Holy crap - it's Valentine's day. And I didn't even buy my husband a card. I just woke up to a beautiful valentine waiting for me on the counter in the kitchen, and I didn't even think to buy one for him. Ugh...sometimes I wonder where my head is. Up my rear end, perhaps? Most likely.
I am in the middle of severe cymbalta withdrawals, and I don't know how to handle it. For any of you that don't know, cymbalta is an anti-depressant medication, that also works well for neuropathy. I have been on it for more than a year, and I want to be off all my medications so badly, just to see how I really am. I don't have the severe leg pain that I did before my surgery, although it is coming back to some degree. I am completely off of all other medication, other than a half a pill for pain, occasionally, but getting free of this one is proving to be a huge problem. I already knew that it could be bad, all you have to do is google the name of the drug, and you will find page after page of articles written about the hell of withdrawal from it. I seriously thought I had escaped it all, but no such luck. I am down to half my original dosage, every other day. And I don't think I'm going to make it at this time. I am fairly certain I need an anti-depressant of some kind, and I would be willing to try something else, if I could get in to see my neurologist. But I can't. I have tried, and now I am just making them mad. They do not keep a list of people needing appointments when there is a cancellation - and that makes no sense to me - we even keep a list like that in the service department at the dealership. But they do not, and I cannot get in any earlier. So, after the worst day yet of "brain shocks" that just won't let up, and acting somewhat out of character-ally short with everyone, I give in. I'm going to stay at half the original dose, and hope that is enough to keep they withdrawal away, and yet keep me half sane. The problem is, I will have to face it still - on down the road, ah, something to look forward to, eh?
I start physical therapy for my neck today - can't wait, and that's sarcasm-just so you know. I am sure it's going to hurt like a you-know-what, and I really am not looking forward to it. But, in the long run, I hope it really helps me-and I think it probably will...just getting to that point will be the hard part.
Things seem to be improving around here, little by little. Janelle is feeling more like herself, a little at a time. OS - is doing relatively well. He is helping out at the dealership - we have a detail man shortage, and there is none better than OS. He had that job all through high school and beyond, and he is a master at making a piece of crap car look like new. I'm happy to have him there with me, he's usually pretty good for what ails me. He and H drove all the way to Milwaukee and back yesterday, to pick up a car. It was a pretty uneventful trip for them until they got back into Iowa and ran into what must have been an awful accident, and every car was routed off of I80, through a long detour, and that cost them almost two hours. Poor H was pretty tired when he got home, what should have been a 14 hour day, ended up being more like 16.
My refrigerator is making a really bad noise. Just swell...it's only 18 years old. I suppose it might be time for a breakdown - but I am hoping it waits just a while, and I'll leave the damned thing here when we sell the house.
I think I'd better be extra nice to H today, I am feeling bad for not remembering that this is a special day. He is a good man, a great husband, and generally I'm all for hearts and flowers on Valentine's day. This year, it seems silly --- so many other things happening, so much sadness and heartache everywhere I look. I tell him every day all that I appreciate him for, and that's a list taller than I am. He is the best, and that's all I have to say about that.
Have a very Happy Valentine's Day.