Monday, July 16, 2007

History.....The last part

H and I were actually at a hotel for a new year's eve celebration when we got the call from Dorothy. I knew he was going to die, but i really didn't expect it this quickly. He had gotten sick in August, and died in January. It was hard for me to believe. Dorothy said that she needed me there to help with the burial arrangements and could I come now? I really didn't think that was a good idea, given mine and Dorothy's recent history, and now, sadly.....there was no dad to keep her from going whacko again. But I said I would come now, what else could I do? We drove there as quickly as we could. It was New Years day, remember. But we arrived late in the afternoon. Dorothy had already made all the necessary arrangements, and I was barely included---even in the obituary. She told everyone at the funeral home that I was no kind of daughter at all, and that i didn't care. I hadn't been around in forever. I was stunned when she told me that all things had been handled....she said she had the help of her good friend Kathy, you know the one that owned the funeral home? Do you remember Kathy, readers? She was the "other" woman that my father actually loved. The one that he had carried on with for years, the one woman in town that Dorothy actually hated. She had always hated Kathy, and she had good reason to. I sat down at what had been "their" house and was now "her" house, and looked at my dads empty chair. Dorothy continued to be rude, and I tried to remember that she was ill, and it wasn't her fault, but by morning, I had had enough.
She wasn't ill, she was fucking looney, and hateful. We left. I did not attend my dads funeral because I was not wanted. She could not be the grieving widow-if I was going to be the grieving daughter. I would steal her thunder. I am still so angry at the situation. I have spent the past two and a half years really being angry. It was unfair that I had finally found my dad, only to have him ripped away from me again. I also began to wonder if some of mine and my fathers problems were not partially instigated by her. She had some real problems when it came to me. Serious ones. I couldn't believe that I had never known that before.

On to the last part of the story....Over time I have kept up with Barbara, Dorothy's sister. She has had a rough a time with Dorothy and she has seriously been trying to help her out. Eventually, Dorothy ran her off....she spewed nothing but venom towards her. And guess who Dorothy turned over power of attorney to? You guessed it. Kathy and her husband, Randy. The owners of the funeral home. He was my dad's good buddy, and she was my dad's lover of more than fifteen years. Also, the entire estate has been willed to them. I did not/would not get one little thing. Mostly, I wanted a couple of things that belonged to my dad and to my grandmother. There is a photograph of my father and the late, great Dale Earnhardt that I would give just about anything for. But it is not meant to be.

The very idea of the two of them having my fathers estate makes my blood boil, and I have not let myself think about it for the past two and a half years. I know that the money should mean nothing to me, and really, it is just money.But I never understood the dynamic of what should be "rightfully" mine, until now. I know that sounds selfish....but I am being honest here. NOT necessarily just the money, or some of the money, but some of his things, the ones that meant something to him, or the things that were once MY grandmothers. These people have obviously taken advantage of a mentally deranged human being, that wouldn't give them the time of day if she were in her "right" mind. I am slowly getting over it. Writing it all out here is helping alot. I think the story is quite unique, one that might make a good movie...but like I said before, it is the truth. My dad should have handled things prior to being sick, he should not have been afraid of his wife's wrath, and frankly, if I meant anything to him at all, he would have taken care of it. That's what the real truth is.


CCC said...

That is unbeliveable. What you went through. You're so incredibly strong and I so understand your frustration with that "will" shit. It seems like the family members who need/want the estate the most are somehow left out or neglected. And some third party somehow intervenes. You are doing much better than I would have...and I can relate to your anger. Have been through this before with other family members. It became a matter of...I *had* to let it go, otherwise, I would have self-destructed from the absolute hatred inside me. And it sounds like you are trying to do the same. Life is too short to lose precious time obsessing over what-is-done. All we need to do ios find a healthy way to release the bad event and begin the healing. I am so glad you chose to share this story. And we are all here for you for support. Let it all out, girl. ;)

SOUL: said...

jamie... the first line in a will states "i---- being of sound mind and body". am i correct? or am i not? you can , and have every right to have this entire will disputed! legally. there are medical records that prove dorothy was NOT of sound mind...or body...when she wrote that will.
get a lawyer ASAP.
i was told... by a doctor, due to my diagnosis that i cannot write a will....i am not of sound mind. bi-polar... a far cry from what this woman sounds like.
take action jamie. you deserve what is yours. even if it's not the material stuff. it's the inner peace of what is right.
i'll talk to ya later.
i'm sorry you are going through all this..... it's good you are writing it out though.

Amanda said...


I feel your hurt.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, it's weird what that "paper contract" will do between family or non-family for that matter. What is it with that stuff anyways? I can only imagine what you must's not really the monetary items, but as you being his do have a right to family items and other things. But, if that woman is SO bent on having it...then WTH. let her have her day. She'll get her revenge at the pearly gates. I hope that writing this out has been good for you. Hang in there Jamie!

Just telling it like it is said...

Awe...honey...this must be really hard for suggestion: The more you give her the power to anger you the more she wins...Don't let her have one more minute of power...
wishing you the best
darn girl

Portia said...

wow. that was quite a story, and i'm sure, as with all of our stories, there is even more to it. i don't really know what to say other than i'm sorry and i'm glad you are able to open up here, and use your blog to try and work these things out. putting things into words can be very theraputic, and i hope it is for you in this case. you have every right to be pissed, by the way.