Thursday, August 23, 2007

Take a letter Maria...address it to my wife.

I woke up this morning at three-fifteen. THREE-FIFTEEN! Heavens, that's too early, but I know I cannot go back to sleep, so here i am. Today is another marathon day, usually on Mondays and Thursdays, I leave the house only to return about fourteen hours later. So, I will be tired tonight. I hate days that start this way.

These past couple of weeks have been hard ones for me. I haven't said too much, as you know, I get tired of what I call whining here---only from me, i don't mean from all of you. But in all of my forty seven years of life, I cannot recall ever feeling as low---physically, as I do now. I am not really sick, and I am not depressed, I am just wrung all the way out. I drag out of the bed in the morning, get myself prepared for another day at work almost by remote, drag myself in and out of my day, drag myself home and start all over again in the morning. I do have Sundays to myself, and that used to be enough. These days, it just plain isn't. Yes, I know all the answers. Yes, I know that I need to find another job, yes I know that i cannot keep up this ridiculous schedule, yes, I know all the advice that you all will give me, and I really do appreciate it. But I also know that i am not going to take any of it. And that my friends, is what makes me a whiner. A complainer. My definition is "one that will not make the necessary changes to improve the situation". That would be me, as of late. Over the years, I have had bouts such as this, but ultimately, things change, I change, and it does get better. So far this time, that has not happened. But I am still waiting for it. So, I keep drudging on. Why am I telling you this? I want you all to understand, it's that simple. I am totally entrenched in the job that i have. I cannot with good conscience just walk away. Yes, I know that owner would survive should i do that, but I really don't think the owner's business would, not that i think I am all that important, but at the current time, in the current mess, i really don't think I am all that replaceable. And until I can understand what the hell is going to happen at this place of employment of mine, I have no choice but to carry on. Too many people there depend on their own jobs, they have families, and obligations. I couldn't be the reason that all goes to hell. But what do I do about the constant complaining that i know all of you are so tired of hearing? Good question....because it is impossible for me NOT to talk about it. It is my life right now....I will do my best not to let it get the best of what i have to say, how is that? I will try.

But this morning, I have a new complaint---or rant, if you would rather call it that. I know that over time, I have told you all how much I have come to hate the police. I know that sounds like a stupid thing to say at my age...but I will refer you back to this post to give you most of the reason why I sound like a juvenile and tell you about the hate I have for cops. Now that you have the background, let me tell you another reason. In the previous post, I told you about YS's OWI charge. It was back in 2005. He was underage...blah...blah...blah. I already told you that i don't in any way condone drinking and driving. He paid his dues, did his punishment, end of story, right? Wrong. Once given an OWI, it is a given that you lose your drivers license, and you should. Perfectly understandable. Okay, after six months, you get the DL back. But then, you are on "driving probation for a period of one year". If you get another moving violation of any kind in that one year period, then you lose your DL again, for another six months. And one month after getting his DL back, he got a speeding ticket for going fifteen over. So, he lost the DL again. Last January, he got it back again. Now keep in mind, that I and GF had to drive him around, everywhere. He did not drive without a legal license. He learned his lesson. And when he got his DL back this time, he slowed his ass down. He is again on "driving probation for a period of one year". Well, guess what? He was pulled over on Tuesday...and got a fucking ticket for going 6-10 mph over the speeding limit! Give me a break. He called me, nearly in tears, and said, "I WASN'T speeding! But try and prove that. In Iowa, the police don't even have to show you the radar gun anymore. It is absolutely their word against yours. Six to ten over? One hundred and two dollar ticket, BTW. So, once again, he will be without a DL. There is no way that he can make it without one now. And this is bullshit. His OWI was more than two and a half years ago. And he is still paying for it. No one else would lose their license for a speeding ticket a year...and the 6-10 over wouldn't even go on his record, in this state, it doesn't count unless you are going more than ten is just revenue for the county. Unless of course, you are on driving probation. Then you get to turn in your DL once again. No wonder there are so many illegal drivers on the road these days, they make it so that you cannot get out from under them. Yes, I am pissed. Plus, he just got that car a few weeks ago, and I imagine that the speedometer is off a little. But it IS a little speed racer machine-----a 1996 Chevy cavalier, with a 2.2 engine, hell the thing probably wouldn't even go 70.....and one thing about all my kids, they tell me the truth, even when I wish they would lie, so I really do believe that he wasn't speeding...and yes, we will go to court and fight it, but you all know the outcome of trying that....I am so freakin' tired of all the enough of that. I suppose I will tell him to continue to drive, although I know that isn't the smart thing to do, but honestly, what the hell else CAN he do?

So, anyway...yesterday, I had to come home from work early. I couldn't walk. This morning, it is not much better. But I will have to try to get to work. I am in alot of pain...and tired of that, as well.

This has been an uplifting post this morning, hasn't it? I apologize. Maybe today will get better..if not, there is always tomorrow. Hope your Thursday is great-----Out.


SOUL: said...

geesh jamie...

i won't tryo.. or would that be i'll try not to... preach, or give advice etc.
i know sometimes a good long rant is just what the dr. ordered. well.. except the pain part.. cuz we all know, dr's don't order shit for that.
i see exactly where you're coming from on all sides here.
especially with the kid. it'd probably cost a ton of money to do it.. but do you think getting a lawyer would help with this at all? some of them are pretty smoothe..others... well... just out for your money. but this seems so petty, and unfair. there's got to be some way to get him cleared of this. you going to fight it is obviously the best and only thing you can do though . i just hope it works out.
sometimes, when ya go to court ya just get lucky, and if the cop that wrote the ticket doesnt show up they throw it out anyhow. that could happen??? right??

we all understand that we all hit our down spots.. and that's what we're here for, to help each other get through their crap.. their whines, their rants, their good times too.

it does all even out sooner or later... sometimes it just takes longer than others.

thanks for writing all this out and sharing it with us. i don't know about you, but when i have THAT much built up , or building up... if i don't write it out... i would fly around like a balloon with the air let out.

really, sorry to hear it's so tough, i'll pray for you and yours.

can any of your work be done from home???? i doubt it huh?

ok... i will shut up now
log on, i am. k?

SOUL: said...

i'm waiting...???

Josie Two Shoes said...

Hi Jamie, I'm so glad you took the time to share what's going on, it's not whining, it's venting frustration. I hear you on situations we know aren't good for us but aren't really in a position to do anything about at the moment. You will know when the time comes that you've had enough and are ready to move on. I admire your caring for the other employees, that makes sense to me and I hope they appreciate you. Is there any way at all that your boss could give you Saturdays off? At least that would give you a weekend to recover, or if not Saturdays one day in the middle of the week? As much as he needs you there it seems to me that isn't too much to ask. He knows he can't replace you to, but if he wears you out and you end up flat on your butt that isn't gonna help him either. Anyway, I'm prayin' for ya! Eventually something has to give there, yes - it always does.

I don't blame you for being pissed about the latest ticket on your son. Under ten mph? That's insane! Sounds like they are out to get him, and I'm betting if he does continue to drive that car they'll soon pull him over again. SIGH As you note, it's not fair to penalize someone more severely than anyone else would get. DWI and speeding are NOT the same issue and shouldn't be treated as such. I'm with Soul on this one, I would talk to a lawyer. I know that costs too, but this sounds like something that a good one could work out behind the scenes. It happens, I've seen it happen hear many times. The folks with attorneys get off, the ones on their own do not. I'm hopig like Soul notes that the cop won't show up, but he also could have given your son a warning to slow down, since he probably knew it was gonna mean loss of a license yet again. I know from a friend's experience with back to back DWI's, that the mom is usually the one who really gets the sentence as she becomes the designated driver. My daughter went thru a couple years of "lead foot" when she first moved to Texas, and they don't mess around. Then she got stupid and didn't pay the tickets -you guessed it, her boyfriend had to come bail her out. She got the message... no more tickets! I so hope for your son's sake that you can get him out of this one, it just isn't fair - hell, you can kill someone and be scott free sooner than that!!

Josie Two Shoes said...

BTW - looking at YS's newly posted pictures - any kid that cute should get a second chance! :-)

Portia said...

no more apologies! i know how you feel about not wanting to unlaod here, cause i do it too. but seriously. you are carrying the weight of several worlds on your shoulders and you need a place to whine or rant or whatever you want to call it, and this is it. besides, it's so much better than holding it in and going postal on the next cop that pulls you over!;)
my family has had some of the worst run-ins with the law and the whole town knows it. i (the good one) got a DUI one night and got beat the F--K up by two nazi cops, and then they did a whole column in the paper about it, but of course i was the villan. AND our lovely little commonwealth has just incorporated new laws as of July 1st that allow them to charge OUTRAGEOUS fees for simple driving offenses...the whole state is up in arms. some judges have already ruled that it is unconstitutional, cause it is. anyway, i hear your frustrations and don't feel bad about puting it out there. you are still going and it might not feel good right now, but that alone says a lot. good luck with your second day from hell this week and i hope you get some good rest tonight!!

Beth said...

hey, everyone needs to vent, ok, so don't apologize. That's what we're here for!!! Vent away!

Your dog is so cute!!!

SOUL: said...

hey... are you gettin flooded out there?? just saw some Iowa flooding on the news.. but don't know if it's by you???

Anonymous said...

May Calgon take you away. You deserve a good hot bubble bath. I like the Johnson and Johnson "Bedtime Bath" with lavendar. The wording on the back is amusing, "...for fussy babies and adults." Tee,hee,hee.

I hope you can sleep better tonight. maybe get some Melatonin to help you out, it's natural and non-habit forming.

Whatever works for you, just do, even if you need to go yell at a tree, they don't mind. They're hardy fellas. :>

Take Care,

GF said...

O goodness mrs jamie... i totally forgot the part of him losing his licence ... o good heavens .. our poor baby..and im on break right now so its all good :)

Amanda said...

I know what you mean re: change. We can't really force these things. For a long time it seems as if nothing can change and then an unexpected door opens...

It sounds like the cops over there don't really have much to do. Just like the ones over here.

CCC said...

Man that sucks. I feel for you. Around here it seems like the cops get worse around the end of each month when quotas needs to be met. You won't see any for awhile -- then bam -- six hiding out within two miles, trying to bust people. WTF! Sigh.

Anyway -- happy Friday...I hope you get some rest this weekend.

I'm telling you -- I think you need a massage. ;)

Maria said...

Some days you just have to scream in a pillow.

Or do what I do. Be crabby and refuse to say why when your spouse questions you. Then get mad when she/he walks away because...JAYSUS...couldn't she/he have tried just a little harder?

I hope you feel better soon, both mentally and physically.