realized though is that if I wanted to stay - I had to start work on the first day after the merger as though it was a brand new job. I had to put aside all my feelings about the old company and how we did things - and realize that it was gone. I could stay if I wanted - but I had to accept that it truly was a brand new job. I know it's different for you because it's a smaller place and you have so much of yourself invested in it, but maybe thinking about it that way would help until you decide if you want to move on or stay. The other thing is, maybe the new owner was being a blowhard because he was unsure of himself. Maybe he senses the resentment that all of the employees feel and isn't sure how to handle it. As you pointed out - he didn't take over - the old owner sold it to him, but he's still being viewed as the bad guy. Or maybe he is just a jerk - I don't know. But I hope whatever is best in this situation is what works out for you. And I hope your back feels better soon!


Foster Communications said...

Oh it is a challenge to find the perfect jeans isn't it? I finally found a pair that I love. They're Seven's. They cost me $57 damn dollars. On sale from $89. But they're perfect. Getting the right pair of jeans is worth any price.

SOUL: said...

holy crap jamie--
you're full of stuff to write about at 3 a.m aint ya.

sounds like a crazy few days.

i am in awe at your mall trip. no way could i manage all that in half an hour. and to go through all that and leave without my jeans would surely piss me off!
but, i never find perfect jeans anyhow-- like smocha-- i lack a LOT in the ass department. i am forced to wear mens jeans as it is because my torso is deformed ... womens pants cut me in half at the waist and OMG.. for the mens pants to fit my hips the ass hangs to my knees. is that a sexy visual or what?? :))

this is why i live in my jammies at home. i hate clothes!

anyhow--- i have forgotten everything else you said but we prolly covered it this morning anyhow---

hope you have a great day! go outside-- maybe walk a little , might make your butt and back feel a little better??

guess where i get to go???
yep you guessed it--
woo hooo

Golden To Silver Val said...

I'm so glad he admitted that he NEEDED you. Nothing is better than that! YOU need all the stress that comes with being needed? That is something you need to consider. If you can do it for a little while longer until you sell the much to think about. You need a comfy couch and a cold drink! (P.S., I think all Pisces hate change....I do too)

The Real Mother Hen said...

First of all, Happy Birthday :)

Hmmm if I were to put two and two together, I would say, start your own online jeans store :) I almost did it one time when all the jeans were showing off some knickers! I really didn't want to show off my precious grandma's knickers you know.

And lately, when I can't sleep and get hungry, I eat skinny cow - that ice cream is sooooo good! In fact I can have some right now...

Anonymous said...

yes buying jeans or pants of any type suck! and the job....i was reading your peeps (fiwa) comment...exactly what i am going thru was good advice...i might have to take it myself!


1. jeans shopping and I never mix..never have, never will.

2. I'm sorry about the dealership transition with your office, I can imagine it's like walking away from a home with the windows still smudged with toddler prints.

3. captain crunch cereal? Yum!!! I love that cereal!

Happy better monday to you, I hope you're able to get better sleep!!!

Can you feel the sunrays and ocean salt from the songs? :)


LastStand said...

Hey there lady. Just catching up on some reading and wanted to say hi.

Kelly Jene said...

First off, I'm so glad you didn't ignore the Captain when he's calling. ;) Second, if you are a size 8 there is no weight to be lost, honey. Sheesh! But hey if you found a good purse, way to go! I love a good bag.

Your job situation truly stinks. If you can get out of that stress, please do, nobody needs that much tension in their lives.

Take care!

Portia said...

I hear you knowing exactly what you need, but I really hope you will put yourself first this one time and go after it! DJ (weren't we calling him BJ?) will fend for himself, once he really has to.

Ahhh, the search for your perfect pair of jeans...Good Luck! There's nothing likem. Sometimes when I finally find THE pair, I buy as many as I can afford right then.

Raine said...

It was Penneys! You can order them out of the catalogue!!!