Wednesday, May 23, 2007

A brighter day?

Another day - another fifty cents. But, I am in a better frame of mind than yesterday. I do apologize if I upset anyone, I was seriously telling it like it is, and that is how it has been, for quite some time. So, to me, it seems normal to feel the way I do. Perhaps to others, (readers), I seem a little off my rocker. And maybe i am, but i am okay. No worries.

I went shopping yesterday----I know, I know, break out the champagne and celebrate. It was hard on me, but i did it. D went with me, actually, and we had a good day. I didn't buy one thing that i needed, but I did get a great new t-shirt, and another book. Other than that, I bought things for my kiddos. It was fun, I mean, for shopping. I am just really bad at that, people piss me off more than I can tell you. I hate looking for stuff, I hate not being able to find anything, why do stores NOT put things in logical places? But, that's for another day. Suffice it to say that I did it. Yea me! The problem---I still need shoes and makeup. Uggg....

I started taking the new miracle pill yesterday, and i do have really high hopes for it. I am still here, no strange seizures, no heart palpitations, no fainting, perhaps I will be able to take it. I am hoping so---I have the strangest reaction to medications, sometimes. I just want a little of the old me back, it's funny how expectations change after a person has been through hell....a few months ago, I wanted so much more. But now, I would be happy with just a little of the old me back, I want to exercise again, I want to be able to work all day and not be in agony, I just want normal things. Again, this is me crossing my fingers. :)

I really should get myself in the shower---it is late for me. Have a great Tuesday. Out/


Amanda said...

That's ok Jamie, you have every right to be yourself here without worrying about upsetting anyone.

I'm glad you went shopping. It's sooo hard for me to make myself shop, but once I do I feel great too.

I wish you good luck with the new medication!

SOULMANGE: said...

i sort of have a guess as to what the med is...if i'm right....and ........ ok.. there is no nice way to say it. if it's neurontin.... email me, and i will tell you something, that might help... if it happens to you. i took it for probably less than two weeks... a looong time ago. i'll tell ya why if that's what you're taking. me , and that drug , did not get along well at all.

other than that... i do hope you get to feeling better. and i have had more days like those you spoke of than i can even count... or remember for that matter. just remember... it will always get "different". maybe not better...but different. so, no matter how bad it gets... when ya got kids... or a spark of faith left in you.... there is a way out . you know that. hang in there.

my email is linked on my blog... if you wanna "talk" about anything. especially meds. i've taken just about everything under the sun made for pain...or psyche probs. i know lots. :))

later.. go see my fishy! :)

simonsays said...

No Soul, it isn't neurontin - i was on that a couple of months ago, and it worked somewhat well, but it had other side effects I couldn't deal with...isn't this a great way to live? In all honesty, we all have to deal with SOMETHING, and with each passing year, the list becomes longer. geez...gotta love old age!

SOULMANGE: said...

well, i'm glad you got OFF the neurontin then. it was the BIZZARRE side effects that made me stop it too. i won't even go there. but for some reason...i have a sneaking suspicion (how the hell do ya spell that?) anyhow.. i have a "feeling" you may have had the same problem. i hope not.

regardless... no. age is not kind at all. all my crap started way too early in my life. mental, and physical. i look at my nephews in their twenties... snowboarding, water skiing, all that great stuff... by that age i was aleady wondering what my life was going to like WHEN i ended up in a wheelchair. (these days they have the hover round)... luckily, i'm not that far gone yet...but i'm afraid it's not far off.
and, no med works. not for the physical pain at least. the stuff that does help..a little...dr's these days won't give anyone who really needs it. ugh.
i hope you feel good today
me? i'm flat out exhausted. all over exhausted. i need a nap. i think i'll have one.