It will be miserably hot here, once again. I am wondering if this summer is worse than usual, or if I am just getting that old. It seems to be more extreme in all things, extremely hot, extremely humid, extremely wet....Iowa.
I am playing hooky today. I told Owner last evening I had a need for a personal day. I don't think I told the others that should know about it however, so I will have to send a few emails to the different departments this morning so that i can handle a few loose ends. What will I do? I am unsure. I plan to do a little cathartic cleaning, for one thing. And I have got to go to the store. You all know how much I love to shop....that is one thing that I am missing H for. Not that I just want him to do my shopping, but I am a realist. In many ways, he made my life easier. I want to make sure that isn't WHY I keep him around. Holy shit, that sounds really bad. I want to assure you that i love him. I probably need to assure ME that I love him. I think I told you all a long time ago that i forgot how to feel ANYTHING. I need to work on that. Before we can put this back together. And I have some things to figure out that only involve me, and my kids. I am now unsure of what he really thinks along those lines. As far as I have always known, they have not been any cause for problems where he is concerned. Why do I think that? Because that is what he has ALWAYS told me. And now, I find out, perhaps he hasn't always been all that honest about it. I don't like dishonesty. I don't like NOT saying it the way it is, regardless of the aftershock. I always say things the way I believe them to be. Generally, I don't go around giving my opinions unsolicited, but if you take the time to ask what I think, I will tell you what i think. Seems pretty simple to me. So I assume that if I ask you something, you will do the same. I never assume you say what I want you to say. If that were the case, why would I ask you? To find out that alot of things have been left unsaid, alot of things have been downright lied about....well, that doesn't sit well with me. I know my kids are a pain in the ass. Hell, that is the premise for my whole blog. But they are only as much of a pain in the ass as I allow them to be. I also know that. I bitch, all the while I am doing for them. I do for them because I choose to. No one makes me. Yes, he is correct, I do bitch about it. I just didn't think he wanted to bitch about it, too. Am I saying this whole mess with him revolves around my kids and his issues with them/it? Not at all. But it is surprising to me that it is any kind of issue. So, that is one thing. I could let all of this go, he has already told me that it is not a big enough deal to cause this sort of problems. But it is time to deal with it. I don't want to deal with it all again later. And yes, it would be easier to let him come back like he requested yesterday, particularly at two in the morning, when my heart hurts and I can't sleep. But I believe the real problems need to be dealt with first. Yes, I know that is risky, either one of us could decide that we prefer the single life. But i am a gambler. Out.