Saturday, February 17, 2007

Today is UN-happy day

I'm not so happy this morning, and I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's the never-ending blast of COLD, SNOW, WIND that the midwest has had to endure for nearly seven weeks now. That would be a good reason for un-happiness. If one manages to wake up and get out the door in a relatively good mood, by the time one has made ones' way to the car and to work, general pissiness has set into one. Perhaps its the pain I have been dealing nearly non stop for the past few months, after a while, even mild pain will make you crazy, and generally assy. Perhaps it's the condition of the relationship between H and I , and the quiet and basic loneliness between these four walls. That certainly can wear on a person's general good nature. Perhaps it's the problems between sister and I that are causing general problems in my own family, that makes me feel generally negative when I think about it or have to DEFEND myself to others, not that I have anything to defend, but funny how that has gotten twisted around.It could be the dinner that I invited everyone to that was supposed to take place tonight, and no one could let me know if they were coming, except YS and GF-they are planning to stay here tonight anyway, and have plans in the area for the evening-so I cancelled the dinner and won't do it again. It could be the general "mess" that I feel is going on in one child of mine's life, and the fact that I am apparently the bad guy again, that tends to grate on me when I don't know what the reason is. Perhaps it was the totally crappy v-day that happened this year, event though it shouldn't mean anything, it does. A card from ANYONE really would have been nice. It could also be the general mess of things at work, although that place has been a mess for awhile, and I wouldn't think it should upset me now. I could also be the financial strain that I feel each week when I pay the bills, although that should be easing up fairly quickly, this time of year always seems to be hard. Perhaps I am just a bitch, and I generally feel those that want to will blame that one. I honestly don't think I am as a rule, I try really hard to be good to everyone. Heaven knows, I CAN be one, but I don't usually react, think or act like one. In any event, I guess I have reasons. Not that knowing that makes me feel any better. Just the opposite, in fact. Now I know I should not be happy, look at all the reasons I'm not. Shit. I guess I will get my unhappy day going. Later.

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