Monday, July 16, 2007

That'll be the day....

I certainly have provided anyone that wanted it with a HUGE amount of reading material today, haven't I? I actually wrote most of my history posts yesterday...and posted most of them today, as it seemed that no one really knew the outcome of the story (that he died)even though I had written that part many times in the past. I wanted you all to understand the reason that I wrote it: First off, it really helps me to deal with it. I have been unable to handle any of this since then, and I have refused to let it all sink in. When it would come to my mind, I would push it all away again, until the time was right.I have a hard time dealing with ANY injustice, and this one had the ability to turn me into a hard, mean old woman, if I let it. So,the time was right recently. I had a conversation with my mother last weekend, along the same lines, of what to do with her things when she was gone. That brought all of this to the surface, I suppose. I am sorry for the large amount of bore, but I guess no one has to read it,and it helps ME to have it there. I just didn't know how my yesterday morning was going to turn out----when I started this post. My husband and I separated yesterday. It was a bit of a surprise to me, but then again, not really. I am okay, he is okay, at this time, it is a temporary situation, one that hopefully will help us in the long run. Neither of us are happy, and we need to know why. Really, I am okay. I appreciate the support that I suspect I will get from you all, you know I do. But this will all work out, one way or the other. I am a big girl. I hope everyone has a great evening, and I may be around some....I have to work until eight, but heavens knows, I have PLENTY to do. Out.

9 comments:

SOUL: said...

it's far from bore jamie. thanks for sharing all this with us. it's not easy opening up your world like this , i know.
i'm thinking about you lots, and praying for you too.
laterz

Angelissima said...

Hey! I'm sorry to hear about your split with your H. I hope you'll be alright.

Maria said...

Ah. It aches, I know. One foot in front of the other, yes?

Josie Two Shoes said...

OH Jamie, my heart hurts for you! I know this might have been brewing on the back burner for some time, but that doesn't make it easy - sending (((BIG HUGS))) your way. Please keep us posted, we are here to listen, and we care! YOu guys have gotten me thru the nightmare of separation this year, and we'll be here for you too. An hey, it's ok to cry, life hurts sometimes.

I read your entire history with much interest... not boring... wasn't sure 'til the end where it was going. But I was heartbroken with the finish. I, like you, am a strong believer in fair is fair and right is right... and this was just plain damn wrong. I wish you would have contested the will, it is not about the money, it's about being a daughter and the legacy that comes with it. As your mom said, it was at least something he could do for you. I am sorry that he never did get back to the lawyer to sign the papers,but I don't see that as meaning that he didn't love you, please consider that maybe he was just cowed by her and not strong enough to fight her for whatever reasons and weaknesses of his own. I believe he did love you, you noted several times that he really appreciated your visits in his final months and days. I am sad, because I know you could use that money - who couldn't - and it had no business ending up where it did. If she had kids and it went to them, that's one thing - but to "friends" and a rather bizzare friendship at that!

Anyway, I know it's over, in the past and done with, but I am so glad you shared this, I'm sure it's been laying heavy on your heart for a long, long time, and putting it out here does help to live with it a little better. YOu know, it's ok to feel "Damn Dad, you screwed me, but I still love you." Parents are often a love/hate relationship thing. It's been that way for me too.

I wish that Soul and I could head your way tonight with a big pot of chicken soup, but please know we're thinking of you with great love and a belief that God has something much better planned for the rest of your life. If you wanna talk about what happened, you've got my email. Write and I'll answer. I remember the first nights alone - I'll be thinking of you.

Love You Girl, Josie

JYankee said...

Gosh Jamie, I know you'll be ok...but all the same...sending good strong vibes your way..

"Wolfgang" said...

Your history was very well written. It was a very interesting story that I enjoyed reading. I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I hope everything works out for the best!

Amanda said...

((((((((((Jamie)))))))))

I feel for you more than I can say.

CCC said...

I'm redaing backwards. I'm sorry I missed this event. Had no idea about the separation. But from your last post, it sounds like you two are going to make it work. At least try. Keep us posted. And keep the communication open with him. No one is perfect. And people so hide their feelings from time to time. It sucks, but maybe we can learn from it. And grown stronger (you and H). (((hug))) for my non-hugging girl ;)

Portia said...

i just finished reading your history, and now i read this about your present. jamie! i hope things get worked out, whatever that means for you & H. i am thinking of you.
you are a strong woman, and that is incredibly inspiring.