Friday, November 23, 2007

The three little kittnen's, they lost their mittnen's..

I had THE best day yesterday. I don't mean the turkey or the ham (yuk) or the potatoes or the stuffing, I am merely talking about being with my family. It was so wonderful. No one made me feel strange because I couldn't manage to get from point A to point B without the help of a hand or a counter, but no one was looking at me funny, and I just felt loved. Yes, I know, I am 50 minus three, and by now I know I am loved, and I have always felt loved by my family, but yesterday felt different. I suspect it was a difference in me. It was just really wonderful. I haven't been able to spend any time with my sisters in quite a while, and maybe that is what it was. We laughed so much both my stomach and back were hurting. It was really, really special. Plus, the food really was great, and I didn't cook it, and that makes it oh-so-much-better!

The only dark spot was our mother. She has always loved us all being together more than anything. In the recent past, at holidays, she has been unable to enjoy them due to a current problem--recovery from a surgery, etc. I really had hoped and expected that she would be able to enjoy the day yesterday, and she was honestly not able to. That made me truly understand how down physically she is, and how she never really will be back the the mother that we all want her to be again. She went in and laid down, and slept a good portion of the day away. I went in to check on her, and I had this feeling of impending SOMETHING. I suspect there are rough times ahead for us girls, in the very near future. And that thought does make me sad. I know she is getting up there in years, and I really do believe that she is tired of living. Her body is completely tired of pain and trying. But we are never ready to let go, are we? I stood in the bedroom yesterday and watched her sleep and remembered so many things and thought about so many things...and they all came back to the tangled relationship that mothers and daughters have, but throughout our messed up lives growing up, that woman was my salvation. The only thing that let me know that I would be okay...if SHE was okay, then I would be okay. Losing her will be hard, but I know how hard life has been for her. I also know that since those times, she has had many, many years of happiness and I am grateful for those. She never once made a bad decision on purpose. She never had anyone in her life to teach her once ounce of right, and somehow she managed to teach the three of us gallons of it. Simply said: she's my mother. I love her.

Off to work today, although it will be physically difficult. Now there is the understatement of the year! I am wiped out from my day yesterday....and in general, I would have to climb up a few notches to reach feeling like hell. :)

I hope that all of you have really good Fridays. I suspect alot of you are out shopping...I wouldn't trade places with you if I could walk! But if you are, I wish you the best bargains ever. If you are working, like me, I hope you have good days there, that the holiday spirit spills over and you can smile through the day. Later.


Gypsy said...

I'm so happy to read that you had a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family. I love those kind of days too, it feels special to be a part of something like that. I am sorry though to hear of your mum's poor health. How can we ever be ready to lose the person who brought us into this world?

Take it as easy as you possibly can at work Jamie and have a good Friday.

Summer said...

You're a lucky girl!

abbagirl74 said...

I will be working like you today, but will be able to enjoy some time off after that. I plan on doing the shopping next week, after the rush has died down. I am not a big fan of getting the "bargain" items. I look for gifts that aren't on everyone's list.

I am so happy you had a great day yesterday. I was thinking of everyone during yesterday's dinner and how thankful I am to have such wonderful blogging friends. Iowa isn't far away, so perhaps one day we can get together. I would love to cook you a meal and share in some great conversation. Hope you have a great weekend!

Josie Two Shoes said...

How blessed you were to share such a happy day with your family. Times like that are too few and far between. It was extra nice that you didn't have to cook for a change too!

I understand about your mother, I remember the feelings of sadness the last times I visited mine, knowing that there would soon be no more opportunties. You are right, one is never ready to loose a parent.

I wish you strength to get thru this day and the next. I am thinking of you always.

Andrew said...

Oh, I wish you didn't have to work today. You need a long holiday weekend. Glad you had a good Thanksgiving. I thought of all my blogging friends and wished we could all get together at a central location to have a blogging Thanksgiving of our own once a year. Take care and rest well tonight.

Amanda said...

I'm glad you had such a good day, Jamie! Nothing like the bonds of family. When they work. ;)

Cheryl said...

Your post made me really happy. That yesterday was such a fantastic day for you. That you're so close to your sisters and love your mom so much.

I was the shopper and I'm worn out. But happy.

JYankee said...

Glad that you had a good Thanksgiving. I really can understand the feelings about your mom. Mine is kind of the same..she is not quite that "up there" in years yet..but she has in several ways...physically gone downhill in the past years. It is sad to see them like that. But, on the other hand, it IS one more Thanksgiving that you got to spend with her!

desert dirt diva said...

i am so glad your day went well i had an awsome day too... thank god for friends and family.. i am sorry to hear about your mom... my mom and i are so close... glad to hear you and your mom are too.


I am praying for you and your family!!
what an honest post-the type I fear most when to face that time with my're a good daughter...watchful and compassionate.. that's good!