Thursday, February 14, 2008

The big red V

Holy crap - it's Valentine's day. And I didn't even buy my husband a card. I just woke up to a beautiful valentine waiting for me on the counter in the kitchen, and I didn't even think to buy one for him. Ugh...sometimes I wonder where my head is. Up my rear end, perhaps? Most likely.

I am in the middle of severe cymbalta withdrawals, and I don't know how to handle it. For any of you that don't know, cymbalta is an anti-depressant medication, that also works well for neuropathy. I have been on it for more than a year, and I want to be off all my medications so badly, just to see how I really am. I don't have the severe leg pain that I did before my surgery, although it is coming back to some degree. I am completely off of all other medication, other than a half a pill for pain, occasionally, but getting free of this one is proving to be a huge problem. I already knew that it could be bad, all you have to do is google the name of the drug, and you will find page after page of articles written about the hell of withdrawal from it. I seriously thought I had escaped it all, but no such luck. I am down to half my original dosage, every other day. And I don't think I'm going to make it at this time. I am fairly certain I need an anti-depressant of some kind, and I would be willing to try something else, if I could get in to see my neurologist. But I can't. I have tried, and now I am just making them mad. They do not keep a list of people needing appointments when there is a cancellation - and that makes no sense to me - we even keep a list like that in the service department at the dealership. But they do not, and I cannot get in any earlier. So, after the worst day yet of "brain shocks" that just won't let up, and acting somewhat out of character-ally short with everyone, I give in. I'm going to stay at half the original dose, and hope that is enough to keep they withdrawal away, and yet keep me half sane. The problem is, I will have to face it still - on down the road, ah, something to look forward to, eh?

I start physical therapy for my neck today - can't wait, and that's sarcasm-just so you know. I am sure it's going to hurt like a you-know-what, and I really am not looking forward to it. But, in the long run, I hope it really helps me-and I think it probably will...just getting to that point will be the hard part.

Things seem to be improving around here, little by little. Janelle is feeling more like herself, a little at a time. OS - is doing relatively well. He is helping out at the dealership - we have a detail man shortage, and there is none better than OS. He had that job all through high school and beyond, and he is a master at making a piece of crap car look like new. I'm happy to have him there with me, he's usually pretty good for what ails me. He and H drove all the way to Milwaukee and back yesterday, to pick up a car. It was a pretty uneventful trip for them until they got back into Iowa and ran into what must have been an awful accident, and every car was routed off of I80, through a long detour, and that cost them almost two hours. Poor H was pretty tired when he got home, what should have been a 14 hour day, ended up being more like 16.

My refrigerator is making a really bad noise. Just's only 18 years old. I suppose it might be time for a breakdown - but I am hoping it waits just a while, and I'll leave the damned thing here when we sell the house.

I think I'd better be extra nice to H today, I am feeling bad for not remembering that this is a special day. He is a good man, a great husband, and generally I'm all for hearts and flowers on Valentine's day. This year, it seems silly --- so many other things happening, so much sadness and heartache everywhere I look. I tell him every day all that I appreciate him for, and that's a list taller than I am. He is the best, and that's all I have to say about that.

Have a very Happy Valentine's Day.


Summer said...

Happy Valentine's Day. I'm sorry to hear about your withdrawal symptoms. Feel better today.

Gypsy said...

If I forget to take my medication for MS (one of which is an anti depressant) my legs are all wobbly and I feel as though I'm going to faint. I have also tried to wean myself off the anti depressant but it's not easy. Maybe this isn't such a good time for you to try that anyway Jamie. One thing at a time. I'm very glad to hear that slowly but surely life is getting better in your household.

Your H sounds like a wonderful husband and telling him every day how much you appreciate him is far better than a silly Valentines card any day. I'm sure he knows you well enough to realise that you have had other priorities lately. I didn't get Craig one either and he bought me a box of chockys. Ooops.

Cheryl said...

I've always thought Valentine's Day should be for women. Like Mother's Day. I awlays gave my ex gifts, but it just didn't seem right. Oh well.

No part of me understands your neurlolgist's office policy. Any chance you could just show up and refuse to leave?

Rebecca said...

Happy Valentine's Day to you, too! And good luck with your Physical Therapy. I agree with Gypsy in that trying to wean yourself off of Cymbalta in the midst of everything else going on might be asking a little much of yourself. PS your neurologist's office staff are being asshats! Hell, even a hair dresser keeps a list of those looking to sneak in in the case of a cancellation!

I am glad your OS is working with you, too. Hope he is feeling better, too! And good news re: Janelle. See, the dust will all settle...just in time for the next crisis :)

Ever the optimist,

SOUL: said...

the ever so lat soul has arrived--

they call those brain shocks-- brain shivers now,
i had them when i took effexor-- even one missed dose--and it was the most awful thing ever.

and ps-- a late card is ok. you don't have to just write it off as totally forgotton-- just a little late. :))
stuff happens.. right.

i hope you have a vewwy good day!


SOUL: said...

LATE--- that would be LATE.

abbagirl74 said...

Happy Valentine's Day!

Maria said...

Hi J
I took Cymbalta at a very low dose for diabetic neuropathy and just going off that was hell. If you want some good advice, there is a woman named Angela who is on my blogroll as Angelissima and she recently weaned herself off that poison, so feel free to go to her blog and ask her about it if you have any questions. She is very nice.

When I was coming down off of it, Bing and I were just friends and she said that our friendship was "sorely tested" so is very, very hard.

I'm sure you have some nice tricks up your sleeve for your husband for Valentine's day...or you could just do what Bing usually does...she sees my card on the kitchen table and suddenly has an urgent errand to run at Walgreens....

ac said...

Just give your man a tight squeeze for Valentine's day. That's what I do and it usually gets me off the hook. Ha!

Happy Valentine's day!


darned those brain shocks! I didn't like that feeling either after the zoloft but it will stop eventually. I am surprised that the doc didn't say to wean yourself off of the medication, or did I miss that?

PT hopefully will be good for you..I hope you leave there not exhausted and feeling a tad better, just enough better to give the neuroQuacks one more piece of your brain frozen mind!

I mentioned this to Mother Hen, but perhaps a nice coupon book for H! He seems a lot like my husband, very easy to please, and very intuned to caring for you!! You are very blessed, and I'm sure without a doubt he knows how much you love him!

Milwaukee, eh? I spent many Atrips driving up to the auto auction in Milwaukee,...I miss the auction, those were fun times! :)

Hope today is good for your entire family! And, thank you for the encouragement by the way!! I really appreciate it!


Kelly Jene said...

Happy Valentines Day.

I have heard about those withdrawal symptoms. You have my sympathy.

I hope you are able to make a good day out of this one, despite everything else.