I woke up this morning at three-fifteen. THREE-FIFTEEN! Heavens, that's too early, but I know I cannot go back to sleep, so here i am. Today is another marathon day, usually on Mondays and Thursdays, I leave the house only to return about fourteen hours later. So, I will be tired tonight. I hate days that start this way.
These past couple of weeks have been hard ones for me. I haven't said too much, as you know, I get tired of what I call whining here---only from me, i don't mean from all of you. But in all of my forty seven years of life, I cannot recall ever feeling as low---physically, as I do now. I am not really sick, and I am not depressed, I am just wrung all the way out. I drag out of the bed in the morning, get myself prepared for another day at work almost by remote, drag myself in and out of my day, drag myself home and start all over again in the morning. I do have Sundays to myself, and that used to be enough. These days, it just plain isn't. Yes, I know all the answers. Yes, I know that I need to find another job, yes I know that i cannot keep up this ridiculous schedule, yes, I know all the advice that you all will give me, and I really do appreciate it. But I also know that i am not going to take any of it. And that my friends, is what makes me a whiner. A complainer. My definition is "one that will not make the necessary changes to improve the situation". That would be me, as of late. Over the years, I have had bouts such as this, but ultimately, things change, I change, and it does get better. So far this time, that has not happened. But I am still waiting for it. So, I keep drudging on. Why am I telling you this? I want you all to understand, it's that simple. I am totally entrenched in the job that i have. I cannot with good conscience just walk away. Yes, I know that owner would survive should i do that, but I really don't think the owner's business would, not that i think I am all that important, but at the current time, in the current mess, i really don't think I am all that replaceable. And until I can understand what the hell is going to happen at this place of employment of mine, I have no choice but to carry on. Too many people there depend on their own jobs, they have families, and obligations. I couldn't be the reason that all goes to hell. But what do I do about the constant complaining that i know all of you are so tired of hearing? Good question....because it is impossible for me NOT to talk about it. It is my life right now....I will do my best not to let it get the best of what i have to say, how is that? I will try.
But this morning, I have a new complaint---or rant, if you would rather call it that. I know that over time, I have told you all how much I have come to hate the police. I know that sounds like a stupid thing to say at my age...but I will refer you back to this post to give you most of the reason why I sound like a juvenile and tell you about the hate I have for cops. Now that you have the background, let me tell you another reason. In the previous post, I told you about YS's OWI charge. It was back in 2005. He was underage...blah...blah...blah. I already told you that i don't in any way condone drinking and driving. He paid his dues, did his punishment, end of story, right? Wrong. Once given an OWI, it is a given that you lose your drivers license, and you should. Perfectly understandable. Okay, after six months, you get the DL back. But then, you are on "driving probation for a period of one year". If you get another moving violation of any kind in that one year period, then you lose your DL again, for another six months. And one month after getting his DL back, he got a speeding ticket for going fifteen over. So, he lost the DL again. Last January, he got it back again. Now keep in mind, that I and GF had to drive him around, everywhere. He did not drive without a legal license. He learned his lesson. And when he got his DL back this time, he slowed his ass down. He is again on "driving probation for a period of one year". Well, guess what? He was pulled over on Tuesday...and got a fucking ticket for going 6-10 mph over the speeding limit! Give me a break. He called me, nearly in tears, and said, "I WASN'T speeding! But try and prove that. In Iowa, the police don't even have to show you the radar gun anymore. It is absolutely their word against yours. Six to ten over? One hundred and two dollar ticket, BTW. So, once again, he will be without a DL. There is no way that he can make it without one now. And this is bullshit. His OWI was more than two and a half years ago. And he is still paying for it. No one else would lose their license for a speeding ticket a year...and the 6-10 over wouldn't even go on his record, in this state, it doesn't count unless you are going more than ten over...it is just revenue for the county. Unless of course, you are on driving probation. Then you get to turn in your DL once again. No wonder there are so many illegal drivers on the road these days, they make it so that you cannot get out from under them. Yes, I am pissed. Plus, he just got that car a few weeks ago, and I imagine that the speedometer is off a little. But it IS a little speed racer machine-----a 1996 Chevy cavalier, with a 2.2 engine, hell the thing probably wouldn't even go 70.....and one thing about all my kids, they tell me the truth, even when I wish they would lie, so I really do believe that he wasn't speeding...and yes, we will go to court and fight it, but you all know the outcome of trying that....I am so freakin' tired of all the bullshit...so enough of that. I suppose I will tell him to continue to drive, although I know that isn't the smart thing to do, but honestly, what the hell else CAN he do?
So, anyway...yesterday, I had to come home from work early. I couldn't walk. This morning, it is not much better. But I will have to try to get to work. I am in alot of pain...and tired of that, as well.
This has been an uplifting post this morning, hasn't it? I apologize. Maybe today will get better..if not, there is always tomorrow. Hope your Thursday is great-----Out.