DAMN

I don't have to work today, do dah, do dah....Monday's seem to start alot better when you can do as you please, anything you want. Of course, I am doing what I always do, but it's my choice. I wonder if I hate my job, I didn't used to feel this way, I sound like a child, but we all know that isn't right. Damn, 47, the numbers even look ugly, not that i have anything against the number four, or the number seven, but put together, talking about MY age, I don't like the look of it at all. Damn. I looked in the mirror this morning, I didn't look any older, and I sure as hell don't feel any older. But the calendar doesn't lie. Damn. When my dad was alive, he would call me every March 12th, at some totally ridiculous hour, like now, five am, and tell me happy birthday. He did that even when he hated me, most years at least, and i really thought it was stupid. I miss it now, I would love to hear his voice again this morning. Damn. I had a good day yesterday, although I thought the race was a big snoozer. I was disappointed in the whole thing, although Tony had a respectable finish. My dinner was good, no one complained that they were tired of the chicken, and I finished one book, but I didn't start on the other, my eyes were too worn out by that time. Damn. Today, I am going to visit my Mom and sister, at least in the am, and then OS is going to take me to my favorite place this afternoon, and H will pick me up tonight. Yes, I can drive, but this way I can partake in a brown bottle or two and not worry about the fifty mile drive home. Nice of them to do it, I know OS has better things to do, it is a good birthday present. I got a birthday card from H's mom, and she sent me fifty dollars! She always sends a card, for everything, and usually money, but the amount surprised me, she has always hated me. Maybe I am not at the top of her shit list anymore. YS called me yesterday, and wished me a happy almost birthday, I then really began to wonder if the end was near, then his GF called and said the same thing----WTF? Am I dying, and no one told me? YS is the kind to not know what day it is, if you ask him what day my birthday is, he can tell you, he just never knows when THAT DATE is. ie: He was an hour late for work yesterday, due to the time change, he just never knows this shit. Never. Maybe there is some hope for him? Damn. Well, I hope your day is good, mine will be. Later.