Sunday, September 23, 2007

What goes up must come down

The last official day of my vacation. Damn, it has gone too fast. Extended time off from work is not a good thing for me, once I have been away too long, it would be easy for me to just walk away. And lately, I find myself dreaming of doing just that. This past ten days have been awesome, and I don't mean just because I have been traveling, doing things that i normally wouldn't do, I mean that the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders. And that has felt wonderful. I carry a ton of responsibility, and generally---a day or two off finds me worrying about this or that, thinking out what my next plan of action will be, how I can handle that problem, etc. But after five or so days away, I tend to forget about it, I have little or no idea what has gone on, therefore I have no reason to let it control my mind. My place of employment is actually like the proverbial black hole....once you're in, that's all there is. While I am physically there, I just drift from that thing to this one, from that problem to this one, from doing this (finally) to tackling that....and then I look up, and the day is over, and I remotely drive home, sit like a zombie, and get up the next morning to do it again. I have spoken to someone there four or five times in the past few days, either Owner, or my wonderful Finance and Insurance girl turned title clerk, turned business manager, turned service manager. And while she has not been able to accomplish much in my absence, she has managed to keep it all together until my return, when we can tackle the real work together. So it isn't like I have no idea what's up, but I haven't physically been sucked into the black hole so it's easy to step away and look at it for what it really is. And what it really is, is way too much. And no, I probably won't do anything about it for awhile, but I am telling you, that it is time for me to pare it down. This job of mine has provided very well for my family---and I am grateful. But the time has come. And since the business is for sale, the decision to change it all could be taken away from me, and made for me. But if that happens, I won't shrivel up and die. I would be okay. Financially, we would figure it all out. And seriously, it is time.

Yesterday was a really good day with my sister and nieces. The oldest niece had a homecoming dance last night, and much of the day was spent getting her ready for that. It was fun and she was beautiful. My youngest niece is a little doll of a chatterbox---she is three, and she is awesome. She cried when we left, and that hurt my heart. It was the first time that i was able to get her attention really, and I think she decided that "Aunt Damie" was pretty alright. I don't get to see nearly enough of her, but i don't think she will forget me now, like she has in the past. So, all in all, it was a good day. On the drive home, I was in so much pain, all I could do was take pills and sleep. This morning, I am not much better. Probably too much running, to much everything. Today, I will do nothing but try and feel better, because as you all know, it's back to work tomorrow for me. Out.


Summer said...

That happens to me when I'm on would be so easy to walk away.

JYankee said...

Yes a feeling I know ALL TOO WELL! Good luck on ur last day of vacation... I will be thinkin of ya!

CCC said...

Yeah, the whole reentry thing...totally sux, but we all go through it. By next Fri. you should be reacclimated again ;)! Glad you're back...wishing you a great week!

Josie Two Shoes said...

How well I know that sinking feeling of facing the same ol' shit again, Jamie. This is one time I wish your body would actually lock up and refuse to go! What the vacation did do, along with giving you a marvelous and fun break from it all, was help you to see it in the perspective of being far more than one person could or should handle, and to determine it's not worth it anymore. When you free yourself from the burden of "I must stay here, it's my duty", other possibilities are bound to happen. We will celebrate with you wildly, when the time comes. As for tomorrow, know that our hearts will be there with you. Do what you can and take it slow. The pile didn't stack in one day, and you won't reach the bottom of it in one either. But that won't make the world end!

Your day with your nieces sounds delightful - little ones are so precious in their innocence and eagerness to love!

I bet Crazy Dog doing the happy dance when you two returned from vacation was something to see! :-)

SOUL: said...

sounds really sucky.
not the niece and sister part..well, other parts too.
but you know what i mean. it's tough.
and maybe it is time to let the job go. ya know? things have a way of working out.
aunt damie... how sweet.
hope your day is great ..
and i hope tomorrow works out well for you too.

Maria said...

I think that every time I take a vacation...that it would be so easy to just put one foot in front of the other and not look back.

We need to win the lottery, seriously.

evalinn said...

Sounds like u had a great time off!

Amanda said...

This is an awesome post Jamie.

You've just opened yourself to a new possibility and rest assured will come.

SOUL: said...

jamie, where are you? i'm a slug, slitherin thru blogland.
tryin to catch you before you start your day.
if i dont..
i hope it's good.

Portia said...

back to that perspective thing again ...and what a big difference it can make:)